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Everything posted by MsNobody

  1. Ahhh I'm loving that! Here are some of my last drawings The first one is from a dream I had with a snake 2nd one is called Peace of mind 3rd one was inspired in this quote by Jung: "But if you pay close attention, you will see that the most masculine man has a feminine soul, and the most feminine woman has a masculine soul" 4th was inspired in a quote from the book The moon appears when the water is still: "In India I came upon a beggar woman, covered in dust and grime, seated at the side of the road. Someone had given her a plate of food which had attracted a mangy and growling mad dog. He too was hungry, and without hesitation she shared her food with him. He ate and then lay down at her feet. Locked in their respective kammas there was still room for kindness. And if I could speak her language I would beg her to tell me how her heart can shine so brightly beneath the dust of her life" 5th is Bukowski ?
  2. @Leo Gura basically chimpery I'm having way too many low consciousness desires haha but I like to see it that way: it's just a phase to ground my openmindedness @JustinS Thanks for encouraging me Justin! Much gratitude and yes, a solo one just wouldn't work, it would be a mental masturbation retreat with the way my mind is now, I thought about the videos from Leo's retreat and I could barely sit still for the whole hour of sds, but I got what I needed, it was great experiencing unconditional love without the need of substances @Gabriel Antonio I'm totally aware I missed the point, but I'm lesser chimp now I would say I'm a bonobo hahaha
  3. I love tattoos! I was so judgmental before getting mine, I hurts so much that now I admire those who have them, especially when there is a deep meaning behind it the first one is a maori, I got it to have my body back after getting out of an abusive relationship and the second one is a triskle, a Celtic symbol that means movement, like three legs running, to remind me to keep moving the energy for things to happen, take more risks..
  4. @username radical openness, Leo broke my mind open, literally! and you are super low in extroversion, what happened there Username? Haha I can't judge I'm the only extroverted here apparently, but I guess this is about to change in this inward trip I'm in
  5. Here are mine! My cognitive style is: INTELLECTUAL My organization style is: BALANCED My energy style is: EXTROVERTED My stress management level is: RESILIENT My interpersonal style is: COMPETITIVE Openness Traits: Imagination - HIGH Artist Interests - HIGH Emotionality - HIGH Adventurousness - HIGH Intellectual Interest - HIGH Liberalism - HIGH Conscientiousness Traits: Self Efficacy - LOW Orderliness - HIGH Dutifulness - LOW Achievement striving - HIGH Cautiousness - LOW Extraversion Traits: Friendliness - AVERAGE Gregariousness - AVERAGE Assertiveness - HIGH Activity Level - HIGH Excitement seeking - HIGH Cheerfulness - HIGH Neuroticism Traits: Anxiety - LOW Anger - LOW Depression - AVERAGE Self Consciousness - LOW Immoderation - AVERAGE Vulnerability - AVERAGE Agreeableness Traits Trust - AVERAGE Honesty - LOW Altruism - AVERAGE Co-operation - LOW Modesty - LOW Sympathy - LOW
  6. @outlandish no I don't take anything, I'm just experimenting with psychedelics, yesterday I took 4g of mushrooms and had a slight trip, I guess for what I want I need 6~8g I'm not sure about 5meo, I'm creating courage to higher the dose ?
  7. @Leo Gura Yes, it is odd, I'm missing something really important, I have no clue why I'm reacting that way, I've thought about so many maybe's. The only thing I know is that I need a break from reading, studying and listening, I want to have some direct experiences to keep going I did like you said in the video, I also read the chapter about posture in Martin Ball's book, my head was upside down the first 10 min, then I lay down, I felt the body sensation, felt good but in the end was uncomfortable, anyways I'm gonna try 30mg later. Thank you Leo!
  8. @Leo Gura I just did 20g snorting, felt pretty uncomfortable and couldn't let go, which dose would you recommend to breakthrough? I have a high tolerance but don't know about 5meo.. Last week I took 4tabs of acid and still didn't trip hard, was walking normally no profound insights or anything, I'm gonna try 6 next time, or maybe mushrooms.
  9. This method seems to be really efficient, although I've never done myself I tried for a week and stopped because I was afraid, my body started shaking and my heart speeding up, so I decided to focus on other things ? I also heard the rope technique works well
  10. I have been experimenting with psychedelics the last months and realized I have a high tolerance for it, here is my historic: 2015 - Ayahuasca (puked my whole life and didn't have any visuals or realizations) 2015 - Ayahuasca (doubled the dose of the brew and still no visuals or insights, the shaman said it wasn't meant to be and maybe it wasn't the time..?!) 2017 - 5g of psilocybe cubensis (I took first 2g then with no effects I ate the whole bag, it can also be it lost its potency) 2017 - 150 Ug LSD (I had slightly visuals but that was it) 2017 - nn-DMT (tried smoking twice but since I'm not used to smoking it could be that I didn't know how to smoke it properly) 2017 - 300 Ug AL-LAD (I took one blotter, no strong effect, then took another one then yes, I tripped a little bit but didn't lose sense of time, or had profound insights, there was the patterns in the things I looked to but nothing mind fucking) I'm doing it mostly at home, I respect those substances a lot and from all I've read its a powerful tool for personal development and spiritual work, I'm being careful in not overdosing because if the trip is really bad I will stay away from psychedelics for a while and I'm not intending to do so Here are some possibilities I could think of it but I'm open to hear your opinions The products are not pure, or in the case of mushrooms lost its potency, some friends took the same stuff and tripped hard, so I really don't know I didn't know how to smoke the nnDMT The ayahuasca I have no clue, in the end of the ceremonies the shaman passed a stick and every person talks about its experience, I think I was the only one who didn't have anything to say My ego is strong I can't surrender I'm being a sissy and should just throw all in the air and increase the doses @Leo Gura I know you are thinking 5meo would show me what I'm looking for, but I'm humbly trying to build my way up because I'm concerned about my power to surrender in the trip I read James Oroc and Martin balls work and it seems in low doses is even easier to have hell experiences, since the ego is more in control of the thing, while in a breakthrough dose you kind of have no choice and "no self" to surrender
  11. I hate big walls texts but here it goesss I started in the less traveled road 7 months ago, my ego is currently screaming for old habits cause im changing too fast, things that were problems turned into solutions for the higher Self but that means bad days for the ego, I feel like Im falling in all the traps that are possible, like all in once and I would appreciate some help Loneliness, do I interact more or stay in my mind? I know itś probably my ego denying to interact with people, that would explain why im a lone wolf now, but my goodness, 7 months ago I would be desperate about spending time with people, people, people and sometimes I would have no one to go out with and feel terrible bad about it, but now, missnobody the most extroverted person on earth turned inside out and talks to herself, its a fucking blessing, I cant wait to have my time alone and do my shit, read books, Im in a point that Im comparing people with books, should I go hangout with person X or read this book that is gonna bring my mind to x y z places? I know the more we go deep and better ourselves we start enjoying everybody’s company more and more, so if Im preferring to be alone does it mean I have tons of work to do? Im basicaly a child that found out a secret place, and this secret place is my mind, why would I go to places if I have an entire universe to explore inside myself? I also stopped travelling, I know this is the one thing that was crucial in breaking my mind open, instead of travelling Im gonna do a Vipassana retreat, awesome isnt it? but my ego keeps screaming, you are young honey, go have fun, sex, drink, dance and enjoy life... what brings me to another issue Attachments and how to conciliate spirituality with day by day life? If I want to start the Dalai Lama path and enjoy a little bit of enlightenment before I die its better if I start right now, and I mean in this moment, no time for another stuff, parties, people, fun, I feel like I need to abandon everything to go down the path, I mean I do little things everyday, meditation habits, improved my diet and healthy, devouring books, more aware of my actions.. BUT there is always that thought in the back of my mind, chose enlightenment or the other distractions that our 5 senses are able to give ourselves? Then I always think I should do more, more and more, in the end I think there is no balance, if one needs to go, it has to be allll the way, there is no half path in spirituality work, either you go all the way or you start using all the knowledge for bad things and ego eats you alive, once you woke up the little beast, you are in the room alone with it, its kill or die, do I dettach from everything? When I do something I usually do the whole thing, but Im having problems here, and I think part of that is because enlightenment is seeing (by me) as such an impossible thing to acquire and Im getting distracted easily by the thought, dont waste your life with something you maybe wont be able to attain Judgements! I judge myself all the time, and of course others, the mind is getting wiser and its using this excuse to judge myself and others, Im understanding so much more about life on general and how the mind works, ego is inflating, and Im not a psychologist or anything, but I see people suffering all the time, friends and family, I wanna open my mouth and tell them the things Ive discovered that helped me like A LOT, I would say my body was a flesh wound, and I really mean every centimeter of my skin, and just through knowledge and understanding I was able to heal myself, so now I watch people suffering, of course I judge but I also have this need to help, its like you see a dog trying to go through a glass door, hitting its head a lot of times, but you cant do anything, you just watch, thats how I feel now, self development is an endless thing, I need to first help myself so them I can help others, as Leo and Socrates says, ‘Let him who would move the world first move itself’ whats the balance between those? we are soooo ignorant that this is killing me, why god forgot itself and now we need a whole life to remember how to be gods? I was an architect in Brazil and Im totally gonna abandon my career to help people wake up, its a sin and feels wrong live my life studying about spirituality but building houses so people can go inside and suffer, maybe Im seeing a lot of suffering because Im suffering myself, actually my ego is, and maybe this subject applies better to the self actualization topic because its a big change in my life purpose.. I wasnt gonna say anything, but Im a chameleon right now, I change every damn second, thats exactly what fascinates me the most about life, this changing all the time, and the possibilities are fucking infinite, but changing skins hurts, sometimes when Im really aware of my ego stuff, my whole body starts itching, like writing this, right now, it itches everywhere, and the hard thing is that this path you dont go on google and search ‘skin itching when ego is affected’ like I did today.. I think its my nervous system or whatever, everybody is different, everybody go in a different way, we just take our knife and go cutting all the sticks and bushes you see in front of you, there is no path, we make our own, but man, it has been crazy, Im really glad I have all the people here in the forum and Leo, sorry that my post is sounding like a rant, maybe its my ego writing all this and asking for help, thanks for reading Leo and I apologize, I myself hate big walls texts. Thats it, fuck ego, we are in the best time ever to be alive, and Im reaaaally happy I’ve chosen to be awake and dig deep in my mind, soul, spirit, whatever we want to call it.. My love for this work is ABSOLUTE INFINITE!! btw Leo plssssss open a topic about psychedelics
  12. @JustinS wow, I was looking for those! It was so close to me but waaay too expensive! thanks Justin
  13. @jse good question! Before actualized: Death, loneliness, acceptance (aka fit in society models) poverty, so many After actualized: Live an ordinary life, fall back asleep and dive into Maya, lose my motivation to seek Truth
  14. Here are some pages of the book Tryptamine Palace, Shulgin explained it really well but seeing all the discussion here I think Terence McKenna described better haha "DMT is like an intellectual black hole in that once one knows about it, it's very hard for others to understand what one is talking about. One cannot be heard. The more one is able to articulate what it is, the less others are able to understand." I guess we just need to try to find out
  15. @Shin how do I do that? I would like to translate them all to Portuguese!
  16. So I was digging the forum looking for my fav content, trip reports, and got out with the list below, I tried to find trip reports in another websites and all I find are people watching cartoon while on psychedelics, this forum as Leo said is our sand box in this spiritual path and some people choose to do it with a little help of psychedelics, the trips I've read here are really deep with profound insights, of course the experience varies from person to person but in the end we are all biological machines and we fear the unkown, IMO knowing some basic things people feel and see while on substances might help us go deeper in our experiences, so here it goes: 5-MeO-DMT Psilocybin, LSD, Al-Lad MDMA Have fun! 5-MeO-DMT Psilocybin, LSD, AL-LAD Mdma
  17. @Echoes hahaha OMG! This video!! It makes me think about aaaaaaall the things I take for granted, we are fucking alive! And guess what? Life comes with that vehicle "a thing called body" so you can smell, touch, see and do all the fun shit! I'm glad to be alive in this now