YaNanNallari

Overall it's a safe bet to focus on your own development because then you can help others way more easily and more effectively since you really have researched and know what you're talking about. If you also develop yourself to be a person that's aware of your own selfishness it should be even more preferable. This can of course depend on which area of life you're focusing on.

I think you don't need to turn things into necessarily good or bad. If you can afford to think positively about it without it being a bad thing for you then go ahead. But sometimes it can limit critical thinking for example if you're just making everything good.

Your mind wants to twist you into different shoulds and shouldn'ts as you can see. It likes extremes when it's trying to scare you and certainty overall as far as I know. I think when you're in a really good state you'll be able to see that life is about seeing what you want to do the most. I might want to see my girlfriend a lot but I still want to do my homework more. It's not about having to do anything on a philosophical level. This is what happened to me at least. Knowing that in the back of my head it is also easier to see "work" as just things that happen. I'd recommend watching this video as well, because you seem to have not the best self-esteem which is fine and your personal situation. Keep working on that stuff and push through the confusion. It will be worth it once it starts clicking into place. When thinking about these try to stay aware of your thoughts since your ego might try to twist and turn your thoughts into different directions. You'll get better at recognizing that also.

@Shin You've talked about that in so many places I'm actually interested in committing in it now I don't really believe it will fix all of my problems but it will be interesting to see how much it will affect me.

It is fine to have people that you depend on a bit in some things in life. Depending on others in some things is extremely fine if they aren't huge deals. Like having people be there for you and support you if you feel like that could be helpful. Other people can see through one's own bs since seeing the solutions to someone else's problems is easier since you don't have an ego defending in the way. You can still stay detached. For example actualizing people can boost your life. You don't need them, but they can be helpful. If I'm in an ok or good mood thinking about breaking up with my gf is quite neutral to me. I might get very slightly sad since it would be unfortunate but I'd be over it very quickly. If you're driven by your own stuff then surely you don't at that moment care much at all about socializing, but it can have its place. You don't have to be paranoid of attachment every second I think. Setting yourself up for a constant attitude is more effective for me at least. For example thinking about how everything will eventually pass and that I will die. This helps me see that oh yeah I'm going to have my relationship, life, social interactions end regardless, so I might as well not get attached and that it's not a very consistent way of making myself happy. Then I jump into my day and not worry about it, but of course if I happen to notice something I can look into it. It is understandably seen as rude to not say hi, since generally being polite in daily situations is considered to bring more good than it takes effort and stress to do. Politeness can cheer someone up a lot while saying hi takes little to no effort if you see it in quite a neutral fashion which isn't that hard to do. (What I mean is that work is an illusion, things just happen in the end) All of that doesn't really matter since politeness can definitely go too far but just so you realize politeness and saying hi can also be seen as an ok or good thing. Overall forming deep social relationships might take risks and effort and getting into one may seem like a journey for attachment, but you can still do it in a non-attached way. You can see them as a bonus to your life that you're trying to get. Keep staying independent if you feel that's what you should do right now. Just relax a bit and see what your intuition has to say about all of this. Follow it. (This is just how I'd go about it and how I have dealt with it and so far it has worked for me.)

Leo said to a similar post it's unnecessary and shouldn't. Probably just a distraction.

Sort of how Leo talks about contemplating death I like to think to myself that everything passes. If that's the case, what is the meaning of everything if things just pass? (good things also) If everything passes petty stuff doesn't seem to matter. Then I proceed to think about the things I appreciate and want to do. Last bit to apply is especially self love, but love for others as well. After that I think about what is good and important for me to do when it comes to the next week, next month, next year etc. It puts things into perspective and as I've developed this sort of state in other ways as well I don't even feel like doing any of the useless stuff almost at all. I still have to have some will to get myself to that state though and it is scary since it enables almost of all of my current potential and applies my theoretical knowledge surprisingly well overall, which also means seeing through my excuses consisting of thoughts and emotions. It can get me really focused and confident, yet aware of my weaknesses, I suppose in a flow state.

My girlfriend is 15 whereas I'm 18. She is very smart and aware for her age and I was very surprised to see that when she started talking to me. If you would try to get 15-year-old me and her together I'd be way too immature and stupid and I'm still not far at all from her since a lot of my development had been delayed by a phase of depression. At first I was really concerned about the age difference. I was shocked at first when I just realised the person I'd been talking to was that much younger and I had to think about it a lot to see if there was a point in people sometimes demonizing such age differences. But after a while of thinking I gave it a shot and she turned out to be at least close to my level of development in many ways. Compared to many of my guy friends at my age she is generally more mature than them. I suppose you can look at age as an indicator for the average of that age. On a more practical level it's nice to have a girlfriend who looks up to me and accepts me as who I am and supports me. I might see her as more of a friend than I would see someone my age, although I don't have much experience. I'm still attracted to her though. She gets a lot of support and someone who get's her better than anyone else atm and I guess great company. She is in some ways still 15, but what comes to our relationship it tends to not matter all that much. I don't think about the age difference almost at all when talking to her nowadays.

You realise that if that's how you look at things you have a lot of personal work to do and you won't be feeling consistently feeling good until you do it right? Might as well get your shit together and face your fears cause you don't have much to lose there. It'll cure your relationship and be great for you as well. Also if she's stupid then she's stupid. Being upset about it won't change things that much, especially in the long run. I'd also recommend seeing you as a couple helping each other out in life, don't you have an aspiration to do something cool in your life as well?

I don't use amazon, how do I get it for free since it just says you can get it on Kindle with $1.23.

Somewhere was said that average time of the act is about 15 min, so yeah. Maybe they could last longer who knows.

What I'd say is that you need to probably change something deeper if you've struggled with it for a long time. You can't seem to just force it with your current willpower and attitude towards the issue. You might have limiting beliefs. I personally just accept myself and want the best for myself and then when I apply Leo's "Awareness alone is curative" video I simply don't want to eat unhealthy. It is still going to take some brute forcing at least in the start and sometimes after, but make sure to take responsibility and have dreams and values to work toward. I remind myself of taking responsibility and what is a good attitude for me to have daily which really helps when my mind comes with strong excuses. I'm hoping that after meditating enough I will be able to just ignore those excuses without any outside help, but it might take a long while.

I think you have to choose what to take seriously. There is a balance at least for normal people and common human interaction.

I'm not bothered to read the whole thing, but remember enlightenment isn't the only thing that comes with meditation. Awareness is a big deal

Even if you don't know your life purpose you can still figure out some things you value and enjoy, or what you think that others enjoy. Trying to be aligned with those can help forget her, although it still will be hard at least at the start. I'm not sure if this can work, but I'd try.

Recognizing familiar faces and avatars and names is very pleasant for me. The community feel is fine here, since at least I don't feel like in here it creates an us vs them mentality. Also knowing whose comments to prioritize etc is nice.

I think the more interesting question is, how is uniqueness valuable or important for anything?

There are probably good and bad motivational videos. If they truly realign you with your values or bring you to a good place of mind like my notes do to me then I see nothing wrong with it. My notes, which I often use to get my attitude straight, don't change the way I am, they just make me more free from ego's bullshit.

You might be blocking your feelings. Just let them in even if they're unpleasant, they will pass.

Seeing other people be passionate about something, such as spreading Mona Lisa's smile.

I'm not an expert in any way, but I'd just walk up to her in the hallway or something and start talking about something casual school related and maybe ask her opinion on it, or ask her how something like a test went. If you want her then and you don't happen to be in the same group really close to each other etc then you probably should approach her. No need to take huge pressure, it's just a conversation at that point anyway and you don't need her to fulfill you. If she's in a group all the time texting her and asking for a coffee etc is a safe choice or then you can ask the whole group a question maybe.

Your mind might have confused some things. So you might be being a perfectionist and mindful at the same time, but you're seeing it as though they both have to be there for either one to exist or something. You can be mindful of things without being critical all the time. Also aren't those thoughts about "oh how can I improve myself" just thoughts at least often? You don't have to listen to them and follow them you know. Could also be that your motivation is not of great quality.

This is looking at it as if you're innocent and actually didn't do any wrong in this case intentionally. Have you mislead them? In relation to how things normally socially go you probably have judging by the situation. Does this make you a bad person? No. Did you even do wrong? It's debatable but you probably didn't lie, since you didn't know what's going on, even though that's what you might be told. Are people going to be mad at you for a reason? Yes but it will probably be exaggerated. Like by a lot if you go by your values. Note that those girls may value different things than you do and their emotional well being might be key to them whereas you see your career being the main thing. So what are you going to do now? I'm not sure what exactly you should do, but the fact that is that there's a bunch of people upset or will be. If you want to keep those relationships, whatever they are to you, alive on some level then you'll probably want to just be humble, admit that you did wrong and slightly defend yourself by saying you didn't realize they felt that way. Don't try to make stuff up and get out of it without a scratch. Let them be mad at you. In case you're not innocent and actually fucked up then well, being honest is still not a bad option. Stay humble though. You don't have to tell everyone everything imo. That will just make yourself look like you hold yourself on a pedestal since it seems you're assuming everyone is attracted to you (and they will gossip about it). Possibly tell some people that you are concerned the most about. Hope this helps

This was hilarious

Just since nobody said it you've watched Leo's video on this right?