Psychonaut

I am pretty sure that is the message. I didn't say what the message was, I just said that I got the message. That I vomited is a side effect of receiving the message.

I can't remember with how many women I have had sex with in the last 2-3 days.... But there are a few I can remember, because I had sex with them before. Haha.

I do not know. Either my system metabolizes the RCs much faster than regular humans or my cross tolerance is just so high that nothing really does anything anymore. All the PCP analogues 3-Meo-PCPY, 3-HO-PCE, 3-HO-PCP and Ketamine have cross tolerance. I took speed daily for about 3 weeks and then I ran out and was lying in bed for 2 days unable to find the motivation to get up or do anything. I really did not enjoy that experience. MDMA is great, but not above 120mg, for partying I will take 120mg, for home partying and chilling 60mg. Mushrooms are cool, but too expensive. For a full trip I usually take 5G which is the equivalent of about 25 full acid trips. I highly dislike ACID atm, it is far too heady. I haven't really had it in a long time. DMT is cool, but I haven't had that much experience with it. 5-MeO-DMT is cool too, but it is like Alan Watts said "Once you get the message, hang up the phone": The last trips it really told me "WTF are you doing here again, you really wanna suffocate on your own puke and die? You that stupid you stupid fuck?!?! Yeah I got the message then and didn't take it since". Ketamine and the PCP analogues have way more value than I would have ever imagined. 3-Meo-PCPy is by far my favorite. It is a triple reuptake inhibitor for Seroton, Dopamine and a 3rd one I forgot. I really wanna try out MXPCP again, but my source for that is gone.

There are ways of having sex with women, that doesn't involve meeting them, interacting with them or having to deal with their "shit". Only issue is that it costs money, but honestly I don't care.

I am wondering the same thing. I am doing Speed and Ketamine almost every day, with the occasional 1-2 joints and then my 3-MeO-PCPY on fridays with some MDMA and maybe some mushrooms, or Acid or everything + plugged DMT. I don't know. People in my friends circle have told me to turn it down a bit after I had a Psychosis after a Ketamine + Speed all night bender hahaha yesterday. Speed + MDMA + 3-MeO-PCPY + Ketamine during the night + Joints is fun. Also Adding plugged DMT to a trip is also 1 hour of good fun. 5-MeO-DMT has become super boring after I vomited on 80mg plugged and only realized that I vomited after coming back. Glad my body has good survival instincts. Otherwise I would have suffocated on my own puke and there would have been no comeback and no respawn. ROFL 3-HO-PCP + 3-HO-PCE is also a wonderful combination. It is like a scholars mate in chess. Simple and effective. Haha. Unfortunately MXPCP has been pulled from the markets. I have no idea why but I loved it and wished I had gotten 10G or more while it was available. I burned through 3G within a few months.

Good question. The connection for me was simple: Old pattern: I feel bad (shame) -> masturbate I feel unloved -> masturbate I feel overwhelmed -> masturbate I feel too much energy -> masturbate Masturbation became the default regulation for ANY uncomfortable feeling. What changed in relationship: Being intimate with someone who mirrored my childhood dynamics (mother-partner role, conditional love) meant I was triggered constantly. More triggers = more compulsion. New pattern I'm building: I feel bad -> notice the feeling -> search for source of trigger -> try to heal it (inner child work, meditation) You're right that addiction has many causes. For me, the specific mechanism was: unprocessed emotions from attachment wounds -> compulsive self-soothing through masturbation. The 6 months without it while single? I wasn't getting triggered. In relationship, all the old wounds activated at once. I feel like it is important to be aware why one masturbates or why one has sex. I for example have recently realised that my main reason for wanting to have sex was never that I found the girl particularly attractive. It was mostly just plain ego gratification, the "feeling of being choosen", the "feeling of being good enough to have sex". I actually never found the girls attractive, I just liked that the girls liked me. I have all my live been lying to girls about my true motivations, I said "I love you" knowing full well that that sentence should be "I love that you love me - I don't actually give a rats fuck about you".

@Leo Gura I had a different experience. For 6 months I didn't masturbate. Interactions with women at ecstatic dance were effortless—no neediness, just natural flow. Then I entered a relationship and everything changed. Here's what I learned: the same brain structures for mother-child bonding activate in romantic relationships. When you're single, those circuits stay quiet. In relationship, childhood attachment wounds flood back. For me: compulsive masturbation returned not as sexuality, but as self-soothing for attachment trauma the relationship triggered. The real issue isn't "women won't satisfy you." It's unhealed attachment wounds making intimacy overwhelming. Being single and not masturbating was easy because I wasn't activating the wound. But that's avoidance, not healing. The solution isn't managing frustration through masturbation. It's healing attachment wounds so you can be in relationship without compulsive coping. Sexual energy conservation works when you're not using it to self-soothe trauma.

Strange the dreamer

Something about the blog post on sex irked me, and I think I understand why. For most of my adult life, sex and masturbation were attempts to fill a hole that is fundamentally bottomless—an inner emptiness akin to a black hole, all-consuming and insatiable. No amount of physical release ever truly satisfied it. I've come to realize that if you approach sex with the attitude that you want to be satisfied or guaranteed a great experience, you have already lost. You're operating from lack, seeking completion through another person or through release itself. This is a game that cannot be won. But if you approach sex as a celebration of being alive—as an expression of vitality and connection rather than a compensation for emptiness—then you can only win, regardless of the outcome. The shift is not in the act itself, but in the consciousness you bring to it. The difference between these two approaches is the difference between scarcity and abundance, between seeking and expressing, between using and celebrating.

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I am not sure if my 5-meo is just weak, but if I plug less than 80mg I can get nice experiences, but nothing really life altering. I have only tried 60 and 80mg. Maybe 70mg might also be enough. But it seems really high. I wonder if my ego is just too reluctant to let go. But it's also very different to when I took 5-meo many years ago. Then I was fighting it and low doses might actually be more terrifying than high doses then. Now there is no resistance, but also it feels like it's always the same when I take a high dose.

Why not combine it with a dissociative or something like MDMA?

Yeah I use a Windows Laptop now. But I barely touch it. Maybe use it once a week.

Love love love One one one Easy easy easy

I dearly miss my MacBook pro I had at work. At both my last jobs I had MacBooks that I was also allowed to use privately. It was a blast. Never have I felt so connected to a machine in a good sense. Seamless.

Over the years I have found that I don't like talking about psychedelics with people that haven't used them. It is always the same arguments, fears and limiting beliefs. Also in spiritual circles I get the impression that progress made by psychedelics is frowned upon as cheating or not real progress. But it is just their ego's fear of total dissolutionment speaking. However if someone already has experience with psychedelics and is an avid user the convos can be quite interesting. What are your guys experiences?

For me the best Linux experience actually has been MacOS. About 15 years ago I was running Ubuntu with the 3D Desktop Cube and heavily modded. It was fun. I am not a Apple guy by any stretch and I dislike iOS and iPadOS. But there is something about a MacBook that just feels really nice when using it. It's very intuitive for me and I get in the flow easier. It's also nice to just have a Linux like terminal experience with all the command line tools I am used to. For me it's the dream OS, it works reliably, doesn't crash, doesn't bother me with useless updates. It's a true productivity machine.

I ordered it because I don't know. MXPCP is insane, like completely insane. I can feel so much on it. Meditating on it is bonkers, chanting mantras on it I can feel every word. It feels like a sledgehammer goes through my energy body. I can feel the pain that drove me to engage with women, the primal lack. When I do "hoo pono pono" I can feel every sentence. I can feel my thoughts. The impact of them. The energetic quality. I can feel when the mind comes back and spins words. Just like it is doing now. Trying to figure it out. Trying to be seen. Trying to be noticed. Trying to be validated. I also have 5-Meo-DMT here, but MXPCP is something else. Like 5-Meo-DMT is cool, but it is the same more or less every time. I wonder why no one is talking about MXPCP on the forums or other Dissociatives? I am also thinking of trying 3-MeO-PCE.

MXPCP is like a cleaning crew for me. It just takes out the trash. Wonderful experience once again. Purge purge purge. Love love love. Be be be. Ez ez ez. It feels like a hug from God.

I have been meditating for years and have also had some Samadhi like experiences after 4-5 hrs of meditation. But no way you will reach anywhere close to a high dose 5-Meo-DMT trip. My last two trips were both 80mg and they have completely rewired my brain.

But Leo...

I have experience with Olanzapine. It was "forced/given" to me in the psychiatry. I stopped taking it as soon as I got out of the closed ward. I had to play along for a bit, otherwise they would have never let me out. They had a court order that allowed them to force me to take drugs and also allowed them to restrain me against my will. They could have done anything to me. This is Germany btw. Don't go crazy here, you will use all your rights as a human being. They gave Olanzapine to get the dopamine down so that I would fall asleep. It put me to sleep, but it was not a restful sleep. I hated it, because it felt like someone was trying to push the "OFF" knob from the outside. In my eyes all these medications have so many side effects and the doctors, inventors, pharmacies and the entire system has no idea what they are doing. They are playing with fire. "Hey we got the dopamine down, but we broke 50 other things in the process". Approved. This is my personal opinion based on one drug that was given to me while conscious and a bunch of stuff that was IM'ed to me when I was unreachable "for them".

I suffered AI induced psychosis way before it even was a term. It happened in March of 2024. I was using ChatGPT so heavily, also through the API and writing scripts. Trying out every framework under the sun for automation and using agents before they even were a real thing. I adapted my speech and especially my written chat speech so much that I didn't even bother writing to real people properly anymore. I would abbreviate my texts and use symbols to shorten stuff. I didn't bother explaining to people what the symbols meant (because they were too stupid in my eyes - peak psychosis). I ended up in a psych ward, but never was treated for the actual problem. I only realized a few weeks ago when the term AI induced psychosis was coined, that what I experienced was exactly that. Everything got faster and faster. My brain wasn't able to keep up anymore. The information flood just made me break down. This is the first time I am talking about this and actually admitting to myself that this happened to me is quite freeing. I still use Gemini quite heavily, it gives quite "profound" answers some times.

My last trips felt like this: No words.

Who is understanding?