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@Leo Gura About strengths assessment test. I did both of the assessments. Some of the strengths overlap and I also believe these are my signatures. BUT If I now have 10 strengths altogether (some of them reducable, as they mean the same, which leaves me with 7 unique strengths), should I combine the two lists and reduce the total number of strengths to just 5? Or is it ok to focus on and cultivate these 7 strengths which I feel quite strong about? Thanks.

Hello! I will just get to the core of the problem. I have this need to be loved and taken care of. This need is neurotic, and I believe, it is coming from past traumas, violence, abandonment, suchlike. So basically, throughout my life, I keep having this need inside me which is like a balloon, growing, expanding. I'd like to release this tension, this emotion, this loneliness. Because I don't want to pull out the alleviation of pain from any relationship with other human being. I don't want this need satisfied by another being than me. I want the cure for this pain and I want to be the cure myself. I try digging inside my subconscious where I uncover the source of pain. I accept it, I take it all. The process is sometimes emotionally laborious. So I take all the anguish in, I somehow let it go, and I can release the pain for some time. Still, it always comes back unexpectedly. The neediness to be loved and nurtured. Like a baby. You know, if I release this neediness, bury this emotional pit in my chest, I could possibly create relationships without the fear of losing someone. Without always feeling threatened and deficient in love. I'd like that. Perhaps, the key is to be kinder and more loving towards myself so I do cultivate self-love and acceptance. Or other times I detach from these emotions via meditation. Other times, again, I let them envelop me, eat me alive, being mindful all the time. It's quite fascinating. All these ways are good ways. I see benefits. Perhaps, I'm doing everything alright, it just may take more time to cure myself. I know that this deficiency in love cannot be filled by other people's love. I believe this pit is booked exclusively for my love, my understanding, appreciation, whatever. I just wonder if you guys have any thoughts about it. Cheers.

@OhHiMark I think if one is in some sort of bad emotional, physical or whatever shape, it is good to have a vision in which you are a better, happier, more fulfilled version of yourself. And then with this vision stuck in your head, you go mindfully along your life, at peace with the process which leads to your actualization. Well, if pain is in the way, be it. That's the cost. This does not mean that you are just here and now, forbidden to dwell on the future or the past. The glimpses here and there are beneficial as they deepen your understanding of who you are and where you're heading to. Compromise. It's how I see it. Not always easy to stay on path, still, worth trying.

@ClearThought For me the realisation of the causes somehow alleviated the pain around them. Then, I started to learn more about self-acceptance. It really helped me to stop beating myself up and criticizing myself for who I am, how I think, etc. I stopped judging myself. (OK, I still do judge or criticize myself on occassions, but I'm in the process of recovery). And one of the ways I did it (and still do it) is mainly through mindfulness. When some emotional pain arises I let it be. I don't distract myself from suffering when it happens. And I used to do it a lot with alcohol, drugs, food, TV, people, etc. This is actually an interesting concept because when I feel this pain inside me to the fullest and just let it be, after some time, the pain stops being negative and undesirable in itself. It is just a feeling, a sensation, deprived of any negativity. Only the thoughts make it negative. If you let go of them what is left is just a feeling. Then it may get dissolved into nothingness cos it is not fueled by thoughts anymore. You can develop calmness through mindfulness if you practice it on everyday basis. Also when you feel that you hold a grudge against someone who was hurting you in the past (if there is such an issue), mindfulness and a concept of self-responsibility helped me with this. I stopped blaming people for who I am cos now I can take a responsibility for my own life and direct it the way I want. I stopped treating my traumas as an excuse for staying passive. When a self esteem is shuttered due to a childhood trauma there are some ways to fix it and rebuild it, even from a scratch. I think some important areas to consider are developing self-acceptance and self-love no matter how you feel right now. Then take responsibilty to build up your self esteem. You can gain some valueable information from books. One of the best on self esteem I've read is "Six pillars of self-esteem" by Nathaniel Branden, I'd highly recommend it to you. The book has some exercises designed to help you increase your self-esteem as well as an overall awareness of how self-esteem works. I hope it helps a little.

Awesome voice projection.

I guess it depends. I suspect that many people start studing psychology as a way to gain more self-understanding, especially if they themselves have some sort of mental issues. Through theory they learn different coping mechanisms. They better up themselves and become experts on helping themselves and then others. In theory, at least. And only if they have passion for it. I guess there is no good answer to your question. Some people'll tell you that psychology sucks while others find a lot of value in it. Do some research. Find a university where they have the course. Maybe check out what exactly is taught there, whether the topics/content seem interesting/useful to you.

Maybe, instead of allowing yourself to feel great, first, just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel? It is not meaningless to you that you enjoy yourself, or is it? And your feelings? They are of some importance to you. Let it be this way. You don't have to encourage yourself to feel meaningless based on some teachings or, I don't know, based on anything you study now. You don't have to rehsape your identity or the system of your " values" relying on that. Just allow yourself to be who you are and feel what you feel, and explore your full potential. Do it for yourself. Okay, let's say that life is meaningless. Yeah, we are just a tiny, itsy bit of universe. But our life matters to us and that's why we choose to live and grow and explore our potential. Rather than degenerate into ashes. We can bring a lot of benefits to ourselves and also to our close society. We can choose to mean nothing. Or we can choose to mean a lot. To ourselves. And to others around us. Fuck the rest of the unvierse if you have to.

Hey, I'd appreciate any advice on the following thing: Throughout my life I've been doing most of the things automatically. Studying, working, having a conversation, cooking, playing, anything. Never put much heart or joy into anything. As a child I didn't do things for fun, not for any spontaneous, growth stimulating activities. I just kept on living for the sake of survival. My choices were determined by orders. And by fear of getting hurt. I learnt a lot of skills throughout my life. Even if I mastered them I suffered on my way, I was never intrinsically motivated to do any of them. I just did everything for the sake of survival. In a conversation my responses are often automatic, grounded in facts, almost never in emotions or intuition. I don't bond with people. I'm usually isolated. Now, I still feel like I don't live my life for the sake of living and experiencing it, but rather for the sake of protection from death or from hurt. I'm still searching for activities which would make me feel alive. Which would reset the robot inside me. I want to experience more love and joy and, most of all, some positivity. For this I need to reprogram my subconscious. Now, I've just started Leo's life purpose course. I'm also about to start a therapy. I do try different jobs, different occupations, different experiences. Sometimes, something inside me gets triggered and I do feel stuff. I did feel it last time when I was holding my little niece. Or when I was enjoying the snow creaking under my boots or a view of a forest, of my house, even food on my plate. I feel grateful for these very simple things. Still, very often I just feel blocked from experiencing positive emotions, very inhibited. Like I'm not allowing myself to be happy. Cos happiness used to be punished. Now I feel I need to reshape this belief. Force my subconscious to believe that I deserve happiness and that happiness is good. Because if I don't, I will never find a passion cos I'll not allow myself to feel good, happy, positive, joyful, loving in any kind of situation. Is there anyone here who can relate? Anyone who can advice how I could tackle this issue? I'd be more than grateful.

@Extreme Z7 Thanks. That's very useful and also what I've been focusing on doing for some time.

@sadlabounty I find a lot of value in your answer, thank you. the remedy for fear... I used to ask this question to several people at least twice older than me. And to my surprise, all of them, who on the surface seemed calm, peaceful and humorous, actually had been experiencing loads of fear on everyday basis. And they just seemed to face the same form of automatic life, where "self" disappears somewhere, where "self" is disowned. They seemed stuck doing things they had little interest in, but they did them for the sake of doing something, "an illusion of constant movement". These people are in their 50-ies or 60-ies. Of course, the reasons why they ended up like this vary and can not be known for sure. One can just hypothesize. But the pattern looks more or less like this: they felt threatened at some point in their lives (often early childhood), they conformed and did things as ordered, afraid of rejection, maltreatment, etc, they stopped the process of spontaneous development which takes place in such an early age, they were hindered from developing their values and motivations creating a certain anti-self mindset which was transferred from early childhood to adulthood,and at some point they just completely gave up. @sadlabounty Can you explain the third point more?

@Aleksandar Maybe what you study now is not what you should do? Don't you get lazy simply because the content of your studies does not spark any interest in you? What do you really want to learn or do at this stage of your life?

Hi @Bart It's quite simple. This is what I think: You've been self-actualizing, and your friends, possibly, have not. You are on a different stage of development, you are focused on different values, different goals, which your friends don't share with you. Not anymore. What is also true is that a majority of people you meet in life are not actualising, at least, not to any major extents. They live for comfort and what is old and known and safe. And you've been transcending these for a while. Abraham Maslow mentioned in one of his books that self-actualizing people are often better off spending time on their own, contemplating, meditating, being more self-sufficient. And that sometimes people become obstacles. Of course, I do not imply that you may lose your old buddies, or that you should alienate yourself, etc. But if you do lose some of your friends, well, it's quite understandable, at least to me. I lost a lot of friends in life who were close to me back then. Actually, "lost" is the wrong word. What is true is that at some point in life we choose a different journey. It may be hurtful in the beginning but if we decide to cling to guilt, remorse, hurt, dwelling on the past, we will get hindered from moving forward.

@pluto Perhaps, schedules are good to less disciplined or somewhat less mindful people. Like me, for instance. I'd just get lost in a smog of my own thoughts. Following it brings me back from science-fiction to reality. Going with a flow is an interesting concept. If one represents some great, high-consciousness values, and goes with the flow, then probably his or her life is full of admirable potential which he or she realises. But, if one's consciousness is very low, then, I think that the flow may cause some harm. Cos then they cling to habits that suck the life out of them. If you tell a junkie to go with the flow they'd probably just get more junk, right? Maybe this example is a bit too extreme but it just applies to any kind of low consciousness inclinations. Sorry if I went off topic a bit. Anyways, I think that if we need a schedule, it should be corresponding to one's values to really work out.

They both are amazingly insightful. Six pillars helped me raise my awareness a looot. If you read this one, I recommend you to start the sentence completion program designed by the author. It is a great tool to increase your self esteem.

Think of the areas of your life you want to improve first. Then read and watch stuff which addresses the problem. I don't think it's a good idea to focus on many areas at the same time, cos none of them will receive enough attention. If you choose one or two or three and master them, or at least, significantly improve them, then you can move to the next one. Build some positive habits in the meantime. You can always stick a meditation habit into your schedule somewhere. For example, in my case, there are so many areas of my life in which I wish to grow. But then I decided to focus on life purpose first, cos it's a very broad topic which needs special attention and a lot of labor. But for me, finding life purpose, would solve some other problems I have too. Well, think of your priorities, what you struggle with the most and, perhaps, create some action plans according to your personal needs. Good luck.

@Shin Both approches are quite similar in meaning. You could merge them and say "It's all gonna be ok when you get your shit together"

Hey @Silvester I see you are under a lot of pressure. You say that you wanted to travel the world and grow yourself, become a writer on the road. And then you think it is not meaningful enough. You say you want to be a writer, yet you are afraid you will not have a big enough impact. These are fears many people face with their work or passion. But these thoughts somewhat seem like excuses for not living and realising your passions. Quite paradoxical. You want to live your passion, but then you put obstacles on the road, such as fear of failure, or fear of not having enough impact on others. You have no idea if your books will be successful or not. You can never know for sure if the work you're doing will or will not have a great impact on people. Before you start having any impact (which may take long years, so have patience), you need to ground yourself, specify what exactly your passion is, how you wanna influence people, and then do your best to become know-it-all in the area that you want to master. It takes time. It takes sacrifice. Be patient. And don't get neurotic about your life purpose. I wish you luck. I'd also recommend Leo's Life Purpose Course. It saves a lot of time.

This post has addressed my recent issue, which is as yours. I haven't yet overcome it completely. So I may overeat basically when I deal with stress, negative emotions, etc. Just a year ego I've been still struggling with alcohol addiction, and I don't drink anymore. But, what is interesting is that it was not that challenging to quit drinking, after all, because for me, awareness was the solution. I started being painfully aware of all the negative things occuring in my psychology, my body, relationships, everything. So I quitted. With food it is more difficult cos the results of overeating are not destructive for me as drinking was. It's like I eat sweets to alleviate stress, feel better. I can finish two boxes of raffaello at one go and I don't even feel sick afterwards. I feel good, stimulated. A year ago I would drink to solve the same problem. Sometimes I'm successful with healthy, balanced diet, for let's say a month, and then suddenly, boooom, overeating like crazy, several days in the row, and then healthy dieting again. There were times when I bought a bar of snickers, munching it, thinking the thought "You can stop it now. Just stop it", and afterwards eating another 2 bars of snickers, out of spite. Well, @Mr Here and Now ,anyways, I think one solution to our problem may be when you feel the urge to eat crap just sit down and feel this urge rising inside you. Feel your weakness. And feel your addiction towards stimulation. Cos what junk food basically is, is stimulants. Right? BUT, motivation is crucial here. So, it's okay, you are skinny, so am I, so why bother about eating junk, right? But, on the other hand, your intrinsic motivation could be "I quit junk food to create extra will power, to get more grounded, and conscious of what I put inside me" The will power you get from quitting this crap will get transferred to other areas of your life. That only makes sense. Quitting unhealthy cravings betters you up. Anyways, good luck.

Nice schedule. I do have some habits introduced as well. After I get up, I drink warm water with honey and lemon, sitting on the terrace, and looking into pitch darkness. Cos it's 5:20 in the morning. Then I do sentence completion tasks designed by Nathaniel Branden in his book "The six pillars of self esteem" while drinking coffee. Meditation (30 min) Work (4 to 8 hours) Gym in the evening. Reading/studying. Journaling. Sleep. I kinda try to think how to spend more time on the things I want. I am also scheduling time for Leo's Life purpose course. I'm pretty proud of this schedule. It's nothing big, and, still, could be much improved. But this is the big step forward as I've been struggling a lot with my life throughout years. Now, I see the light. Wish you, guys, all the best.

Thanks. Good luck to you too.

Toruń, Poland. Anyone?

@CreativeInertia Hey there. How long did the course take you? Do you feel transformed by it? Could you share any experience? Contemplation seems a great idea. I'm in the beginning of the theory part now, and got a little bit anxious. I mean, this is so important to me to find the purpose, and this course seems just great. At the same time, I'm somewhat anxious I won't be able to find the one thing I could master because I'm just totally clueless what that could be. People usually have some hints, right? Anyways, I'm gonna buckle down to the course. Wish you guys fruitful results with it.

Heey. Awesome. I hope you will keep up the great work and that this course will contribute to amazing shifts in your life. I hope the same for myself as I've just started it a couple of days ago. Just wondering, did you know (at least to some extent) what your purpose was before starting the course, or were you completely clueless? Or something else? What was you motivation?