ValiantSalvatore

The title might be slightly inaccurate. I just wanted to hear some different perspectives on this situation. I will keep this short. I meet someone in a bar she asked me for my number. She was slightly intoxicated I did not want to drink alcohol during this time. So, kept a clear head and just observed what was going on all around. She was very nice had a few cocktails we chatted she gave me her number or rather asked if she could have mine not sure anymore. Happened last year almost two. We chat during the time I traveled (also before and after...) and she got interested asked me to meet. I was just looking for a friend since I don't have a lot of female friends and wanted simply just to have more female friends. So, in retrospect, I was quite detached of the outcome even though sometimes not, since this was the only girl who I was chatting with. Ok, so meet a different girl during traveling awesome personality very similar also a lot of intriguing differences. Went out a lot as friends since this was in China and we both come from the same country. Visited her in the country she is studying now and had a great time there. Now, I asked the girl from china if we can meet she has no time. Exams etc and was hella needy since I like her a lot and asked her to join me and friends for a vacation trip, but she works during this time + some other stuff and rather wanted to stay at home with the family. The other girl wants/ed to meet now and I will definitely meet her to see what she is like and possibly stay friends because this is actually what I wanted in the first place. Maybe I am weird on this. Ok, so I will get to the point. Important note: first the girl kind of agreed to join but then basically said no. I really liked the Alan Watts and in one of his audiobooks, he talks about thinking things right through... kinda funny saying this now. So, I try to think of all variables that can influence a relationship especially parts about myself and here is the part where we go into self-actualization. Also, I write these things down in my journal and actually really think a lot about how things would turn out with a person, it would not change if there were more girls who I am dating. Of course, I would only do this for the women I am interested in. I don't know what to think of this reading over this, I imagine people saying why did you no go for her when you like her and visited her? Or you are being way too needy and should meet a lot more girls. Or simply be happy to meet the other girl ( maybe not on this forum). I will definitely agree on being too needy. I was not going for her because first I had that thought of being too needy. Second, we both are quite young and don't really know what we want or rather would like to options or focus on something more or less important like studies or friendships or simply hobbies and goals. When I "think things through," I think that the girl from china could really be one person I would enjoy spending a lot of time with in a relationship. But, I also like this point of view from Alan Watts again if you know how things would end what surprise what be there in the end? And I kept thinking about this and though even when I think about all variables political views, views on god, status, ethnicity, interests and hobbies etc etc. I would never know what will happen with any of the girls I would meet in the future , yet I have to say you can get a good glimpse of the ups and downs with that particular person. What would you do in this situation? Focus on reading, studies, and hobbies? Or focus on relationships solely and try to get a girlfriend? I seem way to needy. But, I always have this in the back of my mind so, I am aware of boundaries and even though it might sound weird are in some way detached or another. There is way more I would like to write but I think this is a good overview of the situation. Any thoughts are appreciated, critique valued and respected. Tbh, I think I will just focus on studies and travel to get new perspectives and try to keep in touch with both of them ideally with one as girlfriend sooner or later and the other one as a friend... you can guess who. Also, if this should not happen it's hella fine even though it hurts and this would be the part where I would talk about unconditional love, but talking about it wouldn't make any difference if it is existent in my life or not. I am just an idealistic idiot so yeah.

@Bodhi123 Ok, I got obsessed with a detail again. Thanks, this is great to know. I was moving already into the direction of being aligned with my values, yet I will fall off track most likely often as it has happened before yet this is good to refine the process. Still have a long way to go.

Yesterday I watched Leo's video where he reveals his life purpose and it got me motivated to refine mine. So, I sat down for about 2 - 3 hours with Leo's video in the background and searched for ways how to write a better vision for life. ( I will not call it life purpose at least for me it is a vision of how I want to live). I was quite skeptical if writing a vision will really help me to accomplish my goals and yes I write my goals down, yet I am not reviewing them as meticulously as I could or should. I journaled a lot the last two years and so I also thought this will be a bit easier since I tend to keep thinking about this stuff quite often. Took me 2h to get moving to write and about 45 min to write the vision. I see people creating a vision board, so I searched for any scientific evidence that this stuff works and found something to the contrary. That a vision board could be detrimental or rather only focusing on the big picture and to not visualize the behaviors, actions, and processes that can make your vision happen. I took the advice from the article and tried to combine both. into my vision the big picture and the detailed steps to achieve the goals. How often do you guys think on should look and read his life purpose to stay on track? What did work and did not work for you while following your vision what were the things that had been detrimental to achieving your vision? Was it the way you wrote down your vision? Consistency ? Not reviewing goals? Having too high expectations? Last two years I wrote 2 or 3 what will I do in 5 years "vision" that approximately have been the same on paper. I still feel that I am moving closer to it but I also can sense that somehow things can go wrong and that I have not been able to fully achieve what I have written down. So.. what are your thoughts on even creating a vision and not fully achieving it did it help to get closer? What could you have done better ? etc etc Don't know if links are allowed on this forum. http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/create-a-vision-for-the-life-you-want.html https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-blame-game/201205/throw-away-your-vision-board-0

Hey, is anyone familiar with shadow work ? I am currently doing the 3-2-1 Process and I am not sure how often I should do it each week. What are you experiences with shadow work and what kind of other process are there to do shadow work ?

There are a few people I notice who definitely (of course you can never tell 100% ) do not know a lot or even anything about self-actualization in combination with spiritual growth or working toward enlightenment. Why do some of them seem to grow so fast without all of this information ? Or am I just being delusional . I get this feeling everytime I believe to see people who are working on their interpretation of self-actualization without meditation or any form of contemplation. That they just deny that part of "themselves". And are completly ignoring that feeling and going immediately back to their way of conducting thier lives which has been imposed upon them by society , parents , themselves etc.. So, this is probably a petty ego reaction still (from me ) but why do these people grow or seem to grow faster than me ? And why is it so difficult to meet people who are either unconsciously or consciously on the same path. I've meet people who are geniuently authentic most of the time I don't think you can be authentic the whole time, without being enlightent even if that would only be an idea or perspective I hold. Before this turns into a self-help crying session what are your thoughts on people who grow unconsciously and consciously what are the key differences and charateristics these people have ? Edit: Of course that can also be just my unconscious perspective assuming that other people are unconscious. Does it not take consciousness to see and recognize unconsciousness and also does it not take consciousness to deny consciousness or unconsciousness ? Lol ?

@Loreena It is not them . I feel happy for the lucky people, most of my professors are like this(And these are some of the people to who I feel a connection.). They just seem very wise and have a lot of live experience and most of the qualities mentioned by you. What is meant is, people who are also growing still immature and yeah seem to be the perfect pick. The typical high school popular guy or girl. I got to knew the kind of people I am referring to and they do not even greet me or look at me now and I did nothing. I can critize myself for that I did not provide value, I am very good at listening and most of the time give some insights into peoples emotions, yet they do not seem to care even when I listened and funnily after that seemed more interested but it is like their ego is in their way of acknowledging something that I have and they don't. They are stuck somewhere... more on a moral level instead of an interpersonal. (Where I am growing so it might seem to me that they are more developed). They definitely can't handle their emotions, yet they seem to be on a good way to do that and I am nowhere near the mastery of my emotions although I am becoming and being pretty independt in that case. People validate and it is like yeah thanks and I smile and that is it lol.

@Nahm Yes that is a possibility. I hope it works out for both tbh.

@SLICKHAWK That is definitely the feeling I get with some people especially when I meet them. Some come from an conditioned state and some from a place heartfelt. That is the best way I can describe it. Or it is similiar to a state of flow. Well.. how fast a have grown is also relative. I can say I have come pretty far depending where I was , yet I do not want to go back to that lazy attitude and that is why I am continuing implementing and working stuff related to personal development. I journal a lot. I can definitely tell that I am not a "being" , "god", "atman" and what other names there are. Sometimes I get the feeling of it and I am grateful for that. So, I guess the question would come back to as what do I see myself ? Pretty much the notion everyone else gave me and seeing it through to some degree at the same time ? Or I don't know who I am. That would basically it and I think both is true for me now at the moment. Thinking does not really help here. That is why I would like to go to a meditation retreat. Yet, I still seem to care more about the outer world lol. Which I also have been denying.

That would be great, finding a study group. I did the course learning how to learn at coursera and at one point they said you pretty much learn all those lessons the hard way. That's what I really do not like about learning things online through videos or shortcuts they help a lot. Still, I feel or think that my brain switches into default mode and forgets the lessons most of the time till they are needed. For example studying with the recall method. I do that with test a lot but only with tests and not with notes. That's basically how I prepare and write down answers tbh I felt like I could have aced that test. I just did not practice enough. I hoped to fall through the test so I could write it again and write a better mark, it was easy I took to long to answer each question because some days of practice were missing. I always keep in mind the Dunnig-Kruger effect so I hope I am not to biased on this part. Still, I believe it was not that difficult and that's why I want to see the exam and to see what kind of mistakes I did. @Christian Thanks for the tip and in general for all the responses. I will definitely use the tip with spaced repetition and active recall or questioning method with the notes I took that day. Did not think of that and it will definitely help.

Hey, the first semester of college just ended for my pretty much today. I would like to get some feedbacks on things I have been implementing because I definitely did not achieve what I planned for this semester. In one subject I recived an equivalent of a GPA of 3.0 and overall it is now around 2.0. Which is definitely not what I had in mind or as a goal. I study mostly 2-4h a day, each week and on saturday. Sundays most of the time not. I have always been a roller coaster student and never been an over-achiever somehow average or above average sometimes and I am ok with that. Besides in 6th grade I was one of the best students in class lol. Back to the question, so I study 2-4h a day and take notes in class attend most classes one I did not take mondays because I would go home over the weekend and I only had one lecture on monday. So, I learned instead most of the time and went back to the city I was studying at this day there were some others classes I skipped because I was overwhelmed with the amount of work we had to do especially with the design class. ( It is a computer science "related" major.) After getting a couple results now from the exams. I was suprised that I did so poorly in one class, one result is still missing and in math I received a GPA of 1.7. I set a high goal for myself in math, yet after studying with a friend. I noticed that it will not be possible to achieve that and set an more achievable. Which was to pass the test with a decent grade. 1.7 is not so decent I don`t know I was just happy to pass the class. I was not able to keep up with the speed of the material presented and the exercises were harder than the actual test out of the 12 exercises sheets ( or however you call them in eng). I finished 4 of them. Math is weird I understand the concept but don't know how to apply the idea and a lot of fundementals are still missing. Or I don't understand it at all because the material was presented to fast and I did not study a lot or focused on a different subject which "seemed" more relevant at times. Now I recived a 1.3 GPA at technical computer science I don't know exactly how to translate. We learned what grey-code is huffmann encoding how mealey automats work, converting binary to dezimal,hex,octal how to read the ASCII table, boolsche algebra, how to create combinational circuits etc. etc. Just to give an idea what we actually did. I did every exercise sheet beside one and we get "bonus points" which go into the actual grade we recive from the exam. I also did not do very well on them, still I understood the concepts, mostly I struggled with small things and mathematical rules (distibutive law and others ) and I don't know how it is in the U.S in Germany we have the right to see the results from the exams. Guess the same applies for the U.S and I want to see were I messed up. I did not party or wasted my time mindlessly playing video games since my pc is at home. On weekends I played since I was home then and only after I finished studying or directly when I came home and studied afterwards. So let's say I reduced it by 70-80% I used to play to much. Considering I did not party, do drugs, studied 2-4 hours on average and up to 8h a day for exams1 week before the test. Is the result I received just ? I feel people think I am weird and most of them do not engage or talk with me and when we talk it's like all their flaws come out sometimes. Even though I am quite good socially I don't get along with my peers. It is like a curse from the past since I have been very negative then and people tell me all the time why I look so serious and I start laughing everytime because I am quite happy now since I am meditating for 2 almost two years now. What I want to say is basically because of that I was not able to form a study group. Ok, before this post get's to long again what do you think about the situation I am in and how "well" I did for the first semester. ( I watched all of Leo's video about school and studying 2-4 times each).

Thanks for the reply. I read it a couple of times now over the last days. The first time I read it it felt like a post or something you would read from Deepak Chopra so well thanks for that. I will take my chances with the girl who is interested, kinda tired of hiding inside a shell. The part of intelligent person that has a lot of potential I take that with a grain of salt since that is something you can say to everyone just to build them up. Even if that was the intention thanks lol. As far as passion goes this is one reason why I want to buy the life purpose course, I contemplated death a couple of times and kept journaling looked into the past what I liked as kid etc. Following somethings I am "passionate" about today, learning chinese and learning java programming are two things I want to do right now. Still there is so much more I want to do so I can't really decide. I like the perspective of Alan Watts everything in the end is utterly meaningless, wether I am going to become a billionair or learn to speak chinese fluently or create the life that I always wanted. In the end it will be gone. So now he says... This is awesome ! When nothing matters why not choose and do the things you really like and love doing even when they don't matter you are making the experience now! That is at least what I think. Back in school we had the topic ethics. What are or is ethics ? Our teacher handed us a sheet and the explanation there was " To make life as pleasant as possible ". So this is pretty much the philosophie I follow. Hope this gives something back I don't know what if this is of any value to you lol.

Hey, I've been following this channel for quite some time now and I am quite done now how things are and just need a different perspective on things or some guide/mentor on the current life situation and a couple of people. I started meditating now almost two years ago mainly because I was not happy how things were in my life. Then I found Leo's channel and was first pretty pissed off how he talked to his audience or rather to my "ego". I failed school in Germany it is a bit different here so, I had to volunteer for one year or do an internship to get a degree to go to university/college which I did. After failing school I was pretty down and just went on how things were. Which seemed to not to work out which is why I choose to watch "spiritual" talks and self-improvement videos. Things which made me mess up school were. - smoking - smoking weed - not learning - not going to school - not being able to handle emotions - not knowing how to learn - partying, hanging out with the wrong people I basically just fell through the oral examination everything else I passed not even with bad grades like a B in computer science a B- C+ in English and economics I messed up so it`s basically a D- if even or smth. After the failed exams I "volunteered" at the hospital for one year to get the degree. Which was pretty much an eye opener to see how a corporation works and working for the firs time of my life. Long story short I started a meditation practice and they also send you to seminars so, I was starting to be able to be more socially active and also I stopped smoking weed and cigarettes it is over a year since then. And also started journaling. Now I had to decide what I wanted to do with "my life" let`s say it like this lol. Either way start an apprenticeship or start studying. I choose none of these, instead I choose to travel and went to china but before I had 6 months of free time. I read watched a lot of videos and bought books for about 300 euro and choose to "invest" in myself. I did not read all of them and now I just have horrible time management and I am still struggling to implement that habit. A couple of books just to give an overview (also have an audible account which I also mention here aka the books ) Alan watts You are it, Stephen Covey 7 habits of highly effective people, Viktor E. Frankel A man's search for meaning, Dale Carnegie How to win friends and influence people and how to stop worrying, Jonathan Heidt The happiness hypothesis, 2 books more on happiness from Leo's book list and more. I really wanted to know what doI want to do with my life and not shit piss it away like I am still doing to a degree and just really enjoyed reading all of these books and developing. Especially I enjoyed the books of alan watts I really enjoy his philosophy or just listen to him. For instance Live is utterly meaningless... so why not create the best and most enjoyable live that you can exactly because everything vanishes at one point. ( Not an exact quote). So.. back to the story I went to china for 6 months and lived there in Beijing I paid an agency which helped me organize things and get an internship there ( which was horrible paid ofc ) and helped me finding an apartment. I saved money from the federal voluntary service in the hospital to pay for this and my mom and dad supported me. China was amazing so many new people and being in Beijing with 20 milliom+ people coming from a small town with 100k. Beijing is vast the hectic lifestyle, so many people in the subway so many lights and sounds and ah people. I worked at an office writing product descriptions in English and communication was mainly in English I learned and still learning a bit Chinese. Meet very awesome and intelligent people there had great roommates and in general it was an awesome time to reflect, think, be free, enjoy and develop at the same time without even noticing it. (Side Note: did keep my meditation practice 1h a day while traveling I did lying meditation) I had to go to Korea to extend my visa for three days. I meditated at the river there after going for a jog I believe every day which was just freaking awesome. I loved it. Meet some very cool Norwegian people and had loads of fun interacting with all kinds of people from different places. I also meet one guy in Shanghai who gave me all of this journal entries ( pdf) from his travels in Japan and India. He traveled inside Japan with a bike which he luckily received from a couple of American's because you have to register bikes in Japan and need to have a residency. He slept outside in a tent. I feel bad not reading all those journal entries yet. This guy had nothing to loose and just did whatever he wanted with the amount of money he had available. He also meditated and lived in an ashram for one year and I was actually able to hold a conversation with a person about things that interested me during this time and not talk about games, brands, people, work etc. After coming back to Germany the first thing which surprised me how many or how diverse people are here especially in my hometown with diverse I consider their ethnic background here. I am half white, half black Germerican. ( Learned English in school hate it when people ask me if I can speak English fluently or take it for granted that my English "should" be good just keep the later statement the first is actually ok nvm). This has always like racism been a topic for me I just really was surprised how many "foreigners" there are here. I can't really tell what I learned from this journey. Of course, social skills got better and I lived for the first time alone and that in a different country. ( had to call coworkers to explain how the washing machine works lol ). I matured a lot and sometimes I feel I am just different than my peers. Because I meditate and reflect a lot mainly. I am currently into Ken Wilber's work which explains things a lot for me and why some people are just egoistic or stuck in egoic behaviors or in general extremely conditioned by society or parents etc. Let me finally get to the point why I am even writing this post. I am now at University studying a major which is relatable to computer science with some aspects of business. I feel/t horribly stupid and looked into imposter syndrome. Also took before going to China even a course learning how to learn and a grammar English course online. I just feel like I can't keep up with them I watched Leo's video about acing school, studying etc.. ( The two videos about school) a couple of times, did the exercise two times. Did value exercises or the test online with books like authentic happiness and contemplated about them a lot during day to day live. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or waste time playing endlessly video games I quite TV 2 years ago because after reading 1984 I just saw how people get manipulated and how it shapes their identity how they act, think, speak etc. This is insane. I still know that I am a product of past conditioning especially of society in my case lets say. The notions about mixed people or how they treat me is not very nice. Racism is extremely subtle or can be and I notice it almost every day. I can't change it I can work on myself to not let if affect me so more which it does. Okay back again to university right now we are in the exam phase and I messed up math or did not study well enough today. Which just triggered me and led me to write this post. I implemented the advice from Leo and started studying 2-6 hours a day depending on how much needed to be done. Some stuff was just undoable I do not know what they expected of us and how we should be able to manage this amount of knowledge. The exercises for the cs class took to much time and we also had design classes in which we learned photoshop etc. Which sucked up the most time for all of the students this is known around the campus. I just feel very stupid and to be honest, would like to increase intelligence I read so much about IQ on Quora and scientific papers. Basically yeah I am just not going to talk about it read it for yourself. What definitely has gotten better is concentration and will power thanks to meditation. Our professor showed us the statistic of students who are going to fail exams this year. One-quarter is going to fail and while continuing to study during the next semesters most people will not be able to stay on track and fall behind and repeat a semester. So I set a goal at the beginning to not fail exams and to write better marks than expected. I asked a friend who is good in math because this is my weakest subject to help me study. She helped me a lot and while working on the 4th of 11 exercises sheets she just canceled all of the future learning together's sorry my brain is getting tired. I did so much for design and tried to keep up with computer science that I had not much time for math I learned an hour here and then between the times where I had not so much to do. Learning math alone is possible actually yet some topic like combinatorics I just do not get them. Logical thinking is under-developed I have no idea why I do not get it. I also do not recognize the patterns in them which I am actually kinda good at. I am tired of being not a good student or doing poorly in school/uni especially because I was one of the best in 5th and 6th grade if that counts. I had a lot of potential that did not develop this is what pisses me really of. There are many reasons for this ofc. this is also my fault. People always tell me why I am so hard on myself. I am way kinder than I used to be still I am hard on myself. I have so many insecurities I think and doubts. I never had a girlfriend. Of course, watched Leo's videos on that lol took only one site of notes though. A girl asked me to meet because we have been chatting for some time(a year..). I have a lot of thoughts on my mind like people who even make the effort to read this can tell. I am just at a point where I can't tell if I am ready to enter a relationship because I do not want to play around or have anything too serious. I am able to commit I can tell that and see what it will if we both are able to enjoy just what is or not. I am completely fine with that. Still, I have doubts like what is if she is too smart and we are not able to hold a decent conversation. Or how we would be judged as an interracial couple and the kind of looks that we would get ( she white). I am sensitive to emotions in the environment you can laugh I don't care lol my intuition about people and situations that involve people, only people are spot on. 90% + After reading about body language and the increased amount of empathy I have now which also results from meditation just skyrocketed intuition. I can even tell that some Professors are just behind on some levels of development for instance morally thanks to Ken Wilber's work if this is true or not I don't know. Currently, I am seeing through this lens and want to see if any of this work from Ken Wilber is beneficial or even valid. If someone has actually some papers on the research he talks about I would be glad if someone sends/shares the link. Also, I see Professors who are either on the same level or above and I get along with them extremely well still I am shy so I do not approach them or ask things like. Do you meditate lol. So I can definitely tell that I still have a lot of work to do on some levels. I imagine someone commenting this and ask myself what is he supposed to reply or answer to? This is just a mess of weird experiences, stories and reflections/thoughts. I am struggling to deal with one manipulative girl lets just assume that I know a bit and read a bit about manipulation and especially passive-aggressive behavior. I never saw a person who can make you feel so good and see your vulnerabilities at the same time not give a shit about you even when you cared or listened to her, be deep and so superficial at the same time. Talk behind people's back ( she stopped now I believe) and care about them or just show that you care about them at the same time. I just want to know how to deal with such people she is smart and to a degree emotionally very smart but has no real self-awareness just how she "wants to be perceivedf" or how other perceive her through their image of her. You can take this with a grain of salt, of course, I do not know everything about this person and I live by the motto forgive but don't forget. I got to know her and I penetrate under the surface real quick because I want to bond with people on an emotional level and hate superficial small talk. Which can be appropriate at times yet there is a difference between judging small talk or just talking about experiences and things... she did the latter to an extreme. Even her friends said this was insane. She is changing now and I hope she gets whatever she wants. I want to know how to deal with such a person in the future? Also if someone is capable or wants to or has the time to comment on this and give me a different perspective or way on how to deal with. School, life in general, girls, relationship's etc. in context ofc... I am very thankful and appreciate it a lot. ( I will probably buy the life purpose course because I am sick of doing things not 100% committed this is not the best motivation and I will find intrinsic one) I am out. lol enough