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Everything posted by MsNobody

  1. ACOMMODATIONS Here I go again in my egoless trip.. This time I was able to go much deeper because I was in a room, with own bathroom and everything, my first time I was sleep deprived because I was camping, it was too hot during the day, too cold at night, animals crawling around the tent, many external difficulties, so once I felt safe with my surroundings I dove within myself. GONG RINGER First day comes, the coordinator asks if any old student can volunteer to be the gong ringer and my higher self, who got there earlier than my ego, lifted its hand, this was awesome because in the first retreat instead of waking up at 4am I was sleeping till breakfast at 6:30am, very sloppy, so this time I was waking up 3:50am and I had the chance to do things differently and make better use of my time there. VIPASSANA 1 AND 2 It's been almost two years and OMG I grew so so so much from this last post. I'm much more mature but at the same time that first Vipassana brought so much madness into my life, it broke me up in such a way that I really found my real deepest self, in terms of personality, I went through a hedonic phase of exploration that brought me a lot of new perspectives and experiences. Fascinating! This time I won't mention details cause I want to go deeper in this report, but you can check out my first Vipassana here: ADDICTIONS It was waaay different than the previous one, in the last 4 months I've been cleaning up my mind and body, so I cut out: Weed/ CBD Caffeine Meat Sex Party/ Dancing Alcohol Buying stuff Watching brainless shows As you see not much was left for my ego, sugar is my only addiction currently and I'm struggling hard to quit, might try Ibogaine in the future or maybe if I keep doing the work it's gonna naturally happen like it did with meat and the other stuff. EQUILIBRIUM It's such a weird sensation because I'm overall happy with how my life is unfolding, I'm not having many ups and downs like I used to, things happen and they don't impact me so much, those days I was listening to music and I thought how much music used to make me happy and now when I listen I don't get that ecstasy from before because the silence also has a value and sometimes can be just like music, so I got to the conclusion I've found balance in my life, for the first time in years, real raw equilibrium I remember going to therapy 3 years ago and telling her in my first session that I had too much ups and downs in my life and I was either super high energy or really down rock bottom level, there was no in between, even the retreat didn't mess up my mind like I though it would. EGO CHALLENGES and ADHD Differently from first time, in this one I followed step by step the whole technique (maybe 70% of the time), in my first vipassana my ego convinced me that the teachings of Buddha were inefficient and I ended up doing the do nothing technique for the whole period, which is a lesson I learned with my own mistake, since I was a child I've had problems listening to people, even religion, in pre school my memories are from the teacher running after me to keep me in class, or literally putting pilled tables in front of the door so I wouldn't be able to get out, I would grab in the gates and my mom would take half hour to untangle my fingers and drag me to class, in my mind the thought "who are they to keep me in a cage?" was predominant. Reminds me Steve Jobs biography where he talks about schools: It also became clear that Jobs, by both nature and nurture, was not disposed to accept authority. "I encountered authority of a different kind than I had encountered before, and I did not like it. And they really almost got me. They came close to really beating any curiosity out of me." Thinking now I clearly had and probably still have ADHD but thankfully I was poor and my mom had never brought me to a doctor so I didn’t grow up on methamphetamines, nowadays if I take Adderall my day is amazing and productive but I can’t give myself the luxury of relying on drugs to improve myself, the only way out is through it, so even tho my improvements are happening in a much slower pace at least I know it's my own effort and this gives me strength to keep going, I also see attention deficit as a blessing, it's because of ADHD that I was a wild child, that I had problems listening to others, listening to their ideologies, I was religious but I never really swallowed the pill of the man on the clouds ready to punish me, it's a two edged sword, thanks to not being able to focus in one thing and go all the way in I was able to zoom out, zoom out, and see the big picture, I was able to see things differently, for being weird and doing weird things this enabled and allowed me to be different than others, gave me freedom to explore myself, I see ADHD not as a disease but a sign of evolution of next generations, ok my mind can be up in the sky some of the time because of this "deficit" but it's when I travel up there that I get my nuggets from life. So many friends of mine that have ADHD are the wise ones, they might all be struggling like me to figure out the maze but at least they are not chasing cheese, they know there is more to life than this reality, it can be my impression but ADHD might seem to be one symptom you get when you try to escape the matrix, it's like glimpses of awareness that don't let you live in automatic mode, that wake you up from deep sleep, its too much alertness. The negative sides are many but I try to make gold out of my misery and since I have this I might as well "wear it" the way I want. MEDITATION TECHNIQUES DHAMMA - It was so exhausting to be doing doing doing doing 10 hours per day, the whole technique is about bringing awareness to every little part of the body, scanning the body from head to toe, toe to head and do this over and over again, with the intention of going through the traumas to which Buddah called Samkaras, it's very complex to explain the whole thing here and you guys probably know more than me (feel free to correct me if I misinterpreted something), he says when you pass the awareness through your body parts, and put it in every part you tap into your subconscious, where old habits and traumas are located, we unconsciously sometimes repress those sensations, or when we experience it, if pleasant sensation we want more, generating CRAVINGS if unpleasant we want to stop, creating AVERSION, the more you go through those sensations without reacting they start dissolving and you can liberate yourself from misery, with the awareness that whatever arises it's gonna come and go, this too shall pass, it' the law of impermanence, called anicca, it's such a fascinating teaching, like our egos are capes around our souls, that are full of traumas and the more we go through them without reacting they dissolve and we are able to feel the whole universe, basically an ego washer haha which reminds me of Leo's Rumi's quote, "Be melting snow, wash yourself from yourself" DO NOTHING TECHNIQUE - So this is my practice, it's probably a mix of things but it's the way I intuitively learned to reach deep states of meditation, I watch my thoughts come and go, come an go, until they slow down, and I'm able to find a gap between the two thoughts, in this gap stillness rests, it's emptiness, but it's also everything, my whole body is relaxed, and I keep hitting this empty space between two thoughts and the more I hit it the bigger it gets, then I start feeling the silence entering my ears, and I feel as if raw energy from the universe passes through my crown chakra and is distributed to my body, being discharged back to earth and washing my body from all the clogged stuff, traumas, etc. Most of my sittings I feel the feeling of expansion, sometimes unconditional love and gratitude. It seems to me that this meditation is much more easier and less busy because I'm allowing myself to stop doing, it's kind of a feminine approach of receiving from the universe, which is the contrary of the masculine energy that is all about action, doing, rationality, in the mind instead of heart. So here I would like to know about what you guys think, I want to have my one hour daily practice and want to dive in in only one technique, so I avoid being sloppy and create more discipline and consistency. I found Dhamma to be very rational and in the mind, a lots of business for my brain that is already running fast in the fast paced world. PSYCHEDELICS AND NOOTROPICS I microdosed LSD and it turned out to be very challenging, example the technique of scanning my body was very challening when I passed by my right side of brain (I've been having migraines and cluster headaches for the past year, I'm not sure why) also my heart and throat were where most of my gross sensations were, my "samkaras", of course in other parts of my body too but those parts were a work of its own, on LSD even tho I could not feel anything cause microdose is very subtle I felt too many gross sensations throughout, it's like there were more wounds than I was able to take care of, so I switched to modafinil, I took two days, it's very powerful but I just had problem putting my awareness in small areas, like I could feel my head as a whole but not my ear, it would take me a couple minutes to feel the small location precisely, but one day on Modafinil I penetrated my body and the scan was deep, Goenka says that since we just started we should only pass the awareness on the surface of the body, later we could penetrate and go within the body too, but the second day I took modafinil by scan was as if it was doing it by itself, and the awareness was deep within my body, penetrating all my entrails, also when I took modafinil and sat for meditation I could feel the substance being absorbed by my brain and spreading all around my body, super interesting, it might work amazing for other people because normally modafinil doesn’t do much for me. LIFE PURPOSE and THE DIVINE FEMININE It's so interesting that the first time my mind was in creation mode and I was having many ideas about my life, but it seems like right now I'm in a very logical phase, I kind of know exactly what to do from now on, and things are unfolding slowly and in an organic way, in the last month I decided to create my website for Life coaching because I'm almost done with my certification, but my job as an architect is so convenient and comfortable, gives me good money, that is taking me a long time to take the big leap into my real life purpose, my initial idea was to work with mindset, system thinking, but now I just realized that the divine feminine has been in my life for a while and it’s calling my attention, it expresses itself in so many different forms, through my art, the way I dress, the pictures I take, the way I am, the people I attract to my life, I went through a traumatic relationship that hurt me really deep, and I was forced to visit those deep darks part of myself in order to heal, and from this came a flow of intense energy, that I call divine feminine but is also darkness, creation, the mystery of life, the place where we came from, mother's earth energy, gaia etc.. it's been present in my life for the past three years, it's also sexual energy, not necessarily expressed through sex, but through dance, art, drawing, poetry, nature. Now I feel whole to have embraced this side of mine, I used to be afraid of this energy but now I honor it and am in the process of learning how to embody it, my family was always very judgmental because of how I am, they still judge me a lot, some people in Brazil think I'm a prostitute here in US, I'm judged but a lot of women also ask me how to embrace their feminine side, how to honor their bodies instead of being ashamed. I'm passionate about women, about their insides and out, our vulnerability, our capability of love, our kindness, our sentimentality, but not only that, I love the shape of the women's body, for me it's like a piece of art, it's as natural as looking at mountains and nowadays I'm very comfortable within my carcass, I sound lesbian but I'm actually straight I will post some of my work below and you guys will understand, so what I'm thinking is in working with women, not to help raise feminists cause that would be level green, but more like opening the space for them to be whoever they want to be, I feel like society nowadays praises a lot the masculine energy, which is the one action, production, efficiency, fastness, etc, while women approach if more wholly, holly, sacred, emotional, caring more about ones surroundings, about the environment and I feel like capitalism and the whole patriarchy is leaving it's first position and becoming less predominant, we can see more women in politics now, and I believe that there has to be a balance of masculine and feminine, but most of this chaos is because of the prevalence of the masculine energy in the world, and I would like to be part of this awareness towards the subject, in opening up the space for women to be more feminine, and even men, or sometimes women who want to resolve their acceptance of the masculine too, we are both masculine and feminine, feminists for example think they are better than men, without seeing that one compliments the other and we need both to be whole. Many women right now are in rational mode repressing their feminine side because it's not valuable to society, and this breaks my heart, even in men, some men have repressed feelings and emotions because our culture don’t allow them to express that side. So my work would be learning to play out the female and male energies within humans. I also have a professional camera so besides my art, the life coach I'm gonna start photographing naked women in nature, many of my friends asked and said they will pay me. This is my website if you guys want to stalk, judge, comment If you go to art gallery it talks a little more about the work I will be doing in the future. That's it. Thanks if you made it to the end, I'm extremely grateful for this community, sometimes I think I'm in a cult cause many of my friends are from here.. Haha I just feel very lucky to be treading this path and have access to all your minds and all the tools we talk about here. Much love Miss Nobody
  2. OMG I'm soooo happy about this!! Planning a trip to Denver soon!
  3. @kieranperez oh friends are such an important part, if the people around you are not on the same level it's gonna bring you down, my heart hurts because I don't have contact with my family (I talk to them maybe 4 times a month) but it was one of the things that had a big impact in my life. Many friends are from the forum, I have three people from here that I talk to, two of them I know in person. If you want to be big put big fishes around you, if you want to get smaller swim with the little ones, they will suck you until you become same size as them, misery likes company, and I strongly believe you are the 5 people you hang out with, once you don't let people who put you down surround you, then you will thrive. I was also very extroverted but it's been changing, I'm becoming more and more introverted, if Im talking to more than three people at the same time I start feeling anxiety, I think I'm becoming more sensitive too, it took me a year for the right people to approach me, it's like they were waiting me be still so then they would come, there is a book from Vipassana called the moon appears when the water is still, so just do the work and have faith that the universe works perfectly and knows what we need, if we need introversion let that be, if it's time to interact the right people will come. I suffered so much because of solitude, but it's such a blessing, I learned to enjoy my time by myself and learned so much about me, I learned not to resist what is coming, the moment I relaxed things started changing, when I gave up then it came, when I din't want friends anymore, then there they were. Life is a bitch.. γνῶθι σεαυτόν The Greek aphorism may have been adopted from Ancient Egypt: there are two parts of the ancient Luxor Temple, the External Temple, where the beginners were allowed to enter and the Internal Temple where a person was only allowed to enter after proven worthy and ready to acquire more knowledge and insights. One of the proverbs of the External Temple is "The body is the house of God." In the Internal Temple, one of the many proverbs is "Man, know thyself, and you are going to know the gods". Once you turn your gaze inward, “fix it there and keep it busy”, Advises Montaigne. “Everyone looks in front of him; as for me, I look inside of me; I have no business but with myself; I continually observe myself, I take stock of myself, I taste myself… I roll about in myself.” I reached rock bottom 5 months ago, and this was super important, I decided I needed radical changes, so after I hit the ground I got up and have been following my intuition since then, I moved into a new apartment and both of my roommates are on the path to enlightenment, the energy in the house is very peaceful and calm, one is a Yogananda devotee and the other practices Vipassana, it's like I landed here on a parachute I was lucky, my energy levels lifted up so much, I had an insight one day when I woke up and the insight was that I needed to be close to the water, I'm pisces so it makes total sense, on that same day I found this perfect place, we set up a meeting and 15 min talking she says: you can move whenever you want, also I feel like I needed to work on my feminine side and spending time in nature is key for balancing this energy, being close to the water or at the beach really heals me. I also had a mushroom trip where I was told to go closer to nature and to connect with water.
  4. @Nahm Oh Nahm, the retreat was a waterfall of washing off my old self from my soul, so my new self could come to life I love those phoenix moments! I'm glad you liked it, I try to be very honest with my words. @Vinnie New Zealand, that's amazing! and beautiful video thanks for sharing. Do you have a big one too? @ivory Maybe around 5 years ago, by a therapist I went once, she recommended me ate a psychiatrist and I just stopped seeing her because I knew psychiatrist are not good, my mom used to take meds like rivotril to sleep and she was always depressed so since young I hate medicines, all of them, with the exclusion of psychedelics, plants are my favorite, along with mushrooms. And only you know if you have, you can look it up pages about it on google, and watch those videos I posted above. My theory is that everyone has it, but in different levels.
  5. @Salvijus Because logical and practical are all traits of a very predominantly masculine mind, you see the world the way it is today, capitalism, environmental destruction, a lot of men like you in the power, functioning only though the level of the mind where everything is about taking actions, fast, efficient, logical, rational, everything needs to make sense, things are black and white, right or wrong, clean or dirty, beautiful and ugly. While the feminine is about receiving, feeling through the heart, having kindness and compassion, embracing all beings, it's about feeling, being empathetic, meeting people where they are at, not judging or criticizing, not labeling things, accepting what it is, the male mind always needs to understand, always in the mind, the feminine energy is about loving, and to love something you don't need to understand, you just love. Don't try to understand me, I myself don't understand how I work, I just try to be honest with the energy I receive in my body, if I was like one of the women from the pictures you sent I would not be able to be happy because it wouldn't feel authentic, and I value authenticity a lot. You are missing being in touch with your feminine side and you are repressing the emotions, the energy of sex and is the one of creation, if it wasn't sex you would not be here now. Also you should try nofap if you are really feeling all those sensations when you approach women, I have many male friends and they are all very wise and are not taken away by a woman's body because they've mastered their minds, I love the quote from Bukowski: "Any asshole can chase a skirt, art takes discipline." I don't even approach men who are just interested in sex, if the people around you are like you described above lI will repeat what my therapist always says "you should visit other churches" I strongly believe like attracts like
  6. @Salvijus I'm open to discussion, what are the parts I misinterpreted it? I'm very passionate about this subject and am not taking it personal, I respect if you don't appreciate my art or the way I express myself, but also I would like to understand why you think it's just corpses and animal instinct? And I love the word weird actually, I can't complain, it's only because of people like you, who disagree with me that I'm able to change myself and have more perspectives on life. Embracing the differences makes us grow, not much looking for the sameness
  7. @noselfnofun @Barna Thank you for your beautiful words and for having the capability of grasping my essence, like Matt Kahn says, you can only meet someone as deep as you ha've met yourself. Namaste ?? @kieranperez Wow first of all congratulations for getting off of meds, it's so hard! I'm so glad you like the way I see ADHD, I trained myself to see it in a different way, we are the way we are, it's the universe expressing itself in different forms, we can call it flawed but if it's there, it's not a mistake, I feel like the ADHD came along with my awakening, the less domesticated by society I became the more the symptoms increased, our brains work differently, and it takes more time for us to get "trained" again, if that's a disease I'm fine with it, also I can't pay attention to things that do not interest me, but something I'm passionate about I will spend a night awake just to know more about the subject. Try to see it this way too, I always see you here in the forum, you are always posting interesting stuff and is working hard to build yourself up, by your posts it seems like you have a lot of energy, I'm also a little hyperactive, but if I focus that energy in my passions and life purpose I get in a really nice flow state, and many things interest me, it's a matter of how to use this energy, don't get trapped in labels, in the last 5 months I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety (real doctors diagnosed me) and I know I have ADHD, but whatever, they've put all those labels, Im not taking any medication, just meditation and my life had never been better, I just did the Vipassana, am figuring out my life purpose, love the friends I have around me, if I had listened to those doctors I would be on antidepressants and my life would have taken a tooootal left turn, I had to recreate myself, It's been a process of three years since I left Brazil, the religion, dogmas, ideologies, of cleaning up, letting go of things, I didn't know who I was, I had to create my space, and let go of all the labels given to me, like Baldwin sad "The place which I will fit will not exist until I make it" or Anis Nin "I could not live in any of the worlds offered to me — the world of my parents, the world of war, the world of politics. I had to create a world of my own, like a climate, a country, an atmosphere in which I could breathe, reign, and recreate myself when destroyed by living. That, I believe, is the reason for every work of art.” Build and rebuild yourself over and over again, or like Leo/ Rumi says be melting snow, wash yourself of yourself. We are not sick, we are the "normal" ones, the ones adapted and content with our currently reality are the mediocre ones, they are not up, not down, right in the middle where nothing exciting happens, doing what society wants them to do, following what others around them are doing, so don't listen to what people say, just go within you, and see that we are all different, and the labels are created to separate and put us into boxes, it's like a bunch of colored pencils spread around and they want you to be in the same color as others so they will put you in the right box. I love the quote from Jiddu Krishnamurti "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." Don't forget that, you are on your way to be healthier (mind and body), so you will be considered crazier, weirder and sicker by normal people, another quote I love "When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind" from Lewis, insanity is the new sanity , your body and mind and yours and only you know how they function, that's why we do meditation to go within. Aldous Huxley also knew this: “The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. "Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does." They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society. Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted.” In other words fuck ADHD and all the other labels given to us to make us feel smaller. Here are some stuff you might like:
  8. @Vinnie Oh I've never met a Maori! Where do you live? I'm fascinated with the Maori's art and culture. I got it 3 years ago in a trip to Brazil.
  9. @Salvijus It seems like your vision of women is very limited because you probably have your image about how a woman should behave, it's like Leo always says, God is not only beautiful things, its also war, suffering and all the bad stuff, you can consider my way of expressing myself as weird, and 4 years ago when I was repressed by my culture and by abusive men's figures I would pretty much agree with you, with time I learned how to not be ashamed of my body and my curves, to be proud of being a woman in a society where the patriarchy has been in power for thousands of years, now I see my body as a temple and sacred, you talk a lot about the feminine energy being very inclusive and receptive, about it embracing all things around them, are you embracing your feminine side? Are you using of that inclusiveness you talk about to embrace all things and all forms o expression of the universe around you? To have love and compassion to all forms of expressions besides the ones you consider as right? I let go of the thought that women should behave in a certain way 3 years ago, it's been a process of cleaning myself from ideologies and social conditioning, I have a lot of masculine energy within me and this masculine energy gave me "balls" to face many men and even better gave me the freedom to express myself in an authentic way, this is key, I'm a very romantic person, I haven't had sex for a while, I believe in love, am very delicate, I cry a lot am very empathetic person, I'm very loving with all people around me, in my daily life I don't walk around naked, people respect me, I love reading and meditation, that's why I just wrote a report about my second Vipassana, if I was merely showing off I would get money out of it, trust me, I would be a stripper or become an instagram influencer, not judging who does that (some women do a great job) but I consider myself to be a smart person so if at some point I decide to use my body in the way you see it I would at least make money out of it Also I'm glad you disagree with my POV part of doing what I do is exactly to fuck the mind of people who think my art is promiscuous, ugly, weird, wrong. There are people who see the beauty and artistic value of it, and there are people who see whatever they have within them, which most of the time is repressed feelings and emotions. I feel lucky to have strong men around me who lift me up instead of judging and criticizing, like someone said in one of the posts above, this is a forum with high consciousness people, who do not see the expression os a woman's body as idiocy, who don't see sex as "animal compulsive behavior", don't see a naked body as just a piece of meat and bones or as dirty. They mastered their mind and don't just get a boner seeing my pictures, they see my art not just as nakedness or sexual arousal. On the contrary, I've seen many beautiful posts of men describing their women or their relationship, of using sex for connection and even for enlightenment (that's he case of tantra) Anyways, all those words in bold I copied from your previous posts, and I will just live one of my favorite quotes here for you. “ People do not seem to realize their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character “ And also Osho quote on sex: If I Say Anything About Sex, Immediately They Jump Upon It “Sex is raw energy. It has to be transformed, and through transformation there is transcendence. Rather than transforming it, religions have been repressing it. And if you repress it the natural outcome is a perverted human being. He becomes obsessed with sex. “The people who call me ‘sex guru’ are obsessed with sex. I have not talked about sex more than I have talked about meditation, love, God, prayer, but nobody seems to be interested in God, love, meditation, prayer. If I say anything about sex, immediately they jump upon it. “Out of my three hundred books only one book concerns sex, and that, too, not in its totality. The name of the book is From Sex to Superconsciousness. Just the beginning of it is concerned with sex; as you go deeper in understanding it moves towards superconsciousness, towards samadhi. Now that is the book which has reached to millions of people. It is a strange phenomenon: my other books have not reached to so many people. There is not a single Hindu, Jaina saint, mahatma in India who has not read it. It has been discussed criticized, analyzed, commented upon in every possible way. Many books have been written against it – as if that is the only book I have written! “Why so much emphasis? People are obsessed particularly the religious people are obsessed. This label of ‘sex guru’ comes from religious people.”
  10. @Salvijus Yes I see your point, very interesting.. IMO there are many ways of expressing the feminine energy, my way is more sensual, some women express it through nurturing, taking care of their husbands and partners, taking care of their homes, some other woman through dancing or singing, some through painting or drawing, some through cooking, and of course when I say feminine energy I'm not excluding men, for me the most attractive men are the ones with their feminine side resolved and embodied, because they tend to see me for who I really am, when they look at me or my art or even my body they are able to see beyond it, not only get sexual aroused because that would be a shallow way of seeing the natural beauty of the human body, Oscar Wilde describes it better than me: "If a work of art is rich and vital and complete, those who have artistic instincts will see its beauty, and those to whom ethics appeal more strongly than aesthetics will see its moral lesson. It will fill the cowardly with terror, and the unclean will see in it their own shame." so I invite you so analyze why my way of expressing the feminine energy seems weird. I hear that a lot, from my muslims coworkers, my repressed friends from Brazil, they say it's wrong, it's weird, it's ugly, but the way I see my body is as if I'm looking at a beautiful landscape, I also see the beauty in the male's body and have a lot of masculine energy within me, I think it's all about learning how to balance both energies because one compliments the other. Like Jung said, "You can hardly say your soul what sex is, but if you pay close attention the most masculine man has a feminine soul and the most Feminine woman has a masculine soul." or Khalil Gibran when asked about clothes: Your clothes conceal much of your beauty, yet they hide not the unbeautiful. And though you seek in garments the freedom of privacy you may find in them a harness and a chain. Would that you could meet the sun and the wind with more of your skin and less of your raiment, For the breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind. Some of you say,"It is the north wind who has woven the clothes we wear." And I say, Ay, it was the north wind, But shame was his loom, and the softening of the sinews was his thread. And when his work was done he laughed in the forest. Forget not that modesty is for a shield against the eye of the unclean. And when the unclean shall be no more, what were modesty but a fetter and a fouling of the mind? And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.
  11. @Esoteric @Mirror of Confusion @Serotoninluv Thaaank you! ?? @noselfnofun uh that’s exciting, it’s hoing to be an interesting experience! I do the do nothing technique @Salvijus ohhh this is so beautiful, thanks for sharing! Indeed dance is one of the forms of expression of the divine feminine ? what do you mean by weird? ?
  12. And here the style of pictures I will be taking, I'm so excited!
  13. I know it sounds a little crazy, but I just got back from my vipassana retreat and was very intrigued with a woman recommending me leech therapy for my acne and sinus problems. Has anyone here tried it?
  14. Seems like you just need to put yourself out there and practice, you said you are feminine and this is awesome, the most attracting men for me are the ones who have their feminine side embodied, to increase your masculine side try to do things that require strength like working out, running or just doing something with your on hands like wood work etc, also being in the sun, the masculine energy is all about action and making things happen, connecting with your body will be a good way to tap into this energy.
  15. @herghly well, I don’t but I felt something when I listened to his voice while he was channeling, I just bough his first book, I’ll come back to give my opinion on it. Here is the Podcast, let me know what you think
  16. @Serotoninluv yes! I will write one for sure ?? @Ry4n we always think we can’t, but the days I decided to give up, the next meditation was always super deep and powerful, that means the closer you are from truth the more your ego will cry and want to give up, it’s gonna be hard but it’s not impossible, just take one day at a time, or even better, a seating at a time, the strong determination sitting is only in the last days so your mind will be calmer by then, it’s very rewarding, so life changing, you are gonna be fine! So happy for you and excited for us ?? The no ego trips are the best trips, you will realize that once you start packing your stuff, only comfy clothes not caring much about how you will appear, not bringing your “persona” with you, it’s a trip within ourselves, priceless and so valuable, good luck! ?
  17. I'm doing my second vipassana next week and would like to know if you guys have tried microdosing or any other substances (even nootropics) while doing the retreat, I already know they don't recommend use of anything (so I'm not looking for judgement) my first one I followed all their rules but I was thinking here if I could benefit more if I microdosed, since I'm already in the process of microdosing right now Appreciate all the comments
  18. @Serotoninluv @David Hammond I think one compliments the other, they are both tools, meditation is not easy, psychedelics are not easy, the worst thing would be doing nothing at all. I’ve had so much purging done through psychedelics, meditation has helped me a lot, they both together are miraculous but without psychedelic I think I wouldn’t be here today and would still live 4 more years as a victim. I was sexually abused and got a huge tattoo on the side of my body 6 months after, I didn’t know the tattoo was related to the abuse, until I took 3 tabs of LSD and cried for 3 hours nonstop in front of the mirror just shocked with the realization I tattooed my body just to make it my own again and the tattoo was like a label “belong to Laísa”, and I guess I would have this realization after some years, but that LSD trip was not just a realization, it was a whole process of purging, understanding, compassion with myself and with the person who abused me, it was not easy, it was not beautiful but man it was worth it. We are living in the best times, so many tools available, we are lucky ? Thank you very much for your opinion ?
  19. @Nahm authenticity Nahm. I’ve decided I’ll keep going with my microdose process, it’s been helping me tremendously, I’m sure there it won’t be different, it’s subtle but ive been having so much benefits. My first Vipassana was so life changing I imagine what microdose can do, super excited! Thank you very much for those of you who gave me your POV, really appreciate it ?
  20. I also would like to know what peoplethink about Paul Selig, two of my close friends recommend me his books and I listened to a Podcast with him and was having full body goosebumps all the time, haven't found any posts about it here.
  21. I actually would like to think that it's relaxing, it helps slow down (which is amazing cause I have anxiety and ADHD), but I need to be very honest with myself, I think weed just got me numb but after it wore off my reality was back there, and I would rather work with my reality sober, it's harder but it is what it is, like Leo always says, do what is emotionally harder. Yes, I understand it's good for creation, I'm also an artist and love to draw while on weed, but that's just a hobby it doesn't pay my bills, if you are a musician or work as an artist it might work for you.
  22. Oh that's so nice hearing everyone's opinion, thank you very much! I really didn't think about the collective consciousness, I will take into consideration, maybe I will do one day and see how it goes. @outlandish I'm doing around 10 or 15ug, it's very subtle cause I have a high tolerance, I actually don't feel anything at all, just more awareness and happiness overall
  23. The fact you are having to ask this here already answers your question. I love weed and I can only talk about my experience tho, so far CBD has helped me tremendously with pain, and smoking twice per month is good for insights, weed IMO is an amplifier, if you are feeling good you will feel awesome and if you are having a bad day you start questioning yourself if you could be using your time better, like you just asked, it also makes you kind of numb if you use it in a regular basis. I also have another theory that weeds shuts down my logical mind and I get very primitive when high, only want food, sex and sleep. It can be good to connect with people but overall for PD work is not really a good tool, microdosing and nootropics would be much better. Like any other tool it's how you use it that matters. Short answer, weed (thc itself) does not have healing properties it can be relaxing and everything but its not good for you body, cbd yes, but most of weed sold nowadays has almost none cbd in it. This is a good book if you are really interested.
  24. @andyjohnsonman you can cut the tab but its not gonna be precise, the best way is to dilute one tab in distilled water or alcohol, this website is the best one, they teach you step by step.