ValiantSalvatore

As a side note annica or impermanence helps to move from stage 7 to 8. This is also explained in the mind illuminated.

Alright tomorrow will be my first weekend back at the dorm, I went to the gym and did my workout. today was a longer workout it takes sometime to change the position of the pole, so I am not yet there with a good workout routine I am just following a guide. I am in week 7 of the coach and genereally feel very healthy afterwards and meditative even. Meditating after a workout actives the flavour of impermanence more intensely, yet I am not aware of expansion of contraction, if you are aware of expansion and contraction that is riding the ox backwards. Somehwhere around the casual / non-dual stage. I assume in state-stages as an vantage point. Now, the internship is quite cool the prof, responds quickly and I can ask him, he does not hesitate to skype and to explain details which are important as well as he is open for the internship and takes the whole project back to the university. I do hope I can also gain some contacts to Berlin since this is one place where I want to live, I love big cities and people and enjoy the heros journey when I get older I can go back, yet retirement plans etc. Are all necessary at one point, yet I will worry about stuff like this after my studies. Now, what else do I want to write about ? Meditation Books Structure Reflection of internal talk Freedom Plans Leo's teachings Politics THE CAT OUTSIDE !!! ( JP even has a principle to pat a cat when you see one) Let's take structure since this is the most important thing, I keep getting tired in the morning I tracked my sleep for a couple of months and yes I wanted to look for a ring, I'll plan the gym and workout, food research on sunday, and will start planning my week tomorrow morning, next weekend will be the retreat so, I'll schedule something cool or relaxing in between, or go for a walk and meditate I still struggle to meditate longer than 6h it's feasable actually shinzens reatreats are 8h segments 4h each on sunday and saturday and 4 on friday. But with an one hour break between each segment. Now, what I will do is sleep without an alarm and find my magic number of sleep, tracking my sleep was okay, but I wanted to try polyphasic sleep or biphasic sleep which did not workout, I am not trained in it or can dive into sleepiness and penetrate it with consciousness. So, I can adjust my plan a bit more I am so tired in the morning even with vitamin c, vitamin d, supplements, yet I also turned off the bluefitler on my laptop I will active it, the app bugs out sometimes, therefore it's a bit tedious to use it. I just forget that it's not on and than I complain. Otherwise I will implement the structure contemplate and ideally read the book about productivity I bought, I don't want to work myself to death, mastery, discipline and a very good structure that is stable is important. I do regard Leo's advice he gave to me as valid I want consciouness, peace, joy and health. Especially, health since I lived quite unhealthy and consciouness since I was not very conscious, but always somehow on a path higher than others. If you want to believe it or not. So, that is it. I still want to do proper hatha-yoga, but stretching feels like the devil. I like the word devil now, actually I hated it since I am from the south from both countries lol.

@Leo Gura I know this, yet I don't want to dismiss the advice of how a 10 min quality sit in addition to 1h can increase the quality of the sit itself. That is why I am curious for e.g Shinzen gives the advice 10 minutes, Culadasa gives the advice a minimum of 45minutes or one hour more, similar to what you adviced or was somehow implicit. I am not projecting. I do understand that quality concentration, equanimity or sensory clarity plays a role. Or the quality of annica / impermanence. Jhanas etc. or samadhi experiences. I was just curious about "loose averages" so I could adjust myself to the amount of meditation where people receive results which seems to be 90 minutes. I notice when I pratice in daily life that it becomes mechnical, a good trip could give me some insights, but the doors are closed for now. The meditation itself is not that mechnical even if they techniques are. The modality of the technique works fine, it is not to mechnical for me besides daily life, but I figure this is part of the process. What do you think is a good amount of time to meditate when you say 1h is usually not enough ? I feel 90 min sits and ocassionally longer on the weekend with retreats could work out. For e.g 2-3h sits on sunday and a minimum of 14 days a year of retreats, ideally some trips if feasible.

@Leo Gura How long do you recommend to meditate each day? I notice that 1h is great, yet somehow not enough. Culadasa and Shinzen give similar advice at least 14 days a year and a minimum of 1h, and ideally to sit beyond 1h. I want to go for 90mins sessions, to reach no self, some seem to be getting results here on the forum as well as others who train with shinzen.

Alright I am at the internship and will try to do two posts a day again since this keeps my accountable. Today I will test the product a bit more and see if I can do anything with it for now because the app the professor recommended does not work, I can't use it fully and connect the scale their, also the scale as a rating that is not very good. I am not that interested in material but I want to learn to love material stuff, more which I notice when I work towards something and earn it I enjoy it and can easily let go, since this has not been a very active theme in my life. Now my meditation today was 1h I tried 1h and 15 mins but I am so tired the tiredness becomes pleasant, and I still struggle with posture because of my self-acceptance habits, I could not even sit for 2 minutes at the beginning, now I can usually sit 45min without moving but I sit an hour. I also sat longer but, I somehow struggle here, sometimes the tiredness turns into jhanas or something so deep I can't hold it I just loose consciousness and my body swings backwards like I receive a knock and fall. I have this often when I do the do-nothing technique but I want to do a guided meditation by shinzen for 1 week before I attend his retreat the next weekend. I don't know I currently feel that I don't enjoy live I want to move from this region it is not inspiring, it's not hectic, it's not exciting it does not feel like an adventure it's just some plain old place to get old. Being young this is not the place to be and experience live, you can get a decent job and get married and such. But, 99% of these people are unconscious same thing Culadasa says or some other teacher.

First day internship. I am on my phone I am quiet tired and will go to bed soon and read a bit, what I've been doing today is: "internship, meditate, wash dishes". The internship is and is not what I expected I am left on my own can come when I want and receive minor support. There currently is no other programmer whom I could ask things from time to time. I knoe what my task is, still the product the prof bought and I tested most time of the day is not good. He gave me some code to github and I will work around this, I am still clueless, the most important thing I learned is from the last project. Start and don't understand! I have a bad proclivitiy to wanting to understand stuff first to much. I want to do fail and learn, q and a. Otherwise the German state released my nootropics, stating I can have them. Mr Cum i thank you that was the guys shirt who worked at the "customs office". A true hero, the one and only Mr Cum. 1984 lässt grüßen. Things are moving in a positive direction besides the financial aspect, yet I am a student. So, no worries. My meditation session today swung me right into jhanas or pleasure jhana of illuminous jhana or so it's called. I do assume that I am on stage 7 low to mid from Culadadas scale. This just showed me jhanas and samadhis are different I want to look that up. But first implement the structure tomorrow, I will write down the plan physical tomorrow night today I was tired and this is good for getting back to my sleeping routine.

@RendHeaven According to the books people are moving into that direction, because of mass immigration problems, the dircet democracy in Switzerland is a system which is ruled by the collective as well as by the individual. Not sure how the system looks like in nordic countries. It goes way deeper than what you say. The collective adjust to the highest SD lvl. There is a tipping point at 10%. IIRC. It is possible even if people don't know their stage, they could be quite high without knowing it because a healthy collective would enforce that. Some collective are just more healthy than others look at a Green city or university.

@Chi_ That is awesome ! I love the vibe Berlin apparently has but never been there. Yes, I saw the same problem while I did a retreat and everyone spoke either french,german or english, one of these, a mixture or all of them. I "mapped" someone blue who was strong green and had an engineering degree because his english was just not good or not present at all. From answering the questions here I would advocate for every Ken Wilber audiobook which is spoken by him, this clears up a lot of confusion. Someone asked me where to study in Germany, and I adviced him not to go to my region neccesarily, there are other options which could be way more prolific, checking, planning to live in another city even just hypothetically is a good idea. Cheking wikis, appartments, blogs, youtubers, job markets etc. Depending on the situation..

Yes, this is also very good and a great idea! , I looked into each state here in Germany to try to determine which state is the most progressive or rather who votes for who or whom. And I could see which state has allocated a certain amount of seats out of a pool of seats for each party. So, 100 seats, 10 parties for e.g 10 seats for each party etc. Generally the south of Germany is quite Green the rest is mixed, the state next to mine is the most Green by far, and everyone knows this, it's not a secret. The same goes for Berlin+. Yet, I checking upon a city with the knowledge about spiral dynamics should suffice to determine which stage a city is at. No one is at one stage, it's a spiral it goes upwards and downwards, also 33% you operate from the stage you are at 33% below and 33% above. As classic side note. Checking wiki and seeing for e.g if possible which political party they vote for, if the city has some historical aspects which are highlighted that are extra extra ordinary and scream progressivness, that is a good sign. As well as political party votes etc. My state for instance is quite conservative which is clearly evident, besides one or two cities. It's not Germany, I'll say that gladly.

Don Beck mentioned almost 20 years ago that it is be a growing center of yellow people (Berlin and Paris), I've found some niche friends who are quite yellow. So, yes Berlin could be quite Green, yet I am not sure how much cultural barriers play a role because of language differenes, so a lot of people could be yellow, and don't know it, since they do not have the framework, yet also the city has the repute of being very progressive. I have not been there, yet I prefer living at a destination for sometime, not to travel. I love travelling though. Some friends of mine who are Green/yellow live their and are quite independent, that is why I am curious, I'll definitely put my hand in the fire even if I've never been to Berlin. Not for pure consciouness or spirial dynamic aspects, but for the progressiveness and history of the city alone. (Besides their airport)

@Leo Gura Thanks for the reply and in-depth answer, I'll definitely tinker around and combine it with yoga. I did not experience anything which I could say is the Truth with a capital T, so I can't quite grasp why, but that is okay. I'll definitely observe Truth and Shinzen when I do more, and also other psychdelics, yet ... that could take some time for now. I am very interested on what shinzen would say about power releams and machine elves stuff like this, because he was trained in the esoteric tradition of japanese vajrayana, anyway his descriptions of it sound quite "culty", but I somehow intuit that he would not necessarily reveal what it could mean, because of his training or potentially for some other reason. I could also be wrong. Or I am wrong. But that is very good to know if things are partially that unclear I can just practice what works.... if most things work anyway... Thank you again for the answer.

I am back now at the dorm and will start to implement the structure tomorrow morning, yet first tomorrow will just be an ordinary day, I want to clean up my room entierly here and just workout tomorrow and schedule a week, so the structure is written down on paper and I can follow through. I will see what the internship tomorrows entails, exactly since I did not reach out for the professor out of laziness, my hometown is not benefitting me, the longer I stay there the worse it get's living with my parents is also not inspiring boring, not adventerous and takes the fun out of growth. The times I grew the most was when I lived on my own, other things I wanted to reflect about. Leo's conscious politics episodes, I can't recall anymore what Leo said and what the last episode was about, what I generally thought so far is that I want to be part of an organisation and that I "basically" have to infiltrate the organization and evoke change if I want to cause change, I definitely want to work on reading first. My workout habit is stable. So, I gain more knowledge it is very important for me to know things it is essentially the essence of yellow survival. It is like sadghuru says, you've read a book and now you are ahead of me. That is especially what I want to do with coding and the coding pratice, I've found some excellent YouTube channels which teach the processes of getting hired for google etc. Yet, I always liked business and I want to see what I can code, which I could potentially sell, in the next couple of years. And learn as much as I can about the industry and finance, finance will be a topic 2020, I've listend to the audiobook rich dad poor dad, and had advanced courses in economics, so I am no stranger, but it certainly missed the pratical side of things and the inner game. Now, what I meant with conscious politics is if things are corrupt, and I can change corruption, yet I also want to change things which are corrupt inside myself first, reading the 48 laws of power is a good start. The same goes for shadow work and meditation, yet what I want to spefically work on is self-esteem, since I can be arrogant sometimes, and I learned to enjoy it not deny it which is quite counter-intuitive, sometimes it's not even arrogance but reason.. Which can be arrogant. Also, if everything works out perfectly I could even participate in some political group and gain first hand insights, the point is I have to adjust to their ideas, and I can become swayed by emotions. Also, I want to stop seeing things as corropt things are the way they are and I can work on changing them, knowledge is required people are required, yet sometimes I think am I just fooling myself ? Why do I even enjoy politics ? I am just fascinated by people and value structures and sociology, psychology and such. The lecture the user Elizabeth posted was great, yet somehow my intuition tells me you don't need to read this or watch this, not sure. Tomorrow the restructuring will begin and I am happy that I am as productive as never before since my kriya experience Paul Check is a fking awesome coach he even validated what I researched in his new video about chakras. I bought the home pratice programm retreat for next weekend and applied for the scholoar ship, I am definitely back here and will get start slowly but fairly quickly back into working mode, this time more structured and more driven. Lesson that I seem to have to learn Control and Self-Control I want to watch Leo's video on that. For now implement the strucutre and think about your time usage.

@Hampus Audible a quick google search should suffice for the books. The Audiobook and the books are from the same author.

Yes, I mentioned yellow cities I don't know if tourquise cities exist yet. Some larger ashrams or movments potentially. And countries moving to yellow. No country is solidly yellow yet, yet I would place my bets on switzerland because of their political system.

Berlin, Paris and Switzerland potentially some nordic countries are mentioned. In the audiobook as well as the books themselves IIRC. But Berlin and Paris definitely. I've been to Paris a couple of times, but I don't speak french.

@Aeris That what I did with psychdelics. Which lead to the deepest experience. I just ate fruit and walked around in my home, listening to audiobooks, meditating and listening to music. The meditation part for a couple of hours similar to a retreat structure was insane, I had so many insights and wanted to sit for hours, no technique worked. But it was still just some beginning. Having a proper structure and setting works wonders, meditation also especially if you are sensetive to sound, which I am very attuned to, so binaural beats and deep, shamanic meditative music can drive meditation sessions under the influence of psychdelics very deep, if one just sits.

@Aeris It's fine I am used to projections they are mostly false and lead the the collective unconscious, I am sarcastically grateful for that. I've tried various psychdelics or derivates of them over the span of a year. With different insights which make (for e.g time and space cloapses etc.) sense now, when reading upon jhanas etc. I enjoy and love the path of mastery I've read the books around it and listened also to audiobooks, talks etc. I notice I want to meditate the as long as I can under the influence of LSD, darkness and such is fine, music, pen and paper, a journal etc. I did most of this, yet LSD is also limited ? Accessing a third tier is different from second tier. Mastery and hard work, discipline and diligence are even stage blue aspects. I've listned to this stuff before Leo introduced it that is why I was so hyped, same for the politics section. I can't get more synchronicities or I seriously turn into a lunatic. I am a bit critical with advice I've read so much about "life" and life adivces etc. I've learned to discern what I can apply and what fits in the current situation. Structure is more important than content, if I can't structure my day to sit down properly and meditate a MINIMUM of 1h a day, then how can I gain results. That is like studying for 1h instead of 3. At one point motivation and effort does matter. That is why a structured days is important, pure chaos can be a devil, at one point all the advice comes back, like a boomerang and you'll be able to catch it. I am still a newb with psychdelics, and not as advanced as Leo or Martin Ball or other members on the forum. My enviroment certainly does not give me access, this literally is the dark ages here.

@Aeris I tried LSD 20+ times, I've seen beyond. But not enough I only licked the tail of the ox, and enlightenment is a many facetted jewel. The stuff Leo and other memebers talk about is far away, I appreciate your words. The point is I've had enough glimpses but I want something radical. So, yes pratice makes perfect I love to perform actually, so I'll shot for a betterment of my practice. No-self should be possible within a year permanent. But this could also be far-fetched, I appreciate what Leo says and implement the advice as well as I can. Now is the perfect time, I just took some time of to enjoy myself and now I have the goals that I want in mind a plan etc. And even a couple of people to talk to. I want to get my hands on 5-MeO to truley understand what Leo is teaching, I am not talented to understand it naturally in an instant I would need to pratice, which is what I am doing, yet I would also not deny inclinations, but I am certainly not on the talented scale of things. I've also never meet a person in real life who get's enlightenment experiences in two days or so, I had som glimpses at the beginning but I was to unconscious to hold on to it, some where just precursors to kriya experiences. I've also gained some knowledge around 5th, 6th, 4th dimension and stuff like this online, but I currently treat it just as a framework. I am still studying all of this, but not thoroughly enoug yet.

@mandyjw You can work towards specific realizations some things work for one some don't. Not every path leads to "no path" no path is the goal I assume of non-duality being one with the manifest and unmanifest of every level form, formlesness, no self etc. This is what I mean with it get's nuanced. The methaphor is nice and I appreciate it, yet it does not answer my questions at all. You can hear the sound you brain changing when I sit down to meditate I do hear that, from the very get go I was wondering this that is why I am asking which pratices help in that regard. If I would want a pathless path I could do do-nothing and enjoy the ride, but right now right effort seems more approriate. I've seen some aspects of love through the use of psychdelics which I did not talk about, since it was more compassion based. So, I am curious what Leo thinks about other teachers and their realizations and techniques, so I don't work towards something which proves to be futile. You could work if you want to to a formless path, a non-dual centric path, techniques that focus on reaching the first stage of enlightenment or techniques that focus on embodiement. So, yes there is no path and there is no specific technique most likely that works "across the board". Some could be work better across the board depending which parameters one defines, for e.g zen works across the board very well for me. But I wanted to know something specific I don't have any problems with a big picture overview about path and paths and map territoriy aspects in the grand scheme of things..... Yet, I am curious what is absolute since I've never realized something like this potentially slightly.

@Leo Gura What kind of truth does he not understand ? He often mentions that it goes deeper and deeper so I can understand from a relative perspective or his point of view that absolute truth does not exist. I can imagine what non-duality should feel like from reading descriptions it's a bit easier than imagining formlessness or even no-self. Yet, most teachers I assume say "it goes deeper and deeper", yet I can also see that through the use of psychdelics and hardcore meditation, and diligence that one is able to dive deeper, which I never hear anyone talk about besides you. The point is when I listen to the advice from you about self-deception which I mostly utilize and I cry 10 times or so watching a video from you and it's very different from casual emotions, and more aligned with higher insights,truth etc. The same goes for sadghuru and shinzen. So, it's a bit confusing that "higher" emotions, which are not necessarily self-deceptive, and don't feel like it point to something, which I can't quite grasp. BUT! What I want to say is this. Who do you think emobdies and understands truth to the deepest level currently on the planet ? Who do you think emobdies and understands love to the deepest level currently on the planet ? What pratices are worth training from what you currently perceive to reach the deepest level ? I tried most techniques I've found and the ones recommended by you (besides kriya yoga) I don't really have a preference I get results with most of them, I just need to "up" my practice, which I am shooting for in the near future. I also receive the results described, I've been mostly practicing mindfulness and do-nothing. Also a fair amount of people receive real results from shinzen techniques, most join after praticing other techniques for years and they don't sound deep and shinzens advice does not sound all to deep then, and they don't talk about jhanas, power releams, enlightenment stages or insights, but mostly some life relevant matter about practice. I know the thread is mostly about talent and effort + right effort, motivation, openmindeness and having a strong desire for truth and to contrast or juxtapose talent and effort literally. I don't deny that there are talented people, that past lives or I don't know if that even exist future lives matter. My point is what techniques regardless of differences generally yield tangible results ? And is it wise to train for e.g long with shinzens techniques when there are deeper truth to be realized ? Is that even possible with certain techniques ? Or is altering the physiology than the case ? What pratices change neurotransmitters to access deep layers of consciouness, what neurotransmitters even change or is that rather something not to be shared ? I mean I know that (5-meo dmt) and dmt can be produced naturally, yet no other neurotransmitter alike that would help with gaining insights into the nature of love, truth, illusion, power, god, or more nuanced factors, like empathy, compassion, self-deception or other negative examples. I notice I could read more upon buddhism to understand all of this since this is getting very nuanced.

The model is also biased to men. Carol Gilligan corrected that.

Not sure what is wrong with shinzen young and the category of sensory experience, since I am training with his techniques. I tried other techniques do-nothing, self-inquiry etc. He includes so many techniques which stem from other techniques, for e.g he also recommended to me body sweeping for dealing with kriyas and his techniques also evolved listening to older guided meditations from him, I am not sure what for e.g is the most advanced technique or a tier list of the best techniques where people receive a lot of results, even if they are different etc. Also as far as I assume Shinzen does not deny sidhis etc. in his new video he even explains the neuroanatomy of how sidhis can occure and how the process of experiencing sound changes as well and which parts of the brain-body are involved. I also know he does shamanic rituals, not sure how deep they go, I know he tried psychdelics like LSD, and his story/history with procrastination and taking responsibility, even smoking grass, he speaks openly about this. He also gives similar advice as Culasada I bought the audiobook and read some articles online about the stages. I am not sure how I can rate myself on this scale of stages yet. I assume I am somwhere around 6-7 (potentially hitting 8 my brain is annoying) by reading the description. For e.g extremely strong experiences/sensations of cold or heat can be a sign of a higher stage (7+) IIRC shinzen adviced a guy during lpp, that he can focus on them intensly, and it sounded a bit absurd, but it is basically Form changing with whatever process of biochemical/physical/neurochemical change. Culadasa denied that there is spiritual talent, I am not sure why and I am not sure if I recall correctly, yet he said something about this topic in the "BuddahAtTheGasPump" interview. Also Shinzen mentioned in his audiobook that the great great masters never talk with each other, he is open to it I assume since he wanted me to know that learning the technical terms of each tradition is important incase I want to converse about them with others and not cause any incomprehensibleness. Yet , it is rarely seen that many spiritual masters gather around and Shinzen Young also mentioned he knows spiral dynamics in the last lpp, he made a slight "allusion" and said instead of an upward spiral, you spiral upwards "like" spiral dynamics etc. And again if anyone is interested I'll send the talk. Also I assume and for sure correct me if I am wrong that Leo mentioned that teachers do not share everything they know, they would be called a lunatic etc. I notice this when Shinzen gives advice to others and they come to him and he gives them a very different response for e.g than me, yet it is important to mention personality types even the teacher liking you etc. does matter. Same with the monks at the zen retreat, sprial dynamics explains a lot of this, especially if there is a physics major present. He also speaks about makiyo and power releams I am not sure how far this is fusionable ( can be conflated..) with machine elves, trees talking, people experiencing angles etc. Or if this is just the subtle releam ( with reference to wilber). I am not denying anything that was said in the thread, I assume it will mostly fall on deaf ears, I don't have much experiences with sidhis or stuff that I will regard as power releams etc or the subtle releam. I do did experience one thing that I would clearly lable as non-ordinary etc. I never talked with a master about psychedelic experiences if I get the chance I will ask, yet I am not sure which spiritual grandmasters are willing to talk about this. Also as far as I read I am not sure how deeply enlightend the buddah was, yet he did confuse in his teachings samsara and nirvana seeing them as dual, not non-dual the yogachakra schools were the ones who created the concept of non-duality that samsara and nirvana are one, and seeing into the illusory nature of samsara is nirvana. It seemd more nuanced and relative. Shinzen does not necessarily include developmental psychology and achievments about biology, neuroscience and the shadow potentially, directly into his teaching, potentially subtely he definitely shares parts of the things included above in his dharma talks. But, yes he mentioned neurological change in his new video somewhere around the end, I'll link it for thoese interested. As I said I could be wrong he speaks about this sidhi IMO! Dibba-sota https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siddhi and mentions the east asian term, additionaly the science behind it or it is just a purification of the senses. @ardacigin @Leo Gura

@Angelo John Gage Leo has a book on his list explaining some factors which involve genetics and how reproduction etc. works, I don't assume it is as detailed as a lecture about genetics, yet it explains some mechanisms how differences in species and theories which have been debunkend and used as a scafold for other scientists, so potentially you can find some answers there. I did not read if fully yet, it it is mostly about sex and reproduction and why it occurs in the first place. IIRC. If what I understand correctly, as I read the book I could even have children with blue eyes by chance. Because I am mixed and my grandparents have blue eyes etc. The book explains it technically, but it is still understandable. For instance how something like this can happen inside the same population, where everyone has brown eyes. Is explained there I can't explain it in detail currently. I'd have to study the book more in depth and I did not even read it fully. Also there is an example of anarchy in history even mutliple ones in russia with the bolchevists and such. I've read this book https://www.graswurzel.net/gwr/produkt/anarchismus-theorie-kritik-utopie/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarchism_in_Spain I don't know if there is an english version of it. But anarchism did exist, it was fascinating to read about it, and discuss it. Yet, I don't think it would work the way the world is now.

Why did my weekend retreat not work out fully? TBH I don't know besides that I did not stick to my schedule and that I am sorta frustrated with meditation right now, I am not sure if this is a very very very subtle hint of my boredom, 1h sits are fine when I do them. Which is unfortunate that I write this. Yet, I internalized this ideal about posture since I did the meditation retreat for 14 days and took LSD directly afterwards that I somehow feel odd, around this. I recently learned something about myslef where I notice that my mother has no idea about anything in this world, besides eating and dying like a mule. It hurts to say this and ultimately makes me sad I feel like crying. I never cried so often this year and since the kriya experience, all of my thoughts and beliefs are invented, totally absolutely inventend, none of it is ever so slightly true, breaking it down to peptides "apparently what thought produces" is absolutely bear poo. So, I lived with an notion of myself that was totally false and bothered me since I can remember that I exist. They never gave me a proper explanation for this in a scientific manner and rather somehow avoided the topic or adressed the social issues. But, this just shows my uncaring nature of my mother and classically for me the logic category of people. I've never seen something so selfish, it makes my selfishness look like a piece of cake even when I am a total asshole. I don't get it how something like this can not be seen as important from the other side. But, I took it a face value I did not even flinch since all of this methaphyiscal, onotolgical, epistemical stuff does not make sense for me it does, it does not, some paradox, I certainly did not study philosophy I bought one book from Leos list and I did not like it. I don't know it felt like reading a sophiticated version of my journal or a very good journal entry of mine if that happens. Obviously, there are other philosophers that I enjoy like Marcus Aurel but I don't have a valid opinion on this since I do not read that much and know them only by talk from Leo, JP, the other philo guy, and German culture. I still don't like the idea of reading from some of them because it's the madness that drives me into nihilism, reading this shit in German I really would need some advice, the book I bought was horrible to read, I bought the cheaper version and it felt like it was compiled and texted as I am doing with this journal. The whole point is I don't fully understand the theory behind it, reading wilber is inspiring I am not even sure if I need the details besides the details about the maps and concepts and the occasional talk with a master, retreats + psychdelics. Yet, I am just frustrated with meditation, like with programming, I like it but I don't see any progress currently and notice more and more mistakes. I am not sure if my strategy is well choosen I am not sure where I am heading with my technique although I know the effects of each specific label and structure. Sometime beyond the label and the actual path. But, I don't have an IQ of 150+ to remember all of this stuff, and I am not and ISTJ or ISFJ who remember stuff like hell. I just have a very weird intution I've read about it you hit me up with the topic I tell you about it, or I forgot, I feel so odd about memory it's like playing the lottery, Reasons ? Maybe no goal ? To much ? Wrong place ? Depending to much on structure ? Depending to much on bought retreats ? Making exception in my structure and not waking up on time. That is it, not starting directly in the morning killed my second day, because I was "going with the flow" and I think I just tbh overslept because I did not turn on an alarm, it could have been as simple as that. Let's just not overanalyze the above is enough. Challenges I want to do 2019: 30 day - language learning Dopamin fast Intermittent fasting ? Cooking challenge - 4 weeks each weekend one new recepie (FROM WHAT I CAN COOK FROM THS SMALL STINKY FRIDGE) ICEBOX IS SO COLD (NO SARCASM IT'S A SONG ) A music fast again - 30 days no music. Also no study music. No binaureal beats to meditate to. Look for some challenges that I could do, I wanted to always fast at least once in my life and just become a straight up cult leader and smoke some from Ken Wilbers bramble bush. I am not continuing the osmosis part, since I don't even know the story fully. The point is I want to become more pure, and clean in the sense that my enviroment is clean, since I am clean. I also started to enjoy rituals since I feel they can carry you to power releams? Not sure maybe it's just oxytocin and serotonin at work, yes this happens at church. A sweatlodge ceremony would be awesome. Habits I want to implement: Quit porn forever - follow the advice from the audiobook attraction. Stronger gym routine and knowledge around this subject Language learning 1h30 min meditation habit Better sleep managment

Self-Analysis: I definitely reflected upon my habits the last couple of days and in general thought about what I want out of live and the adivce from the couple of books I've read mostly focusing on mastery also some good youtube videos from TechLead talking about how code and programming works and people like him and shinzen help me to remember that I actually have to work and it's not that complicate, it takes time, but it is also complicated sometimes. Not everytime. But sometimes. About my persona: I definitely feel that I am moving forward regardless if I am slacking off or not, the point is I know I can do more, but I NOW also know that I can't force 10 things at one time I tried to often with SUPPORT. It works, but without it it is difficult, especially when I have no ONE around me to share my life goals with and improve each other. I tried befriending people from my Uni it's more platonic no real or deep friendships were able to be established. Now, what bothers my about my persona what did I learn the past 6 months ? What did I try to improve ? What did I want to achieve ? How did I plan to grow as a person ? How close was I able to fullfil my vision ? What did I learn about my vision ? Let's start there: I still feel that on the emotional line I am very green, cognitive I've hit the psychic stage what I now call "coral" since knowing and understanding something about this stage does not make any sense. I am permanently at more yellow meaning I access 33% turquoise what I know, but I did not meet a person in real life who is turquoise in everyday life, also my enviroment does not allow me to care about the enviroment properly. It's not pratical and not systemically built, therefore in some small ways I let the enviroment suffer, like not seperating the trash because I don't have a proper place for a large bin. I still don't quite understand turquoise after the last video from Leo. I definitely know that turquoise targets to solve macro problems on the globe, IIRC with macro solutions. Yet, I am not there yet I can't yet pratically choose a major that allows my to do this even if I HAVE THE INTENTION. I can go into the fitness and medical field partially, what I thought about doing yes possibly and pratically learning about computer vision and health programming with mobile phones etc. What I'll be partially doing for my bachelors. But I would miss the topic that inspires me the most which would be A.I, I like robotics but I am still a bit uncomfortable with hardware. This stuff triggers me a lot, even if I like it partially. Well, about my persona. I definitely gained even if I slack off currently, more trajction on what it is like to be a knowledge worker and working in a field which demands a lot of your time sitting infront of the computer solving problems and analzying a lot. I do like this especially the analyzing part, since it is similar to observation. I defintitely learned to "run" a script or be more automatic and wake up, meditate, work out, study. Seriously like clockwork, for longer than a month. What I also learned is that tracking my habits is fantastic, I can definitely create habits I struggled a lot using a journal to keep myself accountable all I needed was a calender like structure where I cross of my goals and write about the process. Definitely STILL journaling helps with emotional qualms. I planned to grow as a person mostly on performance and execution, also tracking my behaviour more than ever before, without only using a journal, thinking only about my persona and my biographical self. This is a very good option to change behaviour, also visualization helps my unconscious mind to run a script automatically, like now and I can force INTUITION to run into the direction of my VISION. So, keeping the visualization habit is key. One thing that I will do is either CBT or testing the sedona method. I will try the sedona method or I will go with the six pillars of self-esteem I listened to the audiobook and want to do this stuff for 30 weeks. I forgot my theme for the year because I wrote it down in my bullet journal and tried to give each week a theme to run by and month. But I stopped it was not very good imo. A theme for a year is fine so I am heading into a destination that gives me overall meaning and purpose. How did I grow ? Even if not properly integrated yet, I can work for a couple of weeks long hours and actually track them and see how I perform instead of relying on my intention and will power and outside pressures alone. I drink my tea and start coding and learning for 3h take a break and enjoy the small things in life, which reap the benefits over the long run, while shooting for the big picture. So, yes creating a big knowledge based map and working on each area suffices to color the grid the way I want it to, The point is what did I break down, so I am working on something small ? What do I always break down ? Time definitely, since I am planning people wonder how I can be so structured and that I know the date and detail of every event and occasion. The point is I write the down months ahead. So, they just stick with me, if it gets hectic I'll write it down on my calender in my room to do some old school systematizing. What else did I learn this semester ? Definitely LEARN THE FKING LAW, even when I attend the information events TWO OR THREE TIMES I missed somethings because humans are NOT PERFECT and the illusion of it IS FINE, yet I am not sure how to deal with this modern idea currently. I saw it today, the good looking guy with his gf wearing these weird hats, being the nice modern couple who get's invited to gril parties. I don't hate I enjoy this thoroughly maybe more than others, who keep already thinking about this point of money and time. But, I still feel deep down that I want to do something which I regard as artistic or creative, I was in music school when I was already two years old and my parents cared yes, but I was so frustrated not making much progress in all of these courses for 4 years, that I quit when I played the guitar I hated the guitar, especially acoustic guitar and the teacher, but nobody cared about my emotional qualms in a way to give perspective it all seems logical to solve some hitlery problem apparently, and for sure I don't see many people being able to seek first to understand than to be understood, wtf do I know at this age what my parents do to me. All I knew was I was frustrated as fk after an awesome drumming course and the teacher leaves me alone and laughs and stuff like this pissed me off. I liked playing the Kantele because it was more class and I learned tones and stuff like this. I always preferred theory above pratical application, but now things have changed. Back to this semester I definitely took to many projects and I want to keep my maximum regardless now if big or small projects that are related to work to one or two, and also to start working on a solution on them immediately, the day that I start it and not to understand the code, WRITE THE GODAM CODE, understanding is a waste apparently here, it's application, analyzing planning, and a half ass understanding can even work, since I have to test some of this stuff first. It's not like I am prooving some mathematical concept where I have to understand each step, come to a conclusion and test my "hypothesis" it's similar ? But, more grindy, I sit down and google and download similar projects, hoard ressources and learn patterns etc. I want to see for now, I will take on the two projects I have and learn some design patterns on the side. What I want to do for now is work monday to saturday and take sunday off. I want to read on sunday and watch some youtube videos, contemplate outside or walk outside and ideally even sit for 4h. I want to monk engineer lifestyle where I am monking around in my fking house and study and contemplate, to be a scholar. What I felt I was like when I followed the "intellectual" path which is even a targeted area in marketing and a social mileau. So, don't take on more than two projects, start working towards a solution immediately, hoard all ressources, take one day off a week, don't waste the professors time when he does not seem to be of help, I am still on this autonemous path, not being able to be fully self-sufficient ? My cooking habits are quite good, my eating habits are quite okay, I have to look into some of this stuff. Most important lesson, time blocks are awesome and create the neccessary time to make progress. Deep work is deep, shallow work is shallow. Working 30 - 1h only on code is not neccesarily worth it. I've heard this advice now to often from real coders that I know this is of utmost importance to sit for a minimum of two hours. I notice this myself. 3h are ideal since I mostly need than a break besides I train my duration training with meditation since the two skills are conflateable. (fusible) My persona what do I want to work on there ? I want to focus on vulnerabillity and the masculine and feminine I don't think I will date for my bachelor and I thought first about doing stuff in that region during my masters. I listend to the audiobook attraction now and read the book of pook, enlightend sex by david deida, the way of superior men from david deida, the three stages of a relationship by david deida and that is about it. I notice the following, attraction is important, grooming and taking care of my physical appearance is a thing I can negelct when I work very a long time, obviously basic hygiene is there, yet I could buy some new cloths and throw away some of the old, I'll do this during the winter months and sort out all of my stuff and buy some new stuff, which fits my persoanility and my identity since that stuff all still exists and will exists. I am definitely sometimes unconscious, so in what way am I a devil ? Or unconscious ? I am still hubristic partially I don't know why I did shadow work around this stuff and it feels more integrated, maybe it's my biology telling me something ? I want to work on my body more this 6 month I slacked of since I am back in my hometown. So, I will read mostly on training the body and how I can maintain health, but nothing about diet and I will also not implement anything regarding diet, since I do eat quite clean I just don't have the means to eat perfectly yet, and I do enjoy the occasional cola or meat here and there. I rarely eat meat alone, I don't even buy it. I buy tofu since I don't like to preprare meat and never done it. So, reading about health is good, still I want to narrow down my area of focus in my free time and during the week, so I stay on my vision. Conclusion: Work on health 5 times a week workout stick with it, devise a plan definitely when back in the city where I study, work on a maximum number of two projects, which will be one class I still have to do, because I did not read the freaking exam policy, the project during my internship and my bachelors, then if I finished one of them or if things are working out, study design patterns. Even my sunday is working out very well, of what I plan to implement then do it sundays, But for now stick with stage one. Review health on sundays, read about articels dedicate time to it, 2h for instance reading articles online and writing stuff down definitely will help. Instead of sproadiacally doing smth. Also I want to do some contemplation, I like walking and listening to audiobooks, I found some place where i can wander to, so I will do this. Hiking seemed to be replaced now by bike riding. Which cycle of trends is currently there ? Area 51, bike rides, a.i, eric epstein, 2020 elections, trump, secretly sadghuru smacking consciouness around the globe. Especially work on sleeping habits, and potentially find a product which tracks it like the ring from the youtuber. Look into health products and gadgets also. Vision: I am working towards it with me degree, my hobbies are not yet perfectly installed of what I like to do with my free time and what I like to learn with my free time, since I quit video games mostly I back slide the last couple of days and played a lot I did not play for 4 months entirely, I reduced it also to 90%, so I rarely played when I did not "quit". I am not entirely sure if I quit it there is even no need when I do it reasonably. Which I am doing, when I am not at home, at home I am like a kid again, back at my crib, it work on my vision and feel very masculine here it's like I don't own shit, so I am just some extraordinary guest. I definitely want to take my time and check out some uni's I found one thing but this is definitely to tough and also look into their curriculum and what they offer in depth. I also want math back and study it I started to like it a lot more, since I've done CBT around this stuff and my meditation skills increased my attention and durabillity while studying. Currenlty I found one university in Berlin which connects potentially my bachelors thesis but I did not fully choose a topic I want to talk with the professor again and potentially talk to one other professor who works with android studio, but I am not sure what he does there, he works more with games and graphics while the other works with hardware and services ? I am not a fan of becoming a video game programmer I heard they work long hours and I feel most video games that I currently play or way to unconscious so I am done with that idea. I definitely want to choose something a.i realted, the uni in berlin would be health and computer vision oriented, the uni in birkenfeld would be very very robotic intensive and I was not able to learn c++, I bought a book, android studio uses it. Yet, I take my chances with Java currently and design patterns as project. I've did some exercises and I have the gnu compiler installed and stuff like this. I also learned some c some time ago and some pythong and some visual basic and some php and some html, but never something in depth such as Java so I am sticking with that. C was fun C++ also, python was cool, PHP is hell, html is boring, and c# is just c# w/e. So, the languages tha I planned learning where c++, java and python. Yet, the focus here is searching out a degree which will let me learn something in that direction, especially a.i and see if you can apply. What did I notice is key to imeplement my vision ? Studying code and writing code, planning my day and weeks, doing sports and keeping myself healthy and active, visualization, finding inspiring people in the field currently I just like TeachLead and Joma as well as shinzen even if he has a math background it's somehow inspiring. What is the principle behind this ? Work ethic and being a visionary, being a visionary is quite new for me the word alone raises my hype for this concept. Since it involves inspiring others even if it is myself, through my actions, this inspiring thing became such a common theme, because of our milleneal gen y generation being so me me me focused that no meaning derived big picture gives any sense besides the good modern life or hey TRAVEL! Look at my life ! Oh it's so great, this is what I mean with hubristic and sarcastic. I can do this very toxically but it somehow transformed more healthily since I did shadow work so I can laugh healthily about it and don't do it out of envy, hatred, or pure toxicitiy, but more out of inevitability of letting of some steam and rant about culture, modernism, materialism etc. Since, it's not very inspirational, it's just comparative and evokes the notion of perfection and being better than others etc. Instead of telling a story of how one conquered his fears or brought up the courage to become rich, it's status and money games. Is it ? I want to refine my studying skills and re-read my notes or the two books from calnew port devise a reading plan for audiobooks and normal books and follow through on that and keep track, do one week of speed reading to get back into the techniques and habits again, and even ideally start learning some of the languages I liked and wanted to speak, since this has been inspiring, but I am not sure if I am chasing old dreams, that is the whole point of the paradox of my vision, since it includes old dreams, it also includes old struggles and past pains. Especially from childhood, I mean my teenage frustration is fine to deal with, but this victim mentallity around sports, hobbies etc. Is not very prolific. CBT helped, Shadow work helped, a gratitude journal helped, as well as meditation. But I still struggle with this notion since I enjoy music a lot I feel very attuned to it and enjoy talking to people who play instruments or who are artistically or take just the big 5 on creativity not intellectual openess and I enjoy talking to you a lot. But I notice limits even from people who played and stopped in childhood / teens, but I click with them a lot through music, my older friends never really enjoyed music, they listen to this type of crap that I hear at the gym, when Mr Big Gainz turns on 2pac, eminem and drank 3 coffee before and smoked 3 cigarettes, then some electronic music and we good. I bet they don't even think slightly about which instrument is being played, but at one point this stuff just becomes technical and I feel bad, because I was not able to pursue this inclination of mine. Learning an instrument now, I am not sure if I will waste my time, it's currently not included in my vision. Languages yes, but no musical instrument. What is neccessary to implement to execture my ultimate vision. Keep a reading plan and stick to it, videos are useful, books keep my motivated for a longer time, because I just remember the content for a longer time and I just randomly speak about them if I want to or not, I can become very intensive suddenly and energetic when I am passionate. Coding and keeping up with YouTubers who speak about code, besides Grindeel this guy rants 24/7 about HR, this is horrible. TechLead is just a legit G, you don't fk with the TeachLead. Creating a video series on YouTube from the coach above or listening to them is also a good idea, I turn on YouTube already in the morning and listen to informational content that is inspiring either or gives information that I can remember. Audiobooks my list currently does not include anything I would listen to quickly in the morning. Write this list down after this, I thought about a theme in 2020 and it will definitely for now be money and success, I keep working away at spirituality anyway it's to important for me currently. Health and fitness is key this year, and discipline and mastery, which will will be always ready for a challenge. 5 Books Reading list: 1 Religion of tomorrow - Ken Wilber 2. Martin Ball - Enthogens 3. The assertivness workbook I bought 4. 48 laws of power by robert green 5. The red queen ( I postponed this book so often) 5 Audiobooks: 1. Principles 2. Deep Work 3. So good they can't ignore you 4. Attraction/Models 5. Atomic habits I will stick to this and re-listen them over this year mostly I will throw in a random audiobook here and there but I will focus on them, I mostly listen when I cook or do the laundry, or just feel that I want to wander outside. What I also noticed is that I don't like reading exhausting stuff when I go to bed, reading a novel is very good I also want to keep in mind what I want to visualize about, so I will do a visualization process orientation, the greatest name given this century. Book: I want to read when I go to bed and I have my sleeping habtis straight is things fall apart by Chinua Achebe. What else is necessary ? I don't like to say this but social interaction this comes in to shortly often, when I lock myself into my room and just study and work out and cook and do the laundry and cook etc. Some of it happens spontaneously, gym, uni, etc. But since I kicked out my old best friends because I was tired of stupid drama, and ethnocentric hidden maps that clearly need shadow work because of identity as italien or vietnamese, it's not okay at one point. I surely went to far, often enough, but I was tired of them since 3 years I talked about this with friends I enjoy more and the more I read the more I know this was natural and the right decision. I feel I let other people down that I don't even know because I did not fully become so selfless to sacrifice myself for the vision and ideas of others and to inspire them through my actions, my state of consciouness and my person, maybe not my style of clothes, but my presence and my drive towards executing stuff. I feel I lack this because I lack the results, the best thing I can start with is my body and health. I am was never interested to be some small civil citizin, I don't get how they can't see that they are in this trap. But I am also a bit in the wage slave gap, even if I get the DIVIDENS OF ONE GAZILLION MARKETS, for what good? I enjoyed tracking this stuff, and we had some projects in my advance courses in high school in english around this subject, but I actually noticed that for this region the schools I went to where pretty good, that's that. I just didn't do much. So, I am a bit unsure what to think about this, I will target this next year and ideally talk to my professor who gives lectures about cryptocurrencies. He definitely has an entrepreneurial spirit. Besides that meditation is necssary, without it I am done. Period, I can't deny that this is of utmost importance if I notice the benefits or not, when shit hits the fan, meditation is the skill I rely on. I want to re-visit the goal section of the lp course since I am still confused with that I can devise a plan to tackle my vision, but I struggle with goals, I can track them, I can implement habits, I can get rid of old habits, but I am not very good at reaching objectives or milestones, so I want to keep the deep work principle and set deadlines that are arbitary and work towards them. I don't particulary like this but it helps ! So I WILL DO IT ! How will my visualization process look like ? FK CBT for now, I've done a lot there, reading now is more important, I already asked emily from shinzen young to talk to him again and I will ask him about habits around studying and behaviour change, how I can apply more mindfulness there and see what he can add or not add there to the process as a meditation teacher, PhD or avid reader. I want the skill of life long learning being set in stone in my daily structure. Now, my visualization even if 5 minutes, when I do daily 10 minutes the technique from Leos course, I want to imagine how my life will unfold and my daily routine, what do I struggle with when I do some visualiztation pratice, definitely concentration, so for now, just focus on how you life style will unfold when you focus on your vision and execute it how you feel and what you will do and comeback to this process. Conlusion: Do an extensive research about which unis I could apply check even the most remote places potentially even in another country but financially this will be difficult, and I don't speak a third language so, I rather do a semester abroad I could have done this in the second semester but the institution which lends the money did not lend enough and I could not visit my dad in the u.s, I went to London instead and wanted to do both, but yeah it's okay. I don't relish in my accomplishment happily and I don't have a lot of friends currently who can share my journey or my success I miss this a lot, I don't understand I enjoy somehow currently more platonic non-friendships friendships, I meet someone I know and we have a good talk, maybe we meet at an event and we talk about our interests and then say bye and meet sometime again. Travelling definitely showed me I can "technically" befriend anyone I just have to talk to them, but deep friendships and this stuff somehow got lost. Family and career some more important objectives now, I don't mean hanging out with the homes, but I mean having lasting strong friendships who share similar interests are difficult to find. I don't have friends who like psychdelics, programming, "reading", and sports. Maybe sports, maybe programming. But not the other two besides two friends who fit reading and programming or reading. Or my best friend with sports and knowledge and knowing things, we can just talk and I can also talk with his girlfriend for hours, and we have a good time and also three, I don't know I really like to perform I don't know why, maybe it's the hidden sub-nationalities in me. Do the visualization, follow through on the reading plan starting today with principles as audiobook, schedule your reading on sundays. Follow through on coding plan bachelors and internship, find the ideal university ! Daily structure: This is a lot about nothing I just thought, yet I can't contain these thoughts if I don't write something down immediately, there is a lot of stuff I noticed again that I did not write down, because I don't have a journal habit, besides this journal weekly, which is okay, daily is sometimes to much like actuall self-analysis which can be quite gruesome, but for now. What is of utmost importance ? Sleep without a doubt 7h10 is okay, I want to ask shinzen how I can reduce sleep. Since my body is odd, I slept the last couple of days 9 - 10 h but I can train rest, sadghuru only sleep 3-4h, many monks also(?), so I want to ask him. Time blocks and aribitary deadlines, audiobooks from calnew port !!!!!! Finding a way to follow through more consinstenly besides keeping track, and visualization, potentially key books will do the trick. Having a go to bed routine since I won't do CBT, I can read novels and nuture my creativity and inspiration that way I freaking love utopian and dysotopian books. So, let's get back on track with this stuff. (I AM NOT A BOOKWORM YET) What distractionsa are currently obstacles ? Random slumps, sometimes it's just to much to work like a robot monday through saturday, so taking an hour or two off is smart, or filling them with gym time to feel at one point okay, enough time spent on my body I want to go back to the pc. Notice this, dopamine drive. Otherwise, now that there is less stress there are not any obstacles besdies that I am here back home currently, I have to see. Cleaning my room once a week is good and doing the dishes, before I cook. Is good. Not being orderly enough I want to work on this somehow, cleaning and making my bed is good, grooming myself I can work a bit more on that I don't run around like a bum, NOT AT ALL (Apply your hiterly) and I will say it like this my ego is my biggest obstacle, my identification with my brain and my biographical stroy, I can re-frame as much as I want and I will turn out nice, but it's like Eckhart Tolle says, you now have very beautiful furniture but, the root problem has not been adressed. For that I want to do shadow work but for now stretching, I will make a stretching habit now in the morning instead of saying I willl do it I will make it a habit 20 minutes of prepatory stretches for a lotus position. This journal could be a distraction it helps, emotionally, but I am unsure and I keep thinking about it a lot when I am not on here because people actually read this and I am like, ehhh okay, and then I am like omg this is gamification at work, give me some eudaimonia there are not likes no hedonism !! So... not sure what to think about this. I definitely noticed my craving for recognition more in the last couple of weeks or since I am deprived from friendships, since this is a normal give and take. How to win friends and influence people was good here to keep this in check. But, I am missing people with a common vision or goal and there are no fking language classes anymore, my french is on a A2 level which is bad my chinese is even A2 I would call it that, but besides some random sentences. Even the friend with a higher IQ than mine like ... obviously was suprised that I had such a knack for languages sure there are people who are better, it's just that my anlyzation and my listening skills help me a lot. I even got good at grammar partially, but setting commas and stuff like this or using the - , is just something I never learned and my parents never stressed. I definitely want to learn how to be a winner, as weird as this sounds and do more shadow work around introjection these internalized voices from random people even on the net is pure hiterly. I am not sure if this is good, but this is the whole point about introjection. The point is it's not about winning but I want to enjoy succcess and achievment that is something I often downplayed, maybe this is the introjection cause of why I keep internalizing the voices of achievers. Now, ideal daily structure: Random test day: 05:30 (yes) wake up 05:30 - 06:00 shower, glass of water , nootropics. 06:00 - 07:00 meditation 07:00 - 07:20 stretching 07:20 - 07:50 eat and watch a youtube video + read an article from washington post theme tech ( I am not focusing on mindful eating now I've done it enough times, I am okay, but meditation for now with stronger sits is more important and this morning routine is still not easy for me okay) 08:00 arrive at internship or work outside ( I should get a key now for the "lab") (cook tee, either green tee or start the day without a stimulant sadghuru says no to stimulants) 08:00 - 11:00 first 3h block of work in the internship with 10 min break 11:00 - 13:00 2h block of work with 10 min break. 13:00 eat outside in the mensa, eat what fills your stomach this shit won't make you healthy, DON'T EAT FATTY STUFF ON DAYS WHERE I WILL WORKOUT THIS IS HORRIBLE 14:00 be back, if they have smth like this or bring your own, water cooker yes. 14:00 - 17:00 3h block of work with 10 min break. I am sure by then I will be off tbh I don't think I have legit times. 17:00 - 18:30 workout 18:30 - 19:15 shower, bio-break, eat some food, nuts, fruits, proteine, make some tea, 19:15 - 21:15 study for the second project in advance !!! 10 FKING WEEKS IN ADVANCE 21:15 start wind down ritual, turn off pc, or write a post here max 15min, turn phone to flight mode, turn the laptop off 21:15 windown ritual, read in bed, (pray that the neighours are quiet and if not apply meditation techniques) also read about stuff that helps you fall asleep, I have some tea, but I don't study well when I drink it before I become quite tranquil but it's still okay, maybe with binaureal beats, I will test this and look for some tips. 22:00 sleep This is a hard day !! Schedule them 4 times a week sunday off and two days soft days don't necessarily schedule them back to back, but if you don't care and the impact is very low, schedule them back to back or don't fk around with soft days. Structure Free time: (Structure weekend (sunday)) 05:30 wake up routine 06:00-07:00 meditation 07:00 - 07:20 stretching ( You know the exercises by now do them !) 07:20 - 08:00 breakfast + youtube + reading (install a youtube series from a coach for example - watch them in the morning integrate structures, create a network) 08:00 - 11:00 - find a place to read, if not even go the the lab if not read at home PUT AWAY THE LAPTOP ! Use a phone as a timer ( read 3h) I can read for 1h, I can study for 3h, I can learn "how to code" in 3h, so I can also read for 3h! 11:00 - 13:00 already cook some food, do the laundry, clean you room for instance for monday or after workout etc. or do all of it. 13:00 -13:30 eat. 13:30 - 16:30 coding (Java Book about design patterns I bought last year) 16:30 - 18:30 workout time 18:30 - 19:15: eat, shower, prepare sports bag again ... no wonder my habit here stinks 19:15 - 21:15 - go outside for a walk with audibook, already just go to bed if you are that tired from the week, read about health and nutrition, mostly about health though, for e.g sleep still, performance boasters, workouts and various workout methods, review your notes from the week, order notes, write in journal, or even just browser the web, all of these are options nothing is mandatory here. 21:15 - 22:00 bed routine - reading, visualization is key here. This is the point where I ask myself what hobbies do I have ? I started and stopped so many things, working out, judo for 3 months, random keyboard and music learning, languages, reading, programming, music production when I was younger, but I never tried it seriously, I don't like working with photoshop I can do the mandatory stuff, I don't like designing apps and screens or websites, soccer, basketball and even swimming when I was very very young. What do I like as a hobby of what I can currently do ? Learning a language again french for e.g Coding (which could be to much since I do not fully love it yet it's quite frustrating and that is normal apparently) Music definitely holy fk In general knowledge acqusition, so life long learning Meditation oh yes Working out Wandering ? With audibooks ? But, even if this is mad I will take coding. Structure weekend (saturday) 05:30 wake up routine 06:00-07:00 meditation 07:00 - 07:20 stretching ( You know the exercises by now do them !) 07:20 - 08:00 breakfast + youtube + reading (install a youtube series from a coach for example - watch them in the morning integrate structures, create a network) 08:00 - 11:00 - look if the uni is open and study there already or take the key and study in the lab ( internship project) - if not study at home... 11:00 - 13:00 already cook some food, do the laundry, clean you room or workout all of it ! 13:00 -13:30 EAT (post workout) 13:30 - 16:30 work on project again either at lab or at home, think about the tea ! 16:30 - 17:30 break END THE DAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 17:30 - 20:30 relax, reflect on the week write in your journal, contact a friend, call a friend, call my mom, walk outside, with audibook, schedule your upcoming week, potentially order some stuff. inform yourself about bachelor projects and read the script the prof compiled about these topics and ask him ideally, read also about the field, all of this is optional 20:30 - 21:15 - browse web, do what ever you want. 21:15 - 22: 00 bed routine. Normal day: 05:30 wake up routine 06:00-07:00 meditation 07:00 - 07:20 stretching ( You know the exercises by now do them !) 07:20 - 08:00 breakfast + youtube + reading (install a youtube series from a coach for example - watch them in the morning integrate structures, create a network) 08:00 - 11:00 - internship 3h study session 11:00 - 13:00 - internship 2h study session ( eat some fruit here and then if you take some with you ) 13:00 -14:00 eat mensa 14:00 - 17:00 3h block study internship 17:00 - 18:30 workout 18:30 - 19:15: eat, shower, prepare sports bag again 19:15 - 21:15 ???? 21:15 - 22:00 bed routine - reading, visualization is key here. Questions: Is this a daily structure that I really want ? Is this doable ? What is missing ? Will this help my accomplish my vision ? What to do on days without a workout ? How will I plan ? weekly, monthly ? Anything else that needs to be adressed ? What about the books do I plan the schedule ? Is nothing here specific ? What are relaxing activities for me ? Now, the point is here that I am not sure anymore what do with my free time since I cry about the things that I can't do currently and wanted to always do like martial arts, the gym is fine etc. but this is the point where I'll receive some social interactions and do something that I love or deem as fun at the sametime. Yes, it is the structure that I want I want to implement language learning and challenges more, this is also another topic I want to adress. Is this structure fun ? Yes, it is fun I enjoy learning I start to learn to enjoy programming more and more instead of it being an inclination. The books I will implement a weekly what book I will focus on and will write about this stuff for e.g here on my free time when I want to reflect. I will plan weekly, and schedule monthly events. Yes, this is doable, I did this last month starting somewhere around mai or early june with this and it worked after 4 or 5 weeks it became a bit tedious though. Relaxing activities although it can be relaxing meditation, not everytime but more than often, listening to audiobooks and sleeping are most likely the most relaxing acitvities I can think off, or journaling.... I am some stuck here. Yes shadow work wants to be adressed but that can wait for now, first this structure will work out Things that I am confused about or regard as toxic that want to be changed in the near future. Random binge porn session. Are just not good Personal things, complaining internally still a lot, feeling more and more the pressure of class thinking and becoming conscious of it. Relationships, I am quite confused here I've read some advice I can't tell if I am toxic or the other people are toxic but I know this most likely stems from interests and habits, so I am doing fine, it's just this region is partially retarded. Living in this region is toxic. Assertivness and vulnerability this fks me up sometimes. That is about it. There are some minor things where I am unsure about, but in the end I am the one responsible. DELETE INSTAGRAM AGAIN!!!!! THIS IS NOT USEFUL AND DRAGS DOWN MY HAPPINESS THERE ARE ENOUGH STUDIES THAT SHOW THIS AND NOBODY FKING CARES ABOUT ME ON THIS PLATFORM (CALNEWPORT ADVICE ), so delete it. It was fun I used it as a tool I can be aware of trends in culture and read some fun truths, but it's not important and it's not urgent, so this tool does not fit in any quadrant. Since, it does not fullfill it's function for me it's not important. Like my journal here. Which is not urgent... This is what I am thinking about mostly which is either neutral or negative, and what I want to restructure, the positive things like shinzen youngs lpp, scheduled retreats ( which I want to do and did in the past !!!) work outs, positive moods through working and caring about my health, working towards my vision are all great. This is what I want to implement. Especially important is to focus my attention towards executing and solving not understanding actualized.org is or Leo is doing this, yet he mostly talks about understanding now, which I enjoy to much even if it is some youtube video or some dumb journal where I reflect and gain some clarity. So, be wary of that. If not take some time off from this whole thing Another post will follow.