ValiantSalvatore

Did you read heartiste? One part about being emotionally open shocked me was a good strategy for game. To empathize with the girl, and think like a girl, you could have definitely played with the notion of her liking you and went charming. Instead of gratifying her ego for looks and be indifferent about her beign into you, as this creates mystery imo... It's cool that you got two hotties on that are into you. What did you reply out of curiosity? I am not the best at game, yet I seem to be doing decent according to my mentor with whom I went out once. I also became less bitter and angry as I get more girls and meet-ups. He was pretty hype about me, yet I had no clue and told him different stuff, as my perception is I bet a bit like yours, as you I bet enjoy quality time & physical touch. Standard reply that works for me currently is -10 points for lack of a prompt response, after 24h. If she does not reply to this I would move on. I am re-building myself currently after a diagnosis health wise, I can't change much about. I mostly do online. What about night clubs & bars? It should not matter to much at night.

Drinking a coffee then cleaning my room, I listened to the abundance audiobook, yet there are so many conditions internally that are wrong, and also the story that I'll read for 1h on the weekend. I first create the online structure. I don't feel to well, yet it's getting better... The injury and panic and catastrophy thinking and the sudden outbreak of it is not the best. I sometimes feel I would be at an end if I would not listen to trance music.... it feels so fantastic and alleviates so much pain everyday... I can't stomach reading at times it feels like I get a beating after a beating after a beating of what I am doing wrong, even from more soft spiritual people and often it's simply not enough food etc. I fundamentally do not enjoy that my level of transcending is capped at going slower, due to injury etc. The preventative work is also very exhausting and I just have so much stuff constantly changign due to digitalization, corona, ilness, death, to tell that our generation are pussies is one horendously attrocious and uncompassionate thing to say. Fundamentally I feel a lot better, when I work on the projects that I have, yet I am post-poning and guilt tripping myself subtely because of stuff I wish I could share more success, yet it's tricky and I notice a process orientation is also feminine energy, all to much I dunno how to deal with this spectrum at times. Awareness is auto-currative and doing something with common sense about these issues is the best possible way to tackle them, the issue is the subtle gossip and shaming that happens at times. Also how bad the education system frames minorities, because they focus on comprehending & understanding Leo did also the same and he was first more about interconnecting and creating, I find also more girls in relationships could have this perception that it's about interconnecting and creating I feel coerced and I am not the sole purpose of your relationship I feel when I trust my intuition. Generally intutive girls who seem to get along better with me as they interconnect more also with other things for relationship purposes, be it nature, cats dogs etc. Yoga practice friendships the new concert XYZ and stuff like this not only the guy. I also feel since I hang out with this scum and I officalled called myself partially scum as you all go for it also, legit all of you can't believe it this is human evolution. No matter how you frame etc. It's part of evolution. The point is I don't know how far simple confidence goes, and girls who are toxic did attack me and single-motherhood did me do no favour. I still struggle also with masculine energy in a sense. The point is I yearn both feminine energy for healing and masculine energy for growth, some just go overboard just healthy counting and a handshake do more well, than bitter barking at stuff and achievment things etc. I also don't enjoy the attitude of many eastern and russian people I feel depressed when I hear them talk russian and I notice the bias in their words, just by an emotional tone. It's tragic for such a beautiful country, I really yearn also to integrate more the female side of myself, as I get more joy out of creativity at times in masculine domains... as it gives me an edge in originality. This is fundamentally it, I will create this now in the summer space and keep promisess to myself. I could need help, yet I can't afford much and stuff is also overpriced at times etc. I am on a good way when I contact the career service and ask for feedback and just do what they say, yet at times this is exactly where I feel depressed when I feel robbed of autonomy. Cleaning appartement I am meeting up with a girl from Tinder tomorrow 7pm. I keep promises posting twice only even on Sunday. As to much journaling just causes me to paralyze. I fundamentally confused something which is very good imo!!! I will also not run the risk and purchase low quality products anymore that is an extremly bad habit I have from my family. Especially my mother beign ridiculous stupid and cheap.

29 minutes meditation, I do gotta say that the meditation and dating apps generally wake me up, as well as instagram for challenges etc. I don't know why. It might be because it's less toxic than many other human driven plattforms. I thought about how to improve and thought about making another promise to myself, as this seems to work as childish as it may seem. It's like I am giving myself and apprecaite my own masculine energy. I will post only twice a day max, and use this plattform fundamentally as a spiritual plattform for spiritual growth and the journey of it. So not a lot of other talking points as I don't seem to find the right bonds often. That is it. I will drink one coffee & clean my appartement and relish and enjoy this decision. I have a date and I will fully focus on making promises and stickign to schedules and doing stuff on my own. For example to be on time and also creating more fun, order and construction I noticed yesterday I have more joy creating a career than playing a video game, all of this energy is over and not fully present.... I hope that I can turn the girl if she fits the RGB spectrum into a girlfriend if not. It's fine I am all over also. That is it. Will clean my entire appartement and do mathematics what they recommend as well as continue with that and schedule the entire week finally again. I am also super horny and found tricks etc. The book on a womens anatomy is also good. As well as go grocery shopping today. This is the last promise I can make I found very good spaces, now it's about implementation & balance as well as going to the gym 4 times a week. Stuff that triggered me again prior to Leo is alpha male mentality and ego and genetic superiority concepts from blond, blue eyed and girlfriend acting like a hoe. No a cute garden hoe. She was not hot! Man's not hot also. Just Angeberei.

I dunno I hope things move towards love... etc. I can't control myself at times with all the status comparssion and stuff, I can't touch this trauma also and I sort of sense why my old psychologist went slow, as I would snap completely and end someone or something. I don't enjoy how on average prejudiced society is etc. I'D really would appreciate a heavy hitting episode, yet right now it's all practical I am fine just the classical issues beign more on time food & stuff. I might leave the forum, yet I get a lot of revenge feelings at times for Leo because of Schadenfreude I don't enjoy it I prefer legit appreciate a stage blue relationship to the guy the red stuff I might only be able to enjoy with black and asian people somehow but w/e.

Will not get to proper shadow work. I am tired and will sleep. I will not post much, yet I need a good friend there are so many issues I see because of this dating&pua stuff. It has no end.... I just don't enjoy the purple pill the most, that is the worst pill elitist type of games manipulation and games, I enjoy honest elitism... not non-integrous health flashing. I dunno it's annoying to deal with this and also the notions of others etc.... I just feel like I would benefit more from doing and not posting her even weekly the two posts I wrote costed me so much time... I don't get much enjoyment anymore from journaling as I feel I can't fully embrace who I am at times... There are not real secrets. That is the truth, it's mostly upgrading life style and get a better picture etc... These dudes in the telegram are so toxic, and it's barely worth it to stay they just help you to get laid, I am relatively immune to this talk as it shows me also to stay away from and how to engage truely with all people. The point is some of them legit are traumatized legit all besides me and the German dude... me more most likely... seem way more normal. Yet this is oddly crazy. I did not feel happy because of various things and also the normal more normie culture stuff, I am sleeping I miss somehow. I miss some higher consciouness stuff I am legit acclimatizing etc. Sleeping don't enjoy it at times. Leo's episodes all have tremendous value I dunno what else is happening I don't interact much with the guys there close to everyone there has prejudices and does not care to change it.

The point is somehow the signs in my life show me I should be filthy rich for no reason... besides that I am humble to some level and don't care as much ... etc. etc. etc. Listening to ABundance No review here I am out for the week till stunday...

Deepak Chopra has been helping me a lot recently. Ironically... he is the same type as Kollegah in the enneagram. Well almost....

The point is the be real and follow truth, I do manipulate for utter survial when I can't help it and I won't care I legit will not care, I've been in fked situations and I don't have the best opinion of humans themselves. I certainly would enjoy some power fantasies. For fun not to make it real just like an action move hero in my own life. Anyway I am gyming and posting an audiobook in my story.

This is also somehow such a hot topic riches, and incomes and property and all of this stuff. I feel I am not happy if I don't enjoy a high salary, and I don't know how much health I find with the injury... I'll listen to an audiobook today instead in the gym and post some stuff, as I was unable to read and share stuff on insta... it's tricky to be real and make an income with this that is highly profitable etc. Germany does not pay shit. I don't know at times NRW is super fake to some level. I hope I just find some higher income realness... that is not to gangster... and not to feminine and family friendly....

30 min shadow work I won't to coding the one video game was already a horrendous idea, it costed me to much time and nerves to play it. I called my mother for the meditation thingy, the point is even if the leader of this group is multicultural, these people are such armchair experts. I am glad that I am German to an extend, maybe this people are stupid and panic prone, yet they are at least somewhat more mentally non-toxic. I hope I get to shadow work otherwise I post-pone it to tomorrow I'll talk to a coach at best today and just get my workout in. etc. I need some music and clear headed space... I am a bit overburdened with what I still enjoy in life, when I do what I used to enjoy I don't get it, and at times it's loads of negativity to have a stage yellow & or turqouise girlfriend without any bias etc. Is extremely difficult. I just continue to build body and career, I dunno... I work in a smaller area and interconnect as much as I can possibly... They also can't seem to find someone for their team I could up my resume, with more projects simply and stop hesitating, the issue is it's legit about seconds and minuts that is why I am so pissed at times. Somehow this song is also getting to me. Eventually I have two dates... Although I am not as satisfied with most likely integrity and truth, yet I dunno I feel partially like I've sold my soul as I had no one to care about it properly I barely enjoy what I used to enjoy anime culture, video games, beign a nerd etc. I am unsure if I am seeling myself or that I am real, as these are partially karmas I am burning I've alwaysed loved women I might have put them on a pedestal to much, yet I also received tons of attention from women till today, I just don't sell myself well. My marketing prof said the same, I am not the best at presenting myself.... because of shadow etc. I am now here all in all vision is vine, yet I just sometimes struggle with stuff, at the end I am taking plenty of action, I am just scared of the level of complexity of some lectures so I can't waste to much. I also give myself not to manipulate, the point is I might loose myself. I just legit should create what I yearn to create, I wasted a lot of time, and I am giving my best not to manipulate and play with desire, the point is even the most average guy manipulates more than me etc. I find it tricky. The irony I had today... was I need to be more a lot more masculine to get into feminity. I had such high expectations.

30 min shadow work I hope I can get to 1h reading after this and then gym.... I am pretty late as well as I did not plan the week and I have to print some stuff. Overall the insta connections do make it seem better. The telegram group is stupid at times and ironically it's mostly eastern people who bring up race talk and "right-wingish" type symbolists things, I don't enjoy it to much. It's not really my humour I do get help, yet it's a bit annoying. Some stuff is a bitter relative truth I've also made, yet I make sure to not get sucked into these groups. It's also mainly white russian types.... and people with some serious developmental trauma, smokers & cannabis users. As well as all of them combined. The main issue is stage blue 100%. It's the most annoying stage as it only value work, and nothing but work and money at times. I can't call my mother... I really want to move the conervativsm of many foreigners here and how it all accumlates here is bothering DD, where I went yesterday is better. It's fundamentally fine, yet it's not the best development at times although I am learning. --- Now I should not waste a second... I might have underestimated how much time I truely have. I find it tricky to enjoy what I used to enjoy.... I am in an odd space.

The shadow work today is also missing, for the weekend this is immensely important. The new zelda games also seem wild, yet I am no where near getting that level of play in simply because of finance and I seriously would need to leave to this U.S... was also another reason I do enjoy gaming culture, I just never felt I could embrace it fully. Playing one video game, then shadow work then gym, then super-vision. I hope I can create a new vision board in the summer time. To go with a plan for 20 years, I was WAY WAY to short sighted I should have created a plan for multiple lifetimes... legit I dunno how else to say, not making billions, yet create a 20 year is Alrighty will do 30 minutes to 30 minutes. Hopefully and do proper shadow work and talk to the coach at the gym. We are multi-leveling! Multi-Visioning!!!!! Damn Son where did you find this , I hope this will all work. No idea how I can close to 40 get girls and enjoy playing video games that is such a cheat. I am jelly!

It's fine, yet it might have some level of reading depth it's get's pretty boring in terms of mastery, I just enjoyed it a lot thanks to visuals and I can get sucked into hype trains, it's fun for semi-hardcore gamers I feel, it's fun hacking stuff and just killing stuff and hacking. Storywise the best scence was when the main character fked the girl inside the tank, yet I was also on LSD I believe... so I might have internalized the experience, yet I loved the merging aspect of it. As a more "consciouness related sci-fi themed thing". Would not buy if above 30€ and the setup is not able to perform higher graphics...

I find the newer ones so interesting, when I briefly watch them, as I only watched the ocarina of time and played windwaker on the game cube, where people already complained for me the games was so innocent during that time, I could not play it as it scared me legit I got scared watching goblins chase me etc, and the complexity was out of the game apparently, yet I enjoyed the graphics and the looks. For me this game was magical during the time, yet I could never play it properly. Skyrim and Fable 3 during that time were the most magical games I played I love open-world games. I hope Baldurs Gate 3 will be good I enjoyed the baldurs gate on the first Xbox a lot, I love stuff that moves into mastery like this with physical skills and weapons, generally gear.

I feel the interconnectivity might finally happen, also stuff get's cleaned. That is good it seems like the organizer of the group takes a liking into me, and Leo warned me from the mystery method, and the german guy also just likes the more "normal crazy" purple stuff that could help understanding the east more and let's say evaluate properly. Not neccesarily understand. I finally also established structure I am at times toxic, as I never felt so fking physical weak, as this issue is at the same side as my scar, usually I just ignored, yet I can absolutely snap like a snapping (snapper) turle, I am usually pretty chill and meditate and digest, ideally I can start stretching etc... I don't think the Yoga is fittable currently I did one exercise, it's not possible. The strechting though is possible. I am still secretly a Leo agent, I dunno also the gentleman stuff is just a cuckhold currently feeling wise, in a more blue "liberal" language if I am not wild and free, you miss out 100%.

What I fundamentally wanted to briefly write about is dating & how I have new motivation for it as I deeply yearn to integrate deadlifts and I see how "subtely offensive" non-blacks act at times, that is one of the most serious observations I have made as well as how seriously needed good moderation is of these channels. I really have a huge motivation for this and I just plan for this accordingly to put the motivation into proper use. I also don't care as much, especially I find it tricky to open my heart to the possibility of creating a family and this stage blue regression, that I don't fully enjoy because of how deprived these relationships seem. I also don't feel I find a girl on my attraction level physically, I do look better, otherwise these girls would not even go for me and I would get 0 matches, the point is I am very unsatisfied when a girl is not attractive to me and this will also hurt her long-term, so I do have to see. That was one important thing to mention for me, I also notice how hard my trailblaizing needs to be, uping my style and digital print & artwork and interest, maybe I am also just a replica, I can't otherwise explain why I do have a pull towards more creator type personalities. Yeah this is also it fundamentally. I seriously have to build my body and create new picturs otherwise I will be so unsatisfied even with good matches, I don't find the women I am very fking attracted to, like the one I just saw. I do enjoy raw sexual pleasure.

I lift the promise for weekends, on Sunday mostly. Not Saturday!!!

1 min till team meeting did a 45min session approx, I can't do more at times, I need a higher income for deeper sessions and a camera my vision is 90% complete basically from the life purpose course I don't really have the time to create a new vision board, as well as give a deep reflection. I digested 50-70% of the imprinits from yesterday.

I am on the phone, so I won't type smth. super deep I check some stuff, I just have different channels for learning and it shows me two sides of hypergamy if it gets to crazy I am out. Especially to right-wing. I also feel this zen meditation makes me more immune to stereotype threatening, especially from cultures who elicit these types of sympathetic responses. I am still glad I meet my new conservative friend, it's odd how many care about hygiene and harmony. I ate way to much sugar I'll look into some lifting stuff and visited Germany's only German owned NFT Gallery. It was interesting. Germans tech is still far behind u.s.a very far. Musk I feel like owns this planet...more psychologically speaking... Also these dumb human panic birds are so fling disgustingly stupid. They just can't stay calm. One girl pushed me back as I was unsure if they wanted to enter the tube, it was some low-brow types who think they are important. I somehow loose at times the dignity and respect. I did not even do it out of greed, after this as she had such a wanna be boss pussy and acted like a psychopathic narcissist some other girl or man pushed her. And they all acted as if their pushing etc. Etc. I got internally pretty angry that they owned so much space and acted like they are the most important creatures and the way they talked revealed everything to me. The chick was annoying as she was contradicting herself without noticing and I did not enjoy her attitude. She could at least give a reason a bet there is a word for this matyr? She seemed like a matyrer choleric 4w3 might be off. Went to Japantag realized I've been there once already. I have to move countries soon... I just crave nature.... Maybe I am more animal than I thought I did not like how humans are so dumb in masses omfg. They can't take it slow I wonder what goes through the head of a cluster of 10 individuals in such crowded area, why they even panic and Push. I was a vulcano I was so glad someone expressed their anger also in terms of order. Gosh anyway I am sleeping...

55 min meditation, I feel overall more stability. I got kicked out because of the timer. I notice also why I followed Leo and read his comments so often at times, firstly because of shadow work and moral justice, as well as desire to be "deeper" etc. The other part is the liberal feeling for a love of life and liberation in this, we had digital imprint as I noticed how unreflected socialists, are just the definition of sheep&pigs. Also the ressource hoarding power games and one-up-manship, as well as the solution to all of this was liberation, yet I see why capitalism etc. Is so important, I do have to see if I can get some independent contracts after doing some app coding, yet I am more of a big company career type. I'd like also to do some counsling etc. As my presentations receive so much positive feedback, let alone feedback at all! Imagine others are so dry they don't even get feedback. They all looked at me after my presentation with wide-eyes as I learned this mindset partially from watching the talking head a lot, as well as the presentations I had to hold during my bachelors very often. I am very keen on body langugage, so I don't turn it into a sychophantic debauchery and dismiss all principles that make an awesome presentation. --- I am thankful I meditated today and that the weather is clear I am thankful my boosts gave me more matches and one attractive girl. I am thankful I matched a super-hot loving girl, even if we did not chat I am thankful for the sexy black girl for hooking-up almost instantly, same as the sexy girl from Syria. I am thankful for asian matches and that the lust&desire spectrum here is very strongly on and the enjoyment of psychosexual dominance and bonding, it's insane how enjoyable that is. Brief reflection on techinque: I am back to the roots, with expansion & contraction implementation, I never noticed how much this grounds me, as visualization does work, yet it's not as grounding for me, especially with exercise I integrate many ends, in the end it's all the activities I do. The 3-2-1 process helps enormously even if it's not the deepest work, I'll loose my mind if I go to deep and control, which is not good I noticed, that is a very good and clear insight. I don't think others want this, as well as I feel more immune to all the stereotypical notions and can focus on a stronger more clear & mascuilne frame etc.

It's odd contemplating my existence I wanted to visit the guy, briefly before I left my hometown he just suddenly blew up, yet I was injured I could have never gone to this and train a bit like a shaolin monk, it was simply not possible. Went to the gym today, was able to hit some pr's with the current machines, my back has to be growing in some sense, as I don't notice to much of stuff. I don't fully watch this, it's odd to see how odd my hometown is it's like a double 8w7' type existence with choleric tendencies like Andrew Tate & I can digest some stuff of this, I did also not dig deep and self-discipline. Selbstbeherrschung is one key concept that definitely fits with my hometown, as it's soccer club even has a devil icon, you won't see more self-disciplined fk*ed stuff than in this town. Military, A.I institutes, 8w7' culture legit it's like an alien rock. Still a lot of beautiful nature... a lot!!! --- It's also impossible to get the liberal out of me, and I see at times why the arrogance is there, as there is a deeper yearning for truth. The point is americans just vote based on emotions. It's funny how rational animals are still the better hamsters. Let's see it's interesting to notice how online opinions sway even in small sub groups. I am approx at 70% full capactiy of what I can do I am buying some practical things, at times the mindset I have is the biggest issue. It's also good to have a stronger political middle section here, the game group I am in is less toxic at times than this forum, they are tough biased by Orange&blue development. When I am built they either are enforcing their centrist ideas, and turn more slightly liberal or they just turn completely I dunno hope I can just get some muscles in etc.

55 min meditation, I am slowly re-gaining all power and I am not denying power anymoe in any given cirumstance where I don't yield a profit and see potential gain and / or I am minimizing a loss. Talking to others who get a lot of women, gives plenty of insight, I most likely won't do to well with not 90th percentile open women. This session was not as good as I had an early coffee as well as I wasted time and noticed, when I built and get support like this I don't need a family.... I am partially forced to digitize myself, for better connection. I'll start the week & the day, and focus heavily on creating and order. Creating & order etc. As well as see hot girls and beautiful girls, I will take the ass*kissing word currently women & even men to an extend out of my vocabulary it causes to many lower order types of notions. So that girl and even boy might do better as it has a more positive proper memory lane. All in all context is 100% of game I notice, as well as even wisdom in acting with action. The point is also simply getting better at attracting women, yet there is often one & or two toxic guys who just overdo it. It's since they cleaned up the thing men group I can find to get instant practical advice, I would not even call it game. Simply getting better with women, it's legit legit we finally get the orange to yellow pill, as many are academics. I don't know much about evolution, yet agendas are at odds, at lower developments, I don't like to be a socialist pro-creation machine that sees it's entire value in sacrificing for the community by creating children. I don't enjoy this subtle undercurrent about more "naive type" older germans, who frame survival as either this or that. The and thinking is missing. You can have beautiful relationships with children, I am convinced especially when I see yoga classes. I am grateful for having done yoga I am grateful for finding more strength I am grateful for creating more order I am grateful for the opportunties I've received and that I can finally do more mathematics and that brilliant and other webpages are recommended then solely books I am grateful Leo chills a bit with the extremism, it's not like in the early 90's 2000's anymore, stuff moves fast and is beign cleaned up massively, it's mostly creating and applying, applying both more higher order and more lower order thinking. I hope Leo creates some massive intellectual red line to follow, intellectually I still notice this is psychological dominance and can get me laid. I also yearned for this connection, so let's see how far I can re-trace this and bring it back.

I am now here, I definitely have to use zen meditation types to reduce pain, the level of pain I experience while I work on this stuff can be to nauseating for me. I chilled a bit to this, might have another lay. All in all I will see .... 56:00 I hope I get rid of more negative energy... Cheesy morning edit. Minimization focus, I generally see what I am doing wrong I just have to keep my word more often stuff does not matter as much when I get direct advice, and proper order changes stuff simply. Currently I'd say academia people are subtely more corrupt than the game type of people I've meet. Will post meditation session did not go early gym session because 3h sleep.

Nice I do have one post free today, the irony of keeping promises to myself, and how writting them down in public helped. I wrote two applications instead of doing a course, for pushing my career, I certainly notice how much growth I've missed from not approaching as I had an extremely strong urge to push courage and take high risks, and I did enjoy this edgy line, I was never able to fully close that edge, so to speak and I can still slighty push myself in that area. --- What I mostly notice is how much time I was socializing, by not having pre-built mechanism, that work like a castle... fundamentally good online portfolio deleted mine, had good intuition, not opening up my bitcoin information buisness enter scence boomed with nfts etc. All could have been tiny projects I work and scale and and get contacts, as well as not approaching women, even reading certain books to late to join students council to get to know women, as well as not having the idea to move one ladder up, yet I was really focused on just getting the degree. I see so many possible openings I did not apply to, yet in the marketing scence, I fundamentally need someone to give me a chance and feedback, the last professor I did not notice he was so approachable, as he was such an ass, yet a caring asshole, which is not that good! I'd rathe be indifferent at this point and compassionate. The other thing is also this, creating all of these stuff was a longer held merit idea, yet I had somewhat of internal value and gaslighting clashes, as I associated this with girls thanks to bias simply from a lot of men, and people not interested in academia fundamentally not having a performance point driven drive, and gaslighting people who have this drive, as they triump their triumphes and tropheys more than performance and medals in that sense, and I see also why, the point is I do have a strong merit drive, I somehow turned into exellency and performance simply by the nature of academia and also parts of Leo's episodes, I feel like I don't know where and how, the pick-up community got to him, I also see why he enjoys owen cook, and with that I mean "pick-up community" mostly bitter men who don't work on themselves. It feels absolutely fked to have potential ripped from you without you having any say in it. What they guy also revealed about himself and the overall issues with arrogance of liberals and the irony of how I switched any organisation into a different undercurrent, just shows me? That my existence definitely alone is more original than many others. Lord, I wish I had +10 iq points and +30 achievment. Gaming one round then 100% focus on all projects and Linkedin, I got so sidetracked as I could have gotten laid today with a +8, they point is I think the more I will ever read about a women anatomy and evolution the more I would not want to be a girl ever, maybe for 2 years or so, yet I don't think I would enjoy it. I bought a course and applied like I've said and also contacted the other dude, and girl and while I was out gaming once with guys (they all chicken dinnered to girlfriends with a fat belly and steak .... pinnacle of health deconstruction mode omfg need cigarette) the guy pointed out to message recurites after days and that it's fine as he does marketing campaigns and did not make his engineering studies. I hope I can get more into the proper grove for solving tasks, I still feel guilt in gut & heart at times, yet there is only so much I can do given my bodies condition I could give let alone of my scar 25%-60%.... more effort into phyiscal exercise I can't legit feel this part as not much blood is running through this, I need a very deep felt experience, and my breath is cut short a bit, even when I breath deeply and all contractions let loose. I still miss the first girl and proper beign more "elite" just by pure effort of what is possible and character in merit & decency. Contemplated some semi-deep stuff today... I miss it that I was never really allowed to properly express stage red, as my mother was so focused on orange&blue, she was to dumb to realize that she was working in red&blue most of the time, as she could not uphold orange. At times overall our society and family is quiet green, just her attitude works fundamentally in this red&blue type feeling and energy of frustration&anger work and Schadenhuren. Lord I wish to not pushed to this edge, yet it does not matter my body is to battered for me to fully care anymore about this. Messed up a lay with a solid 8 and matched a 10 fundamentally. Leo is also quiet the magican and then dissuades from the mystery method, I wonder how far the line is between teasing and toxic negging, gaslighting, and again Ta-da! Envy. Psychological dominance. Soul dominance? Is there soul dominance? Seelische Dominanz? Maybe a concept like this should exist for gaming. I dunno co-creation ideas, are out of the window with all possible material I find I don't know maybe by fluke luck. Most started to late, and are not consistent enough, the pressure for a girls to procede and how much time that can take is also insane, just by sheer beauty pressure. I dunno I am not an evolutionary biologist with social skills to the n'th degree. It was a mistake to not upload tutorials etc. All of this stuff is relevant. I did not think how far a tiny pebble could skip in that sense... also had another russian today... was nice to trust... yet did not verify reminded me of more positive drives for co-creation... Calling this a cheesy edit. Accidently posted twice, yet I post for transparency. Might get another lay with a cute & hot black girl. Also more info from good casual talk. The stuff worth contemplating existence and reality about. God this cat girl was so hot, I write this to the liberal degenerate side of me , yet she skipped me. She was legit exactly the type of red&blue chick I would appreciate as she can play the dynamic and we legit work on higher creation. Man - ~ Pray to existence, I dunno at one point when I am built again I just pray to existence. Let it take me and or not fuck death legit, I don't care as much anymore. I never went that "naturally deep" in meditation, without going out of control for a while, unsure what words to choose, yet I notice the thantatos drive daily because of survival pressures, and girls especially older women at green priming blue pill alphas to maximize their survival, that is how it feels higher stages want. HIGHER LIBERATION. This is evident for me.

45 minutes what do I notice what do I feel? I notice and feel pain mostly and digesting pain and how old conditioning drops because of this. I was growing fast, I am safer now and still planning I notice pain points in work etc. While meditating that are inevitable. I am grateful for meditating myself more into pain again. I am thankful I notice becoming more deeper because I can transform and transmute pain better I am thankful I can feel my heart space more I am thankful I feel I am getting rid of bitter and toxic energy I am thankful for this plattform and generally feeling a slight positive upswelling of emotions that feel simply good