ValiantSalvatore

So true! Even when it hurts a little reading this.

Scores range from 1 (low) to 5 (high). Your score from primary psychopathy has been calculated as 2.3. Primary psychopathy is the affective aspects of psychopathy; a lack of empathy for other people and tolerance for antisocial orientations. Your score from secondary psychopathy has been calculated as 2.3. Secondary psychopathy is the antisocial aspects of psychopathy; rule breaking and a lack of effort towards socially rewarded behavior. First attempt was 2.0 and 2.8

I scored 7 first and the second attempt 13. I find the second attempt was more true. I was maxed in vanity and authority was very high, I also did this with a legit psychologist all my ranges are normal. I have one SD variance in beign rebellious and one SD variance in blaming others IIRC, also some 1 SD variance in beign avoidant in some sort and anti-social. All within healthy ranges, so these are things to work on. Especially the anti-social thing was good feeback. Don't have the scores did this a while back.

Just going to post what I think after going through what I wanted to go through: Vision oriented and purpose oriented Thinks about values and integrity and works on character qualties empathy,compassion/love,honesty, Is aware of shadow personality Knows what he wants most of the time Goes for what he wants Has drive Stability as well as aspects for a proper prolific future (excuse my english) A certain level of humility (depends on times...) Does not disregard the weak. Does not engage in gossip of the very toxic kind, in terms of gaterhing information I feel it's fine to talk about others sometime Keeps his word, and does his work (I struggle with this personally for various reasons, as I overestimate myself at times) Interested in god/spirituality in a non-dogmatic and non-idealogical way Has projects. Integrates feminine side, and is playful. Rejects toxic feminity!! Has courage to say the truth without going to ham Accept deeper yearnings&darker desires, and chooses to engage and not engage in them. Generally gives direction Can lean into feminine when to much masculine is present Is not overly neutral, yet is neutral when situation asks for it. Is a sexual creature, knows how to please women and enjoys it! Positive ownership in relationships Accepts feedback and does not engage in over-thinking Questions assumptions Let's go of control and controlling others and manipulating Does not act in the expense of others Does not engage in apeish group mockery, out of fear and insecurity Knows how to make fun of himself at times (not to much!!! no clowning) Takes care of physical health Is assertive and direct tells girlfriend 女朋友, boundaries, desires and is interested in holistic communcation and power disambiguation Motivates and supports partner in spiritual pursuit and carrer. Accepts others for who they are and is open-minded. Kicks out toxic loosers in his life who are disinterested in beign in integrity and are just in for the money (tricky, because some like this authentically and need to do the mistake eventually) Is a creator and comepetitor and is not overly competetive, as a certain level of healthy competition with focus on the process, art, beauty and the craft is needed. The best performance comes from god, lol. Is passionate about one and or two things in life (I struggle with this at some level, as I underwent some changes) No smoking cigarettes to be cool Not following toxic media and seeing it as the absolute pinnacle of what masculinity is about. Sees relationships as a mastery process Integrates healthy red (assertivness and going after what you want) with healthy yellow not going for excessive self-interest Upgrades life conditions without excessive self-interest and accepts the ineviabillity of some of it, without demonizing it to much. Non-judgement (I struggle with this to some extend) Aceepts women who have power (It's odd at times, yet I still empower it 99.9% of the times... that is an odd TQ quality... might be purple also) Helps and aids those weaker than himself does not see himself as above as well as beneath others. (tricky as hell -> look into the mirror) Integrates healthy tough love as well as healthy levels of compassion as a feminine approach (tricky as hell) Not lost in schizophrenic delusions (been there, learned some stuff) Accepts the inevitabillity of lonliness at times Non-needy as well as goes after his needs (see Abraham Maslow) healthy friendships, healthy networking (online&offline) etc. Even just brief interactions going out solo and talking to people. Is self-aware Chooses self-aware women/men/trans etc. Does not groom beigns to ones own ideaological agenda. Accepts influence Is aware of projections of others and does not blame others consistently, because of one's own "unfortunate circumstances" Asks for help Goes away from negative news & negative toxic warmongers Accepts most stage of the spiral and is aware of it's pitfalls in Spiral dynamics IMO prefers insight prior to knowledge Does not have predefined categories of women as social roles & stereotypes Engages in positive roles with partner and is aware of them TLDR; Is not a dick and is not a pussy. (I struggle with not beign a dick at times) This is mostly it.

If weed gives you brainfog and causes you to contract, you have pretty intense and hard conditoning, I've tested it when I was young never was the guy who smoked a lot and who chased after weed each day&weekend to skip school, as I was mainly going through life. I practically opened up to a more spiritual reality, yet was forced to re-condition myself socities standards, that was an eye-opener to me, I still did better than most of my non smoking friends in school, and it helped me to realize and see traumatic events and conditioning and to let go of some of it. I had a very deep trip on 1P-LSD and potentiated it with hash a few years back, when I was intersted in psychdelics, as I not interested in my late teen years to do synthetic drugs, and my mother was even fine with me smoking some cannabis, as long as I don't over do it, and I still have the most spiritual connection on cannabis, I never did shatter, and a good bong hit just elevates you to other spaces. I tried splice recently, and saw how stupid it is overload "dopamine receptors" the experience was very uncomfortable and non-spiritual. Also the deepest trips I had on LSD I potentiated with cannabis. When I potentiate the trip with meditation I would most likely refine and refer to different ideas, and use more body based practice and use vapes, as I I am sometimes not so health conscious and smoked joints. For me it's not the best tool, as I conditioned myself to rather lazy activites although I get strong spiritual vibes and insights when I do them, which is mostly video gaming and listening to music contemplating the nature of reality. I loved it that I could potentiate and learn deep lessons, for me it's best used sparsely and I never vaped, as I feel that would make the cravings less and is less ritualistic, as rolling up a joint, there is a stupid pleasure in just having the "skill" to roll-up a joint, and I dunno ironically, most moderate conscious smokers I've meet are very successful in life, so I don't get at times the bad rep about cannabis. It even helped me with the injury I have. I really wanted to test NN-DMT and hash as a come down / potentiator for future trips, yet my body could not handle it I am still injured and I usually exercise a lot and take care of physical health, this also helped immensely to potentiate a trip. There is a huge difference when all the cells in your body are in growth mode, so to speak after doing strenght exercises and taking a break from cannabis for months/years and then doing it. Similar to mediation retreats, strength exercises potentiate the depths, as I can break through the "pains&agitations" of the body. I am not very fluent in doing a lot of DMT, I have an odd brain I notice it's highly visual at times there is no point in describing what I see, so I am a bit vary about NN-DMT, I consistently remember dreams and draw inferences from them, yet seldom people talk about them etc. Others don't seem to have or leverage that kind of spiritual dimension or even ridicule it. Analyze it to death, and reduce everything to the matter they should actually break through. Some have a larger intuitions about this some don't. This is what I'd say. I am suprised how it affects Leo and that he says it's a stronger psychdelic for him, I've meet many smokers and some are just different, and I love to dovetail theories, sometimes I even leverage the space high for others, and that is why some of my friends even prefered me high, as they had more access to that dimension themselves. Masters/Gurus also at times report doing it and going to spiritual dimensions, if you can do it all natural you'd legit be a "freak of nature", which I would not deny is possible, yet I know from experience using cannabis as a crutch and using it pro-actively is a huge difference. Sorry, in case my message came across in an unemphatic manner, I'd wanted to say that most of the friends I've meet felt uncomfortable, as they were not used to this spiritual "hidden" dimension and their survival cravings and how this is played on on a "trip".

Hey thanks for the kind feedback! I've did a course from Beena Sharma as she is part of an organisation I know that teaches the developmental models to companies and I thought that I eventually would love to get into similar style of counseling after some time working within the field of my life purpose, as I find these models highly relevant enjoyable to work with. Although integrating the lessons from this course in real life is not so easy, as most don't react appropriately when thinking in pairs, and often it has to be coupled with deep understanding in skill centric areas of development (at least I feel in Europe) otherwise. I don't know for me just listing people who have coach certificates in this area smells like bias and self-serving bias to me and I don't know how the research was conducted for this sort of developmental map, as well as it's a language based assesment as far as I can recall from Susan-Cook-Greuter. I appreciate the list, I don't even doubt the development of these people, I am just a unsure what ego development entails, as as far as I can recall from Wilber courses it's similar to cognitive development and taking perspectives. For example at stage 4.5,5 (O'fallon) you become aware of all other stages, which is highly cognitive experience in itself. While others are not aware of context, achievment drives, multiculturalism, systems thinking, holism in everyday experiences, ethnocentric attitudes, without combating them. Stages 4.5 and 5 are the first stages that don't create this culture war. My intention was not to argue, yet in terms of writing and assuming I have no prio knowledge I felt kind of offended, I love to discuss these topics I might be a bit over-enthusiastic as I really like clarity and I can be critical without having full insight into the problem, yet I am highly context aware lol. What you've shared is already plenty! Thanks for that feel free to share more! I am pretty sure with all the work and courses I've done without more reading and research, I will not change some opinions, I am pretty convinced that Shinzen with all the type of training they recommend is far beyond, I can't tell for Ralston as I am unsure how far he deeply studied reality in terms of perspectival type of understanding. My understanding of ego development might be wrong, yet it's the capacity to hold in awareness the perspective of the ego and then other stakeholders, as far as I can tell in the papers they share the view of holding 1,2,3 person of awareness till n'th person. Best example I can give for Unitive+ stages of experiences is psychdelics where you feel and see the perspective of so many other beigns as well as on high meditative peaks. I did this course from Beena Sharma. https://integrallife.com/integrating-polarities-training/ Did this training from Ken Wilber: https://integrallife.com/full-spectrum-mindfulness-web-course/ Listend to loads of audiobooks to this topic. Feel free to correct my potential misunderstanding about ego development, structure-stages & taking on the perspective of self & other. As I might have conflated the stuff to much.

I did a couple of wilber/integral courses and the recommended practices, yes that is a fine distinction! I don't want to make the effort of listing them, all as I'd get lost in the meticulousness of it. Between the spiritual line and the ego development line, as I most likely conflated the two in some manner, I am unsure that to what that fully means as especially in the case about, yet I know that in that sense and with integral lingo. Structure-stages are different from states, and also ... state-statges. Hence, the conflation I see the term of taking these perspectives and advancing in structure-stages which also means cognitive development, especially taking on the perspectives of these state experiences permanently as a structure-stage. Also personally, you'd have to be blind to not see Ralston at higher stages, I've meet plently of ph.d's and others who have credentials, contemplating these maps for years now very young and seeing real masters, and juxtaposing them is amazing. Ralston is beyond Wilber I'd say and even the local zen master I've meet in Europe, is beyond most of the people on the list, as most PHD's and masters are stuck in their theory and models and selling these models. While still having stage turqousie and yellow cognitive development, only because one has not mastered the lingo of these maps, it does not mean they could not be beyond is. I highly doubt that Roger Walsh has a higher development than Shinzen Young on the structure-stages perspective not in a billion years, not even considering spiral dynamics and the amount of work and life story of Shinzen. Even Ken Wilber I mean like the amount of practice and development the guy went through lol. People like Shinzen Young, Sadghuru, Peter Ralston, Daniel Ingram (he'd readily admitt if he's not also ironically), are way beyond besides I am conflating structure-stages with just structure states, which is a distinction Ken Wilber draws. I stopped studying the maps mostly, as there are not many people to talk about these subjects, although they are highly relevant like spiral dynamics. Wilber also stated in one taste. I believe that he is somehwere around the ultraviolet/violet meta-mind etc. https://www.facebook.com/stagesinternational/videos/the-difficult-transition-into-construct-aware/1274706409341047/ Also this rings so true for me it's incredible. Just watching this from one of the links, in my mind justifies the list with the level of development and all of these academics with huge 3/4 - 4 cravings and still seeing that pull, that is gone from most of these masters in an artsy way beyond any of these on the list. Anyway this is my perspective to all of this lol. I mean where did they learn this from? My intention is not to discredit, yet I doubt the list above from you is correct, and I doubt any scientific model will fully grasp and model the nature of reality. It comes from pioneers anyway who make that leap. Leo is as far as I understand making claims of having gone beyond these. Still I doubt that for example also, yet not the structure-state experience of having gone beyond. Feel free to correct me in case the distinction between ego-development and spiritual development is not conflateable with the terms from integral theory, structure-stages and structure states, as far as I can recall. I dunno I did the course at integral life and ironically I am in softeware development/engineering which he sees as a hallmark of stage yellow/turqouise thinking etc. In contrast to just plain programming also. I dunno I am on your side as far as I can tell on doing the practices, my intention is to clarify and bring in another perspective. Anyway I've seen plenty of stuff here to tell the list above is incorrect 100%, and yes I take things personally no reason to gaslight. Thanks for providing the list, my intention was not to seem rude, yet I can tell your interpretation is also not correct and yes I took that personally .

Sounds like heavy stage orange overall, I would like to go in-depth, yet this is not something I ever looked at and I am not a psychologist, I've been now with one who was spiritualy very aware, yet stuck in methodologies. I've listend to a blinkist of a quite conscious psychologist from the u.s (women) and she explained how venting does not help, for some reason. As well as repells people she explained that quite democratically, without any rage and or violence. It perpetuates pain, I can reflect now upon this and this as far as I know the slowest type of therapy for any integration. (Talk thearapy/Depth analysis if the term is correct) It's crazy she gaslit you, I would look for more wholesome beigns and not NPC's and robots. Even with flaws etc. No one is perfect.

It's pretty much the same. Besides the main differantiation is ego development and spiral dynamics focuses on values. In my eyes. I've read the paper and studied it a bit not in great depth, it's practically for me how others relate to themselves and it's as far as Wilber explains a taking of perspective. IIRC the unitive stage let's say is 11+ cognitively and can hold into awareness 11 peoples point of view etc. Then the whole thing down & up. Most sages/wise beigns are beyond the unitive like: Sadghuru Peter Ralston Shinzen Young Mingyur Ringpoche Ken Wilber Daniel Ingram Guru Viking Deepak Chopra (I'd say he's beyond this) Eventually even Sam Harris (Other more unkown teachers etc.) I'd recommend reading the religion of tomorrow for a deeper view on stages, as far as I know unitive is either the stage of ego development conflated with still beign in ego, yet stages beyond ego. I dunno I find it hard to give concrete examples. Strategist Stage = Yellow -> I liked Eban Pagan when I did the online-dating course from him, my last professor was high in yellow and I find people interested in geo science have high strategies level qualties, Boulder Colerado, Switzerland possibly, highly ethical scientists I've meet have these qualties. Construct Aware Turqouise -> Possibly educated and/or integral infromed, also at times random people who practice a lot of meditation&yoga, yet are still bound of ego, meaning creation aware, usage of highly complex language. It's the need to complexity at strategist levels etc. It's rare I am not very active in spiritual communities, I found myself in the dynamics of beign construct aware very often, and presented the paper to a psychologist, she could not make intutive sense out of this and forced a rule/role mind and this expert type of thinking. Aware of story-telling and meaning creation, not only context of a language etc. It's rare to meet such individuals although there are some and cognitive capacity of it should be available after a university degree. As far as I can understand you can be a construct-aware stage red nazi, that is how "bonkers" integral theory can get imo. Like I said I did not study it deeply I watched the videos and studied it to various levels of depth at times, as I just find myself in the spectrum. The wikipedia page also might help to dispell disambiguation. Leo's video is also pretty good. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loevinger's_stages_of_ego_development https://integrallife.com/introduction-ego-development/ https://integrallife.com/stages-leadership-maturity/ Can't give more direct sources besides the papers which I can. I bet even on this forum there are people who transcend this model already, not many a handful just to give some perspective! As far as I know the research is stuck as there are such few examples, it would be not be very significant to conduct studies on such a small number of people even for unitive/strategist it's hard to find humans/beigns/people for this, it's practically the "conscious elite" of society etc. Depending on how'd you few it integral would also include the emotional line ( total mystery to me) and moral line to fully include an itnegral development etc.

I never fully understood this aspect, I am odd in that I take the enjoyment of not giving her the priviledge to engage in this princess type of thinking at times, so I never attracted that type of women so far, even after doing some game with experienced guys. It takes an extrem amount of abundance as well as either an extrem amount of development to realize that. All of these survival mechanism etc. Also at times it's similar to a spiritual experience seeing the beauty of a girl that is just breathtaking etc. Ever since I've been injured and I did not date "fully built" I notice how difficult it is to feel the loose of beauty and it's attachment I cried legit yesterday doing some baby workout at how weak I feel internally. When I read online articles and books about body language and girls legit cringing as well as writting me online "omfg you are so handsome", even guys. EVEN GAY GUYS LIKE WTF/TRANS does not matter. I grew up pretty narccistically as a guy having my looks beign validated by the women around me (friends of my mother), and there are so many odd dynamics there are also so many other factors at play, when I contemplate how feminity just causes "small t trauma" in some women as it's been opressed. I just think it's an odd dynamic of our times, like if it's a protective aspect of a guy feeling a bit protective of "his/her positively owned... women", then sure the attachment to beauty is just an attachement? It's a process then to let go. As feminity has been repressed and I get a lot of subconscious blame at times. I hope the new psycholgoist who is deeper in that sort of material can help me with that. At best you can appreciate each other as goddess and god without the crazy push&pull dynamic. Without going into the metaphysics of love, comaradery ironically gives the deepst form of bond, from what I've read so far. To me this is mostly delusion and manipulation, as well as "maya" better enjoy the play as long as it's there. At times even when I could do and did parts of the more developed courses about relationships. I wished there was a higher level of awareness of that, yet it's mostly the "craft of the man" to bring that sort of stability to the table, at least that is the kind of looks and expectations I get, when interacting with the opposite sex. Obviously there is beauty within the women/feminine aspect without the objectivity that is hard to deny! As far as I can recall beauty = holism = healing, I notice how healing "real beauty" can feel healing, it certainly has a strong desire component for me, when I dated women and even attracted women, where most guys play a discriminatory dynamic that is close to racism legit, and I've also seen that like it's partially disgusting and get's very primitive. The books on Leo' list on dealing with people, explains a lot of this apeish type behaviour and yeah, I don't think very advanced brain parts are beign activated in male and or females during this exchange. Although it can feel like a stage purple type opening for mystecism and spiritual awareness so to speak, for me it's mostly a passion -> lust -> love dynamic that plays itself out when I consider both inner and outer beauty. Physical apperances are ridiculous, beauty is also pain at times. Anyway. Here I go! Beautiful apperance to me is mostly either desire and/or real beauty, seldom it's healing nowadays, and the feminism dynamic I see at times is as regressive as Andrew Tate I find, I dunno for me this still legit is the dark bonobo ages.

Twisted forms of love .

@The Mystical Man Shinzen Young knew a person called... Nicola Geiger, which apparently (she was american german hope name is written correctly) had connections to Hitler, IIRC I don't know if this was from a retreat etc. Hitler pushed her down the stairs and he was a real "a*hole". Apparently he spoke from no-self also basically going fully tenma (demonic/evil) also this guy was the ultimate drug lord. He took so much meth etc. Cocaine etc. The German population I don't know when, yet women received "Pralinen" (box of chocolates) filled with some meth stuff, there is an author who wrote about this. I have this info from Joe Rogan show and Shinzen so, yeah Hitler was a total whacko and drug addicted he received like 50 shots of meth/cocain at the end of his life apparently from his doctor. This is not "scientific valid" info, yet from an author who wrote about this. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29429893-blitzed I don't know in school we had rumours about Hitlers brain beign lost, I think even when I can listen to this and be inspired by it, he is a total whacko, a funny one, yet I do despise this guy. It's amazing how he could delude millions of people with such stupidity, and he legit apparently spoke from no-self. As Nicola Geiger ( don't know if it's the correct name) moved to Japan and introduced Shinzen to some higher ranked monks and called him Stephan. Shinzen is also jewish, so yeah. I dunno history is kinda f*ed. When I listen to it nowadays, you have to be a jobless looser to follow that guy, this guy is so pathetic imo, reminds me just of my own inner weasel. Goes full vegeterian and kills millions of peoples and wants to save the animals I don't know how you can concot so many hallucinatory fantasies. Sometimes he just reminds me of stage green in spiral dynamics lol. All Hitler wanted is love I find this guy partially hilarous. Yet, to much dark humour can be toxic.

Any thoughts I was wondering if I can find the name of this picture "'Theatre D'Opera Spatial'" it only won 300 dollar what are the reasons you think? Higher quality version on the link below! https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/02/technology/ai-artificial-intelligence-artists.html I love uplifting dysotopian themes and inversion implied drawings of dimension beyond 4D (anything with space) so to speak, I am an art noob. The article is realted. I would personally buy the picture, why do you think humans are consistently afraid of new-emerging technology? Art is beautiful I was blown when I saw the picture. How do you personally relate to A.I art? What are your thoughts about art in general as a purpose in society? What would you contemplate about, when you see this picture?

https://www.thekindstoreonline.co.uk/blogs/blog/a-guide-to-tongue-scraping#:~:text=Copper is naturally anti-microbial,materials for a tongue scraper. These things are quiet nice. I have one, I don't use it regularly I presume after a while my taste is certainly refined after I've done some rounds/days of this scrapping, although I don't actively recall using it that often. It's also only done for a minute/30 seconds when I do it, unsure what is the proper guideline, yet this is quiet useful in terms of dealing with what ever flavour is on your tongue and makes the tongue taste and smell like a tongue again. Not an active kisser, till now had no complaints without using the thing, this was recommended from a dating course I did. I'd give it a ??in terms of using it regularly if you enjoy kissing/intimacy and health.

All good still thank you for answering the thread! Mods can close this thread! if they want I went through several blinkist and even notified my mother and she legit changed her behaviour and read articles on her own about this.

I don't like posting about this, although I've experienced tremendous growth it's still not easy for me to walk the path of personal development. When I meet Zoomers younger generation people they behave very ignorant and are very narcisstic in terms of their demands and projections. https://paminy.com/book-summary-surrounded-narcissists-effectively-recognize-avoid-defend-toxic-lose-mind/ I left class today again, as I could not sit there and when I interact with them I become so distracted and a lot of these interests in Kanye West and Andrew Tate seemingly and pop-culture as well as the homogenous aspect of them makes it difficult. Also with many immigrants from other countries I have never been treated so disrespectfully from immigrants and first-third generation people, in a while it's abnormal. It's like when I focus on what I really want and don't deny my needs I long for a less biased and ethnocentric social discourse, yet people like Andrew Tate & Kanye West do not make it easy for me as a person of color in a country where the idea of people of color does not even really exists, within the social spectrum very much. This is Germany, a lot of gaslighting in a social/racial construct is happening and I notice how excessive this has become to simply blame others and a culture of compassion is missing, as it's just narcissist. For others it's fun and for me I don't have a reference experience. It's almost like I can't attend a single class and have to study from home, I have never been so sensetive, yet a lot of personal development work has opened up my emotions and feeling body, and often others say to me it's intense. I feel like the Professors have my back besides my chinese teacher and it's good to know and feel that through indirect gestures and such. I just have issues in relationships when it comes to connecting, as I have thanks to an injury as well as thanks to a larger scare issues connection to my whole body at times. A lot of young people and I am also still very young ask me do and say to me the following things: You are handsome and good-looking. I like you and you are sympathic Where are you from? You are so smart( toxic) You're memory is so bad (toxic) Why don't you remember x topic I said t you (toxic) Blame and complain with me about stuff where I think we could also just be more positive Are scared of me and don't interact at all and just have this scared look on their face Create an outgroup dynamic and shun me out as I am more mysterious and secretive apparently Give slight remakres about IQ either stupid or very high Ask me about my IQ and intelligence and either or question it - either very high or very low and binary questioning Give me remarks as if I am not attentive and stuff like this Talk briefly and go back to their in-group I get a message about my jawline looking like the guy who bullied me here on actualized.org A guy legit catcalled me Total ignorance and color blindness we are all the same Very superficial statements I could dress even cleaner and I would get billions of compliments and women, simply because of status Toxic feminity because I look very masculine and my body language must seem very masculine with this I mean negative energy, toxicity a lot of starring, manipulation attempts from medicore looking women with emotional wounds I have. Overprojecting of skills and super masculine almost hostile traits like I speak 10 languages & I am aggressive and creative. I found ways to meet new people as there are a lot more events and I changed my schedule as I do have an authentic desire to get to know other human beigns. I also love and like science which has been repressed in my family and I still have issues talking about science without beign moralistic and judgemental as I see their bullshit also sort of. I can stay at home of course and study, as these in-group&out-group dynmaics are often very toxic and the ones who are more clean are also often individuals. I can often see some of them are drug addicted as well as take a lot of drugs and then blame it on the person who is black, and become stereotypical in their body language etc. I feel gaslight by my chinese teacher as she questions my memory and acts like my mother does in terms of gaslighting. I am just unsure who to even call human and interact with as so many are narccisitc and bad conversationalists. It's like Yes, but yata yata yatal. Next time again Yes, but yata yata yata. What can I do to deal with this I keep with a society that becomes more narccistic? I started to value hardwork and I get bad looks for questions that are seemingly, obvious yet these students also can't answer properly. I feel like Richard Feynman with a higher IQ. Again a professor made a compliment that I am intelligent and hardworking even when I don't have the scientific background as deeply as others I am learning a lot. It's like I am angry and somehow thanks to me beign so sensetive and having VGP a lot of people pick up on my emotions positively and or negatively and it's very painful to deal with such a unique experience, it's like I have 10 years of foresight and I am still blocked by all of this emotional encumbrance of affecting others. I can see it positively and see the silver-lining. It's just abnormal how hard especially people who are not from larger countries can project stereotypes. I feel like it's 100 if not 200x harder for me to exist, especially as there is not a single black community here. Just turkish and arabic. Online-classes are way way better for me to not be pulled into this toxic cycle of good guy/good girl because you are black and angry you are not good subconscious processing from NPC's it's just unfun at times. Any discussion around this and solutions? People somehow seem to like me and give positive energy when I accept it they become sort of gaslighting I am just baffled at times at how ignorant they are. My life purpose also involves trauma a lot I've noticed and I found ways to deal with it for me this is also financially super, I have a lot more internal feelings of freedoom and lucidity, when I have money in my bank account aswell as when I just see numbers even during mathematical classes. I just feel free, I don't know why. What can I do it's not easy to get into healing and it's not easy to find time to do it actively with a busy schedule, and it's a back and forth with priorities and my life purpose, which is impacting others with the highest level of consciouness possible and also through my work with aritifical intelligence. I've been gaslight around the topics of mathematics a lot even though I was quiet good at it, sure I get a lot of it in terms of just asking for some validity, yet a lot of these things I questioned since I was very little. What is even intelligence? What is nature? In a more philosophical manner etc. Not having answers hurts and having phyiscal injuries hurts, also beign very conformists hurts my core, I don't have anything against a conservative approach, yet I notice a lot of toxic backlash mostly from very right-winged and very-left winged people. My entire physiology is different I would love to have a scientist even research my genetics, I frankly don't even care that much, it's just my body my brain my existence is so different. It's not easy for me to be around others who don't have integrity etc as well as where I feel robbed of mental health. I focus on healthy topics and perspectives as well as possible, yet socializing with zoomers, I would basically just talk flattery and ask them about very superficial things, it's fun I just notice how unfair the projection of beign black.beign framed from minorities as a minority and even the lower minority! As disgusting, I've never been so disgusted at how harsh these gaslighting experiences are. It's like I am not allowed to feel myself, I am very careful of who I let into my life and who I am hanging out with, if I get bad as well as fearful vibes I will not interact with the person. I loose precious study time as I don't find someone to interact with only one person so far and I have a lot of stuff to learn. It's so painful to get to know others and be happy for them as they don't have any health issues mostly it's not cool. Beign highly-open and "conservatice/hardworking" seems to be for many a counter-balance, as well a a lot of narccisitc traits come up when I interact with some people. Any ideas on what to do and implement for this? I found some people yet when I feel into my body I notice the culture of narccism blocking topics such as vulnerabillity and compassion, which fosters strength and self-love as well as resilliances which are key parts of success. I've started saying random stuff openly, as I find it crazy how others are behaving around me I can practically only focus when I am at home listening to music and feel myself authentically, the professors are great, the issue is the other students are so narccistic it causes a lot of pressure. I thought about writting an apology to the professor as he really does care and helps a lot and explains a lot. It's just a lot of this masculine right-wing ideas are toxic, I study the best alone even when it's painful and no system was ever design for me I notice. I love to study things in depth! Ironically.... a lot of good things keep happening I just notice this and I feel a lot of sensetivity around this subject and I get a lot of backlash of just beign in the process of integration and sometimes not having the proper perception. It's like I have frenemies all over when I am a bit more systemically critical about aspects I've studied a bit, and I feel this myopia of academia, where I get a lot of blue/red projections. Like I am forced to be a systemetized rebel almost. When I get to the root cause of these feelings a lot of traumatic memory is evoked from childhood upbrigning etc. and I first can take shamanic breathing sessions in February/March this year. Taking care of mental health is not easy. It's often insecure people attacking secure and healthy self-esteem and abusing compassion from me, and the over-externalization and lack of going inside etc. To learn and reflect etc. Any thoughts, sorry for the long post, I wanted to get this of my chest as I am sick of the identity hidding and not expressing and games a lot of "bi-racial" people play with culture and mannerism, while I am very authentic about it. Any ideas and similar compliments & experiences with narcism in our current culture? How to deal with dreamkillers?

I see the bigger picture also and the underlying dynamic is still at play, this basically enforces stage red though love type thinking in my opinion and a lot of coercion.I've also been at the giving end of gaslighting others because I've been gaslit and it's mostly to people who gaslit me I can subconsciously be addicted to that pain and just act out that pattern. It's insane how far this reaches into one's childhood. I wish I could instantly let go of suffering and all of this takes time and practice. I am practically taking the power out by letting him know I will not deal and tolerate with this kind of behaviour and I will extract myself from this narcissistic type of behaviour. If he enjoys that fine, go do it with someone else. Creating boundaries has been an issue and a lot of them have been transgressed, so I am not letting others disrespect me and give ill-adivce. I can see the bigger intetion as well as the relationship dynamic I don't want anymore in my life. I had such friends I cut them all out, constantly second guessing you and your abillities as well as giving talent focused compliments and just focusing on pure "talent", instead of hard work and effort and having overall a fixed growth mindset. A more developed/ripe response could have been: "Hey man you could build some resilliance and look for ways and efforts for dealing with narcissistic people, value yourself and have self-compassion! There is no need to let someone walk over you". Smth. like this practically. I don't know quiet frankly, creating boundaries has been not easy for me in terms of relationships, as I am high in agreeableness I tend to agree and be open a lot, yet my body language can be self-protective as I feel a lot and letting people get into my life just hurts, I changed body language around this a lot, so I know when it's transgressed as well as how to "create a boundary" for my body more or less. I've read a book about developing resilliance last year, and it's not easy especially when there is "racial type/identity type" stereotype threatening there and it's seen as a fixed determanism and proof. It's quiet painful and yes I could be deceiving myself. I just ask myself often, why do I feel this way right now? When I dig into the emotion and notice at one point okay, this is to toxic. I am just gone and some patterns I will immediately shut down, otherwise there is no room for healing I notice. I did not focus on healing that holistically, yet and I notice how it's becoming more relevant in my life. Thanks for the thoughtful reply!

Thanks yo, I just don't see the point in beign gaslit and as creator I choose not to engage in this kind of broken dynamic I am very focused on being as holonic as possible. I just will not participate in this culture of narcissism.

@Basman That is practically a from of gaslighting ironically. I know it's meant well, and ironically it's toxic and gaslighting. Please re-frain from commeting, I will instantly block gaslighters and people who overly display narcissistic tendencies. This is also a classic in spiritual circles. Also collectively in terms of the experience of "minorities" etc. This is hardcore toxic. I will not tolerate this, just to let you know directly I will block and mute you, if there are more comments similar to this. At best refrain from commeting. It's not easy to articulate complex emotions. I appreciate that and thank you. https://getpocket.com/explore/item/why-don-t-take-it-so-personally-is-the-ultimate-gaslighting-insult-according-to-psychology-experts?utm_source=pocket-newtab I can get into trauma healing relatively soon, inhouse councelling is full. I appreciate the gesture, and I don't like this kind of communication currently. I am not a robot/soldier I am a human beign.

It should be fine culture is somewhat advancing I don't know how to describe, yet there are other options it's just very local mostly and information can get lost. I found some other options. Thanks for replying! It's funny also seeing Leo on Insta . Thanks for the tip again, I forgot I used this consciously. Even as an accountabillity structure etc.

I would do so much, yet I am injured I can't do much I am very sporty. It's just not possible anymore and this causes massive depression at times (now not so much because I can do some of it) I can't do stuff I dreamed of and this has been a pattern in my life that is very hostile. I might be able to do kundalin yoga next semester that seems a good thing to do. I would do so many activites like: Judo Soccer Calisthetnics Basketball (even) Swimming Running Gym Watersports etc. I can practically only do swimming and I have a friend for this, yet he had an operation so he won't go swimming and I prefer the gym. The philosophy idea is great! I might check that out and see if I can coincide this with the meditation classes etc. There are new ideas I practically have billions of them I feel stiffled at times. These re-orientations take a lot of time and I notice healing is becoming a larger part of my life thanks to childhood trauma and narcissism. I am just annoyed at the ignorance of liberal politics being overly focused on feminism and disparaging healty male identies and role models it's odd to describe. Ethnicity is way better of a term that gives leeway into so many topics without moral judgement. It's just not a good thing to say "Volk" in German rings the wrong bells mostly... there are a lot of moral implications when I think in German it's not easy to walk this road etc. I need real life interaction facebook is a horror as this is the space where I could meet my american family and there are issues around this even by law it could cause me trouble. So I refrain from it especially when sutff becomes more digital. I don't really care about where someone is from I grew up in such diverse groups. I could check-out the group that is true! I have a new phone on my old phone instagram usage was close to impossible and mine is so filtered it's very inspiring. Thank you for the reminder!! This would definitely help for venting, although I would feel more at home in America as it's more part of the social discourse and not placed into this class type thinking which is very rigid imo. It takes a lot of time I notice to set things up. If I setup my instagram account, I will check-out the side. I also can connect way better to American society and black people in that way, I am just visually more motivated etc. etc. There is some biology I bet to this, when I see black successful men im contrast to some "random white" guy having success. Like it gives me a huge motivational boost I noticed in the gym etc. Seeing photos of black athletes inspired me more than seeing someone white, although I immediately contemplate and meditate about this notion. It's just I don't find honesty in the power of "homogenous" groups and i've practically never been in one. So yeah I want to move to a more diverse city like New York etc. I lived in London and it was not diverse enough imo. America is a country of migrants so there is more of an implicit notion I feel I just don't like living in Europe all to much if it would not be for festivals and events even if I attend none ironically. It's more of a financial struggle and survival issues, where I just was meet with unfortunate circumstances. I do the best despite all efforts failure does happen and it's normal...

There are a lot of offers that provide consciouness work, yet I could not take it because of financial struggles and focus on very very needed practical things like a washing machine a new phone etc. With this new schedule I am going to find more suitable beigns to hang-out with, it just stands in contraposition to my life purpose, at times and the goals I've set this year. It sucks to be injured as I could have higher quality and healthier relationships, now it's like magically very broken people feel attracted to me, when I feel vulnerable and practically am healing myself with positive, energy, self-acceptance etc. I agree I found at least one person, yet I do have to attend some meet-ups and events in order to find quality friends at best also in courses. This is something I can tackle first next semester and then attend more casual events. Although I find it not easy to strike up conversations even though I do randomly at times, as I can be overly empathic and this stuff can get very much under my skin. With less injuries I would crave and feel more control, yet I don't know how to deal with this stuff yet I have plans I am waiting till the financial support of the state arrives, otherwise I can't heal some serious trauma. I frankly don't know what quality is anymore. I am just looking for an enjoyable experience. I just don't know if I should attend class, I made some friends right at the beginning, I never felt mentally so instable, and this is very often so if I can't exercise and move my body and it's an organisational nightmare currently, because of the financial situation I feel so paralyzed at times, then other stuff where I want to move countries as I was accused of stealing and don't have good experience working in Germany small jobs etc. So I am looking for something highly strategic and I need skill etc. It feels nice to be popular etc. I can keep in mind that little is lost, although it's still not easy mentally to see so many others easily join and socialize as they have the same experience and are very homogenous groups. It feels very isolating and I see the whole spectrum of majority priviledge etc. and quite frankly it sucks.

@Epikur It's a masters degree lol. At almost an German Ivy leauge university. I already have a bachelors degree. I don't talk with others during class about stuff, I focus on studies, yet as I was in a more interdisciplinary field, the field narrowed down to a more narrow interdisciplinary field, completely eliminating design etc. It was my choice and basically a dream come true, there are so many options to ask questions and get understanding about technical stuff, I just am in fear of beign ridiculed because of gaslighting experiences, and often afterwards people asking me about IQ and such, so I feel hampered even starting to study. I practically do the same, yet to give a paradigm how it feels to walk with HSP(highly sensetive) and VGP(volitional generated piloerection there are 4 papers of this condition) and physical nerve impigments, because of a tumour that was removed at birth at my hip. I am leaving classes as they are pointless in the middle of the lecture, as I can't study in the enviroment if they talk to much, it's like they can't adjust and pest the room with toxic energy at times and I just have to leave, I usually feel stronger, yet this diagnosis with athrosis is just to much at one point. People compliment me all live about health and look at me as the pinnacle of fitness, while I knew since birth this is a huge hoax, and has a superwide-spread moral implications, especially considering history, and the classes I am taking even. With genetic algorithms and such. I feel so much guilt asking very simple questions and I then can guilt trip myself because I get into this spiral of trauma because of narccicism within my family and now I see the hardcore social spectrum and I just get unconsciously triggered. It does not leave a very good picture, neither can I care to much about it. I feel more happy beign rebelling naturally it's I panic and I prefer the online-lectures, if I had a better physical health condition I could easily do game and just would go with the crazyness as I am so used to this type of phenomena of projection and did years of more "shallow" shadow work, yet I notice the deeper ends of trauma associated very closely to my life purpose. I question if lectures are even worth it in person it's basically as we just discuss our homework, and I had so many organsiational issues, I had to work from my phone was unsure what to do. Received a subway ticket late etc. etc. Like conditions where I don't have that much influence and say in, as far as I can recall. I was so suprised that they took me, I just basically saw this as more "higher intuition and went" as they had the perfect legit perfect lectures of interests and all of the professor are super-fine in a sense. It's just some narcisitc behaviour and low spiral development that is very triggering. Most of the stage orange people don't even show up. Also from reading a couple of books about what are the most effective approachs to become a straight a-student, I notice some strategies are not working out for me in terms of attending classes. Sometimes I just notice not going there and studying on my own gives me more time and preperation to understand and learn the material more deeply. In class I can ask questions, yet I am bothered as I there are other like organisational issues, for example I have to do maths2 next semester and there are a lot of mathematical concepts, so people get angry at times mostly immature younger students who are insecure and I am this "super masculine" guy in their "mamalian brian" and I get a shit ton of emotional snipping that I just feel with HSP, like I don't do this on purpose. It's just they are such a huge distraction at times. I don't know what is better beign there feeling gaslit. Also even online women give me huge looks and guys even send me compliments at times (I study at home with camera on in a gamfied way that worked the best so far), it's so annoying to be framed in this sexual way, I sometimes feel at one point I should just let my d*ck hang on someones shoulder to let them know at one point I will really do it if this does not stop. Also I can't masturbate for hours like I don't have time for that and dating did not work out all to well, I just want to get the operation done and be more stable mentally. People also told me I have a dark and very stringent energy, that I usually get rid of with very intense exercises that I can't do anymore like hardcore sprints and HIT movements and calisthentic type stuff. I can do a little and I do a little. I said so much toxic sutff openly as I question their sanity at times and the impost syndrom and feelings are also quiet real, I've never witnessed how insane that is, there are also uni politics with shooting rampages and I saw security for the first-time because there was a message writtin that it will happen. This was even on some newspaper. I for example as (american military kid) said I wish I had an M-16 open in class nobody said anything I thought this is surreal. A guy legit cat-called me because my "butt" is larger then 99.9% of the women that I see outside of the gym. I did not believe my eyes. Like cmon I can't be that handsome even online like it's such a delusion I appreciate it truely, yet it's such a delusion also, and then the reverse "race perception of ugly" omfg. I stare people back into their eyes just to let them know I just saw what you saw. For me these ideas are so normalized I have to laugh, as I was greeted with M-16 since I was 4 or so, I sometimes can't believe how naive people are, yet this somehow causes also less terror ironically, when there is freedom of expresion... Especially as self-studies with occasional check-ins work the best with mentors and peers who are more serious, because I am practically beign gaslit in class, Leo you have to sort of imgaine how toxic this really is as there are no other black people the darker they are the sooner they are out of the classes, because of this *lusting* type of behaviour and projections, they are all gone. Europe is deeply very deeply biased and just looks to America and then I get American projections like I am Andrew Tate and then I either own it etc. Then I am to femnisits (looking type women) start hissing towards me and act oddly in terms of body language a lot of white men don't get that at all. I had to adjust also for lecturs and buy stuff, I still don't own a tablet and I keep meta-thinking about improvments it's so obsessive at times, I don't know how to stop it. As this is the only way I can legit survive at times, so I ask a a lot of questions around this. I just don't really find a serious person who keeps me accountable and can deal with the intense emotions I have. I don't have any mental conditions and I get a lot of projectins in terms of borderline/adhd where others have similar symptoms and just project out of fear. A lot of these "dovetail" also with giftedness, so yeah it's hell at times. Sorry for digressing and writting so much I wonder at times how others can't notice humans unconsciouness so much. It's like they smell weak and attack like in the book from the booklist from your's our inner ape. It's incredible how primitive humans can be when I contemplate group dynamics and mating behaviour like omg. I am happy game has more class in a sense. I also need it and I crave it mostly also in an intellectual way, when I feel more of my primal needs for example considering maslow. I certainly did not figure out human psychology as it's evolving all the time, I just know a good deal about it I know they have radically different needs, yet I don't get mine met. This is a serious issue, I am not some fluffy little thing that strongly coheres to the social norms of a group. I am mostly stastically indpendent if I'd speak more mathematically. I enjoy socializing a lot mostly in silence though and more in a mentor type of relationship as well as very highly highly open diverse groups. So I also find more success in international enviroments, I don't know why I am just used to meeting a lot of different cultures. I also meet so many diverse groups of people I sometimes just get bored unconsciously and don't even interact. I like to get to know people especially through media and games, and I still crave social relationships, yet I can't do all to much. I am certainly not integrating the desire of love&connection&belonging regularly in a non-digital way, that I certainly need. Even bi-weekly etc. I just don't somehow find that. There are more social opportunities then I noticed, so I cut ties now even with my mother which hurts me a lot, as I worked a lot on that relationship as 2 very important beigns... died in my life in the last two years, and I am not very much over it. It just hits me at times and I have to basically cry at the beauty of it. I've never been so emotionally open and rigied at the sametime, it's odd people notice so much. It's at times not fun I give me best beign my own cheerleader and even for others, as I enjoy inspiring others as this is part of my life purpose. I waste a lot of time not finding connections it the biggest issues I have even going thorugh health books have the most issues with love & relationships, as I am a super-social and super-introverted creature I have no idea how to meet these needs, if I can't use my body that fast. I get that others have it I just don't know how to meet mine at times, I've become so dominant it scares me I just talk and talk and talk. Because it hurts as an empath to listen to so much suffering like people just connect to me with their issues, can we not talk about something more neutral or in the present moment? It seems quiet difficult for people to talk in the present and they just mostly complain and frame me as the negative one, I am so happy alone at times. I laugh at needing others, yet I need others it's not easy. I just don't know how to deal with this should I date now again? Focus on my studies? Studies has priority then I need interactions with others which is rarely nowadays a part where I listen. There is so much other stuff. i can be an excellent listener, I just stopped because people keep associating then with the "negative role" somehow of me and not the positive one. I like upliftment etc more... sorry for writting such complex stuff. Most people also act like such adults, and I am very open about insecurities etc. It's so strange to them it's obnoxious and they attack and I think like well I could go to American and earn a couple of millions there we have it and it's silent... it's so odd....

@How to be wise This has nothing to-do with basic happiness this is more mental health and stabillity. I am quiet happy without these people surrounding me. Happiness will never be achieved as long as I have an ego. That is impossible, there are way higher emotional states as "simple" happiness. "Acceptance" does not help me. Accepting abusive behaviour is the definition of dysfunction 100%, I am not dealing with narccistics, I take so much responsibillity already, it's not easy at times, to be an "empathc" and have these types of humans relate to you. I've read all books on happiness on Leo's booklist and integrate advice from these. I don't think Byron Katie, can help thanks for the advice. Survival is very very real.

Yes, this is true, although race is a social invention even technical if it's account for that 99.9% of human genom is identical as far as I know and even between species there exists a larger variation in genom expression as between two individuals of different as far as I know. The system of academia is fine, it's mostly students and individuals ironically it's not the professor it's more the culture of the students that does not suit me and would give me a to strong liberal vibe. It's a social construct. Most don't realize that and enforce this identity also, of course you can research the 0.01% of differences. I never met a system that suited me tbh, the more chaotic it is usually the more I feel at home, when it's very structured and ordered it's fine as long as there is no strict punishment and reward incentive. The in-depth conversation is mostly over their head, and not many are interested in spiral dynamics/psychdelics/meditation. I've attempted before I lost all friends not a single one remains. It's just interest in technical minuta, which is not wrong, yet very rigid and slow& most likely does not even get the work done... I often feel gaslit around the topic of compassion as I feel helpless at times and I prefer asking for help and not beign helped because I am seen as a minority, when I basically have a double citizenship from America&Germany, which makes this idea so cognitive dissonant to me. That I often start to dominate. I often feel like I have to shuff my d*ck down their throat to express myself a bit violently, so they realize I don't and I can't perceive them as higher as me, just based on how most people even perceive the "hierachy" of countries and origin of birth. I've found this laughable, although this social ranking is quiet real. This is also observable in animals. Imagine I meditate and erase thoughts and ideas that include race/nation, yet spiral dynamics for sure is a spiral upwards and downwards, I feel like I am being taken for granted and I can't relate to American culture as there are no Americans here, and I feel a larger "full picture" feeling when considering issues and problems that stem from America and not specifically Germany, I hate most Germans quiet frankly because of how "discriminatory" their public&private discourse can be and I've witnessed this first-hand. I am more happy with superficial relationships and brief and small very superficial interactions as most can't fathom the depth anymore some can, and I can intutively spot it although most then resits getting to know mentioned topics above, so I am stuck at the "fun house". What are we doing where are we going? I just feel a lot and especially lower stages of development of minorities projecting their issues onto "black alone solo individuals" while a white guy when he is alone will be completely left alone, there is 0 awareness about collective projections and issues. Making social cohesion very difficult. I did I became majorly depressed and I feel heavily gaslit, I also find it difficult to relate because of eurocentric classism and the steady references to occupation/abillity/skill there is no proper small talk, I swear I would even talk about the weather. After doing PD for like 7 years now I have a lot of influence and I know how to get what I want mostly, of course there are failures and feedback. It's the mental health and physical health that is suffering and also a lot of self-sabotage. I general keep of people who are overly toxic and instantly give me a bad vibe. If I join them I feel like I loose close to 99.9% of my integrity some are okay, it's more like we both meet talk about our worlds and go. That is all I can due to not suffer to immensely from this gasliting super homogenous stereotypes and seeing these as determinism. Some are more open, yet it's only the digital space that allows for this online classes are awesome, in-person classes are hell practically with all of the amount of stereotype projection etc. and having no other black fellow students. I don't get my needs meet of love&belongingness very well besides hanging out in online chatrooms and occasionally visitng a class. In more international classes I feel better usually. There is only so much I can do. At one point I don't know I just want to get my studies done and move to America at this point, I frankly dislike Europe and I can't relate to this culture at all and I find it disturbing very disturbing at times, because of social ranking and 0 awareness around black culture that fits also with American history etc. I can't even properly talk about it as there is 0 interest.