Opresja

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Everything posted by Opresja

  1. Something shifted in my life over past few years. I used to gather people around me easily, inviting them into my projects so we can create and have fun together- write stories, be creative etc. It was enjoyable for me to be a leader and participate in group activities. Slowly I became more and more disconnected from people who wrere drawn to me. I became more of a loner and struggled with keeping the gropu together without help. I moved away from people I felt connected with before. For a long while I had only one close person in my life- we supported each other and shared a lot of insights, growing together. But eventually this relationship felt apart as well. We grew so different that it felt like we were strangers at some point. And as much as I feel very lonely at times- I honestly find it hard to even visualise kind of relationship I want to be in. I feel good in solitude, thinking, being on my own, creating. I also enjoy interacting with other people a lot- I easily connect with others, even complete strangers. But my deafult state is being alone. Now even more alone than ever because of lack of my close friend. It's something completely new for me, having no one at all in my life and not being completely crushed by it as I used to be when it happened before in my life, in my childhood. I feel strong on my own but on the other hand- I'm sometimes afraid that I'm heading to some dark state in my life. That I'll have no long term, close friends or partners in the future because I don't feel an urge to create such relationships right now while missing those friendships from earlier. I miss being my old self and I'm a bit sad because I think I can not be my old self again and connect with people this way. It's like missing being a child and deep down knowing that You can't go back to being a child. I really need some external thoughts on this topic and I'll be really grateful for it.
  2. Hello! I would like to share some thoughts I had after watching the last episode (The Trap Of Projection) I have problem relating to this paticular teachings- not because I don't think the mind works this way. Many people I share our knowledge and experiences with tell me about similar "jugding mechanism" they are dealing with. But I hardly ever can catch myself doing so. It's strange to me because I feellike I'm interested in people and in what they're saying, I want to know more about them. But in topics where they didn't share anything with me I don't "fill in the blanks" with my own assumptions. I feel like I'm a bit ignorant then, not interested enough to create whole picture of them in my mind. I usually don't even notice what people wear, hardly ever pay attention what they look like, I'm not discouraged if they're mean to me. I'm even drawn more to the people who I can evaluate as hostile towards me. I'm curious about their emotions and reasons to act this way. I'm curious about what they are like more than feeling that I'm their reason to act mean. The thing that bothers me is that many people demand me to be more judgemental, they want to know my opinions and my opinions are usually very bland. I sometimes even force myself to be more critical to find common topics with associates. I don't think I'm totally judgement-free and have a "good" perspective. Contrarily, I feel very insecure about it. It would be very helpful to hear some thoughts on this topic. Thank You)