puporing

Deep down there is a knowing of the true self but is not in the conscious, it's like very deeply buried, that's why you can remember on something like psychedelics. "Forgetting" also works.

Maybe the sense of "other-ness" being lost, it's okay to grieve about that, but also, welcoming a new perspective to take place - that everyone is you pretending not to be you.

Sorry to hear about that. It's really out of your control sometimes. I remember your thread about it recently. You just gotta remind yourself daily that in God's eyes there's absolute equality, you're not lower or higher, but maybe closer to God. And that everything is here to help you (specifically to evolve spiritually), including the hardships. When you're ready, one day you'll realize the ignorance was there to help you expand your love. The majority of people are very cut off from God and fall into the game of hierarchy. It's just that right now it is like a force of gravity anytime you try to interact with someone. Maybe you can write about it, create art out of your repressed feelings and visions, let it be fuel to your evolution. : )

Not exactly though I can see it being interpreted that way, only if it happened naturally not something to force upon. I'm saying that pursuing your desires can help you awaken and grow, if that's something you want. I think you already know my stance on polyamory. In practice poly is hard to pull off long-term in our current level of consciousness, but it's still worth trying if your heart is going in that direction. I mostly these days prefer it as a "dream" than a "manifested reality" unless someone suited for it and/or wanted the same came along. Nothing stops you from loving multiple people from afar however. But yes sex would be a different story and would complicate things unless you can find people with similar understandings/mindset..

Get paid doing something sustainable on your body and mind, use rest of your time to work on your projects. : )

You contain both duh, God just fooled itself into pretending it's not so through the illusion of your form .

The virtue of desire is for the purpose of awakening from one level of consciousness to the next.

Something not said often is.. you're allowed your "personal" relationship with God.

LOL I loved that duck story . Osho mastering the art of teaching. Humor is one of the most effective ways to "slide in" the kernels of truth to a dense mind : P

Guru: the Mind create the world. Therapist: the world create our mind. ? Ultimately: "guru" and "therapist" are one just as the "student" and "teacher" are one, as you integrate more and more of reality and "God consciousness" .

Depends what you mean by grief and what you think sourced it? For me it's mostly from being around/having to deal with family member who is abusive, utterly asleep and unconscious (aka, being disconnected from Self/God), and knowing I am trapped to be abused by them until the day they die. The literal curse of being the "devil"'s "imaginary child". It only makes perfect sense I had to meet God to make up for this crap and make it "tolerable". (Though some days I still have the urge to disappear from my parents completely). Grief could be from the contrast between unconsciousness and consciousness, what is and what could be to a dreamer or visionary. Grief could be from change from the old and familiar into the new. Grief could be purely from feeling what "another" is feeling, so empathy. Grief could be from basking in the beauty of mundane "stuff" that miraculously surround you. Grief should help you find and live in alignment. Awakening changes your relationship with grief, it's all part of you. It's seen as pure beauty.

The thing I may be projecting (or completely accurate about!) is that, there may have been inadequate love/attention given to the adolescent Leo in the form he needed at his age/growing up (possibly from a masculine figure, tho the truth is more nuanced usually) which may have contributed to the opening of and development of that relationship.. I had my share of experiences where it was ultimately not the right person to get involved with but it felt not really up to me at the time due to the sheer lack of goodness and love in my environment, and whatever love they did give (and ultimately failed to give) also contributed to me finding God.. May be related, maybe not :).

Sadness.

You have no expectations of the person before, during, and after the fact, just whatever occurs mutually/voluntarily, that would make it more pure.

You don't "need" love from a finite being anymore once you discover/have access to God's infinite love..

Some may otherwise stay stuck in depression/suicidal ideation. Almost nothing finite can dissolve your pain or satisfy you except God. Truth liberates you in more ways than one. You'd really appreciate it if you've experienced what it's like hitting a wall over and over, reaching the same end of the road with the "human life".

It may be because the gap has been/is quite large between you. You are also their teacher, in the disguise of "their child", if you choose this "role". It can be a tedious one with no guarantee of any "result". With struggles and inner turmoils, the desire to run away, you may ultimately feel there's no other path but to take the responsibility to be their guide, in a way that they can receive, because you might arrive at a point one day where there's nothing else really worth doing more. It's the kind of endeavor where it requires you to learn the art of teaching quickly.

Well they should be. And also sexism goes way beyond what is being said. Same with racism.

Often it's not because the desire isn't there but that it feels a "lost cause" situation and you're just gonna get dragged into drama because the person cannot be reasoned with. Often it's because you'll then get bullied if you're a woman calling out a woman. But yes there are probably just as many cases where they choose to turn a blind eye. It's hard to tell from the man's perspective.

It all happens "in time" or "in turn". You're shown what you're ready to see and just within your awareness. You're in like the "not knowing"/deconstruction phase it seems. There's no need to "rush", unless that's what feels right, but whatever you feel called to/ready for will be shown to you...least that's been my experience.

Biggest joke is when you can integrate just about anything except your mom or people like your mom. It comes back full circle on me.

I would get a blood oxygen, blood pressure and pulse monitor if in your ability to do, so you can check yourself when it's not an emergency but you want some reassurance. Are you experiencing stress? Like psychologically? Sometimes it's tied and if you can minimize the psychological stress, it might minimize the cardiac stress.

Yes, it would be much simpler as well : ).

When you do enough work on yourself and notice self-biases/delusions in yourself and others, the layers and layers of it, & when you do enough work to wake up, socializing is going back to delusion by default because others are not awake. You have to play a role to socialize, and that role itself is a construction. You have to play along the projections of others. How much of it do you want to stomach living a constructed life that's another thing and your choice, but you can't ignore the fact it's going back to a made-up thing and not Truth in its totality. At least right now because 99.99999% of human interactions is built on delusion and falsehood, to varying degrees.

If you have to deal with people or be in relations with them in one form or another, practicing discernment (of what's true) is pretty crucial and establishing the space required for "independent thought". Finding people who can respect how you see things and ideally minimizing contact with sources of "untruths"/"constructions". Over time this process will lead you to be more independent quite naturally and as you work on more independent ways of having an income.