Shin

So I've run out of distraction for the day. There is still 2 hours left before I have to go to bed. Last time that happened was a month ago. Fuck ?

"It's not how I want it to be" The irony ?

What are you doing here ? You said you were leaving ?

1 month A whole month of distraction because I wasn't ready to face death. No habits at all, no nothing, just video-games/series, junk food (but still no meat), and no sleep schedule at all. I still don't know if I'm ready, but I can't go back forever, and eventually I'll have to say yes anyway. Don't see the point to stall it, but at the same time I can't rush it either. I totally let go during the ego backlash, I knew it would pass at some point, so I was just happy doing what I was doing. Now I feel I will be able to be consistent again, but I'll have to start slow and focus on the most important stuff first. I don't need to meditate as much anymore, nor do I need to inquire too, it's coming to me regardless if I do it or not. During the backlash, several time I was very close to die again, so there is no need for practice anymore, I'm basically meditating and inquiring all day long anyway, it's automatic, I can't stop it. I don't want to anyway, even though it's scary, because I know for sure I will die now, the only question is when. That being said, I will still meditate one hour per day, because it feels good and helps to quiet the mind, sometimes more, sometimes way more (like the days when I go meditate all afternoon). I want to go to in the midst of a forest and meditate all afternoons as soon as the weather allow it, not to rush anything, but just because I feel like it. Yesterday In the train I was looking at the forest passing by, It was so beautiful and breath taking, much more alive than anything I ever saw as of yet, So maybe that's why, but also because it's in my head for a few weeks now. This and walking more, I'm so happy just to walk and just observing reality, I could do it all day.

Can you really fap to an porn pic without being tempted to imagine anything ? Wouldn't it be simpler to just not fap at all ? May sound impossible and you may think you will always think about it or about sex, In my experience it is not true at all, I rarely think of sex at all, and I'm still highly sexually attracted to beautiful woman I see during the day. The difference is that it is not based on lust anymore, so there is nothing imaginary that happens. And no I'm not a special snowflake, you can all do it.

Awaken and get the answer. It's the only knowledge you can't grasp at the level of knowledge. It's 100% experiential.

So is that a yes or a no ? Because I still don't know ...

Lots of Gurus will tell you that, I personally have no clue if my spiritual progress has to do with semen retention. What I can tell you though is that you will have: More energy Better capacity to abstain from all kinds of addictions (and drives) More confidence

And watching a porn picture is better ? That is still you fapping to an imaginary woman ?

You say in the last sentence to look at nudes to fap instead of using imagination.

That's your problem right here. You seek an amazing experience, the same way as an heroin addict seek better high. By definition you are seeking for something you don't have, which is in total opposite from the truth, You seek more, as if you weren't already the truth right now.

You just become aware of what reality is. If anything, it could make you even more of an ass, because you usually awaken on the level of the mind first. So there is the sense of being in a dream without the divine love of the awakening of the heart. From what I read, most people stay stuck there, so they become zen devil, especially if they never took the purification process seriously before. Even if you awaken fully, there is still cultural baggage, and what is seen as normal in one country, can be seen as evil in the one next to it.

Remove the me, supress the don't, There you go, only hurt !

Can anyone be prepared to face his/her own death ? You can be determined though, but that's not the same thing ?

Ok, is it a question or an affirmation ?

Does the Awakening from the mind implies seeing everything as a dream (sort of), or you can still be in duality but there is no identification to the body/mind ?

What do you mean going beyond conceptual labels ? And why do you think it's needed ?

This contradict what you wrote before, no ? @peanutspathtotruth You're welcome

I wish you would be able to see they aren't judging you but a concept in their mind. There is 0 way for them to actually judge you, once you see that you will be free

Probably not a good idea to do that in a mosquee,

You are right now, but are only conscious of one experience. If you were conscious of everything at once, there wouldn't be a singular experience (no reference point, nothing), so that's why you split up into different perspectives. You might never forget your true nature even if you die, and like in a dream always being "zoomed out" and experiencing new perspectives without going ignorant again (that's what the end of the cycle of rebirth mean I guess), But unless you awaken, this is probably not going to happen, you will just be asleep again right after this body/mind dies.

Do way more sport, like way more. Or Get a girlfriend and fuck her very hard often. Ideally both.

https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-porn-fuels-sex-trafficking/

That's true in the absolute sense, but most often people need to live the experience themselves to know and understand this for real. It's nice and all to know conceptually that an another person can't fulfill you, but subconsciously it's not gonna change until the experience is actualized in real life.