Xpansion

So you have no effects yet you're worrying that you might have. There is no point. The worrying is most likely more toxic than the effects of the dope. If it helps put your mind to rest I was a chronic pothead from 16 to 28. I'm 48 now. I can't say if it had any permanent effect because how can you even know that. I know that I have suffered from depression but I can't know if that is from dope or from many other possibilities. I don't really care. All you can do is deal with now and right now you have no negative effects so let go of the worrying and enjoy your youth while you still have it

I'm a bit unclear. Your profile pic is a like a grinder profile pic. Unless this is a troll post I'm not sure why you would write a worried post about people thinking you're gay and then have a pic like that on a site like this. Something doesn't quite gel here.

I understand this concept and i even believe it to be true however the 'being with the feeling and going toward compassion' can take a long time to help undo a lifetime of conditioning. For people such as the OP and myself these beliefs are so deeply entrenched that it can feel impossible to rise above it. The feelings can completely swamp you, like the OP said they are like an atmosphere. It's like asking a fish "how's the water?" The fish answers "what water?" We become so used to being a certain way that we cannot see the forest for the trees. However, for me personally I don't see any other way but to "be with the feelings" and hope that gradually my meditation practice will create a fundamental change. It's been 5 years and the change is happening but it feels very slow sometimes. I'm starting to think about doing something much more powerful and apparently life changing such as an ayahuasca retreat.

Hi Naviy, I am currently going through a separation from my partner after 17 years. It was more his decision than mine. We are trying to do it as amicably as possible. We have a deep love and respect for each other and don't wish any harm or suffering. The relationship was unhealthy and neither of us were happy. I wanted so much for it to work, to keep trying, but now I'm beginning to realise that maybe it was just never going to. I became so dependant and kind of lost any sense of my own identity. I was never happy in the first place anyway and had no clue what I wanted or how to create the life I wanted so not sure how I thought I ever could be happy in a relationship. I guess I just "fell in love" and then muddled through hoping that everything would work out but it turned into a disfunctional mess. There has been no deception though as in your case with your girlfriends thoughtless infidelity. We really wished nothing but the best for each other but couldn't seem to figure out how to be happy together. There was a lot of sadness and confusion. I have days now when I feel very scared and lost. Sometimes I feel a really heavy futility and depression and I have to say suicidal thoughts have crossed my mind several times. Not actual methods but just more the thought of how much easier death would be to the struggle of life. It's kind of almost a nice thought like it would be a relief. But then I have days when I feel really excited and curious about what will unfold and how maybe now I will find my way and find what makes me feel happy and alive. I have meditated twice daily for an hour in the morning and again in the evening for almost 5 years. I have also attended some retreats and done a lot of reading about Buddhism and mindfulness. This is helping me through it. I am slowly realising just how much the clinging creates so much suffering. Having to accept what is and let go has been the greatest challenge I have ever had to face. Trying to be kind and love myself through the anguish and pain is also very challenging. There is nothing in this world that can ever bring any lasting satisfaction. Not a relationship, not all the riches you could dream of, nothing. When you can have a deeply profound understanding and acceptance of this, not just an intellectual understanding, then you will stop searching for happiness, for satisfaction where it does not exist. Enjoy everything while it lasts then let it go. Its really that simple but so hard to actually live it. Naviy I wish you peace and happiness. I'm sorry your girlfriend was not wise enough to break up with you in a harmless way but instead caused unnecessary suffering. Breaking up is hard enough as it is without people being deceptive, selfish and mean. I hope it helps for you to know that you do not suffer alone. We all suffer and we can all find a way to end suffering.