MsNobody

@Gabriel Antonio Shame on me, I was gonna make up excuses cause I'm in California haha day 2 and I'm alive! The feeling after the shower today it was the same feeling I get after exercising, maybe because I was dancing and jumping to keep my body warm during the shower, really interesting it's new energy and sensations thanks for sharing Gabriel, in the 21st day I'll hit you up to talk more about it, for now I don't have experience enough to discuss.

@Gabriel Antonio muito legal Gabriel! interessantissimo Esses banhos gelados são no Brasil? ?

@5driedgrams loved the drawing! Shadow work unlocked erotic drawing skills for me, really interesting.. The cups are nice too!

That was my third time taking mushrooms but I consider this trip to be the first one since the others were not intense/profound. About me: female 27yo Dosage: 3.6g of cubensis Ingestion: Just ate them at 2:30pm, lasted for 7 hours Set and setting: Cleaned the whole house and my mind, was by myself The mushrooms were so strong that 5 min after I was feeling nausea and that strong feeling in the back of my head, I knew it would be an intense trip, so I lay down, closed my eyes and let the mushroom work one me, I was really calm and thought to myself “it’s going to be EASY I’ll just lay here and that is it, nothing bad can happen” haha lIttle did I know that I would walk, crawl and drag like a creature everywhere around the house. My intention initially was to experience truth, but as I found out during the trip it gave me what I needed not what I wanted, and in a certain way I experienced truth through my ego deaths haha Given that that there were moments I was unconscious, or my mind was enable to understand what was going on, the organization of this post is a little messy, I would go in those trances/ ego deaths and when back I would feel terrible, my ego would try to understand the situation and punish my body. EGO CHILD: I NOW can totally understand when people say mushrooms can be wild and dirty, I was not a civilized human being at all, I felt like I was a creature, a monkey, a jaguar, something like that, the way I seated and the way I took my clothes off, it was like this creature was mad at me for the way I’ve been living my life, “what is all this crap you wear and put in your body?” and even more interesting was that my ego is the one who dress formally, eat with fork and knife, walk with classy but inside, the mind, is rotten, with all the garbage, TV, social media, bad eating, toxic people around, not caring enough about environment (I’m not a bad person at all but I have the feeling that I could be doing much more for the world, and that was shown to me) so I was the creature and besides free of clothes and all the manners the mind of this creature was much more intelligent, wise, prudent and solid. How much I hide behind the mask of society. I remember asking the meaning of life, and haha nature has humor, first it appeared the symbol of infinite, and behind the symbol it started showing two kids in a seesaw hahaha it’s fucking meaningless!!! Also, I had this vision that I was running after this person holding the secret of life, and whenever I got close to it, the person holding it, would throw it to another one, laughing at my foolishness and seriousness about it. NATURE: So talking about nature, I was shown how to heal my body too, not only with mushrooms but through food and nature, I had this insight that the more time I spend is nature the more my body functions perfectly, it’s like being close to nature, my body gets lost in it and it heals itself, like nature is teaching my body through just watching and being around it. I have been feeling shitty the last days, cause I have PCOS, its a health problem that affects women, my whole life I’ve been going to doctors and all they recommend me is antibiotics and birth control pills, the insight was that nature can provide me with all that I need, I dont need to intoxicate my body with pharmaceutical drugs, so I’m thinking about joining a shamanic group in my area and tomorrow Im gonna go to a Wiccan ritual. Man this was so perfect, the mushrooms really said to me “its time for you to trust nature with closed eyes” and it makes so much sense. DARKNESS: The darkness, that was deep, so this mask of society where I only show what I consider to be the good parts of myself, what is beautiful, and repress all that I consider ugly or bad, seeing myself as a whole, my bad parts, my darkness, my desires, wilderness, it wants to manifest itself the same way I’ve been showing my qualities, the ego is the one separating bad/good, wrong/right, beautiful/ugly, and my higher self was REALLY mad for my inauthenticity to please people, be a civilized human.. it reminded me the quote from Jung, “No tree, its said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell”, shadow work and diving in my darkness is needed right now. SELF LOVE: I saw how much I needed love, some really old memories were brought to me, about my childhood, past relationships, things I didnt even remember when sober, but I had to face them, one by one, I couldnt ignore or turn my face away, it was rubbed in my face. Every time my higher self showed me how I really am instead of what I think I am, my ego complained like a child, and my faces were grumpy like a child “It wasn't me” haha I remember when Matt Kahn said, the ego is not a bad thing, is like a wild child, and we need to treat it as such, teaching like we do with a child, with love and patience, cause it will be always there until we die, I guess enlightened people still have their egos, but they educated it and are not controlled by it (correct me if I’m wrong) JUDGEMENT: I love talking, AND studying about self development, the more I create “my understanding” and the more solid this understanding gets, the more I fall in the trap of judging others, especially people who are afraid of consciousness work, so the way mushroom showed me how bad is my TALKING, was like that, it shut my mouth, simple like that haha I wasn’t able to open my mouth for a long time (I had no sense of time but it felt like eternity) and in the beginning I couldn’t understand why my mouth was blocked, and the more I ignored that is because I use my voice for judgement and shit, the more my jaws was pressed against each other, I felt like I was gonna swallow by chin, and later my head, it didnt gave up until I got my lesson, listen more, talks less, if I decide to speak, do it consciously. EXORCISM: The peak of the experience, my body was freaking out with the amount of energy, maybe blocks I have inside it, so I started walking around the house, and ended up in the bathroom, I seated there for I don’t know how long, but it was the most intense experience of my life, it felt like an exorcism, there were sounds coming out of my mouth that I’ve never heard before, like an animal, I guess those noises were energy that needed to get out, I have this traumatic memory of the peak where the more the energy was getting out of my body the more noises I made, it was hard to breath, my face was glued to the floor and I was kind of unconscious, drooling, but man, it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, seeing for what it is it was ugly and disgusting, but it showed me how strong I am and how much more I’m capable of, not only taking more mushrooms but also growth, there is no limit for growth for human beings, we just aim to the sky and go on forever, most people find it hard (and a negative point) the fact we need to work on ourselves for the rest of our lives, but that is exactly what I find to be the most fascinating and motivating thing of all, that IS life. LOVE: love, love, love the biggest lesson, what I and the world need is LOVE, when people talk to me I dont need to judge them, every fucking person needs love, from themselves especially and from others, its hard for us to admit that but its the truth, so I realized I’ve been thinking with my mind and not my heart, its cliche, and obvious to say that, I’m a right brain person, really emotional, creative and heart centered, but I’ve been reading like crazy and studying all of that, I’m not saying that is not useful, I have a high level of curiosity about reality and consciousness work, but my heart is my center, that was my big AHA moment, LOVE is free of judgements, LOVE is not right or wrong, it just IS, it’s infinite, it’s our true nature, the more we give the more we have, I can only love others through loving myself unconditionally and I haven’t been a loving person lately (cause I lack self love) my mind is always trying to understand and see the logic in everything and everyone. I decided from now on to just embrace and accept the mysteries of life, keep my curiosity alive but be aware that I don’t need to understand everything to have a fulfilled life, it reminded me of Matt Kahn “You are the creator of it all, and you don’t remember creating because it was created before memory was imagined.” Also Einstein said in his poem Never lose a holy curiosity “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day. The insight was relieving, it’s fine to do not understand how reality works and I don’t need to be obsessed by it like I’ve been. AFTERMATH: My trip itself was not pleasant or enjoyable at all, but I see the beauty in it, love is everywhere, even in the ugliest things, so I’m really happy with what I got out of it, I’m planning on working with mushrooms more often, maybe once or twice per month, in spite of my ego not being happy (I had a hard time today) I feel like I just grasped a tiny bit of what mushrooms really can do and I’m excited for more. I’m looking for documentaries, videos or even books about mushrooms and its healing power. I found this one below and would be really happy if you guys could share some of your sources with me. Thank you if you made it to the end Much Love miss nobody https://londonreal.tv/dennis-mckenna-the-screaming-abyss/ Here is a beautiful and powerful Matt video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ccKFHH2Zi8&list=PLK7N8jqtdcK7uq0tCxQDo9--WOhtteoX_&index=21

@username No, this is the video! @Leo Gura I tried them too, but it seems my tolerance is lower with mushrooms, it was much more intense than LSD or ALLAD (with those my mind get stuck in creative mode and distracts myself from the inner work), I'll keep working with them, lets see how it goes, thanks for your feedback!

@nahtanoj Yes, I love that he says "I wasn't a guy experiencing the world, I was the world experiencing a guy" He might be, apparently he is painting a lot now, I have no idea what he has been doing lately besides all the painting

LOved that! Thanks for sharing Jim Carey is the guy ?

@Leo Gura @zikzak and others experimenting with 5meo, how many times did you try until the breakthrough dose and how much was it? I tried twice, first time was really subtle but I could feel the energy, second time was hellish, I couldnt wait for the whole eye of the tornado sensation to go away, I felt like my body couldnt handle the amount of energy that was receiving, now I gonna try the third time and I'm a "bit" afraid The first dose was 17mg, second 27mg and third is gonna be 35mg, I'm snorting it, I followed all the steps, tilting my head upside down, massaging the nostrils etc, but I think the ROA wastes a considerable amount of the substance so I'm seriously thinking in converting it to freebase.. Also vaporizing I cant overdose, Leo said above 35mg can be lethal

Aubrey tries to explain his experience of absolute infinite He also talks about a new protocol he is participating through MAPS with the use of MDMA, I found it really interesting cause the times I took MDMA I went out and about to hug every person I found in front of me to share the divine love I was feeling, and in this protocol he had to remain in his mind, blindfolded, with headphones and no interaction with other beings and what happened is that he was able to redirect all that unconditional love back to him and go deeper in some blocks he had, I see a lot of potential (especially for people with PTSD), I'm gonna try myself soon and will be back to report the experience. I think he mentions more about the protocol in this episode too:

@Revolutionary Think well I've worked with CAD for three years, and between sex and CAD I'd chose sex Wow did I just compare an interaction of a human being with a software/machine versus real physical contact between two souls merging with eachother looking for the feeling of oneness? sorry the sarcasm maybe I felt hurt cause I think sex is something sacred and maybe I'm just being feminine or maybe I'm just being gross.. anyways, I'd try everything once

Ahhh I'm loving that! Here are some of my last drawings The first one is from a dream I had with a snake 2nd one is called Peace of mind 3rd one was inspired in this quote by Jung: "But if you pay close attention, you will see that the most masculine man has a feminine soul, and the most feminine woman has a masculine soul" 4th was inspired in a quote from the book The moon appears when the water is still: "In India I came upon a beggar woman, covered in dust and grime, seated at the side of the road. Someone had given her a plate of food which had attracted a mangy and growling mad dog. He too was hungry, and without hesitation she shared her food with him. He ate and then lay down at her feet. Locked in their respective kammas there was still room for kindness. And if I could speak her language I would beg her to tell me how her heart can shine so brightly beneath the dust of her life" 5th is Bukowski ?

@Leo Gura basically chimpery I'm having way too many low consciousness desires haha but I like to see it that way: it's just a phase to ground my openmindedness @JustinS Thanks for encouraging me Justin! Much gratitude and yes, a solo one just wouldn't work, it would be a mental masturbation retreat with the way my mind is now, I thought about the videos from Leo's retreat and I could barely sit still for the whole hour of sds, but I got what I needed, it was great experiencing unconditional love without the need of substances @Gabriel Antonio I'm totally aware I missed the point, but I'm lesser chimp now I would say I'm a bonobo hahaha

I love tattoos! I was so judgmental before getting mine, I hurts so much that now I admire those who have them, especially when there is a deep meaning behind it the first one is a maori, I got it to have my body back after getting out of an abusive relationship and the second one is a triskle, a Celtic symbol that means movement, like three legs running, to remind me to keep moving the energy for things to happen, take more risks..

@username radical openness, Leo broke my mind open, literally! and you are super low in extroversion, what happened there Username? Haha I can't judge I'm the only extroverted here apparently, but I guess this is about to change in this inward trip I'm in

Here are mine! My cognitive style is: INTELLECTUAL My organization style is: BALANCED My energy style is: EXTROVERTED My stress management level is: RESILIENT My interpersonal style is: COMPETITIVE Openness Traits: Imagination - HIGH Artist Interests - HIGH Emotionality - HIGH Adventurousness - HIGH Intellectual Interest - HIGH Liberalism - HIGH Conscientiousness Traits: Self Efficacy - LOW Orderliness - HIGH Dutifulness - LOW Achievement striving - HIGH Cautiousness - LOW Extraversion Traits: Friendliness - AVERAGE Gregariousness - AVERAGE Assertiveness - HIGH Activity Level - HIGH Excitement seeking - HIGH Cheerfulness - HIGH Neuroticism Traits: Anxiety - LOW Anger - LOW Depression - AVERAGE Self Consciousness - LOW Immoderation - AVERAGE Vulnerability - AVERAGE Agreeableness Traits Trust - AVERAGE Honesty - LOW Altruism - AVERAGE Co-operation - LOW Modesty - LOW Sympathy - LOW

@outlandish no I don't take anything, I'm just experimenting with psychedelics, yesterday I took 4g of mushrooms and had a slight trip, I guess for what I want I need 6~8g I'm not sure about 5meo, I'm creating courage to higher the dose ?

@Leo Gura Yes, it is odd, I'm missing something really important, I have no clue why I'm reacting that way, I've thought about so many maybe's. The only thing I know is that I need a break from reading, studying and listening, I want to have some direct experiences to keep going I did like you said in the video, I also read the chapter about posture in Martin Ball's book, my head was upside down the first 10 min, then I lay down, I felt the body sensation, felt good but in the end was uncomfortable, anyways I'm gonna try 30mg later. Thank you Leo!

@Leo Gura I just did 20g snorting, felt pretty uncomfortable and couldn't let go, which dose would you recommend to breakthrough? I have a high tolerance but don't know about 5meo.. Last week I took 4tabs of acid and still didn't trip hard, was walking normally no profound insights or anything, I'm gonna try 6 next time, or maybe mushrooms.

This method seems to be really efficient, although I've never done myself I tried for a week and stopped because I was afraid, my body started shaking and my heart speeding up, so I decided to focus on other things ? I also heard the rope technique works well

I have been experimenting with psychedelics the last months and realized I have a high tolerance for it, here is my historic: 2015 - Ayahuasca (puked my whole life and didn't have any visuals or realizations) 2015 - Ayahuasca (doubled the dose of the brew and still no visuals or insights, the shaman said it wasn't meant to be and maybe it wasn't the time..?!) 2017 - 5g of psilocybe cubensis (I took first 2g then with no effects I ate the whole bag, it can also be it lost its potency) 2017 - 150 Ug LSD (I had slightly visuals but that was it) 2017 - nn-DMT (tried smoking twice but since I'm not used to smoking it could be that I didn't know how to smoke it properly) 2017 - 300 Ug AL-LAD (I took one blotter, no strong effect, then took another one then yes, I tripped a little bit but didn't lose sense of time, or had profound insights, there was the patterns in the things I looked to but nothing mind fucking) I'm doing it mostly at home, I respect those substances a lot and from all I've read its a powerful tool for personal development and spiritual work, I'm being careful in not overdosing because if the trip is really bad I will stay away from psychedelics for a while and I'm not intending to do so Here are some possibilities I could think of it but I'm open to hear your opinions The products are not pure, or in the case of mushrooms lost its potency, some friends took the same stuff and tripped hard, so I really don't know I didn't know how to smoke the nnDMT The ayahuasca I have no clue, in the end of the ceremonies the shaman passed a stick and every person talks about its experience, I think I was the only one who didn't have anything to say My ego is strong I can't surrender I'm being a sissy and should just throw all in the air and increase the doses @Leo Gura I know you are thinking 5meo would show me what I'm looking for, but I'm humbly trying to build my way up because I'm concerned about my power to surrender in the trip I read James Oroc and Martin balls work and it seems in low doses is even easier to have hell experiences, since the ego is more in control of the thing, while in a breakthrough dose you kind of have no choice and "no self" to surrender