Gabriel Antonio

@Afonso i think it will simply grow and grow =)

life feels amazing. i feel like i am in allignment with the universe on a very deep level. it feels like everthing I do is right cure to perfeccionism > decide quickly, take the first option, or decide to half-ass hehe peace, World ;D

@Afonso yes and afterwards on ayahuasca. amazing! this is all a game. you are just a player. you are not the character. you are the one behind.

AWESOME! =P I have felt that! That's it!! Amazing, isn't it?

Endure boredom.

You can't get into the effortless state by making more effort. Here's the thing: Hardcore perfectionist here. So to cure that, I have been consciously being more passive, half-assing stuff, and saving up energy. Sometimes I do counterintuitive moves that may seem negative for some, but if I trust my higher self and actually do them, man... I get some of the best results. I know where I am coming from, but doing this make me feel guilt and fear. Some of my thoughts: "YOU SHOULD HELP!" "WHAT A BAD HUMAN BEING YOU ARE FOR NOT HELPING!" "BE KIND!" So, from now on, I consciously decide to simply follow the path of least resistance. This seems like I am a lazy-ass person haha. But I know where I am coming from. You can't get into the effortless state by making more effort.

relax. let the light enter you and dance in the presence of your almighty presence. i love you <3

Insights > I have had for the first time a true no-self experience. I could feel how everything is my creation. Some insights I actually experienced first-hand: "You secretely know that you are the only one here." "Talking with others gives you the ilusion that there is someone else other than yourself." (Oscar Wilde) "I felt like I was stuck in my own creation." > I felt a strong energy towards destroying all ilusions. I was able to break free of thoughts patterns as if I were expurging them. > At one point of the trip, the image of Leo came to mind. And he was just laughing really hard. It reminded me of what he wrote on a recept post here, "To know God's raddiance." > A deep-rooted fear also popped. Of going insane. At some point, I stopped giving attention to that thought. > I was questioning myself as God, "Why did I create all of this?" It is all a great party. > I accepted death. At one point, I kept myself nearly 100% still. Of course, I was breathing though. I began pondering, "What is death like? What is this thing called absence of life?" It felt liberating to dive into that. > If you are forcing, then it is not true love. > Another thing that happened was how to cure my perfectionism: start half-assing stuff. Sure, this advice is not for most people, I guess, but to me works great because then I find the sweet spot. Me currently |--------------------|-------------x------| Half-assing Perfectionism Therefore I apply force the other way. > I felt so liberated. At one point, I thought, "What if this goes away?" Then, a wise spiritually matured voice said, "It is okay."

it's all in divine order. whether you want it or not. follow your natural instincts. be a nobody. expect to achieve nothing. and trust yourself.

"Be yourself, everyone else is already taken." Oscar Wilde

@Azrael Thank you for sharing your experience!

@Tightrope Walker It can never go away. No matter what you are doing, you are doing correctly. There is nothing to achieve. Whether you want it or not, it is here. Always was and will always be.

Other insights: - Resist the temptation to correct others. - Use low energy. - Be a nobody. I had an image in my mind during the trip of a very small cloud, and the wind dissolving it. That's how like life is. Expect life to be boring, and it will become amazing.

@ShanMy legs always go numb when I sit cross-legged.

I believe the Buddhists refer to small sense of self and large sense of self. It's all one, dude! Hahaha That's utterly hilarious! It has always been you... only you... haha

@Arkandeusamazing writing skills! very insightful post! thanks!

In a quiet place. The psychedelic will take care of the rest.

Sitting cross-legged is unnecessarily painful and uncomfortable. I always use a chair. I don't care what people say. If merely sitting on a lotus pose would do any good, countries like India would only have saints since regular people are used to sitting on the lotus pose.

You are searching for love. Watch this:

Could you elaborate on which techniques you use?

Good Day vs Bad Day I find it extremely interesting how a day can be considered a good day or a bad day depending upon the lenses through which you look at it. Yesterday I wrote about my day in a very gloomy way. I was labeling it as a bad day. Yes, I did overindulged in some ways. For example, I stayed too much time on my couch with a horrible posture; overate (as usual); and watched a low-consciousness, useless, and full-of-stimulation documentary about Kurt Kobain. In essence, I was feeling lazy. I feel like the really bad thing is not to be lazy itself, but guilting yourself due to your laziness. SELF-WORTH Also, I feel like I am developing my self-worth. I was reading through some texts of my own, and I was thinking, "Oh... that's not so bad." Sometimes we get caught up by how "liked" something we do is. PSYCHEDELICS I have been ruminating a lot over the Ayahuasca ritual in which I exaggerated, got into arguments with a "big-boss" there, and basically disturbed others. I want to do psychedelics by myself. I have found a guy who sells Ayahuasca, and I want to do it. It is hard to do a foolproof psychedelic session, in which I will 100% not get disturbed by others. PERSONAL INFO I have been thinking a lot about what @Dragallur and @JKG say concerning not getting personal on the public journal. I agree. At the same time, I realize that some information might help others. I don't really like computers and virtual things, but I do recognize that they can come handy at times. WORK I have been feeling very motivated with my English/Portuguese classes. I feel I am pretty balanced in general. I am learning things; I am introspecting; I am working. And the list goes on. My main weakness would be education. However, I am thinking about doing a CELTA course (which is to teach English for foreigners). That's it for today.

Hello, everybody! I feel like starting a new journal because I have just entered a new phase of my life. I felt a huge energetic shift yesterday (6-6-2017). Background story: In the beginning of the year, I was focusing a lot on meditation; then, over the last month, I have been focusing heavily on socializing. So, now, I want to find balance between these two. I realize that they are two poles of a spectrum: Meditation | Socializing Now: Meditation | x Socializing Goal (next month -- 7-7-2017): Meditation x| Socializing Anyway, my goal is to find a middle ground between these two. I am aware of dynamic balance, so it's natural to fluctuate between the two poles. Socializing: I feel like I have enough of commitments, friendships, and hobbies. Neither do I have to add nor remove any of them. Just keep them as they are. Meditation: I have just started a new journal committing to meditating for at least 150 minutes/day for the next 10 days. Despite the challenges involved in being more reclusive, I am willing to go through this initial stage. Right now, I feel like I even need more than 2:30 hours a day of formal meditation. Today, for example, I am shooting for 4 hours (still got 40 minutes left). On this journal, I will write about some random thoughts I have, my insecurities about investing more alone-time, and my emotions during the day. Thank you!