Chew211

Okay, so there's a practice called Brahmachariya. It's translated as celibacy-- no sex, and no masturbation. However, Brahmachariya is about purifying your thoughts and align them to higher consciousness. Because people are stuck in a materialistic paradigm, they mainly see it as not nutting. The focus should be on the mind. It's not that masturbation/sex is good or bad-- it's just directing thoughts elsewhere.

Don't talk like an expert-- or parrot the advice of others, if you haven't put skin in the game. Comparing advice is dumb, unless you've taken sufficient action.

My dude. Everyone forgets to respond sometimes, or some comes up, or, if you're Gen Z, then you all have an attention span has been wrecked. If you don't feel treated right, either confront them about it, or forget them. Or do both. But as others said, this neediness can be felt even from the way you type. So deal with the crushing feeling of loneliness instead of running away from it with social stimulation and games.

I take the Freudian/Lacanian psychoanalytic perspective. To be a man is to have anxiety about our performance. This is mirrored physically by us having dicks that we don't have control over. We have an ideal that we measure ourselves to and fail to match. The anxiety around all this forces us to grow. ^ this being said, a working woman could be functionally a man in this regard. But women have a nonphallic sexuality as well. Men have a phallic sexuality. Even now your insecurity about your performance with women has lead to search out "what it means to be a man", and now trying to deal with this supposed contradiction-- this is you, being a man. If you want to grow as a man, take action. All this stuff is theory, you'll find what works for you by trying and failing many times-- by dealing with that anxiety. You don't really know theory until you've (failed many times to before eventually) started putting it into practice

I used to go at it step by step like you. It was great, but at the same time, it's also a good idea to push an interaction just slightly above your comfort zone each time. You know you're at the right spot when you feel nervous when you do it, but not overly nervous that you can't. Keep it up man.

Okay, so here's my two cents as a guy who does approach, and also gets laid (not as much as I'd like, but I'm not super skilled, and I'm naturally introverted). Being shy isn't a problem in and of itself. The issue is that most guys (myself included), especially if they aren't used to approaching, can't keep a conversation going if the girl doesn't give them enough to work on. My advice would be to first practice making eye contact in guys you are interested in, smile if you can-- that way, the guy feels invited to approach. Next would be some basic conversational skills, like asking questions-- ideally when a guy approaches you he's looking for affinity, and so if you somewhat like the guy who approached you, you too should try to look for affinity. Ask questions about him. If he mentions something, you could ask about that. It helps if you actually are curious. If I was a girl, I'd probably still be shy-- unfortunately being shy doesn't let a guy get laid. Alternatively, you can try meeting people online. Maybe it'll help to chat before meeting in person.

@Globalcollective Hey man, I just wanted to say thank you for your advice. This weekend, went out to the city to do approaches. Had a date on each day, the second date being an insta-date. In both I was able to just be myself, and the girl I was with was very into me. It had been months since my last first date. It really helped to stop having doubts about all the other petty worries like looks, and also to stop comparing myself to other people. My mind was just focused on pushing myself to go do the approaches-- which is a struggle in and of it self, and doesn't need the added weight of negative thoughts. Thanks again for starting this thread and giving out practical advice-- it's especially fresh in this sub-forum, which is filled to the brim with arm-chair theorizing by those who seemingly have no skin in the game.

@Globalcollective So I had just started tasting some success before Corona. Now things are sort of getting back to normal. (I'm in Japan for reference). Here are some issues: 1. I was in the black pill hole for a while, and though I've climbed out and have had success in a short period of time, I feel black pill residue haunting me. How much do looks matter? I'm above average in looks, based off of what other people have said, but I look older than my age, and I have male pattern baldness (unbeknownst to everyone) which I don't know if I have stopped or not. I go to the gym, more muscular and taller than most guys around me, but I don't look like a K-Pop idol, which is the make beauty standard here now. Can character triumph over looks? 2. How to deal with a long period of things not going my way? Sounds like a dumb question. I'm not needy, in fact, I tend to skew sharp in the other direction, and not bother contacting girls that I don't get a good vibe from. But I get disappointed. I feel defeated. I wonder, "What if I succeed again?" 3. I compare myself to an ideal I can't match. I can't seem to be happy with my successes, because they feel like they aren't enough. I don't feel secure in my ability to get laid because I haven't replicated it enough. There's guys killing it, and meanwhile I'm here diddling about. I was a bit vague with my points. The way I wrote it also made me seem worse than I am, but that's because I really want to hear your thoughts. Maybe you'll say something I could ask you to elaborate further, and then that will allow me to get a deeper understanding of this stuff.

@Uncover Look up porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). Check out videos by Noah BE Church on YouTube. I had the same problem as you, but now I'm recovering, and getting better every time I have sex. You're going to have to cut porn and porn substitutes out of your life. You'll also have to go without masturbation until you're able to have satisfactory sex. Also, it does seem that you're not spending enough time with foreplay. Focus on all the other stuff except insertion. You want to build up your "ability" to be turned on by a human partner.

Dude, I was in a similar boat. I looked at a journal entry from 2 years ago questioning whether I should just give up. At the time I was 21 and had never been on a date in my life (much less had sex). Two years later, I have 2 girls that I'm seeing (not hiding anything from them), and I'm continuing to improve my approaching and dating whenever I can take the opportunity. There's still more failiure than successes, but I'm becoming more of man. Have the focus be on your character development as opposed to trying to get (a) girlfriend(s). You will improve over time. My two successes from daygame (the two girls I'm seeing now) were from approaches that were not stellar at all. And my first date with one of them was akward, and I didn't know if I was gonna see her ever again (sealed the deal with her on the second date though )

@Globalcollective I've been out on the field and been getting results as well. I used to have a red/black pill mindset, but that hot me nowhere. The more I let go of those ideas (limiting beliefs), the better results I get. Unfortunately a lot of people like to armchair philosophize about gender dynamics-- especially when they have no skin in the game.

This^^^ It's a short answer, but it is true. The point of dates is to have fun and hook up. Whether that person ends up being a long term partner depends on how the relationship progresses after sex.

Yes.

What happened to me is that I got porn induced erectile dysfunction. I couldn't get it up one time I wanted to have sex. Now, I'm recovering. I got to the point where I don't need Viagra anymore. But still not 100%. When it's a choice between your erections and porn, the choice is clear.

@ravlondon I would reccomend hotels as a place to close if you have to drive pretty far. I have to drive an hour and a half away to the city to do approaches, so if I close, I do it at a hotel. (In Japan though, so love hotels are a thing). After seeing a chick a few times, she might let you stay over at her place-- but she has to take a liking to you first, so make sure your a selfless lover

I’m a beginner to day game, and game in general, but I’ve developed a way to get approaching even if you have approach anxiety. The idea is baby steps. To someone with little to no experience in approaching, there’s a lot of limiting beliefs running around in his head, and the whole process of going up to a girl, making a conversation, going on a date, and then having sex with her seems way beyond something he is capable of pulling off. I’ve had two successes from day-game thus far, and my mind still isn’t convinced that it’s as simple as it actually is. The solution I’ve discovered is to break down the entire process into small steps, and focus on one step at a time. With each step there’s a certain amount of tension and perhaps some limiting beliefs as well. The idea isn’t to numb yourself to the tension, but rather to increase your capacity to handle tension. The first step is simply moving towards a girl. Instead of just standing there or walking the other way, just take steps towards her. Do this enough times until the tension is manageable. This step is pretty simple, and most wouldn’t have trouble getting past it. The second step is to go close enough to the person to where you can touch them on the shoulder if you extended your arm halfway (essentially the distance you would be if you wanted to approach them). Do this until the tension is manageable. The third step is to go close enough to the person to approach, and you maintain that distance for ten seconds. Do this until the tension is manageable. This is also the step where you might have limiting beliefs come up, like thinking that you look creepy, people are watching, or that you’re making her uncomfortable. None of your limiting beliefs are true, but you need to do this step enough times to prove your limiting beliefs wrong. After the third step, all that’s left to do is to actually open your mouth. I’ve found that conversations are easier to start than it might seem— as long as you don’t let your mind get in the way. If you still can’t do a full on approach after step 3, then do some hit and runs (compliment, and then leave). You might find that doing step 3 with girls that you are really attracted to would involve more tension. Any steps toward the girls you find attractive is progress. The benefit of doing this in a session is that even before you start doing actual approaches, you will already feel like you are making progress because you are stacking up small wins, and getting over tension. You might have to go through the steps every session, depending on how infrequently you go out— but I find that it doesn’t take long to just start warming up with the third step. I would recommend a shopping mall/complex to do this in. Go into store where the women are relatively stationary so that you can practice going near them, while you pretend to be browsing the items on the shelf yourself.

This guy seems like he has solid inner game. I'm learning my style from someone else, and so I personally wouldn't have had as long of a conversation. 4 minutes is all one needs. My two successes came from talking with the girl for less than 4 minutes, but making a strong enough connection. My body language is also more sexual. I'm introverted-- and that's okay-- I don't want or need to talk that long on an approach. On a date though, talking is great.

@TDW1995 Check out my post on this forum titled "Approach Anxiety? No problem." I wrote my solution. I had (and still have) the same problem. But with my method, I'm able to get over it every session.

@Sussso It's infatuation. It's a craving, and it is temporary. Ask for her number, go on a date If you are too afraid of getting rejected by her, then I'd say it's neediness.

What I'm seeking from the approaches is a clearer sense of the world, and to be more secure as a man. One of the chicks I got from daygame took a liking to me and is a (sex) friend now. She has been married, she cheated on her husband, and she usually does on night stands with guys and never sees them again. I learn a lot just from hearing her stories. I want to meet (and bang, and develop relationships) with a wide variety of women. The shattering and reconstitution of reality is the ultimate process, and game is just one of the subprocesses. I'm also learning to love and accept women as they are-- I'm past my redpill rage and misogyny.

@28 cm unbuffed Good advice. And the successes I've had resulted from going in the flow. One from an indirect approach and another from direct. I usually pick out a feature I like and use that as an opener, or a situational opener. As long as my mind doesn't get in the way, it's a good interaction.

Been porn free since December 2018. But it took many attempts to quit to make it stick-- don't let failure discourage you. I'm also starting to get success with women, so as of November 2019, I've been fap free. However quitting porn is only supplemental. The things that will make the difference is the actions you take in order to challenge your limiting beliefs, and the shattering and reconstitution of your worldview as you gain new experiences.

@Romer02 go with your gut. Don't be logical. When it comes to this sort of stuff, intuition is more reliable. Your intuition might be wrong, but you need to use it anyway to develop it.

There's risk with everything. I would say ask her out for a DATE. And you're going to act like it's a date, and you're going to try to be physically intimate with her, but also mainly focusing on fun. You might find that she only sees you as a friend-- if that's the case you move on, and with the next girl you're interested in, you try to set the frame of being a romantic/sexual option instead of just a friend. You might find that you succeed with her-- perhaps she has feeling for you, but didn't think you had feelings for her because you didn't pursue her sexually. If you don't ask her out, then you lose an opportunity to grow yourself and potentially get a girlfriend-- but you will have other opportunities in the future, and perhaps you may decide you don't want to risk losing this friendship due to the strain it would cause your social circle. Good luck ?

I would just reccomend you try talking to more girls, having more sexual experiences and relationships (not necessarily committed relationships). Don't get too focused on one chick, especially one you haven't had sex with.