BjarkeT

For a long time I didn't feel like I got results with composing music so I spent a lot of time researching on learning how to learn which I feel like have helped me. My conclusion so far to become better at creative things is to study the master's works and learn from them and get feedback from an expert.(And a lot of other things mentioned in Deliberate Practice) I think whatever area you want to improve research is important but you can do it in many ways like reading a book, Interview an expert and learn from their experience, watch videos, Take courses, and so on. If you are stuck it may help to interview someone who has overcome your obstacle and figure out how they did it. It can take a while but the key is to be persistent and never give up on your goals.

You don't have to choose one or the other you can choose both, Just choose different periods where you go between them or spend your free-time on self-actualizing. For me, it's Piano/composition and Self-actualizing and I try to do all 3 things because all 3 are important to me. If you don't already do this I recommend scheduling/planning your time this will help you become intentional about what you do with it and may help to find time to both of those things. I use Notes on ios to do this and use a mix of weekly daily goals by Scott Young and fixed schedule productivity by Cal Newport. Whatever system you choose use something that has as little friction as possible. The more friction the less likely you are to use it long term.

Some anxiety causes me to shake sometimes usually when holding something in my hand in front of others but not when I am alone any tips on dealing with this? I think it's a fear I have that if I shake they would think I am weird which causes the shaking because I am getting worried lol

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Creativity comes from a long time spent in Deliberate Practice where one practice beyond your comfort zone to improve on a specific goal/skill. When you are outside your comfort zone but not too much your brain will adapt to the situation and it will become easier. Once you have gotten good at a skill you will experience what’s called flow or the flow state it is the reward for learn something hard. The reason someone might not be good at something is simply because of the lack of time spend in deliberate practice. The greats have probably spent 10000 or 20000 hours or more in that state maybe they gave their whole life to be that good. Quote from Anderson Ericksson: “The reason that most people don’t possess these extraordinary physical capabilities isn’t because they don’t have the capacity for them, but rather because they’re satisfied to live in the comfortable rut of homeostasis and never do the work that is required to get out of it. They live in the world of “good enough.” The same thing is true for all the mental activities we engage in,” “What is the exact nature of the ability? and, What sorts of training made it possible? In thirty years of looking, I have never found an ability that could not be explained by answering these two questions.” “If you wish to become significantly better at something, you can.” it also has to do with fixed mindset and growth mindset: In a fixed mindset students believe their basic abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. They have a certain amount and that's that, and then their goal becomes to look smart all the time and never look dumb. In a growth mindset students understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching and persistence. They don't necessarily think everyone's the same or anyone can be Einstein, but they believe everyone can get smarter if they work at it. —Carol Dweck, Stanford University

There is this girl where I live that takes every opportunity that is about me and turns it to something negative. I have bearly even spoken anything to her or done something wrong against her at last of what I know of. How do you deal with this or just negative people in general?

The title says it all. I don’t want to live the easy life anymore and want to know examples of what some hard things are but rewarding in personal development.

I haven’t been through what you have so I can’t speak for experience but just from how I understand what you wrote. I think one thing that might be holding you back is worrying too much what other people think of you (one tip might be don’t focus so much on you’re thoughts rather focus on how you feel and try to express how it comes naturally) and an other is to learn to accept yourself. Hopefully here are some videos that could be useful. Best of luck!

@NoSelfSelf No she isn't like that I know that even if I stick around for long it will not turn into a relationship since she is aromantic she said that she never had any feelings like that for anyone and maybe never will. It is a real thing. And I am not saying that I was using the hope strategy rather that waiting for the girl to say it seems to be that. Is age really important? Age does not equal experience. worrying about being seen as an alpha male or beta male just seem to be an insecure way of living worrying that people will see you as weak.

I have two questions the first is how to do you deal with rejection when asking a girl out? I guess my fear is that she will view me differently than before and talk less to me or it will be awkward afterwards. And second: I have known her for years but haven't asked her out directly but now we live in separate cities is it a good idea to ask her out if we live far apart?

@NoSelfSelf What about “The hope strategy” it seems like if it the girl that need to ask you are just putting your faith in hope. And she is aromantic so It was never going to happen anyway Alpha male or not.

@NoSelfSelf umm why not? She seemd totally cool with it and we’re still the same as before.

It got to the point where i try to take responsibility for other peoples problems and try to help them when I should be sleeping lol. When I need to do something I try to give it my all for example with cleaning the house or playing games like board tennis. I asked a girl out but no response now I will study dating seriously. I also tried to think up of a solution from COVID 19. What if you could make a cure that spread the same way the virus does but instead of doing harm to people it’s cure them for CODVID 19 that would fix it fast but probably hard to make something like that without it has serious consequences. it can sometimes take a lot of energy from you. lol I also tried to think a solution to this which the key might be balance.

@Roy I got an answer but it took a few days. She said that she might be aromatic so she haven’t had any feelings like that for anyone at least what she know of.

@w4read The problem it caused I feel like is that it can take a way a lot of energy sometimes but it can also be rewarding. But I think you are right about that I need to practice balance as well. “does it only come from watching Leo's videos or is it a principle you have lived with for a longer time?” Actually it’s both lol I have been watching leos video a few years ago I think and tried to lived by it since. The reason I hold on to it is that I realize that any personal problem I have in life will remain a problem unless I do something about it. I belive it’s similar to external situations. It’s also what scott m peck talks about here: “Problems do not go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit.”

@Vittorio I don’t get why It doesn’t make sense. I just wrote how I feel. I basically just believe in what Leo talks about here.

I realize that you can't take responsibility(or control) for how other people act or feel so when that happens I try to just accept that it is what it is I won't blame anyone.

@Vittorio I am not doing such things for approval, praise, glory maybe not even passion but because I believe in responsibility.

@Roy Thanks!

I did it. Just waiting for response. However I am not sure if you should use message on facebook to ask someone to be your girlfriend but I don’t really have other options optimal it should be said face to face I believe. Now I am just scared to see her response lol

I think start with the input(reading, video) and then apply it to your life some how. leo did a video on it about balancing theory and practice

I also keep coming back to this question I have been researching it for years. I think the best way to review is to use active recall and spaced repetition. the best way to learn something is to practice it using the principles of directness from ultralearning. I think what make something stick depends on how deep you process it (It’s called depth of processing) and how often it is reviewed in an active way. try to stay away from passive learning(high lighting, Watching videos, reading etc. ) and move to a move active way of learning (practice, problem solving, teaching and so on.) Some passive learning are unavoidable but try to focus on active learning when possible.

@Espaim Nope I don't drink coffee but I am pretty sure what cause it is worrying and anxiety for me at least.

Lol sorry couldn't stop my self but I think it's good advice

Composing music is a huge interest of mine so I do anything that I think can improve my music. Lately I have begun analyzing scores from the great composers and also listening to music daily from the 20 century and below. I also watch tv series alone or with a friend and also spend some time on youtube lol sometimes I call my family or old friends. That’s about what I do at the moment In my free time. I think relaxing plays a huge role in avoiding burnout so it’s good to take the time to relax but probably best to do boring activitys so the brain can relax properly. for conscious activities maybe meditate or read a book you find interesting or start journaling.