Shin

There is one thing that troubles me a bit, I think my best friend starts to have feeling for me, and I hope I'm wrong She gave me a kiss and a hug that is quite weird, looks in my eyes quite a lot, tried to hug me a few days ago and says randomly she loves me in emojis. Please don't Also, I can't stop seeking, I really can't. I have to know, but everything I read or hear about it all points to the fact that seeking is the very cause of not realizing it. It's not like I didn't know both intellectually and experientially (not fully apparently ) that seeking leads to nothing, yet I still can't stop … It's like Morpheus says, "like a splinter in your mind". It's so obvious now that I'm not aware of what I truly am, every second I'm not distracted or working on something I can feel it. Yet I can't and won't find anything, because the path is not a path, the thing that needs to happen is the exact inverse of a path. I got to backtrack into what I essentially am, and there is no direction to it, I got to realize what I already am, in this exact instant. The ultimate frustration

Follow the lord, And free grills will be sent over ! https://www.facebook.com/bentinhomassaro/posts/for-most-people-relationships-are-about-the-relationship-itself-and-everything-t/1729538857112098/

Don't you think you're still seeing this no control thing from the point of view of the ego ? I don't think you would ask this question if you've totally realized this. Who would categorize this no control thing if there is nothing in control ? Would there even be any notion of control at that point ?

You have 0 control. You are a thought You are a misconception ?

Secondary reason to do this journal is to show what real self-developement works looks like. Without anything minimized, and not just the pretty things highlighted. It is messy, full of backslides, and with lots of inconsistency. The ones who says the contrary are either full of shit/not pushing themselves enough or already full buddahood

Things I want to talk about from today: In the Bentinho course, it was about looking at past and future events, and noticing we were both present in them. In the past, even if we were totally unconscious, we were still there registering everything. In the future, and this is funny and scary, it looks as if it was as real as the past event. I was a bit shocked to realize this again for a second time, I never really thought about it before that clearly. The past is as real as the future in our mind, which is the same thing as saying they are both unreal Oh and by the way, that also means that you can't be sure, and never will be that what happened in the past is real or not, no way, 0 proof from your perspective My dick is on fire too, like almost literally on fire, I need to learn to channel this shit it's starting to get seriously hot It's so hot that I sense my pants being warm, not the dick, the pants, yes, I'm not kidding

100% Accuracy Please let me feel some other part of my body

Forgot to share it, this is the Ted Talk I was talking about:

Had to use this because my neighboor play guitar (and sing). Highly effective ?

Things I did before going to bed last night: 20 minutes leo's video: 15 minutes Supreme Leader Bentinho enlightenment course Not long before I've gone to bed !

No, just Pokemon Emerald on android Emulator. I have never done it, and I can do other stuff like writing here at the same time

That's something I thought for a long time. I don't think there is an end to anything, you can always go deeper. So whenever I hear a teacher say his teaching or practice, or realization level is the best or the most deep, I'm wary as fuck. If he really grasped what infinity means, how could he claim this, there is no way there could be an end Only from their level of realization there seems to be a limit, just like when I thought there was nothing more to be aware of of my ego. They think they have nothing more to realize than "Awakening" or "God realization" or "Coral stage" or whatever, but if you got mindfucked once or twice, this should be an hint that maybe there is no end to that

Yes that's why I like it. It's very practical and without any dogma. It goes straight to the core of all non-dual teachings

I must be in this area too, the last time I had a wet dream was 4 weeks +. It's when I tested the "the balls are almost empty anyway, so why not fap". Now I know for sure

It is good isn't it ? I think it's the perfect course to share to a newbie who understood and accept intellectually The Absolute. First you share this video, then you see the reaction, then you share this course

My penis is about 3 cm. Btw I'm single …

Already working. When I get the dopamine fix from having fun, the mind automatically starts to redirect its attention to do "productive" things (like taking notes of last Leo's Video). It's like there is a vaccum that needs to be filled, then you can empty it more effectively after. It doesn't really change the productivity of the day, but it makes it more enjoyable, less neurotic, an it flows just better.

What do you truly want to say ?

I'm considering to stop the chase right now. Not stopping in the sense of going inconscious by stopping focusing on the now and sitted meditation (I actually intend to do sds more) though. By stopping I mean self-inquiry of all kinds. I'm wondering if this is a defense mechanism or if it can be genuine. Self-inquiry (whatever the form) just makes me sad, almost depressed in some case. I understand that this is supposed to happen, but after years of seeking I come to the conclusion than it's a major issue for me (to seek). Everytime I had a beautiful glimpses, or when I was extremely peaceful and content, was always when I was just meditating (2h+ sitted and 24/7 being just conscious) and doing my things without any sort of self-inquiry at all. The only kind of inquiry that was there was about admiring reality as it is (mostly nature and sounds). After reading several spiritual material the past few weeks, I've come to the point to experientially understand that there is literally no way to do anything to realize the Truth. You could say meditation is a doing, but if youreally think about it, you aren't doing anything when you meditate, and that's the point Warning about the above line, I'm saying this in the sense that being (fully conscious) is what is our natural state, and if you're already there, if you see no difference between meditation and your day to day consciousness level, then there is no point to chase anything if it feels like work (or is forced). Double warning, I'm creating this post because I'm still a newbie, so don't take my words for it, read the replies. At the beginning you have to force yourself to meditate until meditation becomes your life, but after that I have serious doubt about forcing your way into it. The only reason I would still meditate 2+ hours a day is because it feels amazing to have a mind that quiet, and because I feel physical benefits to it (general idea is that the body feels more alive). I prefer to double check with you, because I remember how my shrink (when I was 21) told me how amazingly smart I was, to lie to myself. She couldn't stop herself when she was laughing at me, that's how effective I was at that apparently

I was wondering what are the things I need to know if I consider doing this meditation often. Should I see a doctor first and check my bones, articulations and muscles to determine if it's a good idea for me ? What are the things to do and not do when you practice this meditation ? ? Strong determination is funny, after a certain point I start to detach from the pain and just look at it (so to speak), and it is just a sensation without meaning. In a weird way, the pain can even be pleasurable ?

Leo ? You joking he's still saying that we aren't woke I f we don't watch a good porn once in while ? He's a Zen devil, what do you expect from him ??????

I'm giving you all the power I have. But let me finish my newspaper first.