ValiantSalvatore

I usually don't post in journals. Krafklub is pretty good, love it that you found something you enjoy ! That I can relate too .

@EternalForest I will see what will happen, I can talk to much, also although people tell me 99% it's very interesting. I feel I loose in playfulness, I will adjust and look at some good examples on how to create attraction for a second date in person.

@ertopolice Not possible. I will stick to the advice from the book and report ideally. See what will happen. The advice above is not feasiable.

Fell prey to working with a guy during a group assignment to his Spiel. He explained me his dating scam and in the end I sort of trusted him, because at least he was honest about scamming people. We worked together and he received good intel from others, because many just keep information hoarding. He kicked me out of our group, because my phone was unable to make proper pictures because the stabilizor of the camera did not work. Never spoke with the dude again, ignored him. Even though he helped me a lot, he already scammed needy males presenting himself as a women online to make 10k+ in value allegedly seeling undies. He even talked to a friend who studies law and thought this was fine. Definitely learned stay clear of corrupt people with corrupt intentions and make a real effort to befriend uncorupt people with good/honest intentions. Bargaining classic, was out with a friend bargaining we sort of "swindeled" convinced the guy in China because he believe we are a couple for a cheaper price, I went in alone and bargained, was not able to make a deal. Learned that bias is important to others, as well as gaining skill in bargaining takes alot of effort. Online education and certificates just found out that I could have taken the same certificate for a cheaper price, via cousera.org the list of courses just changed this offer. Check if a multiple sites offer the same course, instead of trusting first page google reviews that are updated regularly. There are even coupons. Friendships trusting others with their levels of acceptance only to see that their worldview is completely different and toxic, and considerably disgusting. Not open-minded not able to speak about possibillites and strong investment into self-survial. See who is truely open-minded regardless where people are from and you will find valid support and honest support as well as win-win relationships, instead of hedonic pleasure seeking swindlers. To benefit mutal self-survival. Swindeling myself by believing that I am more developed more integrated than others cherry picking evidence for my own ego gain, distrupting my own friendships calling names/cursing, unable to handle own personal power / "advantage". Build a healthy ego with compassionate and social people who have similar values and or open to give and take feedback. Amazon selling products in a products operation internship had to take care of other sellers not actively overwritting shippind adresss and company name of our products in the company I worked in, otherwise customers can buy the product and will receive smth. completely different. We are not making profit and they got scammed by some d*cks who were not interested about caring for the customer. We could also loose reputation if we re-list the product under the same "listing". Keep track of what you value and nuture that. There are other examples these are fine for now.

I created my profile, will update my progress in my journal. I was not able to buy the advice for 20 bucks, so I took some free stuff and patched it together. Will update my progress in my journal.

I've read one book about online dating and took some action on what was good advice on the forum. As well asked around to see what worked for others. I know which two plattforms I will use for online dating which is Bumble as well as OkCupid. I can summarize what I've learned from notes for others. Yet, be mindful that I've never put that into practice, so I am unsure if it will work for others. I would highly appreciate advice from others who are more knowledgeable about this area. As well as where I can find high quality ressources to create a profile. Nothing black/red/blue pill stuff, yet something reasonable and applicable. To give an example: Number one thing to have as a man I'd say have a strong life purpose. What I did so far: Did a shooting for high quality profile pictures Read the book of pook a couple of times Read double your dating Tons of notes about sexuality Defined what I want in a partner, I am looking for a girlfriend Know the distinction between first stage, second stage and third stage relationships Read an advisor about online dating Defined a love map of what I am interested in and what qualities I enjoy about a life partner Online Course: 3 drives for everyone of us: Attraction - > desire Romantic - > Infatuation Intimate Bonding -> Where the others feels like family Video: Shy introvert notes: Giving first A little joke some fun Be centered in Yin (masculine energy) Take that energy and bring it towards others Be in a power state neutral Being neutral or having courage is a power state Pride, shame etc. is a low frequency state Don't look for validation Give people energy with your yes let them feel what you are feeling Be willing also and positive Give them a look and let them receive validation from you Book: Double your dating notes, combined with one integral section Open body language Don't smile to often Don't laugh to often Women smell insecurity Go to places where I can find women that I like to hang-out with (online) Set up a great online profile ! Asked a women friend about a picture and tell her to be brutally honest If she is friendly and interested in conversation she is interested Keep advancing Asking for female perspective on things Ask her what it feels like to be a man or what she would do as a men Be cooky and funny Have character intelligenece, humour, integrity, compassionate Be unpredictable Don't accept controlling and demanding behaviour Talk deeper and slower Watch behaviour No means get me more turned on Notice small details, give compliments based on that Something that reminds you of her/him Saying to a women you are beautiful gives her chill ? of deep meaning Smile less when talking to women Women love to figure out what you are really after Tell dirty jokes or start talkin about sex topics Or sex programm on TV ? She wants to sit on your lap ? Say no. Don't be to friendly Be calm and indifferent Misinterpret stuff on purpose for fun ! Make inuendos What is currently funny ? Don't laugh at your own jokes Call her up Go for the number Take her hand Call her friend first Smell her neck for instance in bed, tell her how good she smells Repat and kiss her Women are turned off by arrogant men Unless you are funny and cooky Keep up the hardto get character play Never look for a long-term relationship at the beginning Staying cocky and funny is important Humour mixed with arrogance wrecks havoc Don't be logical Tell them they make a nice friend Don't do what all the other guys are doing Never give her what she exatcly wants and ask for (polarity) Send mixed singals always ( unsure about this one) Never be predictable Spank her, tell her you are here for fun ! Is she having fun ?! Laughing, smiling. Tell her if she asks something superficial, do you have a list of questions that only superficial women ask ? Make fun of her quirks especially with hot and sexy women Build rapport through imitation Lead the way as well as lead the conversation What is the best option for dating, online dating right now is the best for me for example Don't be clingy have options Don't go for courtship behaviour bring gifts, sending weird texts Women are looking for what other women are looking for Women want you to be in control of the situation, if she throws a tantrum, be assertive and calm. In that sense give her a spank, not physically. You say to her no you call me tomorrow Say no when giving a women a direct answer Tell interesting stories, fascinating history Imagine how she will look like What qualities she has Define what you are looking for a girlfriend ? One-night stand, a friendship, intimate partner etc. A man is needy when he craves attention and recognition Don't talk negatively about women that will make you look insecure Be confident, cooky, funny, creative , intelligent, cultured Positive mindset about negative aspects of your own body for example or mindset Internal self-talk is important Out of 100 women 70 are not interested Get a tounge cleaner, use a deodorant Use power of sub-conscious mind to attract who you want Drama,games are normal parts of dating Games test loyality and commitment Don't let her get away with being a brat, treat her like you would your best friend Don't suck up being nice this is a test to see if you are commited She would rather sleep with a rich man, then with a faithful looser. You make her feel she reacts to you ! Make a women feel good inside How would I talk to make a women feel good ? How would I walk to make a women feel good ? Invoke emotions that enrich her desire Look for authentic emotions Enjoyable attraction What are your feminine aspects of you ? What are masculine aspects of you ? Strengths and weaknesses Book: Double your Dating, Topic sex: Be soft and gentle Take your fingers run it over her head,neck Don't touch her breast Kiss her sensually then kiss her 100 times around neck and shoulders softly Talk slowly and sexy with a deeper voice ( takes practice I am definitely not here ! There is more: I have a lot of notes on this, yet never wrote an abstraction about higher levels of sexual polarity, because this is not a priority in my life right now, I've already defined stuff for myself. Looking for high quality ressources to create an awesome online dating profile ! Would love it if someone could share their ressources !

I was looking for specfic advice and or a ressource on how to create an online dating profile, this was just what I shared and saw, as well as regarded as a higher consciouness ressource. The video above is good, yet I've found a way to get solid advice for 20 bucks. In that sense and I am not looking for hardcore advice, as well as a bootcamp. I will look up what I find on the internet for free and buy the 20$ advice for online dating.

I'll see what I find on the net and create my own guide in that sense. @SamC I've read that including values is supposed to be good, as well as being a bit cheeky. I don't feel taken seriously. Can you give me a proper answer ? This is quite important to me, so incase there are some better ressources out there, it would be nice if someone would share them. Obviously, Eben Pagan has online dating tools, yet I am currently not interested to spend money for a course.

Any tips in this regard, I even spoke to my psychologist and she gave me a go, based on what I currently experience meeting new people would definitely help me in advancing my personal growth in this area. So... would highly appreciate some good res, so I can find a high quality mate. Are there any positive ressources available here ?

I definitely long to fruther elaborate on my situation and give some feedback on what I did as well as what I learned from my experience. This might seem a bit harsh, yet facing a different reality is difficult for people to understand most often. I will boil this down as comprehensively as possible and as honestly as possible. I'd appreciate any feedback from any member and mods. I'd rather underpromise and overdeliver at this point. Positive insights: Discipline working 8-10h a day makes me the most happy as enneagram type 4 Anahatta chakra is blocked (typically as enna 4) Micro-retreat gave me insight into what Leo called once omniscence Doubting Leo's forum because it seems like an amalgamation of enneagram type 4's Knowing that knowing the enneagram helps with spiritual bypassing Knowing I bs'd myself with my LP taking less action, because I presumed I know everything, yet did not take action Working with positive people makes me happy Transparaency is key to finding highly conscious friends and partners Highly enthusiatstic about the fractal nature of reality Synchronistic events turning more into synchrodestiny Understanding female nature more and how important a dialog is and why debates don't work Understanding power dynamics from a higher level and why debates in an "I-space" won't work Ego is the root cause of 80% of my suffering and problems in life Antagonism based on identity is far from over Noticing that not contribuiting to any forum constructively and consciously is a waste of time I do not have ADHD, still diagnosing this is insanely difficult Psychotherapy works, my therapist did retreats in asia which I definitely notice, she is quite conscious Green generally is beautiful and forgiving A gratitude practice works wonders for an enneagram type 4 The enneagram is great for avoiding spiritual bypassing and working with emotions and conditioned patterns Balancing theory and practice gives me a lot of confidence I can go out and cry when I contemplate the beauty of nature and simply see holons everywhere Nature especially helps with peak experiences There is something very profound about the saying "burn the books" Failure and failing more often is not something I should avoid, it is a gift presented as an opportunity for correction and progress As long as there is effort and progress I trust humanity to a degree, that we don't kill ourselves lol Healthy stage purple is underrated taking care of family relationships and bonding with others based on kinship Planning retreats and writing stuff down following advice is great When in doubt journal and or ask for feedback with a competent person Sublte stage phenomena and dreams are great for extracting insight to the personal realem I could get to non-duality with the current technique that I am practicing Positvity and acceptance is important to work with green as a leader Holonic asymmtry exists everywhere I easily can delude others for some reason Most drugs do not help as good as for example exercise and a healthy lifestyle Kriya experiences are not easy to control Doing kriya yoga is out of the question for now, this style of practice is to hardcore and a luxury Being a mercenary for my life purpose is great, showing up doing the work and bein quite. Being an artist is beauty in itself being highly creative on the other hand takes a lot of effort and practice to actualize the vision Finding the right ressources is easy nowadays meeting the right contacts is the scary part Reading and appying the techniques takes time and experimentation Strength exercises and meditation give you a lot of leverage during a retreat, even if it is a micro-retreat, you feel your body is growing spiritually Exercising with techniques and intent is possible, yet also quite difficult imo technique matters here again Expansion and contraction is everywhere Being of masculine essence to constantly give without wanting anything back hurts immensly at the sametime I feel it sets you free in the sense of opening your heart Key characteristic of enneagram type 4 is spiritual absorption going deep into meditation seems apparently natural to this type Strategically working on increasing consciousness does work Energy transmission even via phone and or zoom possibly seems to work, sometimes the force is to strong Creating an identity is suffering in of itself and mostly only serves an survival function Being assertive and on the spiritual path is possible, yet people legit project their own ego onto you for no reason, because you feel less egoic It is possible to ravish another person into big bliss FEAR generally is false evidence appearing real Field testing / dabbling into different spiritual avenues helps with producing insights and or conceputal knowledge Having weird phenomena with nature like it speaks to you is weird you just feel what can happen Lacking conceptual knowledge is okay, as long as you can translate the experience into something profound Trauma is a big topic and integrating past experiences and being in a process of self-renewal is important Kriya experiences or samskaras can be created out of love Distinguishing kriya experiences is not easy Samskaras stop seeming like samskaras when there is an cultivation of love as well as truth Standing on the shoulders of giants regardless if it is a mentor or someone who is very conscious is humbling In a sick and twisted way violence, death, is also the beauty of existence. Sometimes this stuff is no coincidence. Still I would not be able to tolerate an operation without anestisia . Negative insights: People really don't give an f about you and this longs for some re-framing on my part Blaming and negativity especially being furious is dangerous and pollutes entire fields of consciouness and disrupts harmonics Working on translating later stages of development is not easy Bias is inevitable till there is no-mind and understanding Constantly forming in-groups feels very disruptive A physical disabillity is no joke and now having a global health discussion based on covid leaves people left in uncertainity Exploring the microcosm deeply was taken away by my from my parents and peers Being a highly sensitive person or HSP as a man makes it difficult for other man and women to relate sometimes Being in contact with others I fall back to stage yellow cognitively mostly Developing emotional maturity as a HSP person is not easy. Going through the process of being diagnosed as gifted is odd, a lot of people see you as arrogant, yet you geniuently care Again ego is the root cause of suffering here, mental, physical, spiritual Suffering ain't that bad as long as it is not physical Getting closer to suicidal thoughts and doing meditation etc. Showed my how insane it is you could really kill yourself out of love Trusting the content of your mind is a sure way to fall into delusion Theory provides a good way to ensure the content of your mind is clean Survivial is more important then I thought and my upbringing was quite priviledged based on the fact that I am a military brat Parental care nowadays seems like a priviledge to me IMO Creating a functional relationship needs a lot of theory and practice as well as consent Creating or longing to create a functional family takes even more work and will hinder spiritual practice immensly Global issues are difficult to follow and panic and distress from the enneagrams 2,3,4 heart triad is causing a lot of disruption, especially when it is brought back home locally. Meditation techniques matter and do not matter at the sametime Re-birth is something I'd wish Leo would talk about in-case he has any insights into that topic Smoking weed without tobacco legit works for me and even helps my spiritual practice, as well as it is not as addictive, yet can lead to chronic abuse. Same goes for wine, coffee and the likes I checked the potential addiction rates Depression is not as easy to overcome as I'd wish it is Most drugs do not help as well as exercise and a healthy lifestyle Stage oranges techno-economic base the industry and mass-production and mass-transportation causes a lot of depression and isolation Scientific materialism makes technology "our" new nature Not sharing information and being in contact with others makes life more difficult as it seems Being suicidal is something that I did create on my own as well as something that was inevitable People are generally very judgemental as long as they are not yellow/turqouise survival at these stages is just different Moving up and down the spiral feels like shit I can't trust my insights 100% because they are still baking There seems to be a demand to suffer with others Survival and having a thick face and a black heart is more important then I ever thought it would be The current notion of love is a joke and fad based on romance Practicing unconditional love can be a delusion in itself especially when I long for opening my blocke heart chakra Crying almost on demand is not fun, people expect so much emotions out of each other it seems rather unnatural Reading ancient history makes me very angry It takes more theory then I thought to understand the spiritual path For me becoming orderly is extremely painful, I've been shamed around this topic for a longtime even though I am quite normal in that regard Finding balance between work and creating order and being responsible feels difficult for me, when I notice that people do not care about me Caring about me causes to futher give my ego more food still functioning as a person is neccessary and longing and or even demanding feedback is fine I did not grow as I would love to because I was stuck in a rut and I had to forgive myself as well as practice gratitude and grit Think tanks without proper outsourcing are quite toxic Funny insights: Even buying a plant in Germany is antagonistic, I can't stop laughing about these plant names. Hortensia a very good name for a plant. Stage yellow is not as cool as I thought it is, yet becomes very interesting at the microscopic level Observing people and the behaviour is amazing and funny Eletism is a big joke in a sense and that people believe in their intellectual patron to further propagate their idenity into a collective creating further in-groups. Is amazing to watch. Time and energy has a higher value then most things in life and I squander it away longing for a timless connection with reality as well as a deeper energtic connection to reality. Feeling holons for instance. Overall it is not easy to create a lifestyle that is highly conscious in of itself and runs from higher stages as well as it is not easy to become conscious. Balance is key, yet there are methods and techniques as well as hacks that work better then others. Looking for what works is the difficult task. Having existential angst and working through it opened my heart and showed my how disruptive avarice is of itself and how much my personal longing can propel me towards greater heights as well as predict my downfall. Anyway this is what being suicidal and depressed now based on constant death around me has thaught me. People take their breath even for granted when there are people who have issues even breathing. Which includes me. Unsure what I can say from here out on. If there is no feedback I just leave the forum and come back another time when I can put in some of the work which benefits me and is more conscious. This post was not written to diminish others and or to scare them because of recent events on the forum. Yet, my ethical opinions differ a lot based on what I was able to contemplate on the last years. I can understand why becoming conscious in this life time alone is so important. As well as how important it is to keep a clean mind.

I've been shying away from the forum because of how polluted the forum seemed to me. I've been going through a lot of hardship and gained some momentum back and earned a certificate online in an area where I want to apply my skills. I am still working on getting my degree, I went through a lot of bs and created a lot of bs because of my vulnerability being triggered immensly. Now, I am pretty close to getting my degree finally, we sold our house because my grandma died which took a huge toll on me. My other grandma in the U.S died, my cat died. I fought with my father and told him after like 20 years or so how much of an a** he is. Covid is happening and people are generally aggrevated. I was depressed and suicidal for 1 1/2 years approx. Yet, I have been working with a psychologist now for a year almost and feel that I am back on track. I am able to work 8h a day again and feel motivated since 2-3 months. Even if there are ups and downs The point is it still get's worse I was diagnosed with pangonarthrosis because of a valgus malalignment. Which is genetic and it did not sort itself out. I seeked alternative treatment, yet the study supporting it's efficiency is way to experiantial. As well as the "meridan" point where my leg is connected to the arthorsis is scared because I have pretty large scar there (the size of my hand). Which certainly encumbers the treatment. Which made it difficult for the naturopathic practionor to treat me appropriately and neutralize the pain. A conservative approach was not recommended from 4 doctors I talked now to. For example using orthopedic insoles. The good thing is I can plan the operation anytime, the unfortuante thing is I can't exercise as intensly anymore. So, no sprints and HIT exercises. Longer meditation sits can hurt a lot and my knee is simply battered. I feel back on track now and applied praticial advice from books. Took a couple of online courses and finished them. Analyzed my life purpose and fixed mistakes when applying the theory. I am crying a lot recently and have a lot of weird synchronistic events are happening. I talked to Shinzen and I still can't figure out what happend during the last retreat besides that it was Makiyo stuff and that talking to a coach would be more appropriate. I also am pretty close to finishing my project for uni and am now in crunch time mode, because of all of the stuff that happend recently. I really went mad during this retreat, it felt similar to the stage ultraviolett on from Ken Wilbers book ROT. @Leo Gura My question to you would. Am I overdoing it ? I started learning Python and finished part one of a 6 part certificate and finished almost one certificate from Google. I am extremly scared of the job market. Because I can see that my degree does not gurantee me a "job". I am more out for a life purpose, yet at this point it feels like my life is on the line. I am financially secure for a given time period. A lot seriously a lot of stuff happend. Basically what I am doing is I am working a lot on the weekend and implementing what I wrote down from my life purpose and what I currently read from books reading MOOCS. (Super Moocing) It would be a pleasure to receive feedback from you, based on the situation I described above. I've been naturally putting the work I took from you seeing holons almost everywhere and becoming more and more translative in the fact that holons exist. Feeling more turquoise has it's own issues, when going through these weird growing pains. Do you feel it is fine working 8-10h a day with breaks on the weekend, yet also working one day at the weekend ? I feel more fullfilled working towards my vision, yet it still feels fuzzy. Especially after the rut I have been stuck in. To give an example this is what I am currently doing Uni Project 4-5h a day Java Book 10h a week Python Book 5h a week (Finished first certificate on the side) (Will finish google training on the weekend) (Crunch time for project) I would be greatful for any feedback I keep coming back to your content, yet I am still going through the booklist of the L.P I can't buy every book currently. There are other ways in which I actualize my LP, based on the books I've read so far. I've finished a bunch of them. This includes audiobook versions. Any key insight to what is missing ? ------------------------------------------ I talked to a up and coming coach who wants to help me with testing for giftedness because there are a lot of correlations. I somehow today stoped caring about the topic, yet I am helping him out for now and the topic is certainly interesting, because I never felt I could be that smart. I will most likely also take a test because my psychologist was exuberantly excited about what I do in a given day. When I feel this is normal now. My routine certainly limits my time usage, because of the pangonarthrosis I changed my diet not drastically. Yet, I have to wake up and do the exercises in the morning otherwise I feel quite some pain in my knee. As well as I will not be able to go to the operation for almost a year, because of my degree. Planning wise it is not possible. First in 2022 it would be feasable. I went through a lot of struggle and fooled myself into thinking I can be superhuman, when I made a trip to a friend in Berlin. I still was mainly fighting off depression seeking hedonic pleasure. Since, I have money now for a given period of time. I slowly set the ball rolling and I will get into dating I've read now a couple of books and finished half a course and will finish my other certificate. Still, I have some doubts and felt today it is the right time to come back to the forum and write a post about my situation and receive some feedback ! I certainly am following my vision and keep options open. Gaining professional certificates and gaining my degree coding on the weekend and under the week. I feel happy and content. Yet, I am unsure if I will end in a burn out pretty soon. I've gone so mad because of the situation, I should be in jail. All jokes aside. I definitely long for feedback on my current situation, because there is so much more going on and I definitely want to become a better results maker. Simple things like acceptance and inspiration as well as keeping myself healthy with "stationary fitness" walking outside and stretching helps my keep mental clarity & sanity. I plan my week every weekend each hour, I feel very happy doing that. I also reward myself and nuture my inner child now more. Any advice that I can follow or any tips and tricks on how to deal with the this situation ? I do have a decent support structure now with friends and family supporting me. I definitely want to date and also make friends with potential dates. Obviously as a secondary option. Vision feels key for me at the moment.

I did not see anyone sharing this. Not sure if everyone already knows this channel but if not it is worth sharing. Tons of interview with spiritual people, also very enlightend ones like. Ken Wilber, Shunyamurti, Shinzen Yung, Culadasa, Mooji (altough I don't like him that much), Adyashanti, Rupert Spira, Deepak Chopra, Daniel Ingram, potentially many others you might know about. https://www.youtube.com/user/BuddhaAtTheGasPump/videos I don't know to many teachers, there are some Swamis listed an others, I like the interviews with the people I mentioned above so far.

I dont believe in the accusations. I just know that I don't know as well as read the context and see what actually has been done. I like the idea of frequencies, Energy bodies, aura etc. I would trust that more becasue it adds up to me with Intuition. I don't know Mooji I would actually have tried to Go to a Satasang. But life circumstances did not allow the Plan to unfold etc. I can't really say more becasue I agree with most of what you wrote. I don't dislike Mooji it's just not really my type as a teacher, yet I would like to go there once potentially and learn.

@pluto I am not sure about Mooji there are some accusations about him sleeping with disciples as well as secluding his daughter from living abroad due to financial issues? https://gurumag.com/becoming-god-inside-moojis-portugal-cult/ What I read about Sadghuru so far has been more spiritual in the sense of the accusations are more not understandable for the ordinary human. For instance his wife killing herself and She actually transcended the cycle of rebirth. The article described some hindic concept of escaping rebirth and is considered higher than non-dual enlightenment. I don't have anything against Mooji but I became a bit more suspicious after reading the article above. Especially thinking about healthy, non-cult like Systems or Institutions and how difficult it is to live in a "mobbed-up" place. Not sure what to think about this. His teachings etc. Are legit I bet I like him at the beginning of his journey. But a depth check is definitely neccessary I intuit on the path. He definitely I does Not seem very traditional what I like from what I read, yet I can't come to a conclusion what to think about him. Which makes a bit dangerous for me If I would live there imo.

I also noticed a ton of biases against white people lmao even if I am both that I notice just makes me angry, I don't know I actually want to understand I think this is why I am mainly angry... Now I have to ask more questions. As usual...

I decided to go with another journal here. I somehow lost my habit which has been active for the last 3 years and stopped somewhere around mid to late 2018. With my habit of physically journaling. I bought a different format and tried again because I use a bullet journal to keep track of daily tasks and to do's. Also, in about one month I have completed the life purpose course. I did tactical reviews of the lp when I felt it was needed and looked at single episodes. As I reviewed the life purpose course, I was a bit surprised that I achieved half of my goals and missed half of my goals. Fully knowing why and that some of it were inevitable. Some circumstances can't be changed. Yet, I do not have the strength to make a couple of ten of thousands of dollars yet while studying, to support my family. Even if everything works out quite well. There have been some setbacks which just throw me off emotionally. For potential readers! A warning I sometimes become abusive with the way I use language, also in real life. This is one thing that I became conscious of is toxic and I googled some causes, some are just ridiculous. Yet, this is mostly in extreme cases. Still, here I won't hold back to some degree. Because sometimes humans are so blind, and if I can't even write stuff like this into my journal, then to hell with it! I'll become vocal if the situation/circumstance calls for it. This will be a longer entry as a first entry. I did an entry in my digital journal via OneNote in advance as I prepared the review of my LP today. I definitely want to learn from others and from some books on how to stay organized, I've been yelled at my whole life (not that it is a big story anymore), yet when taking the BIG 5 aspect test I score very very low, even if my environment does not necessarily reflect that. In the 2nd percentile. I've seen wors tbh. What do intend to do with this journal? Reminding myself that I am doing something that is fun. I like to read posts on this forum and been a lurker in the past. Some posts have valid insights, now Quora is also very very good and potentially better. Yet, the point is that I did the LP-Course and I definitely won't get any insights about LSD/DMT etc. substances etc. Also, to remind myself that I am connected to others in this process since this is one value on my list. The next section will partially go into my review of my lp Current positive Habits: Working out 5 times a week with the freeletics app inside or outside the gym Morning Meditation 1h (See, hear, feel, broad float, choiceless awareness) Weekly check-in with Shinzen Youngs Life Practice Programm Attending 14 days minimum of retreats (6 days of the list, still have 3-weekend retreats left to do) Scheduling each day in the morning via bullet journal Habits being implemented: Sleeping schedule maxing out going to bed from at 22:30 (1h over now) Deep Work currently listening to the audiobook Shaky Habits: Sleeping schedule maxing out going to bed from at 22:30 (1h over now) waking up at 06:00 Lost Habits: Journaling Shadow work Cold Showers Skills acquired: Some skills in android programming Some skills in C# Some skills in Java programming Speed Reading (Other weird stuff) Skills being acquired: Java and Android programming currently LPI0 Certificat to deal with Linux and the command line Shaky skills: Speed Reading Skills lost: C++ ..... (which still pisses me of) Kaizen(Small things that could add up over time) Things that I do: Waking up early Meditation 1h Micro hits and background practice Meditating while walking to class Meditating while listening to a boring lecture... Caring about health Reading 10 pages when going to bed or even only 5-2 pages. Shaky things I do: On off visualizations before going to bed for 10 min Doing the cbt exercise. Sometimes I know it is important. (I will do a 30-day challenge since this has been unsuccessful) Things that I want to do: Yoga especially Hata-Yoga Dedicating more time to Java development (Design Patterns I bought a book last year) Learning C++ (Bought a book for 10 euro) Finish the inner engineering course that I bought( I had my birthday ok, even though the course is... not good!) Things that I am currently not doing (only positive): Drinking and partying Playing video games Watching TV Hanging out with toxic people ( I kicked out two old friends for various reasons) That is about it. I still struggle with being orderly or even thinking of an orderly structure. I noticed as a "survival tactic" I piece together knowledge, facts, ideas, statements, conclusions, etc and ideally piece them together in one single coherent presentation or note. I keep practicing and throw away notes that have no use, till I can repeat everything blindfolded. Otherwise, I attend a class voluntarily, but I don't feel that I learn anything from it. I left it for now considering only going from time to time. It is nice and such, but not the real deal. I could learn to read papers... as if I never did that in my free time... (yes irony), otherwise I have a Prof. for my bachelors thesis and an internship, also with the same prof, so I can extend a project, which has been the voluntary project I did this year, also with the same prof. What else do I intend to do with this journal? Write once a day or once a week as a reflection about the content, I know I will ruminate and ideally ponder about these things. Yet, I want to get these on a sheet of paper or digital paper to reduce the negative rumination and reflect constructively and coherently Remind my self this is a process not a means to an end. Having fun, I can read other's journals and be inspired. When I was in China a traveler gave me his journal entries describing how he went through Japan with his bike! Alone! More details are omitted. Thinking about habits, discipline, and mastery. Since this is what I lack the most at the moment, but this is where I take the most action also! In general, to get some things off my chest. Reflection So, here I go then I'll go to bed since I am at this exact moment 1h and 15 min beyond what I schedule. I will dive into the process of how I will combine this with my bullet journal, potentially this will work to a greater extent than my physical journal. Which I'll use for the occasional shadow work. I did not read these two articles completely and I still ask myself some time, when I'll actually take notes or if I'll ever do it and such partially highly complex subjects. After my kriya experience in January of February this year. I gained a lot more insight in what I want to do what meditation and supernatural phenomena could be like. For instance, makio which I bet have some chemical or biological mechanism. (Like DMT in the dark). I recently had a couple of flashes of weird pictures and images as I closed my eyes. Not like on LSD I listened to someone who did a Vipassana retreat and had these visuals and called these enlightenment experiences. Which is just Makyo. IMO Now I saw a picture of an old lady or guy in grey and white right in front of me as I closed my eyes. The other two pictures I forgot. While I attended the retreat where I had the kriya experience. I noticed that the contours of thoughts, feeling or mental talk from outside or inside can shape right in front or inside the darkness that I can see when I close my eyes and look at my eyelids. I saw an OX during the retreat, yet just the face. TBH I literally thought nature would kill me. There were so many non-normal noises occurring right next to me. A couple of days later I heard myself screaming through a river. I really thought I lost it. TBH LSD felt safer... now I know that this was a Kriya experience and that it is somewhat normal. I did not go fully into the lunatic scale. So, the new phenomenon is that I feel at my brain stem where the vagus nerve runs through I feel that there is stirring obviously I speculate. The two links under Makyo below even explain that this is samskaras seeing past lives etc. I had so many odd fking insights because of personality theory that I've been reading on the net for XX years. Let's just see what happens. I love it that Shinzen is so interactive and that I could write, text him about such stuff. Truly a 21st century non-dual, saint, sage, shaman etc. Enough wannabe credit. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Makyo https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metencephalon https://wiki.yoga-vidya.de/Samskara#Alte_Samskaras_als_Hindernisse_f.C3.BCr_die_Meditation I still am in love with zen and when I move out of this apartment or move to do my masters into a different city. I will definitely dive more into minimalism. Here is a video from the zen master where I did a three-day retreat this year and a 14-day retreat last year in France.

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomfort. I will try to write this shitty post. I am not angry, just wondering what I've been doing this whole time. I rely on comfort on a daily basis to survive ? Social Isolation ? I definitely feel when I am going out with people and I don't have a large variety of social groups to opt for, that I generally struggle with wanting to be with people to much. That is one reason why I want to join clubs to have a set expectation of meeting people regurarly and this is what I notice a lot of people who are normally sucessful do. So, I am certainly being observered lmao. Writting this in public. Coding in public. So, coding with a friend on different projects certainly gives you just mental backup to start doing stuff. Yet, I am mostly distracted, it's fine better than nothing. I chilled today with a Dr. from the MaxPlanck Institute which is kinda funny and generally meeting people who are my age studying the sciences is way cooler, than going out for drinks. At best with them. I can discuss a ton of social and poltical problems. As well as I want to say the new series the Expanse is quite good. I love it that they combine science, sci-fi, politics and individual personality or more characters. Anyway. I post this out of obligation I did not meditate the past 3 days, because I helped did not really feel to practice ? Yet, I miss the 1h sessions often I notice now that my background and without support physically that I am just prone to distract myself. It's fine still, yet I want to practice I hope I will sit today for 1h. At least and tomorrow get out of the freaking house and go to the libary coding. I still feel bad about a couple of things I have difficulties sharing with because I don't know people will relate. I am thankful for meeting friends. I am thankful for having fun. I am thankful for coding and programming itself opening doors and opportunities I am thankful for this journal. I am thankful for people I meet on the internet or have meet on the internet for inspiring me. 3 traits of future self. More academically accomplished friends. More fun with academically accomplished friends. Having a foot in the door into the world of business.

I try to write one Post on my Phone since I am outside, I might as well try to enjoy that. The pattern of discomfort that I focused upon today. Revealed me the pain and struggle and the ebb and Flow of life naturally, let's you dive into the growth process. Loving the process and making it enjoyable thereof comfortable is one Thing I want to work upon by buying and designing my Environment. Like simple things buying a plant, having nice pictures or sculptures inside my appartement. Buying a Laptop that allows me to Code but not neseccearily play games. I still love Fall it's one of my favorite season I dislike spring here at least in China it was more lovely. Less driven by Western love Standards and more intune with nature. I never considered that intelligence can be a burden before I starte studying I could accomplish way more If I get rid of distractions. Sucess will be the theme of next year this year I will just get my Gym Routine back into order. Health is also a topic which I can pay more attention to otherwise I noticed the more I am around knowledgable ppl. I want to learn and grow more it's very uplifiting, life stories, tragedies, the Heros journey and even basic small talk. Like what did you eat today. I love Leos quote I want to read Sri Aurobindos book that I bought from where Wilber has his third Tier terms. From reli of tomorrow. I am thankful today for the season fall. I am thankful today that I can hang out wiht a friend I am thankful today that I can hell a friend. I am thankful for Meeting New and inspiring people. I am thankful for feeling the Feelings I felt in China. I love impermance and I want to conquer fking time on a Spiritual Level. 3 traits of future self. Embodyment for love of learning. Embodyment of love. Embodyment of health. Let's get it done! People are awesome!

I am so tired today and will only make a post with three sentences. Number one observation about discomfort was that comfort and buying certain products just like the right chair or keyboard can or could boost productivity. I experienced a lot of comfort while facing discomfort helping a friend move to a new location "laughing" about the stupid shit that happend today. To much comfort let's me live in a fantasy land that does not exist. No Happy exercise 3 traits of future self Determined Couragous Able to transcend fear in each situation and use it consciously

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomfort. I definitely experienced a ton of discomfort working through the entire night, I was so happy that I took 1h naps and sleeps during that whole time and somehow in a twisted way I enjoy this, yet i did not meditate again. I do think I found the root cause of all of this and it is basically to much comfort. Especially masturbation and staying inside keeps me not focused on grander things and opportunities. I don't have much control and the amount of time I spend indoors is just to much and all I need is a PC and space and night time to get triggered into constant dopamine releases. With no fap I was doing a lot better in life. I remember a lot better. The times where I had an LP before I even had an LP. So, now I want to partake in No Nut November as well as do a full 90 day reeboot. I am not sure if i can quit the habit of pornography very well and I would rather inform myself and read about it. From what I saw from my favorite Psychologist so far is that HE recommends that in a healthy relationship statisically there is no porn present. Yet, living out their sex lives is one thing that helps to strengthen the relationship. So, all in all I am more than interested than before In relationships and as a student I somehow don't feel that I need to have the burden of financial independence on me, yet girls my age are so picky and or spoiled sometimes. That they basically produce a lot of fear which does not even hold up the their standard. It's odd. Anyway, this is my take on this so far. Also, I am not a hotel going fella. I prefer a cabine, or a somewhat more adventures vacation. The hotel and it's cost should be of minimun concern instead of the opportunities and activities available. I rather live in Tokio for 2 weeks in a not so good appartement and see a lot of the city. When I would like to releax I would go either to a very beautiful location with a beach like Crotia or in general to a more isolated place or even go hiking. I don't like sitting at a hotel eating allday and jumping into the pool with minimum sightseeing and being the average tourist. I'd rather explore also culture and people to the extend possible. Anyway got way to sidetracked. No Exercise 3 traits of future-self Invests in orderliness time and money Invest time and money into LP Did a 90 day no-fap challenge again.

I will do a random short reflection. I thought about the reasons on what I can do to finally accomplish my ambitions and goals. I keep breaking them down, I keep thinking about them. I planned about them. I reflect about them. I take partial action. Yet, I stop at one point or I don't even really start. So, even when I want to implement a habit that will get me started to implement the others habits and or just is a basic neccesity that should be included in my schedule. I still have some problems. It's not neccesarily what. I know what I want, to some degree. Yet, it is more what can I do and this is constantly where the crux lies for me. Because then I start becoming fearful, discouraged and I drop the activity out of a life pattern of dropping activity and a lot of change. So, I can definitely ask to get help in some form of psychotherapy or so about this. I tried cbt, I tried shadow work, I tried journalling, I do mediation, still nothing seems to move me foward to my LP. Besides sitting down and putting in the hours to achieve the goals. When finishing the LP I think I actually had my largest Psychedelic breakthrough as well as I had the worst semester. So, I was not up to a very good start. I think about re-doing it completely, yet it is so crucial right now to finish all of the work and decide. I did not take enough action, because I hate action and I choose discomfort. Yet, that is not the point the point is what I can do about it or what is the reason to do it. Because it generally makes me feel inspired, yet what blocks me is this son of a bitch enviroment and then I keep thinking oh I can't blame the enviroment, yet the infrastructure blocks me and does have an influence it is not blaming it is more acknowliding that it has an influence which hinders me to achieve what I want. So, there is no other choice besides to accept it and move to a different place. I really don't like it here even thought I enjoy a lot of my time her leisurely. Yet, it's not an inspiring place and or city and or region. So, for that part moving would be great just to be more inspired to take action on my LP. Another big part is reading. When I am so lonely reading could help, yet when there are so many "aritficial" social creatures lurking on th net I do think when I don't have a strong reading habit its more natural to gravitate towards using a computer. So, what now ? The books I currenlty have and I can't really afford others are still interesting, yet I feel so stupid explaining everything to others as well as feel bored by the general amount of content that I can talk about and or talk about with others. I love hype and hype feelings, yet I don't know what I can do. Besides saying 5-4-3-2-1 and deactivating the habit loops in my basal ganglia etc. I really would like to talk to some cool scientists and not some guys who live and work for their family and have no personality, only "integrity" and no character. The may play a role, yet they don't have character and or personality most of the time a few do. Yet, there are these weird modern types wo keep saying state of the art. So, it's very appealing to orange, yet nost post-orange. I'd rather would listen to Feynman explaining me how a rubberband works instead of attending all of my lectures I had so far. I am somehow a bit doomed here. I don't really know what to do besides this journal is giving me some emotional relieve. There is pratically not really somebody that I can call, my mom is the worst person to call since she has 0 empathy and I feel like an asshole talking to her, I explain so many concepts and she does not implement one. I feel really stupid talking to her sometimes. I don't have a very complex relationship with my mother, yet it's just the connection that is missing that if I am not conscious she is just a mamal robot doing mamal things.... the situation at home though is a bit more complex. Because of my grandma dying. It's annyoing that I have to endure this annoying family. Which does not provide happiness.

Today I will focus on my pattern of discomfort. I will make an entry in german today, since I don't feel like thinking a lot in english right now. Heute war ein eher komischer Tag, ich werde jetzt nicht in Details eingehen und erläutern wieso, weshalb und warum. Stattdessen versuche ich das alles auf einer Metaebene zu betrachten. Was kann ich generell gegen ein Gefühl von Unbehagen oder was man mit dessen assozieren kann tun. Wichtig ist es immer noch ein sauberes Umfeld zu haben. Neben den zweiundzwanzigtausend Synchronizitäten die passieren lebe ich viel zu isoliert. Ich habe mir nicht mal Gedanken darüber gemacht, wie meine Art, des Umgangs mit dem Gefühl von "Unbehaglichkeit" sich auf das Kollektiv auswirkt. Es ist schwierig ich finde momentan alleine keine Lösung und bräuchte soziale Kontakte, jedoch sind Optionen limitiert und ich wäre besser dran nach Hause zu fahren um, dort ein paar Kontakte zu pflegen. Hier ist es ein wahres Ödland was man zu angesiecht bekommt Hügel, Felder, Wald und ein bisschen Stadt und dann wieder das selbe Play. Von daher ist weiß ich noch nicht was ich tun kann ich könnte mir eine App laden um Freunde zu finden und einfach zu chatten. Das wäre eine Möglichkeit die ich noch nicht ausprobiert habe. Jedoch nach vielen online Freundschaften oder Freundschaften die sich maßstäblich eher heutzutage online stattfinden. Ist es fast nicht wert zu chatten ein Anruf ist tausendmal persönlicher und tut seinen Zweck auch erledigen und zwar viel besser. Ich bin momentan auf Glatteis gelegt mit dem Fortschritt aus dem Muster der Unbehaglichkeit zu entrinnen, ich weiß nicht wie oft ich ca. schon oft das Gesicht gefallen bin. Aber ich mache weiter irgendwie... Ich bin mir heute bewusst geworden das meine Art von Umgang mit unkomfortablen Umständen, Emotionen oder Situationen sogar die Unbewusstheit anderer enthüllen kann. Es ist unglaublich wie die Organisation dieser Hochschule irgendetwas auf die Reihe bekommt und keine wunder das ein Organisationstalent wie ich hier strandet. Es ist wirklich trash. Absolute eine Trash Uni. Ich habe es satt und mein bester Ausweg ist es endlich mit der Arbeit zu beginnen und Sachen vorzeitig zu beenden. Jedoch habe ich so viele Fragen und so viele Zweifele selbste wenn Leute mich ermutigen sehe ich es fast bei keinem anderen und viele tappen im dunkeln bis einer ihrer Freunde mal den Mum hat zu fragen und dies dort weiter propagiert wird. Es ist schwierig hier. Ich bin alleine mit fast keiner Familie entweder alle gefühlt halb Tod oder Tod oder in anderen "Ländern". Weihnachtsstimmung wird dieses Jahr mal wieder selbst generiert und Neujahr kann ich auch erst mal schauen wo ich bleibe. Ich bereue es immer noch das ich nicht so mutig bin und die Beziehung eingegangen bin mit der Person mit der ich hätte wachsen können. Ich kann bin auch oft zu ehrlich... Das ist nicht immer gut. Ah btw. keeping it real right ? Ich hab eher Angst das Bewusstsein mich eher Tod sehen will anstatt lebendig. Naja ich bräuchte einfach einmal in meinem Leben eine anständige Untersützung in Person, kein Geld, keine leeren Worte, keine "Liebe", kein gekochtes Essen, keine Ruhe, keine Einsamkeit, kein 0815 Coach. Sondern einfach eine Person die kompetent ist mir die Verhaltensmuster anzutrainieren die ich gerne umsetzen möchte und mich dabei begleitet aber das alles kostet Geld. Ich habe es alleine ca. jetzt 100 mal versucht mein ganzer LP ist momentan auf den Kopf gestellt und es gibt so viele Baustellen, dass ich mich frage wo ist überhaupt oben wo ist unten ? ? ? Von daher lass ich es lieber erstmal sein und arbeite weiter. Happiness exercise will be dropped today because of what I read about how this stuff works. To often is to bad. Traits of future self Mutig Zielstrebig Ereignisorientiert

I also really enjoy this music genre progressive trance. While working very uplifting or in general.