Gabriel Antonio

Don't do solo retreats again, and avoid spiritual practices at least for now. +1 @Manjushri Isn't there a different psychiatrist you could go to?

Fair enough. But your topic will likely get locked.

It's not a book, but I really like this Buddhist meditation. I usually do it lying down.

3 months?? The standard recommendation to seek help is 2 weeks.

Both the sarcasm and the caps were unnecessary.

First, I don’t recommend you smoke weed again. It’s not for everyone... Second, from your description, you seem to suffer from depression. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist? Good. Try to expand this vibe to other areas of your life. Light & easy.

@corndjorn I think you should read what you wrote and apply it in your own life.

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Ain't that a relief? So the sooner you get yourself out of that guilt trip you're in, the better.

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Right. A lot of people are so obsessed to getting into a relationship that they end up never finding one. It's one of those things that the more you seek, the less you find. Agreed. I'd also add: learning to be alone doesn't mean you have to be a hermit.

I think you should give it a try. Doing solo retreats are extremely challenging. And if you do Vipassana, the collective energy will help you. For example, just by observing more experienced meditators, you might gain insights on how to practice meditation properly.

@Shin lol

@Matt23 Have you ever done a Vipassana retreat? ?

That is oversimplistic imo. Sheer will-power (“just do it”) is too limited. Also, if you “ignore other people” you can quickly become a stubborn asshole. I speak from personal experience. @Serotoninluv me too

@TheAvatarState Fuck soap opera. I rather watch Avatar

Wait, what? Why would I watch a crappy soap opera? I’d rather change the channel. Earlier in my path, I got fixated on judgement. I would micromanage myself. “Omg, I’m judging. Wait I’m judging my judgement. Shit, I’m such a bad spiritual person. I shouldn’t judge! Fuck! I’m judging myself once again.” And so on, and so forth. What I’ve realized is that sometimes the best way to deal with a problem is to ignore it. I was never able to follow the typical Buddhist-like advice of “just observe it”. Whenever I tried to observe my thoughts, I’d actually produce more thoughts. Maybe my awareness muscle is weak. But anyway, since I started to connect more with people (or, in New Age terms, “open my heart chakra”), I naturally judge less. And when it does happen, I don’t freak out. I allow myself to feel that way and I do something relaxing, a stress-relief type of thing. Then, boom... the hyper-judging is gone.

And you need to take care of your grammar ?

I think this may be counterproductive in the case of the OP. As it was said above by @EvilAngel, the worst type of demonizing is meta-demonizing. That is, to demonize your own demonizing. Don't pay so much attention to those thoughts. One thing that can also help is having a strong bond with someone -- who you can cuddle, have a good time with. In my experience, judgement comes from lack of love. When my emotional bank account is positive, judgement simply doesn't come up. But remember: you can't stop judgement with more judgement. If you guilt yourself from doing it, you're only doubling the problem.

I agree with @ajasatya. You're right. We are social creatures. Connecting with others and physical touch are indeed human needs. There's a very good book about this subject, which helped me a lot. It's called Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable.