Scholar

@Martin123 @electroBeam It's interesting to note that you don't know whether you are right or not. The concept of non-existence is just as illusiory as the concept of existence. Talking to yourself is just as delusional as talking to someone. Both are not what is, are they? When you think that I do not exist, it's just as much a thought as when you think that I do exist. Do any of the statements hold any truth? There seems to be a process of abstraction, conceptualization, that imposes onto what is. That process is what creates claims about reality. The claims do not realize that they are part of reality, not reality themselves. Infact, when a claim about this very fact manifests itself, the claim seems to reach the limits of concept, and see the entire absurdity of any claim, it's so absurd, that it's not even absurd anymore. It seems as though nothing seems to be true and nothing seems to be false, the seeming of seeming to be true itself becomes just seeming. The concepts seem to fall apart, so that no concept can hold, even the concept of this very concept I am just conceptualizing. It's so strange. In a weird sense, the not making sense of anything makes complete sense. It almost seems like any claim of reality is completely and utterly valid and true. But, the sense of truth and validity itself is simply what it is, a sense of truth. Truth is not more than simply what it seems to be. So, the perception of someone, and the non-perception of someone, are both exactly what they are. Both are true and valid, but none of them are more than what they are. Truth is like a game. It's words, not empty of meaning. Instead, meaning itself is empty. But it's not really empty because it's meaning, yet meaning is no more than meaning. It simply is what it is, just meaning. The process of abstraction so, does not impose onto what is, it simply is. The abstraction is simply reality. Validity is part of abstraction. So, everything is real in an absolute sense, but not really. Because this concept of everything being real is just a concept, it is simply what it is. It's even stranger because it seems like everything is just coming into being. The though about coming into being is simply the thought about coming into being coming into being. It's not more than that, but even the concept of it not being more than that is not more than the concept of it being more than that. Seems like the mind cannot compute this? But even this is just a claim. When there is a sense of a process of abstraction imposing onto what is, it's nothing more than a sense of a process of abstraction imposing onto what is. And even that sense of a sense of abstraction is simply an abstraction. This is how it unfolds, it keeps going and going, and there is one claim after the other, simply appearing and disappearing, even the appearing and disappearing is just the sense of appearing and disappearing appearing and diseppearing. There is no stop to it, the thoughts just keep going and going, the appearing keeps appearing, and then they vanish like nothing, but already something else took the place, creating a sense of the disappearing. So, the disappearing of perception itself is just the appearing of another sense, and even that sense is the appearing of another sense. The disappearing is never truly witnessed, because the witnessing of disappearing itself is another appearing. When the absolute sense of truth appears, it's simply the absolute sense of truth. It's not more than that. The knowing of something is the knowing appearing. Knowing is not more than knowing. This is the reason why the mind can impossibly grasp this. The coming into appearing is already the content. Every content is simply content, none of it is more than itself. Even the sense of it coming from somewhere, is nothing more than a sense of it coming from somewhere. The noticing of being peaceful is simply the noticing of being peaceful. It's not peacefulness itself. Peace cannot be noticed, but even the sense of it cannot being noticed is simply a sense of it not being able to be noticed. It's not more than that. Even the sense of it not being more than that is not more than the sense of it not being more than that. Every sense simply is a sense, but yet, even the sense of everything simply being a sense is nothing more than a sense. This seems to be a loop, but even the seeming of it being a loop is just a sense of it seeming to be a loop. The being a loop is simply being a loop. The words are just words. The claim that words are just words is simply the claim that words are just words. Reality is simply being reality. All is illusion, and all is completely real, just as it is. This is a sense though, a sense of reality being this way, but even the sense of reality being this way is just a sense of reality being this way. Reality is what it is, not more than that. The words cannot describe this because description itself is simply what it is, a description. It is somehow beyond the process of coming into being, it is beyond the what isness of what isness. Yes, even the sense of this what isness, the being beyond, is nothing more but this very sense. There are no thoughts to describe this, because it is before the creation of thoughts. It is ungraspable, because grasping itself comes from it. The awareness of it, is coming directly from it. It's not equal, ever. The awarenss of it is simply the awareness of it. It's like looking in a mirror, into a reflection. But that reflection simply is a reflection, it will never be the source. The source simply is. No, it's not even being. It's completely beyond, even beyond the sensation of beyondness. This very sensation, this very concept that is appearing, is simply an output. Even the thought of this very same thought is simply a thought. It's not it, but yet, the content seems to be aware. It's like the content contains the source itself, but even that is just a sense coming from the source. The awareness of it is just the awareness of it, not more. It's completely beyond coming into being, but I can repeat these words as many times as I want, it will not bring me closer. Because the very thoughts are the coming into being. It's endless. Even the sense of me thinking this is a sense coming into being. The sense of me coming into being is another sense. It's like the mind is recognizing that it cannot recognize the source. The very recognition of not being able to recognizing the source is proof for the source. The sense, the noticing, of coming into being. It comes from nothing at all, it's nothing because it's completely ungraspable. It's so beyond that even the sense of beyondness is not even close to it. It's the absence of coming into being, but even the sense of absence of coming into being is not it. It simply is the very absence of coming into being, not the sense of it. The source of this sense, and the source of all senses. All the sense are the coming into being, so no sense, ever, will capture what is making it coming into be. It is beyond the senses. It's right there, all the time, but even the sense of it being right there all the time is not it. It's so beyond everything that it is even beyond the sense of beyoind being everything. It's not anything at all, not even the sense of it not being anything at all. It has no location because location comes from it. It has no form because form comes from it. It has no sensation because sensation comes from it. It has no concept because concept comes from it. It has no coming from, because coming from comes from it. It's not anything, because everything comes from it. It's not it, because itness is coming from it.

Even more interesting, why do you assume that in my expirience you do not exist as a conscious entity?

Of course. The very fact that I think I am writing with someone is an assumption in itself. I do not know what you are seeking Martin. We cannot know what is going on in that human beings mind. All we can do is create an oppurtunity to learn, doing the wise thing instead of letting the ego play it's immature game of who is right and who is not. It does not matter whatsoever if this person is enlightened. It is unknowable. Again, the assumption in this case serves the purpose of growth, it serves the broadening of perspective. It seems like you are more interested in who is right about him and who is not. Just as I am questioning the desire to tell you this right now, it would be advisable for you to do the same.

Of course we don't know the full picture. He might be a complete fraud and not have been enlightened whatsoever and still act the way he does. You cannot know that, just as you can't know if he did indeed have an awakened expirience. I would disagree that he is teaching by example. Someone who teaches by examples, does not go around and say "You are so negative, think positive!", but would simply be positive and let that sparkle curiousity in others. I guess this roots in the lack of wisdom, and lack of understanding the human mind. He does not understand himself, the workings of his psyche, which for me is an essential part on the path of enlightenment. The ego, as we know, can take any expirience that is non-permanent and use it for it's own purpose. If you expirience ego-death, once the ego reappears, it might think of itself that it is enlightened. This will give the ego a sense of superiority, that it will of course not utter in thoughts, but rather in subtle deeds and behaviour. The ego is not enlightened, it can never be. It's very dangerous for the ego to identify with this concept, especially after having had a direct expirience of it. It's difficult to tell, but it does seem like he is conditioned by various sources that claim to know the truth. He believes in concepts that he has no direct expirience of, infact he is absolutely certain of them. He is certain that mere positive thinking can change the world around him, but he had no direct expirience of that. The certainity is what indicates immaturity of the mind to me. If you look at people who have taken this path and seem to be successful with it, you will notice a certain humbleness. The ego can claim an expirience to be his, even if it was true. It can always self-decept, and the reason why this is so dangerous is because the ego now claims it knows absolute truth. Even though the truth is the absence of knowing, the ego is trapped in a belief system that it cannot escape. Before, the ego was investigating, questioning and it was skeptical. Now it claims to know the truth, and there might be no turning back from that. It seems to me like it's essential to have a proper understanding of the ego before having an enlightenment expirience. The ego is so well at deception that it will do anything to survive. It will even pretend to be selfless, loving and all knowing, just to avoid true death. You said it yourself, awakening can cause a massive paradigm shift. In this case it seems like this massive paradigm shift created a paradigm-lock, far firmer than the paradigm that was held before. It's not full surrender, it's the pretending of full surrender. It's not true love, it's the pretending of true love. He claims to know the unknowable truth. It's the ego grasping and holding onto awakening to avoid it's own parishing.

Consciousness came into existence out of nothing (and as far as enlightened people tell us, literally nothing) and goes into nothingness each time you are in deep sleep. If consciousness can come into existence once, it can do it as many times as it wants, can't it? In other words, if you were born once, there is no reason for you not to be born twice, or infinitely. I think the belief of eternal death is more of coming from the egoic possessing. "My consciousness! If I am dead, consciousness is dead!" From what it seems to me it's more like consciousness is the TV, and the life that is happening within it simply runs on it. Once it's over, another movie will take the place. Why wouldn't it? Ask yourself. Why are you you, why is "your" consciousness living that specific life, and not one of the trillions of others that exist or have existed? Would it make sense for consciousness to let one life appear within it, and then never again? How then, does it decide which life to choose? It's quite ironic if you think about. People who are alive seem to be convinced that if they die, consciousness dies. But then, people who are dead (ego-death) seem to be absolutely certain that consciousness is eternal. Maybe it requires death to see that.

Do you mean that the mind is awareness? The witnessing is what is being the mind?

Why is the ego, or the mind, aware of the witnessing?

It seems like he's fallen off the path of balance. I think his greed for enlightenment and truth is what is causing the suffering. The teaching of the middle way according to buddhism could probably help him. This is what can happen when you have a very poor understanding of the mind. If the ego is not studied and understood, there is always the risk that it will abuse and skew the expiriences. I think some of us can learn a lot from his mistakes.

It seems like the more I focus on the witnessing process, the more it seems like suffering doesn't matter at all. It's not really me who suffers, it's simply suffering being witnessed by me, if I identify with the witnessing process. I've noticed though that the more I do this, the less relevant the suffering of others seems to me. Noone is really suffering, ever. Suffering simply happens in awareness, created by the egoic structure that aswell, is just witnessed by awareness. So what does it matter? The witnessing stays witnessing no matter what, it doesn't need anything. It doesn't even care if anything suffers or not because caring itself is witnessed by the witnessing. Is this normal? I seems like the less serious I take my own suffering, the less serious I take the suffering of others aswell. Because noone is actually suffering, just as I am not actually suffering. It's completely illusiory, so why bother to make it go away?

Just because you can predict one thing perfectly, doesn't mean you can predict everything. I am curious why math can predict anything at all.

With precision I mean the capability to use it as a tool to perfectly predict and describe phenomena in the "outer world".

The real solution though, is to stop judging and labeling everything, including yourself. Ugliness does not exist outside of your imagination.

I always keep mentioning this when I hear about social anxiety, but something worth looking into is your consumption of pornography. What you describe reminds me of how it was for me aswell. My social anxiety was almost entirely based on the usage of pornography. If you don't really watch it frequently then it's unlikely, but if it's every day then you should definitely consider that it's the route cause. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ There are probably millions of people suffering from this, so it's not really that unlikely. Just take it serious if you do use porn, this can be a complete life changer, it definitely was for me.

I was just trying to give you some advice that might help you. I don't know you, and I won't pretend that I do. Just trying to spare you from potentially making mistakes that I made myself. But you are right, I projected and assumed, but that's what I do. What I write usually is first and foremost a reminder for myself, I just post it when I think it might help. Good luck anyways!

Atheism is not defined by a lack of belief in god, it's defined by the belief that a god cannot exist. If you claim to be an atheist, you claim to believe that god does not exist. It's not the absence of belief. But I guess the word is used very broadly today. Some people just use it as you do, and I guess this is where some of the confusion comes in.

I think that's a difficult way to go about this. "Keeping something in mind" that does not correspond to your consciousness can do more harm than good. The fact of the matter is that you love your family more than other people, you don't have to pretend that other people are equally as much worth as your family. It would be an idealogy, because you yourself know very well that you don't feel that way at all. You are not conscious of them being a tiny part of something big, you just believe in it, for whatever reason. You are basicly telling yourself something that you yourself are not truly aware of. That might hold you back from the path of finding out for yourself. Worth and value is still part of your mind, even if you believe that the are relative. The curiousity that will help you on your path will not come from adapting one idealogy over the other, it will come from the recognition of the mystery. It's important to recognize that you are acting out of belief, and lack of consciousness. Your feelings about your family are created by a lack of understanding or "seeing" reality, but equally are the feelings of thinking that you have to love everyone. And that is fine, but do not resist what you currently are. Accept the fact that you are selfish, that right now it cannot be otherwise, and from there seek the truth, not what you believe the truth to be. Being authentic about how you feel and what you are is, I think, very important on the path you are taking.

So you are masturbating without pornography? Inform yourself about what PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) does to your brain. Whether you are fantasizing or using pictures makes absolutely no difference. You can condition yourself to find anything attractive, even a piece of wood. To your brain it makes no difference whatsoever, once it can get off of it. The problem is that if you masturbate every day, and indulge in sexual fantasy or pornography, your mind will not be clear. You will not even be able to meditate properly because your brainfog will be to strong. As I said, you will not be able to do anything if you don't stop all sexual activity atleast until your brain regenerates. It completely takes away your motivation, it multiplies your anxieties and ruins your self-esteem. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ Imagine you had a certain amount of life energy, and each time you masturbate that life energy diminishes. Over the years, your total bar of life energy was always at a minimum, so it decided to shrink. Let's say 10 years ago your life energy was able to hold 100 life energy points. Now, for 10 years it was around an energy level of 0-5, because you always spend your entire life energy on masturbation whenever you could. Now the life bar decided to simply adjust itself. Why would it need a capacity of 100 if all you really ever have it a maximum of 5? So that's what it did, it shrank down to 5. Now, if you hold your life energy, you can get at maximum 5 points, because your capacity is that low. The longer you hold it at it's maximum capacity, the higher the chance that it decides to increase. So, if you hold it at 5 for a week, it will decide to increase to 6. You hold it, and hold it and hold it, until it's all the way back at 100. You will not be able to hold it all the time, but the more you reach the highest capacity, the more it will increase, the more you deplet, the more it will decrease. It's pretty much as simply as that. You life motivation is low right now, no matter what you do. And it will stay like that for some time, but you need to force yourself not to deplet it. This is a problem though, because you need the life energy to be able to hold it. In other words, you don't even have the motivation to stop masturbating anymore. This is why most people simply can't free themselves of it. But you can, if you somehow see how significant this is for your life. You have to do it, your survival depends on it. When your brain sees it, when it will feel threatened, there will be a sudden increase of life energy, until it doesn't feel threatened anymore. So that's a way to do it, but I can't tell you what exactly to do. You simply need to realize that your life literally depends on whether you take action now or you don't. Once you have that motivation, you can start holding. Stop your addictive behaviour, most importantly the sexual ones, and once you do that you will build up your motivation. It will become easier and easier, the beginning will be what's most difficult.

Truth is what it is, a thought. You still confuse and mix everything up. Truth is truth, there is nothing true about it, yet it is simply truth. Is anything truly real? Well, truly real is truly real. Everything else is everything else. This is the confusion I was referring when giving the example of seeing a tree. You see a tree, and you say "Oh look a tree!". This is the confusion. Seeing a tree is seeing a tree, it's not a tree. The thought of seeing a tree is the thought of seeing a tree, not the tree. The tree is just the tree. Spirituality is operating beyond language, which is why it leads to so much confusion. Language is about confusion and delusion, spirituality is simply about what is.

I think there might be a confusion here. It's not the content of consciousness that causes delusion, it is the belief that it is reality that is delusion. The point is, no matter what she saw, it wasn't real. No matter what you see, it's not real. The assumption of reality is delusional in itself. In this way, your grandmother was no different from someone like Stephen Hawking. Spirituality is not about finding a different reality, it is the absence of it. It's strange to even put into words, but it's the going away ofreality that will show you true reality. Sit down and see a ghost, and say "Oh look, a ghost!", you are delusional. Sit down and see a tree, and say "Oh look, a tree!", you are delusional. Sit down and see, and you are free of delusion. The delusion lies in taking expirience and putting it into thoughts. As soon as a thought arises, delusion arises. It's like the thought is delusion, that means no matter what thought you have, it is by it's nature delusion. Just notice that Samadhi is not an altercation of something, it's not an addition of something. Instead it is simply the absence of something.

You have dug yourself into a deep hole. Actually I think yesterday someone posted a video of Sadhguru talking about this problem. Everything is pointless to you precisely because you already have expirienced so much in terms of movies, books etc. A second problem I hear is the addiction to pornography, maybe by far your biggest problem. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ Read it, educate yourself. Seems to me like you have screwed up your brain, your dopamine receptors are so desensitized that you literally are unable to find joy. And you are by far not the only one, just go on the site and inform yourself, and see how many people have suffered just the same way you have. You can meditate all day long, if you continue watching pornography then it nullifies everything else you do. This is just how the brain works, you cannot cheat nature. Social anxiety can be entirely rooted in pornographic consumption. I am afraid that if you do not stop this addiction, you will be unable to get out of that hole you have dug for yourself. The problem is that you are so addicted, you will suffer greatly if you try to stop doing what you are addicted to. I don't know if you will be able to do it by yourself. I believe the best would be if you could somehow spend a year without internet, pornography of anything the likes. Your brain would have chance to resensitize and life would seem meaningful once more. Then you'd have the motivation to actually do something about it. So, either try by yourself, and be very disciplined, or join a monestary of whatever, so someone else restricts you. The internet, to the mind, is nothing but pandora's box. It can give you everything you want in an instant. And now ask yourself, why would you go out and find a real partner, if you can have sexual intercourse within seconds, just by clicking a few buttoms? What's the point? You can read a book and be on another planet, or slay dragons in a video game. And you don't have to do anything for it. Now, look at life. You want a car? You have to work for it, for months, 8 hours a day 5 days a week. It's just ridicilous, and your brain does not care if it's artificial or not. It will not care about anything anymore, because it gets everything it needs without any effort. It gets the reward without having to do anything. Aside from the bio-chemical and neurological restructuring of your brain, if you simply see it as a tale, it all makes sense. Give a child everything it wants, whenever it asks for it, what kind of person will it grow up to be?

Only by accepting everything you deem as wrong you can truly accept god. There is no action counter to god, all actions are god.

So every now and then I think about what I know about enlightenment, and my rational mind comes to the conclusion that it is entirely explainable with simple rational means. Of course, this will not keep me from investigating myself, but from time to time it creates confusion within me. So, when we look at the mind, or at my mind in particular, I can say that everything that exists and that I exist. But ironically, everything that I believe to exist, everything that from me is everything, solely exists within my mind. It cannot exist anywhere else. But of course, the mind creates a dualism within itself. It differentiates certain aspects of the expirience from others. For example, there is a very particular feeling when someone "else" is in the room. That other entity is a very specific expirience within the mind. Entity itself is an expirience. Now as far as I know, the path towards enlightenment is disassambling that very specific expirience, so the entity disappears and all that is left is the direct input of expirience meaning color, sound etc. But if I look at it from a rationalists perspective, all of it makes complete sense. The mind is a simulation of the brain. All of the mind, which is all of the expirience, happens nowhere else than in the brain. The irony here is that the mind itself thinks that the "outside world" exists, even though the outside world is simply part of the simulation. Everything the mind thinks exists is part of the simulation. So, one way to look at enlightenment would be simply disassembling the expirience of "I" and "something else", so that everything becomes I. In the moment that happens, the mind will believe that it is everything in existance. Because previously it wasn't aware of the fact that everything the mind thinks exists is part of the mind. That includes everything, the simulation of time and space, the simulation of object and subject, the simulation of nothingness and everything. All the mind is left to recognize is that infact, even the simulation of the mind itself is part of the simulation. So, of course the mind will first think believe it is god. God is everything, and because what the mind thought everything was, was now revealed as part of the mind, the mind is in the disbelief that it is infact everything. It is not just what previously was defined as "me", it is what previously was defined as anything whatsoever. But here comes the trap. The mind, from this perspective, is an isolated expirience. The fact that this is the case is that noone can be part of someone elses expirience. If that was truly possible, that we would have easily provided proof for that. But yet, there is noone on this entire planet that can access someone elses expirience. But here comes the confusion. Me, and I am kind of talking to myself here, is still operating within that simulation. So, I have no clue wether or not anything at all exists or not. The mind cannot be aware of anything outside of the mind. The illusion here though is that "revealing" the truth is nothing more than revealing another illusion. If I look at it from a rationalists perspective, someone saying that "He is god" or he is "Infinity" is completely explainable. Yes of course he is infinity, of course he is god. He is literally everything within his expirience. But, if the expirience of that person ends, that infinity is gone. God is gone. Everything that person thought or believed, or even expirience as "absolutely everything" is no gone, because inherently it was nothing more than his mind playing another trick on himself. The mind recognized that it was an simulation after all, and that it was able to alter itself. Infact, the mind is inherently nothing at all, it simply is what it is, the expirience itself. And as far as I can tell, I cannot explain even the most simply thing. I cannot explain the color red, or the sound of my fingers tapping on the keyboard. There is no explanation for that, because explanation is concept. But what I do know is that the mind is capable of anything. It can simulate absolutely everything. It can even simulate the expirience of absolutely everything. Infact, it is simulating that expirience at all times, because from the perspective of the mind, whatever is within the mind is absotutely everything. So, when Buddah sat down and discovered the true nature of the self, didn't his brain literally just discover that it was a simulation? That, the "me" is no different from what the mind thinks the "everything else" is. That infact, the "me" is nothing at all, because it is a simulation? That infact, everything in existance (within the mind) is nothing at all? Now, the confusion within me is mainly that I am trapped within the simulation, so everything I think is part of the simulation, even the rational explanation I just gave for the phenomena of enlightenment. And here comes the explanation for why people stop trusting rationality. Because once you realize that everything you believe is rational, there is no reason to trust rationality. Infact, how can you trust rationality if it is part of the mind. How can the mind possibly explain itself? But yet, every expirience that I have heard of so far is explainable with rational means. Unconditional love for example is the obvious choice of the mind for recognizing that all of the simulation is the mind. And of course, the mind likes to take care of itself, so it will love everything within it's simulation. But what if the mind lacks one step. What if the mind is not recognizing it's own limits? What if the mind is capable of simulating whatever we might belief to be "infinity", an expirience so incredibly that it completely transforms the mind, but yet the mind is uncapable of recognizing that even everything, or nothingness, is simply the mind. That, yes, whatever the mind thought was the "outside world" was infact part of the mind, but that what truly is the "outside world", will for the mind always be a mystery, because it inherenitely cannot access any of it. Yes, everything that enlightenment is still is true from the perspective of enlightenment. You are "everything" and yet "nothing at all". Infact, the "you" does not exist because it's simply the expirience. But what I fail to understand is why one takes the step further and says that "expirience" is everything that exists. I mean, what if it isn't? Yes, from the expirience perspective, everything is expirience, so obviously it will assume that everything is expirience, but what if the expirience is simply limited. What if whatever one beliefs to be everything is simply a very limited part of the true nature of reality, which the mind might not be able to access even on the most basic level. Yes, if I sit down and do enlightenment work, I will have the expirience of god and being everything and being nothing. But why do I assume that this expirience actually is everything and nothing? Yes, it might be a direct expirience of everything and nothing, but what if that direct expirience is an illusion? We cannot forget that the mind is capable of simulating EVERYTHING that we think exists. It is literally the simulation all of your entire reality, even the part that you think is not part of your reality. Literally everything that exists within or "outside" of you is your mind. But that doesn't change the fact that it might just be the mind, whatever we call the mind. We can call the mind god, of infinity, but what if it's not what the mind beliefs it is? What if the expirience does not correlate with actual reality, whatever that might be? I hope someone can understand my doubts. I know thinking is not the way to expirience truth, but what if thinking is the only thing that will keep me from "thinking" that infact expiriencing the "truth" is nothing more that expiriencing the truth of the mind, which is obviously that it is nothing at all, and that it is everything within the mind... If one has an expirience of infinity, isn't it simply the expirience of what the mind would think "infinity" is, or even what within the mind infinity is? I'm so confused.

The notion of free will is very intregal for the function of the human, and even of society. You can notice that even in our language we use that notion all the time. When a stone rolls down a cliff, we say "That stone is rolling down a cliff!". We are claiming that the stone is doing something, instead of saying something like "The stone is being rolled down a cliff.". The stone is not doing anything, the stone is being done to. It is the same with the mind, really. In this sense, the intelligence of any action does not come from us, but from the universe or existance itself. When we look at the stone rolling down, we can actually see that it is gravity that is pulling that stone. The stone doesn't have to do anything but being what it is, and gavity doesn't have to do anything but being exactly what it is. That means we as humans are not doing anything but being humans. A dog is not doing anything but being a dog. Water is not doing anything but being water. The universe is not doing anything but being the universe, and awareness is not doing anything but being awareness. Everything is simply exactly what it is. A claim about reality is nothing but a claim about reality, no matter what claim it is. This is precisely why you cannot know what reality is, because the act of knowing is just exactly what it is. Knowing reality is knowing reality, not reality itself. Reality is always just exactly what it is, and knowing will always be just knowing. I have to correct myself. The intelligence of any action is not coming from the universe, but instead from the intelligence of the action. The action itself is simply being an action. The mind tends to define everything with everything but itself. Words cannot define anything but words. Everything is self-defining. Asking what something is, is already delusional.

But how do you overcome the fear of going insane? What if I just lose myself after I let go of a certain belief. If my reality just gets broken down in some parts, but is still intact in others, isn't there a chance that I will be just stuck there, because even the act of questioning reality won't make any sense anymore? What if I just lose my sense for time, and then I just become a vegetable because I can't do anything anymore? How to overcome the fear when being faced with the lose nature of ones own reality?

Isn't the belief of future the root of our paralysis, the reason for why we think we can meditate more tomorrow, instead of doing it right now? Someone told us how to achieve the end of all suffering, how to expirience true self and how to win the game of life, and yet we sit here, doing anything but what will actually make us happy and fulfilled. Why is that? Why can we not act wisely, why are our emotions so chaotic, and our motivations so fragmented? Isn't it because we are so attached to the future? We really belief that some day we will reach enlightenment. That all we need to do is wait for the right time, do some work, and hope it will come as soon as possible. But we know that, if we were wise, we would do everything to reach enlightenment, right now. We would meditate as much as we can, we would use all the resources of our brain to be mindful, to investigate the mind. But we don't, because we think we can wait for it. And we think we can wait for it, because there is a firm belief within us that we will expirience another moment. Most of us belief that we will wake up tomorrow, just as we did every single day of our lifes. We are absolutely certain of it, if not ideologically, then emotionally. We are not truly afraid to miss the opportunity to become enlightened, but isn't that fear what would motivate us to do the work we actually need to do? Humans, when thinking that they have time, will lose motivation to do what is truly important to them. We think we can fix our problems tomorrow, tell our loved ones some other day how much we appreciate them, and we think we can be enlightened in a few years. Only if we are faced with the limitation of our own lifes, we actually do these things. When faced with terminal illness, we start appreciating every second of our existance. But what if we truly didn't belief in the future. If we didn't belief that even one second from now will ever come? If we were truly skeptical, would we have any other choice but to act right now? When else would we act, if nothing but the moment exists? When else would we get enlightened, if not right now? I think our ego is attached to the future and past, because without them, where would the ego exist? Everything the ego does, it does to create a certain future. Let's take pain as an example. The human mind doesn't like pain, but what if we are faced with painthat only occurs for a few seconds? If we know that we will feel pain only for a few seconds, and then it'll be gone, we don't really seem to be that worried about the pain. We don't desperately try to make it go away, because after all, we know that, in a future not that long from now, it'll cease to exist. In a way, the belief of a certain future allows us to accept a huge amount of pain and suffering in an instant. When the mind avoids pain, doesn't it avoid it to have it cease to exist in the future? The moment doesn't really matter, does it? If the mind has certainty for a wonderful future, it will easily overcome the pain in the moment. The irony is that this wonderful future is a construct in the mind that is existing also in the moment, right next to the pain. We don't need the pain to disappear, we just need it to disappear in the thought of future. But what is the difference between a few seconds of pain, and eternal pain? Both of them happen in the moment, and if you simply see the moment for what it is, there won't be no difference whatsoever. We are so afraid of eternal pain, because, in the moment, we attach and multiply the pain into something greater. One second pain, one minute pain, one hour pain. But essentially, this pain is not happening for any amount of time, that pain is happening simply right now. The belief of past and future is what creates the suffering. This one delusion, that anything but the moment exists, is what motivates our actions. If we were conscious of the illusiory nature of future and past, on an existential level, what would be the point in doing anything? Why would we care so much about manipulating this moment in a certain way? What's the point? But more importantly, for our practise towards enlightenment, I think to motivate ourselves we need to work on this matter as much as we can. The problem is we can only work on this matter right now. We can only right now decide to do it or not. I can observe my own mind already making up excuses, of doing it tomorrow, or later. But these things are complete delusions. Tomorrow is right now, it's literally nothing but the same moment in a different form. So it's quite hilarious, because I can only really do it right now, there is no waiting. I can only right now rid myself of the delusion of future and past, there is no other way. So what the hell does even waiting mean? When I do not act, what does that mean? This is frying my brain, I can't even think anymore. What does enlightenment even mean? It's nothing but a thought in my head. Why do I even believe in it? What is even believing? If only the moment exists, how can I be enlightened in the future? I still think about the future, I still belief that there is a future. I can sense how my mind is creating that future, how it is only in this moment that this future exists. It's literally just a thought, a belief, a construct. Even enlightenment is, whatever I belief that to be. Everything I belief is only a construct, what else would it be? It doesn't exist anywhere but in the moment, but even the moment, what I think it is, is nothing but a construction. Calling it moment is so weird, why would I even do that? It's all that exists. But what does existing even mean? This makes no sense. I'm using all these words, but they are completely empty. My life, my past, my identity, what the fuck doesthat even? It's just thoughts, but I don't even know what thoughts are. Why am I even writing this.