ValiantSalvatore

Short journal entry: max 15min time. I am cooking tea right now and have classes around 11:45. I will write down my daily schedule in my bullet journal and have a bowl of oats with dried fruits in front of me. One trick I know is to use peanut butter which is a tip from JP to add enough calories till lunch time. Especially if you eat early in the mornings around 07:00 to 08:00. It's very good and will last approx to 12:00. I don't have peanut butter currently, so I am eating more oats. I am done with the inner engineering course and I am still debating what I want to do with the extra 30 minutes that I plan in the morning. I tend to want to do stretching exercises for half an hour, so I can finally sit in a full lotus position and be ready to tackle yoga in all of it's forms. But I mainly want to do Hatha. Hatha yoga and mindfulness meditation seem to be a perfect adjust to western culture and it's problems, especially without being demonized and people talking behind one's back in a way that is too dogmatic. The inner engineering course suprised me a bit. It is definitely not good to learn pratices, I can learn them for free on the net. I noticed this but was too attached to the idea to learn from courses and not rely on stage orange learning from my own thinking and experience and trusting it. Which is a secular approach or a secular value, which also can be highly dogmatic. See any cs student who wants to become king of the hill! In his or her own practical way! Hail pragmatism! Now I wanted to write a post about asking how to deal with darkness while meditating, it still scares me so much sometimes. Depending on which shades of shadow I see and form, my imagination goes "bonkers". I see the devil with horns, evil Christian stuff thanks to this great great culture, goats with horns, golum, all of this stuff in my imagination I see reflected in the forms of visual shadow when I open my eyes at night and meditate. I tell myself it's a figment of imagination, it's not real or it's fine, it's just a shadow etc. Yet, I don't have a very good framework to deal with darkness. Somehow my timer did not track to block the site... I want to study therefore I am going to close this site and start planning my day and get the studying done. I want to create, meaningful experiences, and deal with the inevitability of meaninglessness, I want to have great friends, I want to create the life that I want, I want to be excellent in what I do, I want health, I want joy, I want consciousness, I want peace, I want to love, I want all of it ! I want life to be the way that I want it to! I want idealism. I want perfection. I want happiness. I want to live in and see beautiful cities and sceneries. That is about it for now.

Definitely goosebump feelings

I know I journal a lot I start to enjoy this since this keeps me accountable. Normal journaling is nice, yet I feel oversaturated doing it because I journal for quite some time now physically. What do I want to write about: Workout, Studying, Productivity, Uni First workout. I finished my workout today but was a bit disappointed, yet I just checked this site. https://strengthlevel.com/strength-standards/deadlift/lb I am not doing that bad but I never tested my maximum "total" rep, I deadlift with about 60 - 70 kg without counting the pole for 8 reps. My max that I tested where 80 or 90 kilos, but I can do I guess around 120kg 2 times, I will test this next time for curiosities sake. Studying: I am doing fine, for now, I finished 4 study session so that is 3 h coding in java, I am not making progress I understand the code so far, yet I don't understand what he wants with his script, I bought the recommended book and they have an example of my project, yet with a different paradigm. Now, I will definitely test this and found one site from an American university which is amazing, they explained have a really good code example and do exactly what I imagined how the project will look like, yet they did not care about Exceptions and Throws etc. I am still new to all of this, I still regret my choice of major, but all in all, it is not that bad. I checked again for a couple of unis for my masters, there are so many options. Also, my friend who wrote the paper accepted my request that he teaches me and we code together, python and more a.i topics. So, I will get into convolutional neural networks for two weeks approx and then start my internship if everything works out perfectly. So, I will learn some deep concepts in android programming during the internship and would like to get into machine learning and a.i but. Even when I see projects papers etc. I have no clue what I am getting into still it fascinates me so much. All the questioning and thinking I like it also to ponder about it after a study session. Productivity: I noticed that I have 16h of waking time. But I only study for approx 4-5h on a free day, with lectures I study approx the same amount of time including lectures. I stick to the calnewport advice for and also for my masters. Let's say I hit a 5h study day. With 50 min breaks total. That would amount to this current structure. 2 h morning routine, 1h30 meditation (inner engineering meditating while listening to the old man ), shower 30 min Breakfast cooking tea writing a post here 9:30 Study approx 3 session 3h 12:30 Cook and eat 13:45 approx Study again 3 sessions 16:45 Gym go home, shower, eat chill 10 -15 min 16:45 - 18:20-30~ 18:30 - 19:00 ( ideal) walk outside Cook tea 3 study sessions (the last session no break as always !) 21:50 Go to bed, write post here, 10-15 min, read a bit and go to sleep. 22:05 - 22:30 This would amount to on a Sunday and Saturday or a day without lectures. So that would actually be a 10h study day if everything works out perfectly. 9 h of study sessions with each 3 session study session amounting to 20 min of breaks and then moving on to the next task. In 10 min approx. So, 8h 30 (7h 30 focused attention hm...) being in front of the computer. lol I am doing 4-5h. If I do another 3 sessions today then I am at 7h of studying effectively 350minutes 6h of studying almost a day. Without breaks. When I finish the last three study sessions today. Yet, I am exceeding my timer vastly. So, hm... not sure I like the structure, but not sure if feasible or if I am overdoing it. For an exam period, it is definitely okay, but I feel I can tickle a thing or more out of this structure, but mainly things like ordering notes, preparing exercises, doing mock exams. I am still not very good on that, notes yes, doing mock exams yes. Preparing for exercises eh.. hell no! Not yet! I will do some of it soon. I call friends and family sometimes during breaks for some social interactions. I kicked two friends out of my life and I can't stand orange/green tendencies and complacency, hedonistic decadence also orange arrogance is annoying and drives toxicity and gossip. (Different story) But, I am happy most here are greenish~ but there is a strong blue/Orange, Orange/blue shadow. Although I forgot the description of Orange blue... Let's see I want to utilize the deep breaks for watching infotainment and I use my notepad for that. But for now I want to continue with this structure I am getting out of this laziness and more into doing, the exercising discipline and shinzen meditation structure is fantastic. Now, I feel I can live the life many of my achieving peers do. And yes I am integrating a lot of orange success etc, but more principle-based and not unconscious automatic habitually learned and playing power games, things are done for the sake of doing things. Chop wood and carry water.

I set a 10 min timer. I tend to forget that reflection is a constant and ongoing process, I could "thank" the Ni Ti loop even if I never read much about it or rather the loop of Ni vs Se observation for letting me constantly recycle my cycle of what I know and don't. I will start studying today at 10:10 in the morning. I am now in day 6 of the inner engineering course, sadghuru shows some nice insights into the Indian culture and their "traditions" or "secular" mode of presenting tradition in a secular way. Therefore... opening op the possibility and room for greens to explore, orange to think it's potentially the "way" to x etc. For yellow to explore the complexity of these systems especially if you want to conflate with physiological mechanisms as I want to do. Yesterday my "Saturday" stroll reminded me of how much I loved to live and be in Beijing and London also Paris, yet not as long. I long for that experience, yet I know I'll miss the nature of the more rural region as I often have. Because we often visited friends of my family and they lived in a small village. They ... had a hill right across their backyard towering over the scenery. I loved... (classic insight) How it always seemed that there is something behind. I love exploration and curiosity it is my top value and or rather strength I revisited this now for 3 years approx and it still ranks and is in my top 3 most of the time top 1 strength. Therefore learning about things that are valued by culture or an individual is highly "addictive" for me. Reading about the body, yoga, physiology, techniques, history, culture etc. Even if these are "more" "green" stuff. I love it and I am certainly not denying that. Otherwise, I found two new sites to order nootropics from. Iherb and nootropics depot, one is a seller in Spain the other in the U.S in Arizona. Looking forward to my workout today lifting some weights this time, deadlifts, bench presses and "barbell curls" I think. I feel I am getting more and more on track with life and notice how important it is as an introvert to life recluse, especially after sadguru spoke about the benefits of silence and creation. Yet, I am going overboard with my literal descrption.. say what you mean. I mean that I noticed that being introverted and spending time alone as a "social" introvert I notice that I need to and want to keep working away at something, then I feel and can act as a recluse philosopher or seeker not being in much contact with people for weeks, etc. It does not bother me as much, yet I still ... want my serotonin hits and therefore sometimes call a friend. Still, there has been a lot of change now the groundwork of new change begins while I am embodying old things. Let's see how well this goes, I am definitely optimistic and two minutes over my schedule lol.

Now I originally set a 30-minute timer but, I do not want to have too many timers on my phone. One is for deep work one is for deep breaks, I can get so much done and stop feeling distracted solely, by not doing the 45min, 5 min, 45 min, 15 min cycle switch. Short reflection of the day. Some things that I feel is that I start to truly miss my teens, just by listening to music All the dreams, hopes and youthful spirit it's still there without a doubt, I sometimes think that I am still pitting myself, while I worked through a lot of this let alone through the kriya experience, I can still recall the incident as it was caused two times by the same sense which was sound. On time hearing shinzens voice, and the other time my mom walking into the house. I am happy that I can do another retreat in August again and even September, yet with facilitators. Would be quite interesting to see what they teach instead of shinzen and how the approach techniques. I truly love this British pop-rock stuff so much, it reminds me of the days where we played soccer or I just even played FIFA with friends or alone going through the day, I never noticed that life itself can be gamified even though I always wished it, I never implemented. Yet, this is what I feel that I am doing now more and more, reaping, for instance, the serotonin and dopamine hits, solely through for instance using a public journal which would boost, my self-esteem and also raises my confidence. I read a book called positive computing which I bought in the Oxford library when I lived in London for two months. The book said that for instance when you play video games with a friend through building competence you increase the quality of eudaimonia and that good gamification and websites and in general products focus on the concept of eudaimonia which means well-being. Otherwise, in my deep breaks, I only read for 10 minutes in a book. Which I wanted to do because calnew port recommended it that you could do that and I still want to read more. I studied today approx for 4h without counting breaks amounting to 4h deep work and 50 minutes of deep breaks. The procrastination level was okay today, not all too disturbing having some good music in the background without vocals is a pleasant working environment. I ordered a couple of books the religion of tomorrow by Ken Wilber and a book from Martin ball. I also wanted to buy nootropics from this new seller https://nootropicsdepot.com/ (not new), their products seem to be quite good, still, MindNutritionUk has the best lions mane extract with 20:1 ratio is just nuts, dual extraction is apparently not very effective for lions mane for various reasons. Anyway, it's an extraction method that utilities hot water and ethanol (alcohol) for extraction, instead of solely hot water which already kills all of the vitamins such as for e.g vitamin b(x). Otherwise, I truly had a more of a no-self day, not sure it is because I drank almost 4.5 liters of green tea and my nootrpics already contain 200mg of l-theanine, I read in some old forum post that 500mg is supposed to be excellent for sleep, now mind I brew green tea at 80 degree celsius which apparently ( I found out today) is good to permeate the water with more l-theanine (some poly chemical from tannins ). More existential stuff: I noticed I become less attached to knowledge and seeking knowledge, it does not bother me as much anymore and studying does not trigger me not much, sometimes the effort, so I am definitely and yes definitely and yes definitely still attached to effort. Otherwise, I feel my body is less me, it feels as if I am moving towards no-self or the theanine amount today was just so high that I was in a very high meditative state. I walked outside for half an hour and strolled through the campus, in this state, it felt quite surreal. There is one small spot I like to go since you can see a couple of hills, the forest and a clear view of the sky. The trees and the hills looked so alive, it's was in 4k not HD. For example, remember walking around with mind fog all day? How blurry reality felt? I am sooooooooooo happy that this is gone. It's so rare that I even feel brain fog or mental turmoil of some perceived nebulous entity running wild in my skull. I noticed that I do not see my body and my brain today as one unit, as I see my legs, my arms and my body. It was seperated from my body and especially the parts, where the reptilian brain, vagus nerve and the cerebellum reside and the other part of the brain "in the back" that I forgot. For instance, the reptilian brain (I hope I am not making simplifications) is responsible for gulping and breathing. Which is noticeable, I feel a lot of physical flow in that area and label this part correctly as such. (Blue/orange what isness.... -> my region) This is about it. Of what I want or could want to write for now. The internship that I am doing on campus with the prof, is run by a company whiches owner has had some weird unexpected cancer found....... inside of him. His body was paralyzed and they even said chemo a low probability to help in the situation. He made it through with some weird drug cocktail and now he works on bio and nanotechnology and quantum computing (IIRC) and has an engineering degree. My prof had an accident and was operated ( as I wrote in a post above please read about personality types of you project at this point u don't understand Fe vs Fi ... which is not so tricky but ok), sooo... we! skyped and told me about all of the changes that took place in the company, that the investor jumped off and now he wants to run things with students, the level of complexity of the tasks is high to decent? Some of the stuff is in advanced google courses, yet no idea how difficult it will be, yet time-consuming. Anyway, I've gone off topic. I wanted to write about something else oh yeah, about.... Meiosis, Recombination and outcrossing to recall what I learned in the deep break. Meiosis (for the brave reader sarcasm irony intended) is the act of a male or female species to fertilize their (germant oder eben scheiß Bakterium) sperm or ova. With either 75000 chromosomes of their parents, a mixture of the parents or only father or only mother, yet a mixture is usual ... and both do that! Also if they would not do that they would double the chromosomes passed to the next generation, since a fertilized cell is always (cough) diploid containing 46 chromsoms then, haploid germ cells (like sperm or the ova not fertilized ), so if both would pass on their genes with a diploid "cell" they would increase the gen pool. Therefore meiosis exists... the process of fertilization and either sending 75000 chromosomes to one ova or inside the sperm is already the reduction to a haploid set, which "recombines"... if I get the context from random websites + the book correct the new set of chromosomes. Which should be diploid meaning they have two chromosome sets. Outcrossing would be eliminating parts of the gene pool so the genes that were not chosen to be transmitted by the male or female species in their "germs". Took me 40 mins. 10 min for the last part with only googling diploid to check and ! fking transmitted für vererben... (the inner adolf lurks in all of us )

Found some very good and inspirational old songs.

Now the timer is running for a 15-minute block. I woke up at 06:00 as planned today and planned my day yesterday in advance. I am doing the inner engineering course, as only pratices currently they offer Upa Yoga and Aum Meditation and after each class there are bonus session of each class which contain videos from sadghuru answering various questions. Otherwise, I tried the upa yoga yesterday and noticed that my flexibility is not very good, I can do some of the exercises, but I can't, for instance, sit in a deep squad position my bum sitting at the level of my calves is too far down. I'll think about doing stretching exercises, I mainly meditate or use background practice when I listen to sadghuru. I feel like I have a lot of insights which are for me new patterns of existence perceived by the senses. I want to try to recapitulate what I can recall as insights. Doors open and doors close everything points towards an experience of no self, yet there is no self, to begin with. How many layers are there and what can I account towards saying, oh that is an experience, not influenced by ego. The thought is not ego, emotion is not ego, thinking is not egoic, action is not egoic, it all depends on your level of consciousness. There is a self a physical self, whether it's the brain, my knees, pain, my posture, the feeling of thought, the movement of breath etc. All of this what does it amount to currently? Senses gather intel and insights, they evoke insights and Intel, deep emotions, intuition, premonitions, action, reaction, quality, quantity, flow, isness, equanimity, etc. Still as I climb up the hill perceived behind that door, the door closes so fast behind me that I am stranded on the hill, the hill becomes an island, on the island I have to survive, there are less choices, what about doing nothing? Will it aid survival? Or is it just another pattern in human existence that has some purpose that can be transcended. Am I the victim or am I responsible for climbing down the hill or staying on the hill, to open another door? A door that maybe does not slam or a door that shows a new plane of existence, new meadows, new playing fields, a new game, a new level, a new island, a new hill, new land, new unexplored vast territory. What is a god? A perceived real sense of manifested and unmanifested consciousness in everything or just the sense and sensing of god as manifested consciousness in everything living, leaving out the unmanifested. That which does not live, breath, etc. Is a rock sentient? How do I know? By science? By modern NASA shirt wearing kids? Is that all there is apparently, or is my Blue/orange collective regional unconsciousness manifesting?

I set a 15-minutes timer for now. Now, today I only studied for 2h 20 approx. which is not very good yet, otherwise I will do two study session adding to 4h. I went to the gym today and had an easy exercise routine. Otherwise, I am understanding discipline also, how important it is for me to read and that I feel so above other people, they can't grasp my understanding or insights anymore. Sure we talk, but it's a different level, I can't really find a person to talk to currently, besides the stable yellow people. I talked to someone who today in the gym who did Yoga since he was 13, I asked him which Yoga he told me ashtanga yoga or so, also that he has a book about it from his sister and it's his favorite book about Ayurveda or so, and told me about kundalini yoga. We are together in the Linux course and I never thought that he would practice yoga. He reminded me of an old Russian friend and they even have the same name. Yet, he was so non-caring it was sort of obvious that he is green. I really opened the box and told him a lot of what I think is a lot and named different buzzwords etc. Also, the guy who I called a white privileged asshole was in the gym, I really really hate the guy, I am up for some shadow work and will do a session today, he does not really trigger me but I get angry, he did not do what he was supposed to do for the group work and received a pretty good mark, because of our work. Also, he has to say the n*word for freedom of expression. Which is even fine in the correct context, but he does not hit the context. I disliked the guy from the beginning my intuition told me he is an asshole who abuses others unconsciously and does not notice it, through helping. He thinks he is open, but he is just a bad form of neutral. True neutrality goes way deeper, how about some choiceless awareness my friend? Anyway, I am not interested to get into victim mentality not sure if it is, it makes me angry that he does not see his own privilege and is being a wannabe condescending elite. Why do I say this? We went together to a concert, even if he is nice and such. I can't give him respect even if it is a stage red concept, it's part of the spiral, I can't respect some privileged fk kid who gets everything up to their ass and lets his team fail and bitches, but with people, he likes more he works more. Or they, just do more work than him. I really hope that I learn a lot during my internship and my bachelors in programming, I can't stand that he now starts to like it to and copied the living bitch out of my mentality, behavior, and hobbies. Even if this is partially a projection since his roommate also had an influence on him. Still, he is not racist, he is also not conscious enough to see his subtle classism, he also hangs out with the guy who posted the neo-nazi picture stomping a black person. I want to get rid of this hitlery and stop thinking about wannabe social justice heroes who are Green/orange people with a Blue/orange shadow. If our political system would not be so broad with so many parties building a pluralism in a federal state, people like him would vote for Trump if he grew up in the U.S, but the rise in green or orange/green is just too strong. It does not matter if you have the yellow cognitive capability, yellow morals or clean green morals, are also very important. Enough for today, up for some shadow work. I hope all of this will pay out at the end. I'll say it will!

Short entry the page will close in 8 minutes: I wanted to wake up at 06:00 and not at 06:05 or 06:10. I really am into sleep optimization this year I tracked my sleep with an app, even if the app is sort of good, I want to buy the ring the youtuber has to track deep sleep quality, since I don't want to sleep next to my phone. I accidentally somehow changed the alarm to 05:00 and I woke up and set an alarm to 06:00, also ... my compassion went a bit to far and I opend the door for the uni cat while I was already sleeping, so I tried to sleep because with him in the room which was okay even, but man this apartment is so small, Beijing and London even with a smaller room were better solely because of "king" sized beds... If I use this here correctly. Now, ... the cat has some wounds so I felt bad to not let him stay, but he left after 2 or 3 h then I woke up at 04:00 fully woke and thinking I was already sleeping for 6h and then at 5 the alarm rang. I then slept till 9:40 or so, today the Prof. canceled his class because he is being operated. Otherwise, I don't have many classes because one class is a project and various other reasons which I am getting out of now.. I want to buy some new nootropics the ones that I bought this and I can't find a good review. https://store.mindnutrition.com/formulas/neurodrive https://nootropicsdepot.com/ https://nootropicsexpert.com/best-nootropics/ (Check out links above (for me)) I liked the site a lot because they explain things in detail, yet I feel you need to be an expert to understand most of it, yet shows you your own groundwork and foundation you gathered about nootropics, since some reviews of the site are not that good, yet overall has a good reputation with 4 starts on Trustpilot and some reddit entries saying the site is good or they are ranting about delivery. Now, as a tiny review. It gives me a boost and I move my body more.

Doing a deep break for 10 min the website blocker stops at 8pm. Now I am getting more used to deep work I did this more frantically when I studied for exams. This time it's a little bit better I started two weeks in advance before I usually start and attended most lectures. Since I am not troubled any more by worries about my family and my future. Well, still a bit, yet meditation and especially exercises helped tremendously also the new situation "back" home. Otherwise short productivity report, potentially some time to write down what I read in the deep break pauses and overall the process. I studied approx for 5h and 50 min without counting in breaks today with the next study session for two exams then. Which is definitely a very good time, especially because it is structured. I did 3, 50-minute sessions in the morning and two the in the afternoon amounting to 4h and 10 min and now another 2 study session for another class amounting to 1h and 40 min. So, I had and will have had 1h and 10 for breaks. That is a lot of time that I can use more effectively. I did the Inner Engineering course this morning they have an Upa Yoga Class which are preparatory exercises for Yoga, I don't have access for to long, unfortunately, but fortunately, there are exercises for this for free and I thought about downloading an app, since the freeletics exercises coach with the app works great. I checked up on the exercises, yet time is up. The going to bed early habit was newly scheduled to my whiteboard today day one was a success.

@Zigzag Idiot Okay, not sure what to expect, thank you for your answer!

@Zigzag Idiot Not sure what Martin Ball is about I watched parts of the video again these weird hand movements that he does which change the recorded brain patterns, he did this in one video where he talked about emobdying non-dual energy. I am on my phone you can type it non-dual energy martin ball if you are interested. The video is title embodying non-dual energy. Around 10min or so he starts these weird "yoga" movements. I don't know enough about DMT, NN-DMT etc. What happend spiritualy to you after the trip? Or do you just get used to the level of consciousnsss? Or how does meditation feel like now or in general? I pretty much feel I "need" to either meditate a lot deeper and improve my posture to go deeper with a 90 min sitting or use LSD to acceses stages of consciousnes, I feel that I am embodying the insights still since I keep seeing the same patterns. But nothing new and no breakthroughs.

The timer will block actualized.org in about 8 minutes. I wanted to check my routine again and it worked today. I did not put on flight mode and the Dr. from the web series has a couple of videos more that I watched one where he talks about the benefits of cold showers and that gave me an impetus to do it again which I did this morning. I am still used to it, yet I have to adjust slowly, I never went for deep cold exposure for more than a minute, it was often a 20-30 second exposure to cold, I could aim for one minute but 20-30 seconds is fine. It's like my body tells me ok this is the threshold and I feel great now I can continue with my day or I feel rejuvenated and refreshed. Also from the video series of the Dr. he explained that vitamin c is a precursor to Serotonin which is the feel happy, well-being chemical IIRC which is also produced by the sun. That is why most likely I found it so helpful to take iron and vitamin c supplements in the morning. I bought the strongest dose of iron supplements, yet this will mess up digestion I pooped very metal like and often diarrhea like, because of the strong iron supplement. 50mg IIRC what I have now! Works way better than 100mg or whatever thing mg/mcg/nanogram etc. Melatonin secretion stops at 7:30 am, so this is where I often also stop feeling sleepy if I have woken up about an hour or so earlier. Also, I want to get more into biohacking and foods, especially smoothies, yet my fridge is so small it is not worth it for "survival" because of the veggies I store in it. .... Note I want to write about the inner engineering course from sadguru that I am taking

@Zigzag Idiot To let you know I never tried DMT or anything in that range only different versions of LSD, 1P-LSD, ETH-LAD, PRO-LAD, AL-LAD, etc. I want to test DMT, but not sure when LSD is "safer" I wanted to do a higher dose this time and better preparations.

Today I wanted to do a review of the idea from the in general design also from gamification and the audiobook atomic habits with environmental design. THEREFORE I WILL CLEAN MY ROOM! The important thing here is I want to clean my room because I have difficulties waking up at 06:00 am in the morning my environment is not very clean if I imagine or recall living in a hotel room most often the only thing that kept me from waking up early was either the other person wanting to also sleep longer or at one point the chaos and not caring. Otherwise, when the environment is clean I feel it could be easier to wake up, but why? First of all, you want to maintain it till it is not possible anymore because of the effort made if you cleaned your room, that is what I notice when I make my bed in the morning! Ta-da! No, but seriously I want to find some new ways to be and become more organized to prepare for my masters and for life, relationships, family, etc. Even if people are nice and such behavior and action is what people rate you on and... integrity and character for the more advanced people or seemingly advanced wanting to maintain their position for survival. Like the person who I had to work in a group with, just an insensitive dick at one point but fine and he did not do his work. Today, was very unproductive I overslept again and went to my class I was very tired and somehow need a new strategy, I feel I am becoming more and more disciplined, yet I definitely want to plan and become hyper-effective also for my LP. Some ideas I have for being more organized for me: -> Have a file cabinet -> Have a small box for electric devices -> Arrange posters, pictures, etc. not in some "random" cool way, yet have some structure and take your time, also NO RANDOM POST IT Notes anymore -> Accept chaos !!!!! Nr.1 principle lol -> When moving out definitely buy a very good desktop pc and a curved screen Otherwise, I have a small box for my table where I can place the office "utensils" in. Which is fine but I definitely want to have a small "drawer" no idea how to describe below my desk and put some folders inside them or even buy a complete file cabinet, I bought one small folder where I can place notes inside, yet it is a tiny bit tedious since it has small stickers which I have to put into foil to have a headline for the section... Otherwise, what I know about "environmental design" or ergonomics is that high-ceilings are good for creative and open-minded thinking, my favorite study location has this so this is good. Otherwise, I will come up with some ideas of my own, since I will clean my whole room afterward and ideally wash my clothes if there is some space on the drying horse... Tomorrow is a holiday here, so I am also taking it a bit to easy I only studied for one hour today. I also failed my 7-day challenge from day one, so I will forget that and my 30-day challenge with cbt and visualization is now in week 2 with every day being a success. Otherwise, when I wake up I see my vision board with a clean room it potentially will look better and give me an incentive to wake up. Also, I want to have a set routine when I wake up. I struggle with this, yet even small things matter such as opening the shutters for sunlight to stream in. Sleep My current morning routine: (if successful) Wake up Turn of alarm Open Shutters Go the bathroom Play a youtube video Shower Brush teeth Take nootropics Meditate Eat breakfast. I got distracted while doing this online journal, I will definitely set timers for shorter entries, yet today will be planning and rescheduling + cleaning my room. Mini-summary: This video had some good tips on how to deal with the circadian rhythm most things I already knew from reading online articles. Now for the idea of environment design, I definitely want to get some red light bulbs. And go for morning walks, this will come in handy when working out also in the morning which I am not currently aiming at. This video series is awesome! Mini-summary: Grounding is great for reducing EMF There are grounding mats Turn of wifi Turn phone to flight mode Deactivate all Bluetooth devices Rewatch Mini-Summary: Lymphatic system is responsible to get rid of toxins inside the body (apparently via white blood cells etc), Growth hormones are activated at night. There is daily DNA damage. Definitely, watch this. (Note I have so many YouTube playlist it's better when I list it here). Also, I will keep my posts long, therefore, I actively have to recall what I want to be looking for and search via the search function. No idea yet what could be done better but anyway. New waking up routine Wake up Turn of Alarm Turn off flight mode Make bed Bathroom youtube video Shower (ideally cold) Go for an outside walk 5-10min MAX!!!! Nootropics Meditation Breakfast New going to bed routine (Visualization) Turn on flight mode (Turn on Audiobook) Sleep (Use meditation techniques to fall asleep while in bed) Now I will clean my room I definitely want to think more about "environmental design" I want to buy a flower again mine died...

@Zigzag Idiot Potentially it is like a virtual trip sitter I never thought about it that way lol. I only saw the interview with Leo and the 5-meo brain-machine testing and the weird video. So, also I am not very familiar with Martin Ball and his content .

@Zigzag Idiot I watched Leo's video on his blog about machine elves and listened to Terrence Mckeannas YouTube videos of Lizard Land, it sounded absurd when I heard it. I talked to one guy during a zen retreat who told me he was thrown into hyperspace when he took shrooms, he said he saw weird cosmic entities I am not sure how I am supposed to describe it because I can't recall it. Yet I have an image still. I'll keep the book in mind I wanted to buy one from Martin Ball after I saw one video where he did some freaky movement and no idea how he came up with that the video was quite funny.

Set a 10minute timer and will go to bed afterward and do my 30-day visualization and cbt challenge. I hurt my ankle a bit while working out and almost could not continue working out. I took to many weights and wanted to back squat 90kg in total, without counting the pole. I was able to do it with 6 repetitions and could have done more, but I have to stretch my Achilles tendons in advance to prevent injuries I found a good exercise for that while working out. Yet, all of this procrastination costs me the last study session where I wanted to study for the easy course in advance and take some notes from the script and set up a Q and A review of it, with already broken down concepts. But, it takes some time to do that. I took that "idea" from the Cornell note-taking method and accidentally, misunderstood and now I use my own version of it where I don't have to buy the small cards for learning vocabulary to do q and a or use Anki or some other app. It takes some time, but is very effective for more conceptual classes, since I am using both repeating it verbally, using my hand for writing and explaining the concept as simple as possible using questions to further evoke other questions with further "potentially" evoke other questions which help to build coherency IMO. The self-explaining helps with being creative since I don't always know what I am saying and therefore "come up with some shit" and find creative examples. Now I made some progress today in one course and I struggle with one for some time now. I found a good page and other tutorials, yet I am not sure what the Professor wants and I am still in the understanding and dabbling around the phase of the project. Tomorrow I have more classes and can't be as intense as today for studying. I also need to clean my room on the weekend and wash clothes, I also need a new system for clothes this is just annoying. Shinzen will be leading a retreat so there is no life practice program which is unfortunate, also the uni cat visited me today and I gave him some food he always cheers me up and is very trusting, but I left my door open and he slid out, I was not able to trap him in my room . Time is up for approx 2 min now.

@Zigzag Idiot lol now I feel compelled to test dmt lol. Glad it helped!

@CreamCat Not sure, I also dislike school for various reasons, they even implemented some changes apparently in France putting more focus on digitalization which apparently is wasted money according to studies also. I only meet two people so far who were diagnosed with ADHD. Most people don't even go to doctors for health check-ups. I only did it once, yet this is a good reminder to do it in July again. Not sure how it is in America. I skimmed the article, yet I can imagine that it is a problem there.

Now, I wanted to make another post here and thought I'd be finished faster but I got distracted by the forum... The blocker works great for that during the day and today was a good day definitely. Timer 10min: Short recap: I changed my approach to studying even if it is a small adjustment I tended to do 45min and 5 minute breaks and every second 45min break I took a 15-minute break. Resulting in 1h30 study 20 min break. Now, I will do 1h and 40 min with a 20 min break. So, doing two 50 minute sessions with a 10min break. Is better, I can also learn to read articles etc. during that time, but for now, I will do w/e I want. There was a weird incident while working out, I acted and was not sure if it was toxic or not but it felt appropriate in an assertive and athlete kinda way, not sure if I am pushing the perspective too much. I noticed some unconscious thoughts I have everyone here has and are based on the unconscious field......... of the region which has a thick Blue/orange layer, this is where I also did shadow work in dealing often with "what is". I also think that this is a layer to overcome to stopping populist agenda and "rabble-rousing". Ideally, I watch the MBTI series in my break and write tomorrow here in my journal what I learned. I will meet with a person and study together for an exam, he often sees the perspective that I am missing and I open Pandora's box, so it works out as long as it does not get to complex lol. Then I have to go back. Another student also gave me the advice today to change the university for my masters, since this here is to a degree a travesty because of the "Einstellung" of the people. You can smack them more opportunities in the face, they still won't work. Now, I definitely want to read upon MBTI, the axis is similar to what I already noticed while solely... listening to the sound of peoples voice and thinking about my meditation techniques and trips. Also, I feel that I am up for some shadow work again, these people are amazing. Also, very inconsiderate. I will do some shadow work around that, potentially it is me. But, the projection of others is just a given nowadays, also I am reading the book a bit while going to bed.. 48 laws of power. I watched many reviews, but I wanted to learn more about stage red. I think this will be good for asserting myself. (There is still the great filter ) Time is up. Also, I will receive my key to the "laboratory". Maybe I post a picture... or not, it's a room full of nvida devices and health devices for android programming and health apps, etc. This is what I will be working on. Let's see what this will turn out to be. I am going with my intuition for the long haul here.

@CreamCat I agree with CreamCat this is why I did shadow work and in general, also do meditation. Being with other people you are in a relationship. I read about polygamy and other relationship forms I don't have experience in them although they sound appealing. When listening to David Deida, I personally think not to feel! That he is right in this day and age most likely depending on where you live a monogamous relationship is the best way to also bring consciousness to other people. As an example For instance, I can be conscious and step beyond the unconsciousness exhibited by the other person while at the same time act out a behavior that is positive and the other person interprets it as a personal attack for e.g I say an absolute thing for instance I like to make fun of Jesus , because I think he is funny or make a genuine compliment , now the other person feels offended or "snappy" or can't take the compliment and downplay its sincerity. Now, reading the post above the thing is that their unconsciousness triggers them, they did not identify their unconscious stance and therefore it was revealed. Reading the post above being together with a person and being financially dependent on men/women/w/e. Is not smart, this is where my generation on FB shines, getting married and posting about their relationships, etc. Even if happy couples most often don't post etc. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-it-means-when-couples-constantly-post-about-each-other-on-instagram_n_5a8b06cfe4b00bc49f4732f6 Some do it smartly and I think personally displaying one or two pictures in a happy way and sharing it with friends can be great, also great to catch up with others. Especially when older. Counterexample. For instance, I can be toxic in the sense that I am not as assertive and therefore leave unresolved issues out in the open. Now, even when I read some techniques and bought a book about how to be assertive, it is difficult because it evokes emotional stress. I often become hubristic and it is difficult to stay calm even when I did shadow work about this (also) for 2 years approx. I am sometimes not sure if I need to reprogram my biological responses.. etc. Which takes time... Some also give in to social pressure. Especially women according to David Deida... say that they have a desire for bearing and rearing children. I think this is great, yet what about becoming independent first? WHICH MOST WOMEN ARE. Or looking at spiral dynamics stage orange etc where this get's a bit more nuanced. David Deida has a nice audiobook a 1h version where he talks about this for one hour here is a short video. Also, listening to an audiobook about polygamy there are so many factors which many feminists deny especially biological and I talked to one that influence attraction from women, there is the science perspective, the cultural perspective, and the unconventional perspective. IIRC -> Which the audiobook and the researchers in it talked about. Also, when seeing a lot of peers this is true. This is why I tend to like authentic people and people who stand true to their passions, desires, dreams, and wishes, etc. I don't date currently, but I pondered about this for some time.

Very happy! My Professor ( pls read about personality types) had an accident and he still makes things happen in the hospital. I can do everything as planned fking happy! My 90 min meditation session today was good too, a class was canceled and I already have enough points to not visit the class for the exercises for that particular class to take part in the exam. Also, it is not relevant for the exam. So, 4h30 of lectures are voided. Now, I definitely want to watch the personality type series lmao posted again with Si/TI axis and general axis. I watched parts of it, yet somehow it did not hook. The social factor for feeling a drive and getting things done is quite big for me. Not as much as an ENFJ for example but big, especially with a smaller group, that meets up! Now I do most things but as a potential rewatch I'll post it here I skimmed the video solely. Otherwise, I will watch Leos video a bit then plan and start studying for the day. To finish my 7-day challenge.

I want to make a plan before I want to trip again possibly the end of July or beginning of August. I am not sure which substance I will get my hands on. Yet, before all of that. There is still the great filter Now, I was set up to come to all of these "conclusions" more or less and keep wondering about coincidences. I am definitely so tired of stage orange international students. I want to blow my freaking brain out. Rewatch this video when before the trip Reread this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four-dimensional_space (Euclidean space - thank you Shinzen + my intuition.....) Remember watch one link which has been sent to me from a course. Ideally, buy one book from Leo's list concerning psychedelics, etc. + Shoot for one experience via Psychonaut wiki. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKm-WXRH2IQ Plan: Set up day. Watch the video above: Re-read the article about the 4th dimension. Journal and set intentions. Eat beforehand Meditate beforehand Review Shinzens techniques and stuff learned while practicing the last time no technique was applicable and I just licked the tail of the ox Watch the Tail of The Ox Episode (Link) (Day before) Read about samadhis and jhanas and take some notes! (Day before) Compare it with the ultimate Wilber Map (Day while tripping) During the trip: This is a bit more difficult. I am still unsure what to do exactly, it will depend on my intention. I definitely want to go for a minimum of 2h meditation session. While peaking and see if it is worth it. Otherwise, I think I am let off to feel good and gather insights. Don't do it in the student's dorm. Create a music playlist (shamanic Viking music, pop music, more progressive rock, djent, tool especially,) Test different binaural beats or nature background noises while meditating, last time I went really deep with bird sounds and nature. At best: The weeks before work out. Have a lot of positive experiences or generate them. For instance, go for a biking tour again with my bf near a river. Do a weekend retreat from shinzen. (Side Note: I once took LSD and went into the last day or session of the online retreat from shinzen, I did not experience anything weird but felt quite spacious) Otherwise, not sure I am procrastinating by writing this post, and I postponed my scheduled walk. I finished about 5 study sessions and I figured I have to ask the prof. since I am stuck on one problem, where I am not sure if this a problem. So, I will continue with the script. I still want to live my dream life and I definitely need to move from this area and place. I finished reading the sprial dynamics book and this is even when a lot of people are greenish~ a "slug festival" of Blue/orange. What is mentality. Which is just bad annoying and I should be able to sue them for letting me produce an unnecessary stress response. I am so happy. That I meet some stage yellow friends or at least green/yellow, yet more yellow. The one girl who wanted to test psychedelics and tested it explained to me the 4th dimension of her trip, I cant still fathom what she experienced and she definitely did not want to share as much of it. I can understand parts of it, but I feel like this is cheating somehow. Still, this is a yellow +/- person. I sent both of them the spiral dynamics page and both ranked themselves as turquoise and yellow and they are not the type to not assess themselves somehow accurately. I don't think they are turquoise but by their level of activity, they are both yellow and stable yellow. It's funny how difficult it is to find a topic to talk about when others know so much and you so little. Especially also academically. Yet, it is possible and fun. Now, what else did I do? I studied for 6 study session approx. today, I hope the other guys will be quiet today. I am not sure. This is about 4h of intense focus, similar to a SDS sit... I am not the best at studying yet. I also will go to bed today sooner and wake up tomorrow. I made a challenge on my whiteboard to study for 10h a day for 7 days. I will segment this into 4h blocks and one two hour block. I will not be able to do that on Wednesday, because of too many classes. Otherwise, I will do my 30-day visualization and challenging believe challenge and listen to an Allan watts audiobook, potentially, to deal with potential nihilism. I missed 2h of scheduled studying because of procrastination. YouTube, This Forum, etc. Tomorrow it will again be blocked from Monday to Saturday to access the forum for more than 15min. Hopefully, everything works out as visualized and scheduled.