Gabriel Antonio

1- I am astonished by our similarities. I just read your last entries. There is a deep notion that what we're doing at times is actually feeding each others ego's and not actually encouraging us. This reputation thingy is really annoying and addictive. We should aim at getting hate comments instead of likes. 2- I can clearly see how you're just fooling yourself in this discussion thing. You should (no fucking excuses!) completely and absolutely force yourself to participate in the class discussions. Your ego is rationalizing your fear. Get uncomfortable! Be wrong! Make mistakes! The thing I regret the most in high school was how quiet I was in class discussions. If you really want to influence anyone, you will have to build your tolerance muscle. Express unpopular opinions! Baby step your way into that. But you have got to take action. 3- You are very unlucky with all these digestion problems. When I stopped ingesting diary, my digestion got really smooth. It used to suck balls. I used to fart a lot also, and now I barely fart. If you press your poop, it means it is not ready. Magnesium chloride does wonders for constipation! 4- Don't give a fuck about your writing style. Use as many words as you can. Use as many cliches as you can. You will outgrow them within time. As you long as you keep fucking writing DAILY and don't psych yourself out due to your stupid perfectionism. 5- Congratulations on your cold shower commitment. I am a pro at that (been doing it for years). Also, no time for "being kind to yourself" when you're being a lazy-ass twat in bed. JUMP OUT OF BED! No time for pussyness. Time to get into Radical Action! Best mantra to get into radical action: "KEEP MOVING YOUR BUTT". Do not confuse self-love with laziness. That's enough for today.

- "Oh... I shouldn't push myself too hard" - "Oh... I am being too neurotic." - "I should give myself more self love." Sometimes I feel like I use these excuses to justify my laziness. Is there any rule of thumb to determine if I am being reall neurotic about some endeavor?

@quantum I never did self-inquiry. #ShameOnMe

YES!

Does anybody also experience that? when interacting with certain people who allegedly have more awareness than you do. I sometimes feel shy to express who I really am to spiritually evolved people because I don't want to be exposed as someone is lost in ego, if that makes any sense. In essence, I feel a discrepancy between me and certain people...

Don't go hunting for this type of experiences. Expect meditation to bring about negative emotions, old-repressed memories & lies, and physical pain. The peace will come, but the more you crave for it, the more distant it will be.

Great entry! My favorites:

I practice belly breathing lying down for 15 minutes. It calms me down. Thich Nhat Hanh has a beautiful explanation for why belly breathing works. A panic attack is like a storm. Our mind is like the treetop, and our abdomen is like the trunk of the tree. The worst place to take refuge is at the top of a tree (our mind), and the safest is by the trunk (our abdomen). It gives me a deep sense of solidity. I also like to count my breath to help concentrate. In, Out 1; In, Out 2; In, Out 3... up to 10. I don't deepen my breath; I only direct it to my belly.

Just a thought... Maybe you can commit to just one of these habits. In my case, I have committed to meditation, and what I have found is that the other habits naturally start coming up without being an obligation. For example, I have been eating good food, waking up at 7 am etc. But if the early day and your morning routine is working for you, keep it going. I myself like to have just one habit so I can put all my effort in it. For example, I have been meditating for 4 hours consistently for 3 months. And to have a streak with just one habit is far easier than 2, 3, 4, ... Plus, having a streak helps build momentum. Even in the hard days, you end up finding strength to do the habit even though you're tired, demotivated, or whatsoever. I used to backslide a lot, and Leo has a great video about this. I know you didn't ask for anybody's opinion or advice, but I decided to give a shot either way...

I also have back pain at times. Practicing yoga for 5 minutes a day has basically solved my problem. I set the intention "I want to release the pain in my back", and then I let my intuition guide me. Child's pose helps a lot!

welcome to the club!

I can totally relate to this.

@VividReality i sort of an awakening experience two days ago, and this image you posted is right on

YES!!! (I meant to write that two days ago, but the forum keeps blocking me. "Wait 80 seconds before posting)

@quantum you did a great job of externalizing your confusion. congratulations,good job!

one week with no music? i'm curious...!=

it's very simple: just fuckin do it. start small make a compliment here and there, then start talking with cashiers (e.g, expose an opinion of yours even if it's dumb in your opinion), get rejected..!

@Dragallur i also didn't like that video... alongside with "non-duality goes cosmopolitan", these were the only videos i haven't seen till the end

@Dragallur my dad has always said, "you can do whatever you do if it's making you happy." you should've seen his face when i throwed the idea of becoming a monk... but people eventually get used to different things you're doing, but they indeed resist in the beginning. so we gotta stay rooted. side note: i got into meditation because i was interested in lucid dreaming...

chakras are pools of energy in spiral that flows in our body. when a chakra is closed, the energy doesn't flow. when we open them up, the energy flows.

sometimes when i am lazy, my grandma scolds me. this is a wake-up call to me.

i wrote on my wall today "expect self-doubt". this is a reminder to stay aware and mindful that this will happen. in other words, just the awareness that self-doubt is occurring already helps get rid of it. you will recognize it and say, "OH! this is self-doubt." and it will be in-the-moment. by noticing it, it dissolves.

@Dragallur cold showers are therapy hehe your mum is against meditation?

why follow what Leo say so blindly? what i would suggest is to exaggerate your behavior. so sit on your couch even though you don't feel like it anymore so that you TRULY know how it makes you feel. at one point, you will simply outgrow it.