Nahm

Think of drinking three beers after a big meal, vs an empty stomach. Geez, she is a rough place. Hopefully she reaches a turning point soon. Sorry to hear that.

Sorry if it was already asked and I missed it...were both trips from the same batch? The potency might be very different, one batch to the next. If it was two different batches, was the batch you felt no effects from the same batch she felt no effects from? Also, to make it more complicated, someone could feel effects from a batch that someone else does not. Side note, also experienced tripping / can’t find my tent. Hilarious. Good times. On your friend’s behalf... That imo tends to explain it. Perhaps the powerful trip she did have brought up some stuff which was not worked through, and that has something to do with going from no meds, to what is imo a lot of meds. That could have been done, and working, in the direction of relief toward more well being. It also could have been done in avoidance of feeling, and suppression. Also, it is not the same for everyone. Someone else could be on the exact same meds and dosages, and have profound experiences on mushrooms. For her, apparently the prescriptions nullified or blocked the effects of the mushrooms. Coming from that reality is literally love, and she is literally love, the list you shared strikes me as on the heavy side of suppression of misunderstanding of feeling & thoughts. In a way, mushrooms are the opposite direction, the complete diving into the actuality of feeling & thoughts, ultimately finding the only ‘substance’ of them, is love. Some carry little, and got straight to heaven’, some carry much beliefs about themself, and go through ‘hell’. It’s possible that all of those meds add up to a suppression which the mushrooms are not putting a dent in. The catch 22, is considering taking a higher dose of mushrooms to ‘push through’ that suppression can be a risky thing to do. Especially if the reason the meds were started in the first place was essentially suppression. What makes it more complicated, is those meds are for psychosis, schizophrenia, pain relief, mania / bipolarity, seizures, and major depressive disorder. Those are ‘things’ sometimes experienced on trips, in the sense of the entire path, or, what all the trips add up to. Again, that depends on what one is holding onto, and thus stands to let go of. Mushrooms are not the gentle slow & steady way to let go. Maybe micro dosing, or .5g, 1g trips over months could be. These ‘stages’ that she is taking meds for are experienced upon transcending the finite mind, and in that respect could be thought of as the ‘outer edges’ of the finite mind, sort of the ‘falling apart’ experientially, but being transcended in the actuality being inevitably realized to be infinity, Love, appearing as the finite mind. So in hindsight, what seemed like a ‘falling apart’, was actually in route to total transcendence. Also, some of the meds are outside of what would typically be prescribed, which is worth understanding why for her I would think. Might just be geographical reasons, or simply what the dr prescribed without a reason, or what was available, or what was covered by her insurance plan. I would read this, and suggest she does too... https://www.synthesisretreat.com/psilocybin-and-ssri-snri-interactions In any case, the biggest picture, and the actuality of her and of her experience, is the love that she truly is. So that brings to mind...aside from all these meds, and taking mushrooms...where’s she at with self-love, appreciation, gratitude, stopping and smelling the roses so to speak, expressing how she is feeling, putting any emotional pain into creating beauty, etc?

The Loophole Shake.

Turquoise / nonduality...It’s fully realized (feeling / no mind) sex & orgasm is an appearance / experience created by the limitation of yourself, which you are / you’re being 24/7. At that stage-less ‘stage’ feeling = “orgasmic” 24/7. The bliss that appears as the intuition, or the calling home in thought, is actual you, feeling, which is why “you” can’t think what sex is like, at turquoise. Only direct experience, and at that point not even, will do.

That is not what literally means. Literally, you are unconditional love, which is why some thoughts don’t resonate. Here’s a song a guy wrote about realizing this. Listen closely to the last couple of lines.

@Zec I’d reconsider that. Inner child, inner being, is totally fine. I’d listen to ‘it’.

You can do it on your own and or with a specialist. What is it that you would be doing... The misunderstanding is that how you’re feeling right now is because of a past. Hanging onto ‘that there is a past’ = hanging on to that you are the identity, the separate individual that things ‘happened to’ = believing the thought ‘I am the body’ = keeping the emotion suppressed ‘in the body’. Letting the belief in ‘a past’ go, is letting identifying with a past go, is releasing that energy from the body. It is a rather grave error on the path to hold a thought, a memory, of ‘the past’ (mdma) up and be comparing how you feel now to a thought. Feeling is never actually compared to a thought, that thought is being believed. It doesn’t feel good, so like any thought which doesn’t feel good, don’t believe it - let it go. Daily morning meditation is great for realizing some ‘space’ around thoughts / letting attachment to thoughts go...which again, triggers the release of emotional misunderstanding...and understanding that was obscured is realized. The belief & claiming of “my anxiety” is perpetuating the self negative talk. If you’re focusing on thoughts that don’t feel good to you, you must be goodness. If your being, who you really are, was neutral, you would not experience the relativity of thoughts as ‘positive & negative’. But you do experience thoughts as positive & negative, so start listening to feeling, and being radically more willing to let a thought go. Seems like there’s a whole bunch of thoughts to let go, but there isn’t. There is only one at a time, and letting it go is actually effortless. Any thought to the contrary, won’t feel good, and can appropriately as such, be let go. Letting go is not a psychological practice or tool, it is magic. It is playing with existence and creation as the creator of your reality.

@Max_V Sadness & tragedy are a part of you like a mirage is part of a desert. More inspection is needed to see that they aren’t ‘there’. The wetness of a mirage can not be integrated, only seen through. Joy appears as sadness.

Amen to that. ??

Sorry, never mind. When you actually do, it’s quite funny. Best of luck with your path. Lots of people who have kids awaken btw, and you have more than enough time in a day to take care of everything you need to in life, and to create the life you really want, and to awaken. Consider not believing your thoughts to the contrary.

?

This thread didn’t exist as this thread. Now it does.

Want all of it. Getting it out of the head and onto the dreamboard changes the vantage point, things coagulate, and the authentic desires are more readily seen & felt by resonating from that bird’s eye vantage point. I would say more likely they want to shed self limiting beliefs related to togetherness. But there’s no way to know in regard to another. This brings light to the importance of expression and communication, which no one can make anyone else do.

I’d try to put yourself in their shoes, to understand their behavior & actions. The nature of the blocked emotion might then surface and clear. Maybe the present perspective is from internalizing what transpired, leaving you with an interpretation that it was abandonment, and that it was about you. If you were your mom, or your dad at that time, can you see where you would have done exactly what they did? Not trying to imply it’s an easy breezy walk in the park to shift paradigms, but it wasn’t your fault, at all. Nor were you abandoned based on what you shared. Mom took you with her, leaving dad behind. Neither abandoned you. They were just doing their best with what ignorance or wisdom they had at the time. As a parent, I can assure you there is an unbreakable bond of love there, and both of them suffered much in that event, for any and all beliefs and needs they felt they had to put ahead of tending that bond. I’m sorry that happened, and I hope this is taken well, but let that suffering belong to them, they made what decisions they did, not you. You might realize the liberation you’re looking for in considering you are not presently feeling based on what they did, or what happened, but that you are feeling the relativity of arising perspectives, now, and only now. If that’s triggering I apologize, I do not mean it that way. Aim is to help your insight of this. That makes for a difficult childhood no doubt, but you are wanting to let go, and I’m suggesting the more the actual actuality is realized, that what is, is only what is here and now, is the way. As in, this now is your infinite being. This now appeared as that experience, this same now appearing as this present. This now, is you. Letting go of perspectives ‘it happened to me’, and realizing THIS, this which is appearing as all of this reality, is me, is the way-less way. Again, apologies if I’m ‘comin on too strong here’. I have a sense this is what you’re looking for, this magic, this now, you. Check out The Four Agreements book. I think you’ll love it. It’s nothing. Careful building it up. Only makes it seem bigger, and puts pressure on you that nobody needs. Life gives enough already, so to speak. You are that very ‘someone’. There is no assertion. You were never the person it happened to, always the entire experience. As unconditional love, surely you would not leave yourself hangin to the roll of the dice we’re all born to...but that’s the sacrifice you made. You knew you’d forget who you really are by appearing as all this. But you’re unconditional, so, no problem. Unless of course, you hold onto conditions. Being happy for no reason, is simply just being you. Be happy wether you quit smoking or not. No pressure at all. Love the bejesus outta yourself no matter what. Paradoxically, you won’t care to smoke.

One big ol clock, apparently.

Eckhart Tolle...Stillness Speaks, then The Power of Now, then wait a year and read Stillness Speaks again.

@EntheogenTruthSeeker Good for you man. ??♥️

@dvdas Setting goals & strategizing are useful but I wouldn’t count on that alone to be emotionally moving enough to make changes. Inspiration is ideal. I would fill a dreamboard up, not with any goals or strategies, but with what you actually want. Not what you’re supposed to want, not what you might think anyone else wants you to want, but literally & uniquely, what you really want. At that point, as reality is unconditional, and you have created conditions, reality is literally becoming what you established you are wanting. Then the limiting believes begin to be readily spotted, and because what you actually want is coming, and because it is what you actually want, it is worth letting go of beliefs for. Very natural feeling experience imo. There might be an ocean of wisdom in you to be realized already. I suspect that there is.

@Nightwise Thank you, much appreciated. Walking meditation is great. There’s an outline of one on here you might like. A think that wording might have some insight to be mined from it. It can be realized that there really isn’t a past, present, and future. Like you said, if you worry for the future, you suffer now. Notice there is never any direct experience of a past or future.There is only the thought that there is a past or future. This is because reality is an infinite being, appearing so perfectly, that we derive, figure, or assume, that there is a past or future. It’s very convincing obviously, but can be seen through in actually attempting to ‘go to’ this past or future. This brings to light that experience is of the ‘unfolding’ if you will of this ‘single’ eternal now moment, which only makes it seem like there is a past & future. If you consider this, and apply it to what you mentioned, that ‘my attention seems to get very blunt’, you might find success down the road with sitting meditation, by removing the ‘my’ aspect of attention, and relaxing in the recognition that there just is attention. Without claiming, taking credit for, or taking responsibility for attention, some weight is lifted regarding any perspectives that it should be any certain way. Likewise, sitting meditation could then be seen from a different perspective...that it isn’t supposed to work for ‘me’, that it is the relaxation from all that is ‘me’. I wouldn’t push, or force sitting meditation if walking med is better for where you’re at, but it’s something to consider. Arguably, we can go deeper in sitting meditation without the activity of walking & perception in walking meditation, and going deeper is more ‘space’ if you will, between awareness, and arising thoughts. This space results in us realizing we are feeling our perspectives & interpretations, of what someone is saying, rather than what they are saying causing how we feel. They have their feeling too so to speak, and we can leave them to feel their own perspectives. Also, there is much to be said for dropping something the instant it is recognized not to resonate, rather than to continue to give it attention. I think that again, sitting meditation can be more effective for a more profound letting go than walking meditation. Whatever serves you where you’re at is best imo, and perhaps one leads to the other.

@DrewNows Oh for sure. It’s kind like quantum mechanics in that it’s incredibly revealing and interesting, but ultimately makes perfect sense, which leaves just the fun of chatting about it & basically enjoying the show. Such an Aquarius thing to say. Lol

@zeroISinfinity What kills you makes you stronger.

@Raptorsin7 This came to mind. Always worth a rewatch imo. https://duckduckgo.com/?q=abraham+hicks+how+to+be+present+and+do+one+step+at+a+time&t=ipad&iar=videos&iax=videos&ia=videos And this.

@Galyna Thanks but no thanks lol. ? @zeroISinfinity While we’re speculating, you’re very on there...it’s because my parents, wife, only sibling, and two of my three kids...are all Pisces. Tends to pull the air outta ya.

@zeroISinfinity Nice. All the flattering stuff is spot on. None of the unflattering stuff is accurate. Lol jk

That is the solipsistic perspective. Don’t expect that you can see beyond it now, but consider that this can be accomplished with some work and much letting go. Again, just suggestions. You have to do the work. You’ll literally experience all of that entirely paradigm flipped. Hilarious. ?? Awesome. ? That whole paradigm flips as well. This is the Good news. Love you man. Appreciate the convo.