Shin

Best purchase of 2018

It's been a while I didn't take the time to be grateful for everyone and everything that happened to bring me to this point, So I want to thank everyone and remember what I had to go through to be here now. I also want some people I know here, that are lying to themselves as of how their life situation is, and how it's not possible to go through their pain, That they can, you always can, and you will if you make the choice to be happy. First thing I want to say, is that I was a very shy kid all my childhood, with little to almost zero social activities. In time that leads to all sorts of social issues, starting middle school I couldn't even talk to people correctly, which leads to a lot of anxiety and in late middle school a fear of people in general. Won't go into details but I was emotionally beaten and sometimes physically too by that point. Starting High School I didn't trust anyone anymore, and I unconsciously decided to stay alone to avoid more pain (which was self inflicted ofc, but I didn't know). After that I got all sorts of addictions in order to not have to think at how I was alone and completely fucked up in the inside (fortunately no drugs or alcohol/tobacco). When after 10 years of depression, where life was basically just sadness mixed with hollowness, and also extremely boring and with 0 satisfaction, I finally couldn't lie to myself anymore, It was extremely hard to have to face all the blockages in me, I had to face the discomfort to look at all the lies I've been telling myself for 29 years. All the deceptions that was there with the sole purpose to not look within. Of course I didn't want to look within, for this was the end of what I thought was me, the end of believing my thoughts or even the emotions they creates. It was at this time that I discovered Leo and myriads of other teachers, which transformed me in a pace that I couldn't think it was possible. So thank you Leo, you literally changed my life, and I will always respect you for that. Even though I still don't understand why you're still an arrogant and condescendant dick sometimes, I still love you Thank you Shanmugam, your book was very good, and you always answered to me when I needed to, I don't know if you're still reading the forum, but If you read this I want you to know that I love you to Thank you Eckart Tolle, as of today I still think The Power Of Now is an exceptional way to be introduced spirituality, your ways of explaining how our ego mind works is wonderful. Thank you Osho, for saying all the things that can trigger us, in all domain possible, that would always be a mark of a true and genuine spiritual being in my book. Thank you Gandhi, you showed me what sacrifice and morale principales means, and even though right now I don't have the strenght to follow your exemple, I hope I will one day. Thank you "Jar Jar Binks" for without you I wouldn't know what friendship or love are … I don't regret anything that ever happened, all this pain and suffering, tears and scream, I wouldn't change anything, for I wouldn't be the being I am now. I could have gone total asshole or killed myself if all those situations wasn't perfectly aligned. My pain was my salvation, without it I would never tried to look deeper and see what I am. I hope those of you that still fear to go within will read this, and if you do don't compare your life to mine. Suffering is relative, it doesn't matter the situations, the pain is still the same in the end. There is nothing to fear to go within and see the darkness within, what is really scary, is to never look at it and let it consume you. The peace, joy, aliveness and love that you can feel if you purge this darkness is worth billion times the years of purging the pain within you.

I «know». I was saying this because I assumed the person I quoted thought there would be no point to live without a goal/meaning. When (in my experience), it's when I feel the most alive.

With that logic, every enlightened beings would kill themselves.

The only fear (as of now) I resist is the fear of death. Can't face it when I want, and when I do it's an automatic and instinctual , ???? Help me raptor sama ?

Why reprogram it ? Isn't that still fear/resistance ? ?

? ? ?

If you still have karma to purge yes ?

Forget about the next video. We are not worth it for him anymore. We are juste filthy devils, never forget that. ?

https://youtu.be/nmgii5LRBTU

I forgot to tell this. Yesterday evening I was having diner with a friend. She didn't know what bondage or Shibari meant (don't google this if you're on Nofap ). So since she's a bit too innocent about those kind of things, I explained quite in depth what it was ... She couldn't look at other women the same way after this And 5 minutes after she says to me that Women starts to get visually attractive to her It's really not complicated to be joyful, you just let the parts of you that are hurt go. You can only do that by letting out and facing your pain. If you hide the pain, resist it, or mental masturbate about it, it will only get worse. So don't flee from your own shadow, it will only intensify and become even more painful to face later on. You really need to be honest with yourself, because you're already in pain, this isn't a life to be hurt and fearful of so many things. Joyfulness is not to have your life how you want it to be, but to be totally ok with how it is in each moment, Those are two different things, and most often, they don't go along, at all. It's only difficult until you've cleanses some of your shadows, you just won't be able to go back once you've seen how powerful and free you are. Then it will become easy to let go and move on from things that triggers you, even really painful and sad situations, the things you fear the most now. It's easy, but painful. It's the only way to life a happy life though, And it is that you want, Right ? Oh and today I also saw, The most beautiful eyes I ever seen, Again,

In retrospect, 10 years of depression was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Everything about enlightenment is paradoxical, because it includes everything. The logical mind can't and won't ever grasp it, the best it can do is intuitively knowing it's true, because it is already it, it just doesn't realize it.

Unless you work on that, there will always be a scar in you that will consciously or unconsciously says that you can't be happy without it. You need to see for yourself that it's not gonna cut it, that nothing external to you can make you happy. Lots of meditation/shadow work and facing your fears mentally and in the real world is what you need to do.

Sadly, Never.

?

Leo is supposed to be higher than stage blue ?

Maybe he uses this as a way to shock the ego, but yeah he use it quite often nowadays, that's weird. I don't think it's a good word to use either, it implies a sense of low worth. Unconscious is better, it only implies that you are not aware of something, yet.

You think you do, but until death come you really don't know ?

Then stop chasing enlightenment, you might have to face your own death. That's way more frightening ?