Nahm

@OBEler You & the relationship, and the love and sex therein is all an innocent cover up, unknowingly, yet spotted & understood thus far. Wether today or in decades, only her focusing on thoughts which feel good will do, because only the true nature, the truth, will do. While she is not, no outside person or thing can be a supplement for focusing on what doesn’t resonate. Fear of feeling isn’t a problem, and a million solutions can not solve what isn’t already a problem. Understanding emotions and focusing on wanted is change. What happens doesn’t happen to anyone. She might believe she wants to, or needs to change herself. But the truth sets us free. What she wants is to change her experience, and how she feels. Neither experience or feeling are in a past. Letting go is choosing wanted, and the truth, which is well being, which is healing, arises. Until then, it’s suppressed with misunderstanding, and repeatedly believing the misinterpretation. Notice you too are in the very same position. That comment can be deemed cold, careless, even disrespectful. This reveals the truth of what was said.

The body is the temple. What respect do you hold for your temple of our infinite being? Doesn’t sound like you really care. Just going through the “getting more in shape and healthy” motions. All a big joke to you. When you finish this life and taste the clarity you could’ve been experiencing life with, the magnitude of it will have you coming right back to try again. But you’ll just keep believing it’s a joke, and pissing on your temple. Ok with you if we all stop by and piss on your well being too?

Thinking about yourself isn’t panning out. Go back to thinking about what you’re creating & experiencing. Nothing kills the music like a musician. Likewise, anxiety isn’t some thing you have. Look around and tell me if that statement is wrong. Where is it? It’s time to inspect and let go of these beliefs which feel terrible, because they aren’t true, isn’t it so? Self love. Take better care of the body mind.

@SLuxy Welcome to the forum. Just had to say, what a beautiful picture!

Huh? What is meant by performance? Like, you’re an actor and she is the audience or something? Are you also judging your “performance”? Could be a way of someone selling you something you didn’t need in the first place. The sales method might be to “improve your performance”, when letting thoughts that don’t feel good to you go was all that was “needed”. Using quotes for needed because it’s a letting go of efforting, a no-longer-doing vs something you need or have to do. Maybe take acting classes....? You might enjoy that and it might make more sense, if what you’re wanting is performance. Maybe learning an instrument and or singing too. For talking with other people though, you as you are is plenty ample. Dreamboard stat. Imagine the thought feeling perfectly great and entirely natural.....”This life I’m creating is so fucking fun and awesome any girl would be lucky to be a part of it”. Give up beliefs about yourself. None of them are true. Choose this, and then be willing to feel whatever arises. Choose to experience what is, no longer to project fear upon it.

That is your core belief. Porn (and what other people have) does not condition your mind. The perception of porn, or of other people having anything, is unconditional, perception has zero properties whatsoever. The conditioning is believing the thought, that porn, or what other people have, conditions your mind. Think about it this way, if anything at all, anything whatsoever is believed to be the reason your mind is conditioned - that - whatever you hold that to be - is your condition. To repeat this belief, is the very act of conditioning. It doesn’t occur “in a past”, you’re conditioning, holding a condition, right now, or you are not, right now. It’s always and only ever, right now. That there is a past or future would be more conditions held, right now. What you’re experiencing imo is: - The yet to be recognized & presently misunderstood emotion of jealousy. - A core belief there is an “end”, or a “done” or “finished”. If you let go of focusing on other people, and shift that focus to what you want, “making crazy money” is exactly the same as going to college and getting the 100k/ year job. You wanted it, you focused on it, you’re experiencing it. Do the same. Could contemplate... is “I” a condition? What / who is this “I” which this story is about? I try to be happy with what I have Since when is feeling arising from ‘stuff’ ?

How would the world look like if everyone would reach enlightenment? Perception would be the same, but the belief wouldn’t be skewing it with misinterpretation.

Let it be what it obviously is. You’re focusing on shit. You could just have easily been focusing on cars, and asking the same question. A great question, imo, would be how come I consistently, repeatedly, pretty much without exception, keep experiencing what I want? (Because that’s what you’re focusing on)

@Fossa The thoughts don’t feel off because they’re true about you, they feel off because they’re not true. Spiritual work, or the path, is letting beliefs go and realizing truth. I’d start with the belief feeling (happiness) could be in a future. Inspect your logic by proposing to yourself the question, “when did I experience a future?”, and “when did I experience feeling being any other ‘time’ than now?”. Also, when thinking and or talking about yourself, point to, locate, who or what you’re thinking or talking about. I have friends, a high paying job, hobbies, savings, and a fit body You could also question if deriving happiness from outside things has worked for you thus far, and consider the logic of trying something new when what you’ve been trying isn’t ‘working’. I would bet that trying something different when what you’re doing isn’t working led to your success in regard to the job, income, hobbies, savings, and fitness. Motivation, having a motive, works for those outside things. However, using motive in regard to your true nature sets you up on a hamster wheel, or like a dog chasing it’s own tail. It’s like trying to find yourself, while wearing blinders to the fact you’re what’s looking. Doing all the things you’re doing while holding the belief happiness is in a future, is like vacuuming a room while believing you’ll plug it in, later. You can do that, but it’s really just going through the motions. Consider the profundity of this.... When a thought arises, you can allow it to come and go. There doesn’t need to be a solution or resolve. There doesn’t need to be a reason to let a thought go. That reason is just another thought. Imagine throwing a penny into a wishing well... and sitting there for years expecting something to come back up. If you felt let down by the well, or unhappy with how it’s going, and believed it was because somethings wrong with the well, that’d be kind of silly. The only sensible thing to do, would be to let your beliefs about the well, how it should be, your judging of it, your conditions you need met from it, go. Then there would be the clarity nothing was ever wrong with the well, this is just how beliefs work. They feel off, because they are. Consider using the emotional scale to understand emotions. It helps you recognize how you’re creating emotions now, and how you’re creating discord believing in a ‘past’ and or ‘future’. The discord, or suffering, is the feeling of the belief conflicting with the truth, what is actual, of reality, that feeling is not in a past or future. Trade a hundred beliefs for one simple fundamental acknowledgement of what is not a belief. As an example...I feel mediocre and undesirable and like I don't belong anywhere.... Mediocre and undesirable aren’t feelings, there judgments, beliefs. Let go of the paradigm of motive and believing thoughts, that you know or experience what anyone else thinks....and try out making a dreamboard, filling it with what you want, which is to say, what feels good to you...not what you believe you should do, in accordance with what other people think about you, which you’ve never actually experienced. The more you focus on what you do want, the less you’re focused on the beliefs which feel off, and the more you begin to realize your true nature of happiness. You might discover what you think you want, isn’t what you actually want. If you don’t, and I say this only for you to consider and hopefully have some insights... acknowledge that you’re choosing not to focus on what feels good to you. Let that acknowledgement of it be ample. Don’t think of it as something to fix, or something in need of fixing. Just allow realizing this, to simply be, realizing this.

What is your idea, perspective or connotation of healing? Other than ‘to feel better’, what remains that you want in regard to healing?

@StarStruck Sounds like you’re putting some aspect(s) of experience on a pedestal and psyching yourself out. Have a look how & why you’re making it more important than any other experience, why it’s such a ‘big deal’ to you. Relax. If this is “the big deal” now, after you get comfortable with it, then you’ll make something else “the big deal”. That’ll go on until you inspect ‘why is this such a big deal again?’.

@tatsumaru That’s all easy. Can you see the opposite of everything you mentioned?

@Endangered-EGO In the most literal sense possible, find the fear. Where it is in the body, what thoughts seem related, what identity, what beliefs, etc. Find this thing that gives you such trouble. Have a look at it.

@traveler Swarnim means golden.

That your name & color of your shirt are not a coincidence.

@Spiral Wizard Awesome! When that lion roars - look out people!

Look for an I and or a self in perception (seeing, hearing, etc) and also in feeling, or, that-there-is the presence of sensation. If you do happen to experience finding either, notice, that experience is of a thought, as a label, which doesn’t actually label or define perception or sensation. Even the words / thoughts “perception” & “sensation” only point. Why does it really seem like there is? Essentially, thought attachment and the experience of the relief of it, but more so because all appears within, and therefore intrinsically experience is as if all is without. Experience can be no other way than exactly as it appears.

That’s pretty much the key right there. The thought 24/7 is a leaving of actuality, or now. That essentially is the difference maker in terms of discord (stress). No one has ever actually had that experience, but in believing or identifying with the thought it totally seems like it’s actual. What’s actual is it’s only possible to experience impermanence, all things coming and going as experience without any exception, which feels pretty awesome because it points to the truth of that which is eternal experiencing.

@Gesundheit That ‘for me’ is the only actual case. The ‘some cases’, I’d agree we could derive understanding of, but not the factor of the stress. It might be hard to imagine that there is also the experience of more responsibility equating to less stress.

@Gesundheit Without identity / thought attachment, and therefore without equating responsibility to how one feels in the sense, one feels not great due to responsibility.

The other side of that duality is responsibility is liberating and empowering.

That’s also a belief. It’s possible by getting two or three jobs and working around the clock. I’m not suggesting you do that, and I’m definitely not trying to imply that you should, or that you should feel bad in any way whatsoever for not doing that. I’m suggesting that when you recognize it is a belief, you rather instantly appreciate the situation more deeply. This is the common generational plight. Each generation is (loosely speaking) more open minded than the previous. There are different perspectives and ways to communicate that can be explored, but safety is first. I’m not trying to put you on the spot and am not asking for a reply per se, but wonder what’s behind saying he might get physical. If he has a history of this, etc. If this is the case, it’s an important distinction, as this is not a matter of a generational clash, but of abuse. It might seem like a belief crusade here, but where you’re headed imo is better communication, expression & understanding, with your dad. Better communication looks like little to no reactionary behavior, willingness to express honestly and to hear the other person as well. I’m focused on your feeling better, because the better one is feeling the less one is triggered, and the better communication is.

Got some “split energy” going on, some focusing on perspectives which don’t feel good and can drain energy, outlook & focus. Focus on why you chose to move there, and following through. Appreciate what you do have. Make short order of the discord of what you don’t want, by writing it down, and deriving more details of what you do want, and only focusing on that.

@levani Don’t avoid the intimacy, communicate, ask her / him. We are as unique in sexuality as we are in personality, but when such two become one, pshh, then fuggetaboutit, naturally lose yourself. Pretend this communication is not foreplay. Add that element of intensity and excitement. Game face. What a turn on such a confidence & comfortableness in intimacy & expression that is. ? Inner being flooded with “omg...I want that!”, similar to assertiveness brings out, attracts, assertiveness, and the (often subconscious if you will)... I want that!!

The materialistic paradigm most fundamentally is that consciousness arises of, is a product of or is an output of a body mind, or separate self, and thus is a possession of, or belongs to, a separate self which claims it to be coming or going from one self to another such that consciousness could be taken or given. Meanwhile, there is no direct experience of ‘outside of consciousness’, only a reluctance to recognize beliefs which are in discord. This does not however, prevent one from believing that is the actuality nonetheless, even in spite of this recreating the experience of suffering over and over. How easy it is to focus only on the pointing finger, missing the four pointing back, let alone the moon (consciousness) ?.