ValiantSalvatore

Today I focus on my pattern of discomfort. All in all I am happy how the day went, yet I am behind schedule in terms of when I wanted to give my report etc. I struggle with procrastination and I generally don't feel the need to accomplish anything as long as I don't want it. Or I feel inspired. So, today I learned about discomfort is there is a trick to work around it and I forgot one thing that I remembered, thanks to a video. Counting backwards from 5 to 1 helps to stop apparently the basal ganglia from being activated whatever that part of the brain does and activates the prefrontal cortex, so we are out of a thought loop and can start what we wanted to start and do that for even just 5 minutes. Research apparently showes that 80% of people will keep going and I noticed at the gym today I will keep going. Fear and excitement are one and the same emotion according to the body, sweaty palms, sweet in general, increased heart rate are signs of it when reframing it to excitement I or you become excited and I remember i did this for a couple of test where I wrote good marks. Where I was fearful. Now I was a bit stuck in paralysis of analyzes and what I found out is it is bad to ask why to gain self-awarness according to research I watched a bunch of TED talks and the researcher explained (she) that instead of asking why, one should ask what. For instance for me this would by not why do I experience discomfort, yet what can be done to combat discomfort. Is it cleaning your room. Is it washing the dishes. Is it deleting video games. Is it deleting distractions, keeping away from unconscious enviroments that prompt unconscious behaviours etc. Also, from the audiobook I listend today while I was at the gym he explained that just perceiving that you have social support when you are around people will trigger the benefits, so I did this partially because I felt so alone the last couple of weeks that I stuck to comfort mentality video games, a bit of junk food and staying indoors. The gym is vital for my currently even if the treadmill is half broken or I am a cripple running on this treadmill. Today I ran for 38 minutes till the treadmill shut of because I move the band forwards when I step on it and it just shuts down. I ran 6.2km or so during that time or more. Afterwards I ran another kilometer. In 6-7 minutes. So, I will ask what instead of why to not be trapped in the self-reflexion house of mirrors and. Write down things that will move me out of the pattern. I am thankful today for youtube videos. I am thankful for one of shinzens facilitators i am thankful for sleep I am thankful that I can beat fear with a trick I am thankful that conscious loops somehow exist 3 traits of future self Reaping seeds that were sown Healthy Achieved a 10k run of the treadmill

@tsuki Do you really think you have NPD ? I thought I had two narccists in my life and thought I am one too and read from Sam Valkinin and watched his Videos in the end it was more fantasy and learning about narccistic tendencies I have and others have and the different forms of narccisim... like the grandiose, malignant, introverted and cerebral etc. From what I read when you consider yourself a narccist you are not one, since they will deny all of it vehemently and apparently this is a rule of thumb. So, not sure what to think about Sam Valkinin etc. I found it at one point to be very insightful, yet also basic shadow work helped me dealing with negative personality traits like arrogance and an inflated sense of self based on insecurities. So, I am not talking about behaviour but personality anyway. It was pretty random to see this so... I thought I leave a more or less thoughful comment depending on how serious this all is.

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomfort. So, now that I elimanted the most distractring and comfort driven activity I keep thinking about work more often, since I automatically associate it with play because of Alan Watts taps.. So, I will observe how I deal with it and write an entry in my physical journal. I don't get why this journal even gets views. I am thankful for my physical journal I am thankful for my intrinsic drive to want to get things done I am thankful for the amount of energy that I have I am thankful for meditating with impermanence I am thankful for awarness 3 traits of future self Action oriented Mastery oriented Not a dabbler

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomfort. It is odd, Besides that I feel that I am not putting in any effort into doing something. I also did not meditate yesterday all of the momentum and motivation is gone because of a lack of results as usual. Which I find painful. I don't like this. Even when I learn a lot about persoanlity and such just focusing on discomfort etc. I watched the new episode, it's really for newbies and keeping people up to date. So, I can understand I find it somehow boring and I don't like the degree of arrogance that I have at the sametime, it's fine I don't function that way. I can do shadow work etc. Somehow there is still this discomforting notion of knowing more ? Even if it is in fields nobody cares about or is interested in. I wonder I at least deinstalled the game which causes the most discomfort and watched an epsiode from Leo talking about resistance where it is also explained etc. Yet, I was doing other things on the computer. I do myself no favour being isolated at home etc. I don't have anything inspiring currently and all I have is to much energy that I can't really balance. Yet, there is so much motion. It's annoying at one point to deal with it and to not be understood with it. I definitely reduced distracting comfort. As well as I am aware that being at home can be to comforting to work. There really are no places to be here.... I can't go to a starbucks on saturday and work on a project and move to a different place in 3-4h. I would need to be the ultimative conservativ to be able to pull this off I write this in awarness with the big 5 model. I don't know. I just wish I could at least have someone in my enviroment that pulls me up, instead of is just a tool that I can use to pull me up... Because I tend to try to uplift people, I assume people don't have that amount of energy or simply don't care. This would produce the perfect friction between discomfort and comfort. Like running for 20 minutes and starting to hit momentum or so. Or doing any sort of crossfit. I surrend myself not with the right people because there are no right people here. I want to get out of this enviroment. The best option I have to do smth. is the call the one girl who gave me her number, but has a boyfriend is smart and I can talk to, but it's still somehow boring because she is not conscious but more conscious than others. Go to the students council which is fairly unconscious and I can't deal with this regions unconsciouness this is more time for the collective. Germans don't even get their stage red right. Just go to the fking gym. They get it. Other options is to go back home. OR I HIT up my professor ?????????? Who seems to be the most conscious, as well as demanding. Yet, of course bla bla. So, I might choose a different pattern to dig a bit deeper and see. I don't think this is worth it currently ? I am not sure I have dull awarness currently and discoverd some older demons which I am to lazy to confront or they are overriden by higher consciouness and dissolved. Like I said I did not meditate yesterday and I will just meditate now. My life is absolutely not in order and I am not even sure if I can feel proud about anything else besides the process of smth. that is driven by higher consciouness or when I am in hype - red mode. I don't know. I just don't do what I need to do. Most things are not very fun and the things that are very fun and relaxing like a vacation or so are far far far away. Yet, I am also grieving to much right now. I also can't stand this american voice in my head. Will not do the postivity exercise because I've read the science behind it sometime ago. No effect = cut back. 3 traits of future self Precision Ordierliness Driven

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomort. Well I certainly did nothing today besides cleaning my room. I took a cold shower that is good today, although I slept a little to late. I tend to be swayed by my emotions a lot towards comfort. The point is I don't even go out of the house. Which is semi-bad depending on what I do at home. So, my arm is still fked I did not go to the doctor but grocery shopping, the way towards the hospital is shorther than I thought I can see it walking down the hill. I want to go on monday, there because my arm is not really getting better. I keep being fooled by my brain wanting to let me experience comfort. Or choosing the path of least resistance I could re-read some books on the weekend. There is nothing really wrong and I don't have any ideas to make somthing more comfortable I know some stuff that can help. That I can do. Yet, I am not doing it. I underestimate how much I take time for granted. I am messing really hard with my future, that's the negative thought, but ultimately I have to ask me what am I running away from by procrastinating the whole day ? Is it my arm ? No. Is it fear yes 100%. I fear failure so much currently and I didn't notice it, yet I had to think about Leos video about fear. Let alone the title. So, I noticed I fear failure. I also become very motivated in general when I take care of myself so, I will ascribe this towards comfort. Which is gym, cleaning up, shaving etc. I never cared about this, but now it's different. Like basic hyigene of course, yet not savage style cleanliness and orderliness. I feel I want to be a "beast" in ordiliness to some degree. Not to much, yet just so that I feel I can work comfortably on my desk. I feel starting the morning right is key. Sleeping to late is bad. Accepting that I can't get out of the house besides the gym, because there is just nothing to go to which is sort of normal. Yet, I loved going to conveniance stores in China, yet that was like at 2 am or so going to 7 eleven. While I had 0 fear to be stabbed, killed, meeting druged and alcoholized people. I lived very near to a famous street even where there are a lot of restaurants about I think seefood, lobster stuff. I never ate it so far. I went to one restaurant though, but there were millions of people and it was sooo loud when I had a appartment where my window faced this side of the street. :..:.:: So, why am I avoiding discomfort ultimately ? What is this pattern ? It's a pattern of not implementing a pattern ? Feeling bad for trying ? Feeling bad for failure ? Yet, it's more fear and inaction.. Not disabling distractions ? I can try this again and see how it works. Yet, then I feel empty because I have basically no social circle here. Like not at all it's rather difficult living like a hobbit on a hill with other hobbits., yet they don't know each other. They just chill ?? In their appartment the people I am closest to are people at the gym. Yet, I still lack mastery, I lack LP, I lack discipline. I will finish definitely this one audiobook, I bought and re-start with deep work and start reading one of the books recommended in the LP. I read all most all of them or have the audiobook version. Yet, it does not matter when I don't take action on the principles. I also like this one new audiobook I have because it's about the art of learning from a chess master. I enjoy this perspective and story and this is a thought I have which is constantly there. Otherwise, what are actual things that cause to much discomfort and or comfort. So, comfort foods ? I don't buy a lot but sometimes I just indulge, like I buy one or two items. A bag of chips and nutella is what a freaking bought, because I have a sweet tooth ??????????? So, this is okay to some degree. The food I eat generally let's me not feel to lethargic besides when I buy cheap food because of financial reasons. So, in retrospect this does not matter. I care to much about my nutrition. This is actually a thought that my father has implemented into me, which is odd, yet I still cherish this a lot. Mh... I think I am better of reading the books ? No ? Yes and No. I can delete distractions and accept this is just no the time to mess around. I don't currently care about keeping track of smth. I wrote an entry in my physical journey sometime this week and it was semi-effective. I wrote a very small habit which I can implement on my whiteboard. So, I will see I want to work with the micro-picture more intensly now. So, I will keep my eyes open for details. I think it's not that complicated, I will just delete all distractions and focus. I will run out of things that are fun. I am not that much of a reader, I wanted to cultivate it, nmh.... So, I can "speed read", yet I don't apply the techniques, so I could have forgotten some principles. Yet, it's more a faster digestion of material I enjoy, this is what I aimed for with comprehension. Otherwise ??? I could look for things that give my comfort that are not distracting that keep me on track and observe how I can create a path of least resistance. I will fail often, simply because I know I don't care enough and I am not really sure what to do about that. I become very intense when I care about smth. Yet, that is most of the time nothing... I am thankful for the cold shower today I am thankful for noodle soups. I am thankful for the memories about china. I am thankul that I could live once in China and fulfill one of my dreams and milestones I am thankful for a drive towards mastery 3 traits of future self Working smart less distracted Aligned with LP

I am taking a break for 10 minutes approx. I wanted to contemplate and write a bit what I felt about corruption in general, since I am so isolated I notice it most of the time in myself or in the collective. So, since the party was going on yesterday and I had some disturbing insights into my "foul mouth", which I don't really have. I noticed how common it seems for people to say and feel shut the fuck or or shut up. They were screaming this in German so proudly, yesterday that I think now. How corrupted is their state of consciouness ? I noticed it in myself to any sort of discomfort even on the nano-scale where I just sit and somebody starts to talk friendly with a person and I naturally think "oh shut up".. To phrase is even more friendly. The German sounds way harsher and tbh. I feel my cerebellum. So, besides that I don't have a deep understanding of corruption there are a lot of tasks, so I did not use the worksheet from the video I could do it now. Yet, I also like to do it my "own way" or just a without a given structure this time. So, I noticed for instance that I have corrupt beauty standards which is odd, I see myself so highly sometimes, because of the level of women that "offered" themselves to me in the past. That I become not an ass but an asshole. Rarely, yet it's a tendency so I try to play it out in a way where I am such an asshole you can't help but love, since this corruption also has a kernel of truth in it. Otherwise, it's the subconscioues and survival mechanism, my mood and my hormones which are corrupting the higher self from emerging. It's important for me and a lesson that I have to learn right now is not industriouness, but orderliness. Especially in the way I handle my work and my workplace. I tend to think about structure a lot, yet I seem to work best when I can rinse and repeat different ideas that I have forgotten and I can work the one idea that seems to streamline and facilitate the process of creating a work of work. So, I corrupt myself by procrastinating because I don't know the perfect structure. While the better approach would be do it, see what happens, work with it, accept what happens, ask for help if needed and read the required material. So, I can build a structure based on knowledge not on my notions of how things are supposed to play out. Which ... usually would bring more comfort but ok. I want to write one oberservation about corruption I've been thinking about it, yet there are not the correct triggers present besides the ones I've been contemplating about in the post above, especially comfort and discomfort for me. I actually wrote this in 10 minute this time.

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomort. I woke up early today and got my 1h meditation in. I definitely noticed some habits kicking in when I was ultra or more productive, especially the morning meditation instead of not sleeping very well and doing it during the day, when there are no lectures anymore. So, this is actually comfortable, the inital discomfort that I meet before that was definitely the cold shower, I felt this gott things going and may have caused the nervous system to cooldown. Otherwise, a small level of discomfort is that I started to visualize waking up early or saying a mantra to wake up early. It helped I put my alarm clock even into the bathroom just so I have to walk there and not use my phone to turn off the alarm and experience some level of discomfort before and can take shoer immediately. The cold shower today was also great, I noticed that my positive self-talk I associated and created with the cold shower has vanshied a bit, at least some negative thoughts wanted me to stop this, yet the old positive self-talk I created battled the negative self talk and won at the end so I did a cold shower for approx. 30 seconds to 1 min. Otherwise this gives me confidence to overcome obstacels, especially dealing with any sort of discomfort. The bad part about it is that when I overcome it I rest on my laurels and enjoy the alleviation of discomfort and the feeling of comfort to much. Or no I just stop taking action. I can repeat this cycle over and over again in order to create consistency in overcoming obstacels. I am thankful for the cold shower today I am thankful for the mantra before I go to bed I am thankful for the rice pudding that did not taste all to bad I am thankful for rain I am thankful nobody went crazy yesterday and broke into my appartement or stuff like this 3 traits of future self Equates discomfort with overcoming obstacels Freedom of the complacency cycle Consistency

I am cooking some rice pudding now, I went for a 30 min run. The campus outside is having parties all over the dorms, I don't know how, why etc. Yet, there are quite loud. I never saw some people head out of the dorm that just headed out. Otherwise I want to reflect about the content in the audiobook that I listend to while running. The author talked about how cortisol influence stress and in general what can be done to stop this. I can't recall the concept that they were talking about. Yet, what it does it that for instance when eating a banana the amount of serotonin it delivers is not transported towards the brain. Because the sertonin is to big to get into it. I can't recall the concept I recall indolent. yet that means pain free when googleing or indifferent to paint. So, what else ? Insulin helps to reduce the amount of cortisol in the body, so when eating carbohydrates esepcially the ones with the high glycemic index, the helps to reduce the cortisol levels in the body. That is one reason why people opt for comfort foods. Another thing was when eating you want to increase the serotonin produce in your brain you have to keep out other amino-acides when eating because it apparently has a low priority to be able to access the brain quickly. So, all of the other amino-acids have to be kept at bay in order for tryptophane which is one of the basic elements IIRC !!! ALL OF THIS. of serotonin. The best ratio to achieve this is eating carbohydrates and proteins with a 7:1 ratio, meaning to eat more carbohydrates than protein. This will help to fall asleep a lot faster and because of the increased serotonin available. Because protein has tryptophane in it. Anything else I can recall ?? He mentioned weird parts of the brain steady nucleos nucleos but the core of what ? Fking ESTJ explaining everything so efficently, but not explaining the connection and the meta-level. Just the logic of "how" stuff works. One thing I recall is that increased cortisol thanks for the visual ? increase t-helper cells or so which can cause HIV ? Anyway increased cortiosol puts one at risk of receiving diseases. As well as the t-helper cells function like pacman, they apparently wrap around one cell and consume it. So, this is what I can recall. There is a bit more left. Yet, it will take sometime before I will remember. One thing was about christians and the holy maria ?? Some symbol or statue that can be worshiped or prayed by and the positive effects of prayer. This is where I stopped. Somehow I remember now the zeigarniceffect. That we remember unfinished tasks better than finished ones. lol

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomort. I was being to comfortable today so far, I did wake up later than usual. Because I was accepting comfort maybe a bit to much, yet today my meditation session showed me it's also needed. So, I don't know this is the first time where I became so stressed out that I stopped the meditation because of stress and this feeling was actually in my chest, either my heart or my solar plexus. This time solar plexus. So, I noticed this thick uncomfortable energy or vein pumping through my body. I woke up and my arm felt fine so I did not go to the doctor 4h later the same problem again, so I will go tomorrow. I know I am making partial excuses, yet I am the infrastructure is so bad, that I EVEN HAVE TO THINk cutting of my arm is more worth then spending 1h finding out which bus takes me to the hospital or walk there FOR TWO HOURS. I hate this place the more autonomous you can be the more survival advantage you have, and I can explain this 1 billion times to my family they are still not capeable of providing the things I need, so I naturally become complacent because I know for americans sake I can do "better". Yet, this is true and not true. Still I can't deny it's harder and that I did not pay attention to the infrastructure that much because I just came from an internship at research institute where I tralved by bike and from China when I started studying... So, to which degree do I want to face discomfort even ? Till it drives me to angry, till it wastes to much time or to the degree neccessary I still dislike this so much. I am happy most of the time, yet this is just annoying to deal with and people telling me anything in that direction makes me so angry that I question their empathy. Seriously. I will continue to work sometimes it's annoying to have a lot of ideas then work them out and then they are either not working or they are and are good. I can't tell. I certainly can face discomfort to a certain threshold, but most of the time I opt for comfort. Because it's the path of least resistance, yet facilitating my enviroment is not really possible my room yes, I can't influence the infrastructure of an entire town. .... I am thankful today that I will go to the gym I am thankful today that I am working on projects I am thankful today that I am healthy I am thankful that I can visit doctors I am thankful that I can experience discomfort mindfully 3 traits of future self Outdoors more often Time management Consistency

Okay I will most likely go to the doctor tomorrow I ran for 40 min today and again it was easier then I thought, yet I killed the treadmill again by stepping accidentially on it to hard apparently. Anyway, I had to plug it in and out and start the machine again. That took me 4-5 minutes, so i don't know how far I ran but approx. 6km +.

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomort. Today is a day where I feel comfort will triumph, let alone because I just feel that way. I will face discomfort later when I will go for a 40 min run this time instead of 35 minutes on the treadmill. So, I will see how discomfort will affect me afterwards and write about it tomorrow. I did waste time today, but woke up relatively early around 10am. Which is pure luxury, but tbh you could bash a gazallion more people than me. Self-acceptance and aceepting this discomforting notion that I perceive in general is better than being a good do nothing moralist. So, I will pass over the sarcasm. So, today it's the reverse. How will comfort impact me postively ? I will meditate in approx. 40 min with the LPP program and either listen to an audiobook or try to meditate with music on the treadmill with some music similar to which I practice last HPP with the special programm. Otherwise, the embarrasing discomfort part today I will leave out. I am grateful for time. I am grateful for going to the gym. I am grateful for experiencing discomfort and comfort. I am grateful that I am out of the rut. I am grateful that I start putting in a lot more work 3 traits of future self Hard-working Savvy Love of Learning

@Ferdi Le lol. That is nice I'll pm you the city.

@Ferdi Le Sure, your welcome ! Something related to CS. It's a bachelor of science yet they combined a lot of stuff in it. It's 60% cs based and 40% media basically. So, both more creative and analytical. I like it, yet I don't like the place where I am studying at. It's quite isolated.

So, I am cooking right now some spagehtti with spinach (whole grain) even though this is not optimal for sleep. Apparently a high carb diet is bad for sleep and eating fatty stuff before sleep is helpful to fall asleep. Otherwise, I ran today approx 6km on the treadmill if someone would have told me that I can do it so easily, I would tell them they are retarded. Although I broke the treadmiill again for a short time because I bumped up the speed to much and it produces a shortcut. Which gave me the opportunity to talk to a cute girl because she was concerned that I broke the only treadmill in this piss poor gym. So, of course the gym is okay, yet you can't say the gym has good equipment or highy quality equipment it even has not enough of the most basic equipment for the large amount of people wanting to train. So sometimes it's overcrowded inside. I listend to an audiobook while on the treadmill this time only on 1.25x speed and again it get to technical at one point. So, what I can recall is that when a mother holds her child the head or skulp of the child releases pheromones which produces oxytocin through the olfactory tract. Also that estrogen ensure the womens survival let's say for sd's stage on stage beige and directs the conduct towards a more harmonies social intercourse which protects her and her child, sure this is a "bromide" yet I don't think many equate it with estrogen. Otherwise it talked how dopamine plays a role in somethings, as well as beta endorphine and that runners especially marathon runners can become addicted to it and become vulnerable to dieseas after a marathon because of the release of beta endrophine. I hope this is correct. I finished the structure of how I can construct my "theisis" because they also want this format for the internship the prof is a bit pedantic about this this is the postive, negative part about him also that he is a bit of a rebel, so sometimes he is quite unorthodox. Hm... I can't recall otherwise much from the audibobook I tried to use meditation techniques while running and I mainly focused on feel out and as usual hear in. I have so much mental talk, I could talk also to a camera on hours, yet with this amount of stupidity that I am talking I would only create dogma. Horseshit, Hilter Po Po and other apologetical stuff defending my own true dogma. There are some micro interactions that I still do not quite understand I certainly see focusing on the small picture now is more important than focusing on the big picture. As so often I tend to overlook this, or obsess about it. Anyway that is about it I think my food is almost done.

I watched a video about dopamine that semi-randomly popped up. I want to do a nofap challenge for 30 days or so again or just keep masturbation to once a week, because it messes with dopamine to much. I was curious about hormonal effects and dopamine is one main drive for motivation. TBH I forgot how that was part of the most succesful epsiode I had during my life... and I just did not do it because I was operated on my knee and was not really thinking about anything like this and used this time also IIRC for the funny exercise from Leo how to become more humerous. So, I will test that and see this time how much exercise impacts my motivation the point is I become so horny after 7 days or so with exercise that I just stop or I feel I am on overdrive or I feel like a freaking bull, yet the testosterone spike stops after 7 days or so. So, I may maintain this longer and see how long I can focus on LP. So, besides that. Exercise is also great to combat the horniness or my sexual drive, but I don't want to hide how I feel things currently. I will try to go for a 40 min run today and most likely check in with the doctor on thursdays.

Okay, I had to deactive the timer on my laptop. Today I focused on my pattern of discomfort. I definitely noticed this morning that I had to face discomfort that was sort of inevitable, therefore I just woke up early. I am writting now in class, I definitely do not dislike sitting here I just dislike the unconsciouness of the average ape. It's annoying that I have to deal with them in some sort even when I intentionally isolate myself this time. Sure I could sit next to someone etc. yet this costs energy or gives me weird ups and downs currently. So, I rather avoid that. I am thankful that I don't have to deal with idiots. I am thankful that I can just relax in class and code. I am thankful to receive help. I am thankful that I am not interested sometimes to talk to people. I am thankful that nobody knows where I am from 3 traits of future self Autonomous Financially Independent Ignoring stupid talk

Will write the post a bit later, I woke up earlier today..

I don't know if this is a sneaky trick but this video has a new thubmnail ? I am definitely doing a bit better, I am mainly frustrated by the actions that I am taking and somehow I can't deal very well with my emotions, I do think I can, I often think I can deal with stress better than others, yet in terms of being a leader. It's difficult when my "performance" is impacted and therefore impacts my credibility, I mean I check names etc. From various companies and I just get the feeling I can get socially ahead with the right social enviroment, or I can thrive in their and make friends pretty quickly and within 1 or 2 years push ahead. At least that is what I make up in my mind. The point currently is this feeling of disappointment in me. I dont think contemplating any sort of thing is neccessary for me without Leos format to dive deeper. Or I could continue doing this and also get deeper, yet I may want to apply to sedona method. I heard so much adivce now it's more about embodiment even if I don't know what I want to embody. I have my core values as a guide line. Even before the LP, let alone because of one book. So, I know why again. The point is I am not doing anything against is. My entire doing revolves around comfort. I will order a different showerhead now today. I fixed the problem I had with my online banking because the bank that I am using or it using me blah. Is ... Introduced a new app that I have to use now in order to confirm my logins etc. and I somehow had to many verification slots that I could use. I messed up smth. yet it was way to random because it worked the whole time before and even with the initial setup. So, I will oder a new shower head and contemplate generally what elements I am missing about survival. So, there will be a more or less random entry. As usual instead of only following the format above. I will most likely go to the doctor on thursday to check for my arm again. It hurts now when I stretch it out and I don't know why, I just want to make sure the inflammation is gone. Because I am suffering from lack of gym time tremendously. My structure currently does not work at all. I try to adhere to too much techniques ? All I need fundamentally is a schedule a pen a time blocks and then execute it, it's not anymore difficult for me. I could read upon projects etc again, what to avoid, what to do, yet I also learn very well by doing. I miss new things about personality, I don't seem to gain any insights about it anymore and the fascination of it stopped mostly, I like it yet there is no hype. I just miss the gym for my own hype and inspiration.

Today I will focus on the pattern of discomfort: I did not take a cold shower the excuse that I am making is that the showerhead is not comfortable enough, I can easily circumvent that by just buying a more comfortable one. I could do that yet, I currently have fear around the topic of money. It's fine and good to know I can just order it. The day today is very beautiful, so I will most likely be comforted by that alone. Usually when I face discomfort I work harder than usual. So, this is also good to know I made my bed this morning as I usually do when I just want to get started because I went with the stupid JP hype and bought his audiobook 12 rules for life, but it was not that interesting more like a constant pep talk and story telling of lessons which I did enjoy, yet somehow these principels just seem ridiculous. Yet, he is right and I took some lessons from the book. Otherwise, I will meditate now for 1h and give back the key for the internship and then have breakfast. I am just going to wake up with the sun turning down the shutters makes me sleep for 10h+. I woke up so naturally today and I enjoy this feeling of sleepy impermanence when the sun wakes me up, I don't get why to darken the room is so important. What else ? Discomfort definitely when processed consciously like what I am feeling and doing right now dissolves into flow or impermanence. I am thankful today for the sun I am thankful today for the hot shower in the morning I am thankful today that I feel relaxed and rested in the morning I am thankful today that it's not to cold. I am thankful today for the feeling of positive impermanence 3 traits of future-self Consistency Orderliness Proactive

Today I focused on my pattern of discomfort. I am definitely facing discomfort when I am having a normal schedule, it's inevitable to not face it because life is not linear. At the sametime since i structure my day currently and just doing basically projects, I am on my own like I would start a business. So, this is a bit weird the free time is there but actually it's not of course it's not as time invested as opening up a business, yet the structure is similar. I am on my own having to deal with my own project. So how did I focus on discomfort today ? Only a tiny bit I called my mom which is not really discomfort for me, rather vice-versa and talked to her, so that could be considered discomfort. I read for an hour yesterday and generally took care of household taks that I dread doing. Otherwise I feel the "discomfort" of the general slump or rut I've been in is gone. My arm is still not fully healed, so I will check back with the doctor on thursday in case it is not better. What else ? The new video what made me feel discomfort there ? I felt definitely some forms of discomfort while listening small and larger triggers, yet they were mostly about me not putting in work and taking things lightly I wanted to do the sedona method in october. Now I started this, I generally feel nobody cares so this mindset is just not helpful in anyway. So, I use that as an excuse and this generally makes me feel discomforting. Literally. So, I know I feel more comfort when I take care of work, yet sometimes I get so whiny ? In a sense that I obstruct myself from progress of any sort. I could have ran etc. Yet, I generally did not experience much success, so this feeling of being incompetent or a looser and the idea of that, is some stage orange aspect, that I can't get rid of somehow. I did shadow work, I generally do not do it, simply because I figure my journal format is not the same as when I started. I don't like my current physical journal and I am using this, so let alone this thought let's me feel discomfort. What else today ? My meditation session was clean, yesterday the alarm clock that I bought was distracting I noticed that time is generally not a good way or to advanced or not focused to be exposed to it. So, I feel I am out of the rut, and will be able to put in work tomorrow morning, I will definitely go to the gym to deal with the feeling of discomfort, which is also frustration and anger of not moving forward, I hate this loop of progress plateau void, and then dealing with the basics again. I am feeling discomfort or writting something personal. So, that is fine that I have awarness around it, yet I would like to make progress with it. This format of a journal will be interesting to see if it will work out. I am thankful for time I am thankful for my mom I am thankful for the internet I am thankful for beautiful weather I am thankful for good food. 3 traits of future-self less neurotic rock-solid emotionally less turbulent

Today I will focus on my pattern of Discomfort as I said for a month, at least this "task" does not require anything from me, I just been very lazy and avoided anything that could include discomfort, or the slightest amount of discomfort, not consciously, its more of a habit which is not optimal. So, I didn't do anything today tried to stay awake allnight yesterday and stayed up till 09am or so till I decided I am going to sleep for 4h just to be on the save side, I am quite tired and will most likely go to bed soon. Will most likely wake up around 09 am as usual when I am not having a backlash and I am having a normal schedule for instance school, work, uni or even travel etc. I am grateful for having time. I am grateful for meditation to be effective I am grateful for my 7 month training in the gym i am thankful for my health I am thankful that nobody scolds me 3 traits of future self Creating a distraction free enviroment Performance driven / process driven Able to block distractions fully

Today I will focus on my pattern of Discomfort again this morning I took the comfortable route instead of facing discomfort and waking up early, even with the alarm clock and testing for iron deficiency, I stayed up till 1.11 and made the mistake to put the alarm clock in eye sight, so I was unconsciously blocked to sleep very well. I do a lot of things that contribtue to good sleep, meditatio, journaling, exercise, bluelight filters on phone and laptop, I installed one yesterday again, hot shower before bed. Now nothing seems to work very much, there seems to be a thing called CBT-I which helps with people who have insomnia which is you cant sleep or fall asleep for a long period of time 1h for instance, I have this since I can remember I am more nocturnal I never got out of this habit since I was a teen very much. Besides when I have to, yet out of my own volition, it's rather difficult. If I have to go to work at 09:00am no problem there, even when I am sleep deeprived since this is about survival, yet when it is not about survival. I want to experience comfort and my tolerance for discomfort is very low. Not sure what to do I went to bed at 23:11 my goal was 22:30 so I was happy with that. Yet, I was opting for comfort again by going to bed later than planned. I am grateful for having a lot of time.. I am grateful for being able to run at the gym with only one treadmill I am grateful for rainy weather and how introverted everything seems I am grateful for still doing work even with insomnia I am grateful for my computer 3 traits of future self Being able to experience discomfort more easily Consistency Humour

I love these mixes, I just had an idea to use different mixes during different times of the day. So, for instance I would listen to smth like this close to the end of work and in the morning I will experiment something more releaxed.

So, I am back from the gym. I will plan and structure my day differently, so I stop working around 17:00 this is usually where I get to hungry to work. So, I try to get everything done before that, the problem is still food. I am not sure how to solve this. Besides buying apples, yet all of this has to become a habit and apples are not even the best. So, again today I ran for 20 minutes and 15 minutes of this weird walking thing that is cardio, because there is only one treadmill NOT DREADMILL LOL ! So, I will wake up at 06:15 shower, meditate, eat and start my work day outside. I will finish the report tomorrow morning and schedule the day, I wont schedule mini tasks, but will put them on my to-do list for today, that I will refresh each morning. So, that is that. Otherwise. I am getting back on track, I did not do any shadow work. When I start working at 08 am with 1h break and generally every 1h 10 min break. I will be able to work for 8h out of which 1h20 would consist of breaks. Yet, I can continously work on a problem. I will test this, my new go to bed routine will just be a hot shower. My alarm clock is set and in 2h30 I have to go to bed. I will not use the flux app for now because the app is buggy on my laptop. Lets see if this structure works for now.

I am done mostly with the report, I will need another hour to review and add some stuff most likely even two and check the format of what they want, this is the nr.1 reason why I dislike orderliness, its not progressive. Its just structure. Its important, yet I dont like it it does not feel like work and is rather boring, I certainly dont get a lot of joy out of this with "2" percentile in oderliness, my surrounding does not look like a bum quiet normal, I am just not very oderly by nature, therefore I can work longer and harder and be more efficient. I know that, yet lists and all of this stuff is pure hell. Like PHP. PHP is the devil. Its important yet I dont like it that much. I will go to the gym now and I have to hurry up otherwise I will not be able to study in a different room. I stayed at home and made myself some tea, that works, but to get started its better to get out of the house. I just want to move, the internet is crappy, since all students use it. I am not buying a new internet connection for 1 semester and the foreigners above me are loud. While even drug taking Germans are more quite, the chats in the chat room are as ignorant as saying. I eat children for lunch. While denying the obvious. A classic ? I dont know its annoying dealing with elitiesm in Europe, especially also people who want to improve. Maybe this is a side effect. I still like the advice from the audiobook have more than 5 friends and you are out of the cult creation zone. I approximately have 2-7 not counting in casual meet and greets. So, I am definitely not out of the cult zone and for me it starts with this eltiesm crap, that is horrible and I am prone to do this. Because I am rather an outsider. etc.