Dino D

yes, when I read religous stuff, and there are also sharp minded people who can write things in an impressive way so that it looks true, I get the feeling of fear, and the idea that I only can get redamption if I do as they say, or as the bible sais... Also they make ramana maharashi and non duality look as devils doing, for which they give evan good arguments. Of course my common sense and logical mind sees how this is just mind control, and propaganda, but the open mind part of me who is evan ready to be open to that, to the idea that religion is the truth, still gives me problems, what if that is true? what if religion is true? so there are evan people who did mushrooms, had enlightement experiencess meditatet and so on, but in the end they found salvation in Jesus and God with religion (example youtuber Steven Bancarz)... Especially that my spiritual path, the non duality path isn't really working out for me... No enlightenment, no truth, no happines, maybe evan more confusions, (yep there is a lot of positive things, but I can't say that I feel happy, fulfilled or that my life makes sense or that I really really know wtf am I doing) an honnestly I don't see this in other people, evan not in Leo... All those non duality folks seem still lost, in a search, not trully happy, still working on finding the truth and so on (maybe just the top jogis/gurus seem to have true authority, and give truly conviction... This formum seems much more full of people like me, and very little people in a state of mojiji, eckart tolle, rupert spira etc... Just looking for the truth, and happines, let's continue

This remmembers me a lot of the teachings from gurdjieff and ouspensky Awareness is truly amazing and let's you see the truth, in my meditational moments, or emotional relases I was really aware of a lot going in in me, and I finally saw so sharp into me, but that have been just moments. In everyday life my awareness or maybe batter to say attantion does not pun any light into my being, I just get more concetrate on my thoughts, or I think more or analize more witch is just a relative subjective mind thing... Yes I see that I could be smart and so I have a lot of insights, also from books, but I know it's not from a higher counciousness, just common mind... So it's hard for me to see the line of real sin, and a subjective paranoid lie... Being consciousness and trying to be consciousness is not the same, it can evan lead to more deluzions... Look at my other post quote where I ask what to practically do about it?

I myself feel that I make choices and bear the responsibility for them. How does this look like? A christian way would be to confess your sins from the heart and ask for forgivness, and for gods mersy... Other way would be to meditate, to accept it your self, to forgive it and to let it go, also to realize that the past and the sin is not the truth, because it doesnt exist because it is just a tought, not reallity, and it's is also relative because it is a sin from an subjective point of view... And for me it is like I have the need to fix the things that I think are sins or that came from sins, so to take action in real life to make things right, that still includes to firstly honestly confess everything to me, and to ask for forgivness... I wolud like the most just to sitt in my room and let it go and accept everything, it's the harder easy way

Background: I'm on the non duality path for 1.5 years I meditate, do self inqury, I read a lot and wached a lot of videos (Leo, rupert spira, mojiji, ramana, robert adams, nakad reality, gjurdieff, eckart tolle and others) I try to eat healthy, I do sports, evan wim hof breathing and cold baths Two-three years ago I've had panic attacks- anxiety but now I dont- I evan now hope to get them because I think this is an emotional outburst, a way to deal with the core ishue, the perfect moment to surrender, to let go, to meet your emotions etc. but no more panic attacks 4 me (because I don't feear them any more and I accapet reallity much more, and I learned a looooot from psyhology and non duality - so I'm equiped and relaxed) still here Is the problem: I've never had an emotional relase (like those folks on holotropic breathing (I've tyed that too,,,,, btw. I'am doing the wim hof course too-and no results) but i feel tightness in my chest, i feel there is some anxiety (similar to the period when i had panic attacks and took sometimes benzos (2-3 years ago but weeker -because I don't panic about the anxiety), I'm not totaly relaxed, i get tensed. Sometimes i have to go in a meditative state to relax it or to try to bring it forth, but then it just gets little bitt weaker and nothing... Now the question? Bonus: When I smoke marihuana I never get relaxed, just more tens, more nervous, the chest senzations get stronger, had evan two times panic attacks when smoking it 2) I have tinitus (sometimes it is related to the energy body-chackras-emotions so they say) Do you have some advice what should I do to relase those emotions or what ever it is? (it's some blockadge for my life- I know that) PS. I din't post this in emotional problems, because I'm fucking into this non duality thing, my most important life goal is to get enlightent ( I need to let go of this too-I know ), to know the truth, to experience nothingness and so on... still not there, maybe this is an step between ,,me from the point where I stand now" to the ,,truth"... soo that's it ???

Ok we will stop... but just 4 the rocord, I understand every word that you said, but you don't understand me... Maybe it's because of the lack of words or to the strange expresion of what I mean and what I want to say, because of my bad english, or you just don't get what I mean... What ever, we don't get each other, and the conclusion is right. We stop the conversation here. Have a nice day, and thx once more 4 the post/links to my post with the stucked emotions

are'nt dreams thoughts, and desires thoughts+emotions/projections ? Enlightenment-you're not your thought's or desires or anything, but you say follow your dreams... Become your dream ...

yap, my english is bad I don't see how I brought in killing babies, I just said that some small kids have the desire to kill (not that I, or anyone has a desire to kill babies- I just didn't said that dude?... wtf Modern society desires materialism, and other very shallowly dreams, a part of me doest too, but deep down I'm just into peace, happyness and some hedonism and fun... I know (evan if I don't get it, or don't experience it) that we are all one, yes there is no separation, you are me, I'm you ... But we talked about individual expression of the self- about the person and his general life course- to follow dreams and desires, or not to... and does it interrupt with enlightenment. Are you enlightenment?? ( you probably had your ,,non dual" experiences from what I see)... and wold you say that youre in a similar ..state of being" like as exampe mojiji? eckart? ramana? (in peace and happynes and emptyness 99% of the time) ???

No, I'm very open minded hehe, but let's have an opet mind evan to this ... Maybe I'm totaly wrong about it, I just say my thoughts... I think that my desiras are relative (or natural-that animal part from me), but the dreams are mostly random product of the society were we live, and from the specific evants in our lives that shaped our dreams... or maybe as you say it, we are born with an authentic/desteny like dream or desire that we need to live, if we don't-we failed life and happines... authentic desire to kill- serial killer, or evan small kids that somehow want to kill animals or other people ... or animals that kill, sometimes it's seen that evan animals that eat plant's do kill each other ( some gorilas species have an unexplained ,,war" where they go to other gorilas and kill and eat them- they do it every 10 years) ---if you feel good do you need dreams, or do youn need dreams, or to fullfill your dreams to feel good... PS. you seem irritated, I like your post, it's is possible that is the apsolute truth, but I somehow criticized it no stress man... btw. I really try to live my dreams too, and desires, I have an creative life and I am looking fovard to a lot more... But some dreams and desired can't be acompslished ever, some can but would make a lot a lot of damege to people around me and probably to me too, or maybe just to them...

So, maybe i should leave my wife and kids... and go aout there an paint, or skate The problem with this is that there is jus one truth, that you shuld love everything (the zen way says something like that-plesure in washing dishes, be with everything, love everything, accept everything, not just your dreams and desires) ... what is my true desire- to fuck the most beautifull girls, to be famous, beautifull, loved, a great sport athlethlete and so on ... nothing of that is true, and maybe you deepast desire or a dream is a direct product from the society or media, something in a movie that you saw as a kid, or that your father was, so it's not evan close yours, it's a product in you, or maybe it's orginally yours-a example to be a runner, or a singer, but what if you lose your legs, your voice, so that's it-you can't make it... Often your dreams change, or your desires so that's a great way to marry six or seven times... And all of that is to relative, all those jobs, sports and art what exist now didnt exist 200 years ago ... so how can I say MY deepest desire are those I'm not shure if this is correct - livnig your desires and dreams can't not ultimatly fullfill you ... As I see all those enlightement people didn't lived a lot to they dreams or desired ... there isnt an enlightement ufc champion or doctor ... I'ts great when you live your dream, but living to your dreams and desires can't be always and ultimativly true or right... Some people have a deep desire to kill, or for meterialism and so on ... On the other side, If I would live my dreams and desires all the time, I woludnt be searching for enlightement... (if youre a devoted painter, you paint 24/7, or an athelete - you train and think only about the sport- if youre happy in that whay would you search for something else, is there anything laking, missing? if no-than youre happy and that's it (you live youre dreams and there is no,,need" for enlightement), if yes, then dreams don't make you fullfield and it's not about them...

thX man thx for the effort, i wachet that one from eliot, the others i will watch now...

I just don't get why am I not aware of the room, or of your body and feelings? So I am limited to the body?? I asked this qouestion before, but nothing that has logic to me, that keeps non duality as truth, wasn't given to me 2. Who am I? I am the will, the one who moves my hand (who decides to move it) who wants something, or the thinker, I'm nothinhness = I don't know about that... That what you describe as nothingness is just a still mind, a down lieing will, a brain that is not focused, a attentinon that isn't anyway particular but is active... Doesn't disprove that that does not come from the bran/body, So I'm still the brain, or the councious thinker, the will that is acting trougt my body (and not trought yours), the personality, character and so on (the cou... yes all of that can change (hit my brain with a bullet, or drugs and so on) but it's still from the brain... I'don't know, I'm nothingness, or we are all one, or I'm not that I that i belive it's me, I can not be found... I think those are all delusions that come from an experience of a still mind that is awake, and and non focused attention that is in it's source or just all over the place but without indentification... Nothing of that proves non duality to me, it's just an experience... I'm stuck, hope to get ,,enligtemenet" (reading and meditating for 1-2 years) When I meditate, and search for the I, I can get still, almost no houghts, there is no particular I to find, I know I'm not the body, and all senzations, no one thought... But the perciver, the thinker, or the will that moves my hand, or that wants to go someware, hm hm, who is aware of that? that's somehow a stupid question that can get you an deluded experience of no/sef (I had a glimpse), but is it the truth? Imagine a knife that searches for it self, it isnt the top, it isnt the handle, it isnt the blade, so it does not exist-stupid? I'm nothing particural, I'm the unity of the whole body mind structure... I'm not ultimate awareness, I'm not you, and when I'm in deep sleep there isnt any awarenes-point, but my body is there and other people see me...

So there is no I at all, hmm, i often imagined awareness as empty something that is experiencing everyhing else,,, like an empty I-still something ... but what if there is no awareness at all, no empty experiencer, it's just experience, yes there is an awareness to that, or a nothingness but not as seperate awareness, but it's litlery nothing, so I am nothing, the experiencer does not exist, there is only experience and nothing else, that nothing else is the real me... OR, is it the other way (my point of view) ... If I denie what is, what is left is nothing, then I delude my self that I'm nothing and not me-body/mind... HMM HMM (the knife that does not belive that is a knife, it can not find it self, so it does not exist) but if the knife would accept it self as a knife, and acnowledge that there is nothing to search just to be what you are, a knife, a human... I'm human that searches for nothing to be nothing, and when i get to the point where I belive or feel that i can not find anything then i belive to that, that I'm that nothingness-what does not exist at all (the experiencer does not exist), but a human does as whatever we are ... Maybe I'm the experience it self, that denies it self so that I apeare as nothing like there is no I at all... I still belive that I'm the unity of all body/mind experience wich core is the counciusness that operates the body and thoghts, wich thinks and has will...... I'm fucked up!!!

belive me, I could give almost the same answer as you did to my self, I know the theory, but still ... the practical part is missing, but the forum is still helping for the confusions I quote leos answer too ... thx to both of you, i continue the journy (meditation (one year), wim hof metod (4rth week now), looking 4 some shrooms this year, and evolving evan if nothing is evolving, or real because I'm not that hehe

Thx. It's more like that: I come to you and say I have a dog... and I show him to you, and you say I don't see a dog, I ask how? I point at him, then you say a see a dogs leg, not a dog, or a dogs hair, not a dog, not evan a hair, i just see a brown point (a smal part of the brown hair) wait, it's not a bronw point, it's a molekule, a atom, a proton, a subatomic particle, and that particle is a hologram or it's actually nothing (whatever) so at the end you say I don't see a dog, there is no dog, there is nothingness... I say yes, i know what you mean but your not correct, the dog is not the hair, the atom, the leg, the head, the dogs mind, you have to look the whole and that's a dog... (call me crazy if there really is not a dog) I belive you Leo, I belive also Quantum mechanics... I belive and love non duality, bud do I understand it-No, i watched all your videos and on your meditation I hade that glimpse experience from your meditation, I can still my mind, ,,go deep" relax, but that's it nothing special... anyway that's the DOG story from my point of view... THX for answering (my englis isn't the best)