ValiantSalvatore

I don't feel to well at getting angry and having to do stuff where I had issues with etc. and all of this help etc. The anger and exercise the gym I went to is way better, as it's larger and I can train better I feel. It's definitely good for a switch... The point is I don't know with whom to connect, when I call my mother for a problem I just yell at her and insult her, because she steadily attacks my ego and gaslights and she is one of the most heartless bitches I have ever meet, even when she says others wise. The point of this all of this makes me hate my existence, and I can't find a proper outlet and I feel I meet the wrong people, I don't know at times with all courses and talk what I enjoy and the talk about intuition reminds me how dumb of a bitch my mother is and it's only her. I hate her for beign such a looser. I dislike also the hypergamy standards in dating, and as a human biological creature there is not much outwitting this, I don't enjoy it. The few rare cases don't make up the garbadge I'd might have to date, as my home never prepared me for status and never relished what I loved, I don't know I just feel massive self-hatred when I can't engage with someone loving and my mother is a cynnical asshole and a men hater. When I started the journey and I re-listend to David Deida I gave my best to open every girl up with love, when I listend to David Deida and be playful, yet I noticed what a bitter cu** my mother is after a while and that she no love for me only the physical existence of me. It's not easy to describe, she is not happy about my "existence", yet my physical practical existence. I wish she'd be dead at times.... so I am finally alone.... I do hate her for lacking emotional depth, she is one flat fking asshole and I wish I could be at least born in a somewhat normal family. I don't know no matter how much "trauma" work I do, what person I meet there are so many subconscious and subtle context issues, I don't know.... the gym session felt good, to get the anger out, yet I don't enjoy how I feel status is beign taken away from me and how much I think about status, as well as other men at times. As well as beign put down subtely for acdemic reasons etc. I can't deal with such shits, I don't like how low class my mother is absolutely not for me it's still to this day utterly embarrasing and I wish I would have never grown up with her shit. It's not good for my mental health to put to this degenerate wine and cheese slurping girl. I never enjoyed it. --- I hoped another girl will do better, when I consciously choose a women that does not have similar patterns to her, as I really can't deal with her type of personality she is such a demanding fking asshole and never notices it. I don't enjoy her as emotional support, I legit never found a proper emotional support place not matter where I was besides maybe the psychologist, yet that was also because she had an animal etc. I dislike also beign a southener, as well as having to rely so much on external and never internal systems. I am out of power and energy to do any other things properly and I wish at times someone would punch her into the face bleeding, so she finally stops beign such an emotionally abusive asshole, and this stopped, because I became one to her. This is also where I closed down, I don't know also what I can do, yet I dislike how much of an ignorant bitter fking bitch she is, and projected this very early onto me with anger, and my father helped me with this.... I mosly coped most likely with video games, and sports. I don't know how else I could tolerate how dumb that level of curisoity is sorry for saying it, I still fking hate her for beign and unnuturing and helpless asshole.

Dunno what to say currently, my head explodes with idiot compassion and fking liberterian talk at times. I dunno what to think and I am annoyed by holiday fking germans.

I miss the feeling of abundance and success. I am legit odd and a became a time-waster out of self-hatred, yet it's still tricky to apply that much self-compassion etc. Even with the most direct method etc. Hope this will generally hold now... Till now I feel more optimistic went through all principles and getting some feedback on pictures, even very late. I could do the stretching now and work on mathematics etc. The point is preperation and discipline and rewarding myself I hope the weekly planning and eventually purchases help etc... and I can continue working on projects.

All in all I would do the following, if i could yet I can't reverse it and I thought investing in other stuff courses etc. is better, I should have invested in some external stuff that brings joy to others.... I have more fun having sex and listenting to music, than watching a movie I find it so distracting besides if the movie is extremely good.... Yeah I dunno how to be low-key status and masculine as well as have a well-lived life, in terms of well-being material posessiosn I need: Camera Drone Car that drives with stuff for bikes Professional clothes (even designer sorry, yet this is partially survival, but not much also!) TV upgrades PC upgrades Tablets for studying Some better material for knowledge sorting for notes etc. (I do have stuff) Coding stuff different desktops etc. This is mostly it, I can't purchase any of these besides clothes and a tablet. This is it mostly.... I was idiotic, yet I saw how heartless even the best friends I've had are, I also could not stomach the conservativness of it, I notice it more and more how conservative my friends have been in terms of ego I was not wrong at all....

It's also interesting to see how earnest stuff is and how I am double-screened for ten sources introduce 10 changes with simply my existence. I don't know at times. I know why I have a dark vibe, I purified a lot. Did some stupid purchase because I broke the bracelet and I just up my style, I can't buy a new car yet I never noticed also and still notice everyday in meditation... I am one odd person when it comes to material possessions, I only care about high-grade technical stuff, and the guilt that money causes at times. The next shadow session will be about experts work and masculine energy receiving. The guy from the application stuff, sent me a blue heart I hope some stuff finally clicks... I don't feel all to well beign injured and running on funds etc. The point is the group work stuff and to many foreigners make it tricky, I legit want some extra money for the emotional stress of this... it's not fun.... when it's about documentation. The point is just from reading and learning etc and not doing mistakes etc. I don't do well if I only focus on goals, tracking sure etc. The point is for me discipline and getting results as well as the winning feeling etc. I am still not learning enough because there is no proper liberal type group to have exchanges, the liberal degenerates I feel are at times the worst, because they don't know any boundaries and the liberterians turnd midly ray-ray worst-case etc. To be more constructive and creative -> discipline -> do things I enjoy find new things I enjoy ask the group and here, the point is I am still learning I am dating now since two years I believe? It still sucks how slow this goes etc. The crux of it all I don't match almost a single German women besides on OkCupid. I do have to see they also don't care about this, yet it's the best original text-game practice you can get for free on the web still, Tinder etc. is very guided. If you are only medicore text game is certainly important pictures is all, and you real life. The point is they hold me up to their standards etc. etc. Yet I don't know if they do it etc. I am the one beign scolded because I fit some ideal? It's odd!! I will still get my hands on some psychces most likely.... as there will be no surgery. Now I'll see what I can do and integrate.... I don't deal well with the naivity of liberal stuff, as it causes confusion at times etc. etc. I just gym max and see what I can do I enjoy it anyway....

I saw a hot girl to approach I still worry about getting laid, and integrate advice. I hope stuff will be as good as I envisoned the guy where I handed in my applications sent me a blue heart, and I hope I can slowly build more style etc. On the weekend with clothes I was so lost. Also the amount of stress and idiocy as well as earnest desire, with which what I did what I did.... I just would enjoy more abundance when it comes to women. I applied for a free webinar for a Tinder review to get some ideas, I basically need some shades and a braclet again. Then some shorter pants and then simply the gym... the rest should speak for itself and do the yoga stuff now.... I wish I could have done this stuff earlier, and I still have issues with anger immensely when I let things spiral to much out of control as I have still a gazzilion of doubts some of them unwarrented. I am pretty sure I would have gone into science... they all wanted it... and I usually love giving.... the point is I never developed myself to this and I don't know what works so I am looking at liberal, liberterian and conservative ways. The most I have to learn currently is from liberterian types. I am not masculine in my demeanour etc. The guy who I was gaming with legit, also knows about all developmental models. Rare to meet someone like this. He also knows escher&bach etc. --- I am at high-end stuff and just have to take the more extroverted masculine beating, I don't deal to well with the introverted ones, that is it discipline itis now. Discipline will give me abundance, girls, sexy photos, a clean place, and some sexy cocklicks, yes I used that dirty language. Let's use the energy, and be thankful I have it. Vision and or not, this type of meditation just works for me endlessly enough pain. It exists sure, yet enough of it. To many analysis as 4 in the Enneagram I take the most pain and many notice it and use it... ANYWAY There are 2 high-end users in this most likely, yet this host is a scum apparently and uses the mystery method, I am unsure with all of this hypergamy stuff how dating at times still works. The social circle with my more conservative friend is nice, yet sometimes also horrible and horribly manipulative I wonder at times what is worse... he is political middle, yet tbh I never meet something as negative as asian men when it comes to dating omfg. You're healthy and have a brain, I know my friend is not fully healthy, yet it's insane at times...

It's also better to plan yoga this way weekly and have some community there with younger women etc. This is fundamentally better planning. The point is when stuff breaks....

Did 1h meditation. I feel better with this decision of seeing discipline as a gateway to freedom instead of with going with any societal notion of stage blue identities. I notice today, is the last day and I will visualize more sporadically, it does not work very well in a structured way when things are still not there. I get an immense pain alleviation from open-awareness meditation and zen-type of meditation, as this also reduces activity in the insular cortex, and short burts of 5-2 minutes of visualization can be enough to gain skill. This is fundamentally what I did for years, the anger I can channel somewhat outwardly. Give my best to do this now more discipline (today the lazy-way) and look for the structures and audiobooks that help, most stage blue audiobooks do not help, they are just causing pain....1h more work etc. Many do this in tech to get ahead... this is such common practice it's forbidden. Identity shifts are closer to habit transformation. Doing this seeing myself again as a disciplined person is better and doing tasks, and beign in the liberal cam room etc. For some hope etc. The point is there is no short-cut I can change strategies, yet there is no short-cut and my conservative friend is bad in a sense, because he (political middle) for me conservative.... -> as he is simply not disciplined enough and has a very very extremely toxic mindset when it comes to dating "race" etc. It's heavy and it will not stop thanks to toxic blue. He's fine, yet I shut him down in the sense that I do not engage in these topics without the slight "orangeness". It's been sometime since I noticed the flow of discipline. I missed going back to what worked, doing so many new things visualization is okay, just better in bursts and retreats I feel for me. During the day briefly etc. Focusing on skilled activites and delibaretly for exams etc. Otherwise this is great to just reduce the pain perception. It's just helping me immensely and I enjoyed the identity of it, in terms of beign disciplined and hardcore and not some edgelord etc. That is fundamentally it. I will give full power to this. Go to the yoga and schedule these communcal activities and participate in communities that aid me. Next week I go to the lecture again that I am not going to today. I do have to remind myself of higher development and not only lower. I am grateful for new matches with beautiful women. I am grateful I slept with a beautiful arabic girl and that she played around with my scar eye-gazing me and seeing me as a warrior I am grateful that I am in this group for the funs at times and good distraction of what not to do in attracting women I am grateful I can found the conviction back to discipline and the better way to deal with friends etc. and give this a shot, this also helps me somehow with status thinking as I careless and I move on I am grateful for beign still strategic as well as I can. Even when I attract what I want, the amount of pain that I go through inhibits me from consistently engaging in these visualizations, when I can sit crossed-legged and I can train this now as I did not do the operation and will not do it. I might be able to visualize more fully with time, yet now .... it's better to reduce pain this is a survival quality. It's at times already way way way to much. I bet she noticed it also during sex, yet she legit was 1w9 in patience that is serenity.

As I took the new value of freedom&autonomey as number one, and I just listend to some stage blue book....and read some orange stuff in bed.... I do have to focus on discipline as beign the gateway...the point is I get so many social shits for this I which some would drop dead. If you laugh you're one of them.

I don't know how I can enjoy stage blue I start to hate myself when I do it, as ai feel like this procreator for society and they pit me up, etc. I wish I would not have moved here and wait for the Berlin thing...,yet it could have been worse.... I miss some muscles and some good pics that is it... I dunno how often more blueish love has been taken from me... I just dunno...at times...

I could make some smaller upgrades, yet what I don't enjoy is how I can enjoy blue discipline without feeling like some sycophantic wiener, who represses his masculinity and goes into manipulation. All pro for emotional expression, all non-pro for being a sycophantic man, who acts to much like this. I don't still quiet know who I became in this journey. I miss simply attractive liberal girls who are non-degenerate that seems to be impossible I've never seen it that bad via apps. I don't find the right content and books to help me out, I only have the new group to getting laid. I keep listening to the same audibook for months...

The point is I did not get this red line from the get go, I just notice as well as how it feels dealing with humans mostly offline etc. The point is the mastery curve is to steep at times, and it feels like I am walking against some endlessly stupid thing. Especially without enough matches. Also the concepts of positive computing are working in video games etc. I just don't have the right crowd and people anymore.... my generation is gone mostly and the newer generation and I am somewhat inbetween is still quiet different. I don't enjoy playing the human game, the video game (I rarely play more than 2h a week of any of this if even....) I just played was fantastic to get my mind of all the b.s. I miss having the opportunity to live in a more interconnected city with ressources.... instead this small town horseshit, that I left and still a more bullshit town that is also somewhat similar. The point is to stick with a plan I do have to reward myself at times somehow, and I legit get most rewards from simplying playing a video game from time to time, I don't care about as much as having the complexity I just enjoy mastery in a sense at stage blue which I find tricky to challenge at a higher level, and across "lines". If I'd invent stuff etc. I dunno it does not help me to get laid, yet my brain simply then also wants to get laid after this for some reason, I still harbour power desires at this level, as this is what I wished as a teen, I don't enjoy as much the blueness of society I find it mind-numbingly emotionally deafening.... Sycophantic type of existence, I don't know what else to say and do. In terms of rewards legit a video game can be enough... I never thought also that this is a masculine activity, in terms of when I ask Chat-GPT but w/e.... I don't know what to say and do working smarter with the professor and feel like a stage blue dog, I don't enjoy it and sabotage myself I legit need another rebel at times, not some upholder etc. I feel like I am legit produced like some 1984 creature and charicature, without having any choice of individualism as she is an eastern based professor. She is good, yet her ego development is so low, it's abhorent. Then they complain and misconstrue stuff, and it robs me energy from enjoying academia.... it's not the same as a green level prof, that pushes you hard for a good reason, it's like a company mission to make you a soldier for the world. It's such a blueness shit with tinges of orange... she's fine, yet she is heavily heavily egoically at blue/Orange potentially Orange/blue, yet the point about mastery in these subjects is I need a way to get more consistently layed. Otherwise I don't enjoy academia as much. I will sleep and now properly plan and eventually just play that one video game or so, at the end of the day when there are no others things. I don't know how often I type the same shit, yet I don't know which new and old stuff works and which ones to fix when constantly stuff breaks and nobody gives me consistency besides fking wine, dating apps, studying creating projects, smoking weed, gym gains. It's ridiculous I did not smoke in 6 months+ besides the cookie that I ate, yet pursing consciouness without some fun is tricky still for me. I am not the best at enjoying things slowly etc. Even when I became more patient, I am not a very patient person. The girl I had sex with had the patience of an angle omfg, I did not believe it I felt it also the intention from the thriving in a world gone mad course....

I don't feel well of not having things planned out and meeting manipulative lower stages, and I am beign constantly scanned for honesty I swear to the fking lord at times, I am legit very angry how these projections are causing repercussions I don't have any influence in. I don't enjoy how much blue planning leaves me empty, I hope the yoga does help with the other stuff I am feeling less angry I will gym tomorrow and properly plan and enjoy it. I don't enjoy the stage blueness and the perfecting aspect of it. Apply all principles and ask the new friend I have etc.

The point here is mostly that I seem to do better this way.... and can do more. I am most likely the worst student possible... I do great at the beginning and then totaly deviate . Let's hope for the best this helps me to wake up in the morning. Big focus in all of this is expansion and contraction flow with all and visulizations. I don't do well if I can't go somewhere a little crazy, be it even in meditation.

Quick - I did 1h of the basline meditation that I did that is more zen-like to fundamentally utterly loose any sense of thinking and let go in all senses. I don't know if this triumphs vision, yet with the new huberman lab scientific insight, it's clearer that way to do it I also get more energy, and I can just use all. I am not the best at beign specific. I just use these short burts of vision more, as this fits my style as real life practice seems to win that over. The other point is now the implementation of vinyasa yoga and Jivamukti, so no idea I am legit inventing new style of meditation based on new style of meditation. I don't know otherwise I am not very invigorated, I enjoy not visualizing to much, yet going through the energy of the visualization and now using these short burts insights for skill development and going more with my gut and direct feelings. This was a fantastic session, yet it costs a lot of energy. It's been a while since I felt more clarity, clarity in senses was the biggest strength I've gained through using this open-awareness style and the creativity, I now use short burts for specificity and practice it more in the outside world. All in all it simply never mattered. I just use the technique that helped the most and get back to this... and switch etc. I am not a zen yogi who does this etc. and I do bad with just pure concentration. I feel very lethargic in sense and I can be more superfifical here...

Will drink one more coffee then start the day, I am not feeling to well thanks to not beign seen, and leveraging stage orange. As well as having more masculine friends and not bitter PUA's who don't have proper abundance I am clear on this. There is a difference. ---- I also can't record my squat record for dating etc. Due to injury.... Bench-press will have to be the new thing and I will most likely not attract the kind of girl through this.... as I love squats more.... The doctor was also not helpful he was such a fking bitter introverted hitler type asshole, with 0 knowledge outside of his domain, now I have to do yoga to stretch, yeah no I am already at perfect blue and messing things up. I don't know why my life wants me to consistently create new things and introduce change. I am like a pillar for others while I am searching for a pillar, while I am the pillar, the lighthouse.... yeah no as long as I don't turn crazy in one of these lectures I am fine. I just really have to do more currently and turn on the camera to get social support in these rooms. I still consistently get compliments from women that is so nice and beautiful women tend to greet me, as long as there is not Chris Pratt etc Anyway. I just meditate now!

There definitely would be less of it, yet trauma I bet could play a significant role and life experience, as you'd generally act more non-judgemental and you for the first time have this perception of beign "beyond control" and having more influence on the world around you. Imo there is a power gain that is not reversable besides if life conditions heavily drop. The heaviest simping I find at blue when a blue type brings flowers to the girl on the first date etc. At stage Green there is just mostly this pedestal type thinking I find and girls can be put on a pedestal, and many are amazed by how masculine women are, and are looking to engage somewhat in this dynamic of reverse roles I presume. I don't see many relationships nowadays... so it's tricky to comment on it. As well as my dates have been all over the spiral. Stage yellow definitely can be to neutral. I find when I am stable at turqouise stuff plays out itself perfectly as masculine and female dynamic is just more integrated inside the body and my "masculine core" is more present, yet this is from integrating body work, exercise etc. When I am to much in my head at yellow I can be to neutral and to feminine, even if it is a left-brained stage. At best I am intellectually dominating as a masculine principle with logic and analysis, I feel this is what happens with many "more aware" academics at the beginning of their journey, till the girl also does it, and then there is an unawareness of the dynamic and a regress to more Greenish inner child type desires and purple finding partners who integrate the lower stages. For proper balance. Like the guy who truely enjoys watching cringe anime movies, and still is manly or engage in some bad boy fantasy at red and is still not a red gangster, and buying a cool car, or wearing clothes etc. Or even just the classic blue more traditional housewive, macho dynamic and still not beign fully there creating enough balance. So the lower desires of partners balance each other out and there is more awareness and need for that. As well as more communication at that level. SD yellow or strategist has the fault of not recognizing ones own projections onto others, yet recognizing the projection on itself. So there could be issues with that in terms of simping. He/She might be simping and is aware of that, yet does not recognize that he/she might also be the cause for the simping itself... because he/she proejcts this onto others and sees the world like this, and denies the projection has an impact. Similar to this physics thing with the observation effect. SD yellow has the issue of beign masculine at lower stage mostly and sees the need of the individuals ones imo and from my personal experience, especially red&orange masculine drives that can take a strong end -> imo see self-optimization trend concept of balance turned very masculine. At turqouise it get's very tricky as it's a more feminine stage, and I don't have enough turqouise interactions from an emotional level to make a comment on this mostly ego-awareness and that is different...

Not feeling to well about my vision. I do feel well when I sit down and start and put myself into the studying room, yet I feel guilt and energy is draining for various reasons and habits I adopted, I can't simply break out of that fast. Mostly it's coffee and lethargy to get over the pain numbing exerpience to see someone die and nobody caring.... Maybe I am projecting, yet I can't really do it without it and I don't feel well at times because I am wasting time and I am having to many diverging opinions and I am not as flexible and fast anymore.... What can I reduce/minimize? I thought about hitting the gym 5 times instead of 3 times only to just have more power. I was also to fast to decive at times. I don't feel great particularly about how I am the only one currently without great job opportunities even when I was a better student than most etc. The merit ridden class fight and the enjoyment of many so called losers in my eyes was something that annoyed me also, the point is I react badly when I can't work on my own terms and I don't get a feeling of autonomey.... I am just not to enthusiastic about the journey, yet it can take a week a major decision such as post-poning an operation entirely and proceeding with training etc. Is still something else.... I can't expect to be done with it in a couple of days. I might need 2 weeks to acclimiatize etc. I just notice I have a couple of paradigms in me that are negative thanks to the liberal mindset of lethargy as well as when it comes to certain stuff like exellence. I would have choosen this, yet it's under the umbrella of freedom and autonomey. Nothing get's me up in the morning joyfully and the duty of having to exist at times makes it tricky for me, I hope when I have more bonds I can wake up sometimes I don't do this stuff for me as much as more for others, as I enjoy the recognition and attention and the healthy group dynamic. Just when there is to much lethargy I break, as well as to much discipline I break. I do need creative rechargement and some creative leadership position where I can implement ideas of my own etc. Just typing this idea and mentioning creativity and exellence sometimes others know more about you, yet also define you. The math professor is quiet good, yet she is also an annoying 3 she will do so many fking mistakes, based on wanting newness. As these people are rigid task executors. Overall I could again just turn on the camera I really enjoy looking and feeling well. Yet, I am on my wits end with which sports I can do properly. I am a bit tired of skinny computer science nerds also who are the maxim of patheticness at times. I will visualize now again and get as much feedback as possible and think about ways that wake me up consistently as I screw myself over consistently it's mainly connections I hope the yoga thing works. As well as I could do some IG posting, to get these numbers up etc. Reality is shady at times, yet this works for consistent motivation etc. Social support is what I am lacking the most, I left the other discord servers as there are to many stage blue indian, arabic types who add me and talk the only normal ones are from Pakistan somehow etc. They really enforce toxic masculinity and not healthy one. I never thought beign masculine could be such a huge topic for me in my life. I am grateful for getting laid and having sex with a beautiful girl for the first time without rejecting her as well as for lasting 2h. I am grateful that I am integrating multiple perspectives now matter how rough the process I am thankful for recognizing most issues of women stem from not beign loved and how much of a burden it is to have this knowledge as it makes it very complicated at this day and age, although deep love is simple. I am thankful for opening my heart slightly.... I am unsure how to proceed the group is to orange, Leo is focused on himself 100% and I miss connection from non-liberal incel type assholes who neglect building anything like muscles etc. I am angry at this. This is also worth a shadow work session I am thankful for realizing that my vision is 99.9% health oriented and I crave healthy food and sweets in the morning and that my body needs a lot of carbs a lot! I am thankful for this as well as watching more workout videos.

True it does not, yet it does show masculine and feminine dynamics mostly a lot of stage orange guys are very masculine to more deeper they integrate it, and you can see this clearly imo. To be frank I don't know what a simp is. Maybe it's even better to accept the need for recognition and attention at orange typically and engage in it in a way where you feel the need is meet. I struggle with this also. Not as a simp, yet as a basic need.

Wilber as a biochemist... regrest not having done workouts earlier to put his body into growth mode for growing into these stages, according to him.

No idea. Hope the yoga stuff will fix things and workout.

Alright I have most info now again, I procrastinated on stuff, so I have to say a bunch of no's on the weekend and work now it's 100% vision on I don't know how often I've said this, yet I am taking small step by small step and listen to the ones who are not using stuff etc. Leo would not enjoy etc. As well as that just seems to unethical... Right now I am just confused about stuff. Which advice to take to follow and to implement so I am going to work harder to create abundance do yoga for my knee and build the vision that I had of my life, as beign a jacked software engineer in A.I etc. Also doing yoga and having spiritual sex. I am glad I started game and found some true souls in that sense. I would go out harder etc. No I am learning etc.

I see it's similar here. I find it odd, yet I generally have odd dates I feel. Where did you get the map from? I definitely could use this to contemplate and navigate dating more specifically. I bet, I don't quiet understand what is meant with the analogy besides that a richer / more unconscious person would have a lesser chance of being successful in dating, than in contrast a more conscious person. Yeah no I find it perfect almost for the stage. I just wonder how any relationship even holds tbh.

What do you think when a women is dating you, yet I have lower status is this an indication of higher development already? I never dated full orange till now. I also can't till how much computer science rings value in terms of this status game stuff...

I am doing an extra session because of this yoga stuff and etc. As well this was all a bit much to integrate and I skipped parts of uni for this sleeping long etc. The point is people want me to hold my word and I had femine role models it was never as bad to not hold my word you see? That is a serious issue. As well as my father never really held this word. I just do a 3-2-1 process for now with the 6w5 guy from university 1) It feels like I am an uncaring asshole that just works hard for his own benefit also to fit in with others and to have friends otherwise I am worthless It feels like I am the one who recognizes that his value is not beign seen for who I am It feels like I am beign seen as a victim thanks to making fun of others and the expectations of having to be a stellar academic because no other role has been ascribed to me. It feels like I am the one who is resenting himself for beign an uncaring asshole although generally it's pretty good thing to have. It feels like I am the one who is unable to show uncaring strength by doing all of his homework and fitting in while absolutely resenting it, beign an undercover rebel It feels like I am the one who is properly doing his work because of the enjoyment of logic and the task itself and masculinity not only femininity It feels like there is a deep seated shame and fear of beign logically dominating and finding flaws as well as executing on them... He looks like a tiny guy with long dark-brown hair, who has to be strong in order for others to make them not look weak while having to do stuff all alone in dire circumstances It feels like he is one of the better students and enjoys the attention and appreciation of these tasks It feels like he is one of the students who I get triggered by because he is more masculine than me while beign a nerd and smaller It feels like I am the one who is scared of becoming more like him because it would give me more points beign the elite... It feels like I am the one who is seemingly neglecting the lower stage of begin the elite and or better than others.... even when it's toxic It feels like there is an unmeet need of having the power to defend It feels like there is an unmeet need of having the abillity to do mathematics well It feels like there is a spectrum of masculine protection there It feels like there are a lot of racist projections there based on unmeet needs and desire and predifned notions and stereotypes that are not computing in this guys brain It looks like there is a need to have and be strong in a masculine way. It looks like he is capeable of digesting more masculine energy than me, as he simply has to be more masculine than me. 2) What do I feel currently what gift are you showing to me? I am legit doing an extra session... you're not beign very intelligent here and act out of fear. Who me or you? You mean you no? You stupid black cu**. Uhm.... this is what I mean you'll feel close to hitler, what is up with this masculine stuff and logic and hence denouncing others of integrity, what kind of domination are you showing me? I generate hate in me like you're some sycophancy lunactic who'd do everything to get laid, and now you just use logic to denounce and find proper evidence. What is up with this perspective? You're correct because I am angry that you get girls for free. For free?? Are you insane how many projections I get and how many approaches I'd have to do even in total when they're less and the types of you just attack and create bitterness, you're the fervency of hatred. Why are you there? What gift you showing me today? That feverency of hatred that you call is the use of logica to be able to determine what is going to happen next instead of reyling only on your intuition, you never honed your logic only analysis. What I can tell you so far is that you fear logic and you fear acting more intellectually masculine, and hide it in a creative way. What else are you showing me? I am glad you say this to me. The point is you want to be like me when it comes to mathematics and you still want women and not be a nerd, while I also seem to have that persona and you too, we are both not using our masculine strength of perspectivel giving/direction and aggressiveness, and instead are not keeping our word out of fear. Why are you not keeping your word man? Dude at times I just experienced this to often, I don't know any better as well as how significant it is for others, I stopped hoping in a sense. What am I beign shown? You're beign shown you're own masculine strengths in terms of logica and anylsis, you are good at determening steps and procedures you're just afraid of doing it. You're also an uncaring asshole who does not care about the soul of the other human. Why do I fear pain so much? It simply is the case.... you fear pain because you're afraid of beign seen as a weakling, while it's the total opposite, you dislike it when others see you in pain and stress as somehow you internalized it as stupid and dumb to be in panic and stress. So what else are you teaching me currently? You seem afraid and you clearly now have a taste of what you want in life more after getting laid, you definitely yearned for so long to be good with women and are afraid of approaching younger ones, out of fear of rejection and repute. What is up with the repute thing? You seem like a dog that does not care. YOU ARE CORRECT I DON'T CARE ABOUT REPUTE AND YOU NEITHER, yet seemingly I am slightly better at it. Today you saw two girls worthy of approaching and getting the number, and all you thought about was the name of the girl you slept with while you did well dismantiling these thoughts, you realized how you enjoy it when women love your body and worship you as a king so to speak, you absolutely fking enjoy it. Don't lie to me. There are men who'd kill for such an experience and have to pay for this, you got it effortless for free, just by sheer luck? Was it luck? Tell me huh? Got slightly triggered? Well I'd figured I could say I got lucky, yet I put myself out there and did approach and played my cards still right, so no matter how much luck, there is some skill involved. So why are you so triggered what do you fear currently? I am asking you that..... why do I fear you? You fear interacting and beign thought from kids younger than you by a lot almost, and you fear all of these old wounds showing up, that you clearly see and feel and asshole fuck dogs riding on it like lethargic mentally handicapped cripples who care for nothing besides their own merit. You see the diffrence between an uncaring assholes and a caring one? You're afraid of the uncaring asshole and the reprecussions of it. What other gift are you showing to me? You certainly yearn to be cool, in the sense of repute of beign uncaring and cool about the repute. We both do see that.... all I can give more integration to do now! 3) I am the one who cares about beign cool and having a repute, yet still does not care about it's gain and losses I am the one who is an uncaring and strong asshole I am the one who yearns to be more masculien through logic and analysis I am the one who yearns and is acting intellectually more dominante I am the one who hates and dislikes beign an academic, yet enjoys the learning experience I am the one who neglects the stage blue expert mode and how it makes academic pussy wet I am the one who is more interested in having beautiful women in an uncaring asshole manner and to stop caring about beauty like an idiot I am the one who is afraid of masculine feedback as others do it so often to you, it's like when you do it they bring the entire gang and gang-rape/kill you it works better 1 on 1 I am the one who is more like an ESTP 6w5 buddy who goes through the rough times and still comes out ahead of others I am the one who realizes that others see more more as of a man as well as you enjoy more beign intellecutally a man and also beign masculine that way, yet this will get you a true emporer vibe I am the one who is disgusted my mentally handicapped step-wise oriented kids, who are only seeing the logical side of it. I prefer the chances over steps. I am the one who prefers chances over steps I am the one who realizes that women are limited by what they do, due to their natural desires and inclinations and they prefer to make you strong I am the one who negletcs is uncaring asshole side and the desire to leave others in the dust and dominate it's not good to repress this domination side of you. This is mostly it...