UnbornTao

Okay

@Sugarcoat If you didn't care whether you survived in any way or form, would suffering exist? How does suffering come about? There's a reason why the Buddhists proclaim "No self, no problem".

Again, your nature is the case already, and fear a mind activity. Being abstract is of little use here.

Thank God you are God and are running your self.

And yet, it doesn't change the principle that, in the end, it is you who does it -- you just might have had some help in one way or another. To be clear, this isn't about blaming oneself, or anyone else, for that matter. It's just recognizing oneself as the one in the driver's seat. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not doesn't change that it is true and has always been. Regardless of the occasional validity of feeling victimized, you can do things. Speaking of hypotheticals, you can not get robbed, abused, etc., as ridiculous as that might sound. You can take action to prevent that, or create something else entirely. Even if it occurs, you can trace back the actions that you took preceding the event that led to that "unfortunate" end, and as a result take responsibility for what you did. Again, this isn't about self-blame -- just noticing your role in the play. It's not: "I'm bitter because I was bullied." Rather, it's more like: "This is the relationship I've unconsciously adopted towards a past factual event remembered by me as X or Y (not the facts that were involved but what's subjectively added by you)." Even then, notice that two people may interpret the same event in entirely different ways, leading to different views, reactions, and so on. I suspect that this viewpoint still stems from a mindset of "the world does it to me, and I'm just a passive observer." As if. Here's a fun experiment: What if you took a minor painful experience from the past, such as stubbing your toe on a piece of furniture, and turned that into a relationship where, from then on, you approached every piece of furniture with a bitter, angry, defensive attitude?

Who else but you? I mean, seriously. Whose experience is it? Perhaps you should start by considering who you take yourself to be--a self inside one's head that is merely at the mercy of what occurs in the real, objective external world. An exercise: Sit for half an hour, motionless and on the floor and whenever physical pain comes up, stay with it. How you react to that can cause a lot of unnecessary suffering. After all, the bodily sensation is just a sensation; it is when you put up with it and resist it that another layer of pain is added on top of a mere muscular discomfort. Who does that? In this case: Who is taking a physical sensation and doing all kinds of painful shit with it? You are stuck in the image on the left. When you move to the one on the right you'll cheer up, like that kid.

Notice, one's nature is currently unknown (unless it isn't), so the fear is occurring relative to an image or conception of what "my nature" is and what grasping it implies. First thing to do is becoming aware of it. It is not, and cannot be, what we think it is.

Why the horror component though? Is one's nature really that ugly? Seriously though, you are you, already. What's there to fear? Wait, a better question: What even is there?

Sounds solid. You have probably noticed an increased ability to wonder about stuff as a result of your meditation. Keep looking into what that is about. It is a useful state from which to question any subject matter.

You assume the only option here is being at the effect of circumstances, whereas in actuality you are the one responsible for your thinking and actions. You yourself get radicalized and bitter; external events might contribute or trigger certain reactions within you but they don't determine or dictate your experience, and neither can they do "bitterness" for you.

“The human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art." - Da Vinci. Felt like sharing it.

@Sugarcoat You sound confused, so clarify what it is you want, with this thread and with whatever you're going through first. And be open, do not dismiss or agree so readily. Being more centered in one's body rather than in one's head helps, too.

Aren't you asking for guidance? Why would you be on the defensive?

@LambdaDelta In a way, we are constantly starting anew with this work. Chances are you are referring to a conceptual grasp, which is the first step, but is rather superficial. More work is needed.

Whether it is or not is secondary, even irrelevant, to accomplishing your goal. It is useful to tackle the issue head-on.

In what ways do you unconsciously undermine your own efforts and those of others, if you do?

If you were 87, maybe not, but you won't know unless you do it, and the sooner the better.

Christ Sutras by Bart Marshall. Recommended read.

You don't need spiritual theory now. In your experience, there's likely a very solid sense of yourself, so that's that. You can pursue stuff you want.

The one you care the most is your self. It is the central element of existence for you. That said, there are kind people in the world who are less "selfish" or self-oriented than others.

No. Get your nature.

Do you care about others’ self-survival as much as your own?

Not sure about that. But point taken.