Hugo Oliveira

@JonasVE12 Sure! I like how you suggested finding out and bringing up the emotional garbage. I just wonder about how to release it properly. Maybe using a meditation setting, a ritual, or a step-by-step process. I tried "releasing" during a few emotional burnouts. But it doesn't worked for me like an effective and complete therapeutic process. In theory, it seems very simple, but I wanted to dive deeper into how it literally happens to get more accuracy and motivation. Thanks for your attention!

@JonasVE12 @ll Ontology ll Do any of you guys recommend some specific content about this process of triggering/releasing?

I had lots of ups and downs in sexuality and romantic life. I came from a very traumatic background which I could overcome a good part. I've been into pick-up for a while, so I consider myself able o talk and connect to women. But I'm suffering a lot from anxiety, depression, insomnia, and addictions. This is why I decided to take a break from trying romantic relationships. I wanted to put myself in a better vibe before getting close to someone again, But I was also very needy and horny, to be honest. So I felt a strong impulse to make a few approaches and decided to bite the bullet. Even if I got rejected I think I could deal with that. But I ended up talking with a magical girl who was incredibly kind and opened. It somehow triggered a hardcore vulnerability that I couldn't handle and I just wanted to run away. She was so sweet. And I was desperate. Feeling so weird and unprepared. Unmasked. She kind of brought up this wound of not being able to feel comfortable with myself, and with her. The worst possible feelings of shame and guilt. It hurt like hell.

When you are with someone manipulative or hard to deal with, instead of reacting or trying to find the 'correct' response for their fucked up behavior, you can simply ask the question: "what is the purpose"? If you are not comfortable being yourself, ask (verbally if necessary) if you are supposed to behave differently. I mean, go straight to the truth about toxic interactions and you will change or destroy them.

Believe me, you are very young. Don't let this pressure fuck you up unnecessarily. Don't be obsessed with that. You are not supposed to have all the answers at this age. Girls usually correspond to the energy state you are. I suggest connecting more with what you love. And grow from that.

A regular coach/therapist can be good for you. I would suggest writing down your bigger values, intentions, and priorities with all possible (easy and hard) steps you can give towards them. Use your feelings to guide you through the methods and actions which look doable and coherent. As you are a sensitive person and a good therapist, you can probably do good research without and within yourself to find the real and adequate tools. But it should be constant and honest, not just mental masturbation. You probably failed in the past for being superficial, and not using your undeniable creativity in your favor. Please, be careful and challenge the negative beliefs you hold about yourself. We all have limitations, but you have to know what is really true about you and what is BS. Check it! Don't take for granted things like "I cannot do anything", that's a lie. And please, don't be harsh by judging yourself. Life can be complicated in many ways for many people. Although your situation doesn't look "normal", it is. By reading your text, I see that you have intelligence, imagination, and a good intention. This is A LOT.

Between a committed relationship and objectified sex, there is a huge and nuanced gap. It is not about choosing one or another. You have to find where both of you fit. I recommend clear and respectful communication about it when convenient. Don't be too attached about what to say or rationalize or define. Just be with her and be honest. This is how colorful friendships work. You become partners in life, in a healthy way. She will not be your girlfriend and neither a toy. This is a unique interaction that you guys are building together and should be good for both. If you resonate only with the sex aspect and don't tolerate her as a person. I strongly recommend you to drop it and move forward by yourself or someone else.

I recommend contemplating the idea of wanting or needing to get laid. Is that really true? Many times we brainwash with that when you are actually wanting recognition and appreciation from women and others. You get it by growing, loving yourself and your life, integrating and advancing in the many aspects of your path, which includes guess what? Spirituality.

Fasting works well. It is fast and gives you real results. There are many ways of fasting. With fruits, water, no water... whatever. Research about it, respect your body and mind, and go for that. It is uncomfortable. If you can combine with social media abstinence and cut other mundane shit while you are doing can be even better. See what is possible and works fine for you, respect your body and mind and go for that. even a small one-day dry fast can improve your energy and give you insights.

Great choice! Become one of those killers and come back to say if some anxiety can still bother you. Best bro!

I can rely on some aspects. I also deal with internal and external elements in my life that need to be managed/changed for better health. I know and use many therapeutical methods (talk therapy, breathwork, yoga, meditation) to compensate for that. But if the stress hits a certain point and becomes too much, I think that medication may be useful. I resisted medication A LOT and tried to meditate my way out of depression. But was the medication that helped me consistently during certain periods. If you are smart, medication will probably not have considerable downsides. Get the information about what you need, be aware to change the meds if necessary, and be serious about the treatment for the period that you and your doctor decided to apply it. Most important: find out in life what is aligned with your mental, physical and spiritual health and connect yourself to that more and more. If you don't have an environment in which you can connect, contribute and feel happy with other people, I highly recommend you to find it (church, temple, sports, art, hobbies). People talk about diet and meditation but really underestimate the psychological necessity of healthy and spontaneous relationships with other people.

Once I made 4/5 days. No entertainment. 2 days only fruits, 2 days fasting + meditation, yoga, and cold showers in the waterfalls. Amazing results. But see what works better for yourself. Ask yourself and define it. It is good to consult others but don't get trapped in other people's experiences or advice.

Recognize that bullying is limited content that happens in a limited context. Reality is a vast field that presents many many other contents and contexts. Maybe you created a self image and worldview based on the way you were treated during your bullying times. In order to change it, I recommend challenging this perspective. Look at the world and at yourself and take notes of everything that goes against whatever false and obsolete belief you hold. See that you and the world both changed and keep changing every second. Focus on the information that is better aligned with the new and fresh vision you want to obtain. For example, if the doorman was very respectful to you when he said "good morning", write it down. If some friend texted you because you are important to him/her, write it. Write and observe even the small things that align with the truth that you are worthy of love and respect. Do it as a game for a week or longer. If some bullying emotion or situation occurs, simply allow it to go away. Give it less and less attention and the pain will pass.

I don't know if the avatar photo is yourself, but just by observing your general interaction in the forum your image In my head is of a beautiful and conscious woman. You are here with your compassioned heart and best efforts doing good for others and for yourself. I'm pretty sure that you could make another list about how much you love yourself, and this one would probably be much bigger.

Just left a party, I'm being consumed by the pain of not being able to feel comfortable with myself and not belonging. Despite being an introvert, I can socialize, communicate, and connect to people. But I feel scarry by observing how far it is from the level of real integration, confidence, flow, spontaneity. Other people appear not to have faced these troubles never at all. They are so happy, smiling, dancing, kissing, loving. They seem like adults to me. They look so free. I think I only had this feeling on MDMA. And I feel like a child, burning in this anxiety, trapped into these blocks. I crave so much to be a man and have this connection, and I feel like without it I can't live. The pain is not suportable.

I'm feeling kind of stuck in it. I believe that growth/flow/power will only really come through a kind of cosncious/energetic shift. And the way to make it happen is by letting go. However, I am resistent to abandon the practical, rational and logical approaches to the situations. In sexuality for example, I'm doing many practical work (going to gym, practicing pick up), but I just feel that magic is missing and I am supeccious about the real power of these pragmatical methods. When I am afraid of not getting the results I want, how to navegate better betwen the energies of control/manipulation V.S. allowing/flowing/accepting? Thank you!

Same here bro. I suggest you be humble about what is annoying and accept it a little bit. Put your focus on what feels good and functional. Them, use that positive energy to raise your vibe and open yourself to see beyond these limitations. In my case, I had severe trauma. I went to heaven and hell to move against it for years, and now, it seems stronger than ever. And me, weaker. I suggest using whatever little space of peace as a sacred temple, instead of being fully in the war, make yourself grow from where you find love and acceptance, make it your source of knowledge and growth. Feel free to DM

Good stuff! I think collaborating with people can be a medicine. Providing value in unique ways + getting connected is great.

I have been experiencing some level of social anxiety for some time now. But at times even in intense social contexts, I notice the ability to "center/ground" my energy. In this state, I feel more authentic and confident. But it doesn't take long and I feel awkward and self-conscious again. What actually causes this variation? And how can I stay for longer in this state of "presence"? I've been practicing meditation daily for a few years but I think maybe some more specific technique/mindset is suitable for this goal. I know the term "self awareness" is too broad and can be confusing. But to understand how I wanted to use it, this short video explains it very well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIhEMk7CZ-A

I would love to connect easier and deeper with things and people. I do a lot of things and meet a lot of people. But even with my friends, many times I feel empity and distant.

That's a great one!

This is the second time I have this idea. I'm doing meditation, inquiry, and yoga daily for a while. However, I don't feel completely devoted and able to completely surrender. I have many aspects of my life that I want to improve, desires, and so on. But I'm seeing myself having a hard time manipulating my reality, making decisions about my life, and establishing control. It is like if there were a conflict between my will and the flow of life. Could it be a result of spiritual work? I'm suffering a lot. Should I pause it in order to fix basic shit first?

I came to this question. Looking deeply seems a good one. What are your thoughts even considering spirituality.

It happened to me in my first time as well. I was very nervous at the time. I was very lucky to have a girl who taught me how to go through the whole process and everything ended up going well. There's a trick that I suggest that can be useful if it happens again. You put the girl's hip between your legs, with her back turned to you. In this position, you have total freedom to make massage, caress, kiss her neck, and mainly masturbate her. It is so simple, intimate, and comfortable. It will alleviate the rush that can cause you problems and will give you the relaxation, time, and the excitation you need.

Check the book Psychocybernetics and watch Leo's video about law of attraction to get a better understanding of how it works. I believe that feelings and thought + feelings are like muscles. As you exercise them, they get stronger and easier to be activated. But there is more about it.