Timotheus

In @Leo Gura's video about this topic he shares his opinion that everything is determined. If so, and also if there is no you that can control anything, is the One, the source waking all of us up? Does the source have control? Aren't we also the source and therefore are able to control? If the source has no beginning and no end, there is no "starting" point in the chain of cause and effect, isn't that a requirement for determinism, and therefore the source has free will? So does raising our consciousness first make us believe we are getting more in control of ourselves and later realize that only the source controls us?

@ZeN @Leo Gura I had a similar experience when I had my first trip, which was also kind of my first bad trip, but this trip was on weed. Don't get me wrong I'm not a pothead and for personal development I would clearly recommend shrooms. But this experience was my first ever psychedelic experience and I thought I could never ever think again. My thinking was almost exclusively associative and unstructured. By that time I have been stuck in my head a lot, always thinking about the future, creating plans to get some decent life, and trying to develop a big picture, and now I was afraid I had lost it all, my ability to create this life. Referring to Leo's experience, putting this in perspective it almost feels like this has also been a lesson I've been taught, since my plans and dreams were quite egocentric, lol. This experience was over a year ago and recently I tried the shrooms. I wanted to make sure I would not end up in a bad trip, so I convinced myself I had to meditate at least 3 months, before trying shrooms. Done that, ordered and tried the shrooms and, well, this opened my mind so much, I couldn't even imagine. After the first visuals, I have been overwhelmed by the sound of the wind. It was so calming and beautiful, but almost immediately after that I have been stuck in my head. I was just afraid of everything, my whole body was shaking and sweating. I have very bad self esteem and often ask myself wether I am intelligent enough to pursue my current carreer (Studying business informatics), so this doubts have been in my head quite a while, but then I had so many insights popping up, showing me that I don't have to be afraid and that it's all ok, I actually touched my forearm and told myself that I don't have to be so afraid. These insights also answered another question of mine, referring my doubtfulness about everything and about the self actualization/enlightenment path. I actually talked to myself telling, yeah this is the right path, I knew you hadn't bought in yet, but this is it. It was EXACTLY like Leo said, before this experience my meditation habit was not as solid as it had to be. I have been encouraged so much about this journey that immediately in this very moment I felt so free, a feeling I never had before. This has been such an awe-inspiring experience that my mouth was open quite some time and I just thought, Life is just beautiful.