UnbornTao

@Sugarcoat 😂

First attempt at making tiramisu: an absolute disaster. Noticed three things I did poorly. Next time should go much better.

I bet you could find things to be bitter about -- or any emotional state and disposition for that matter -- in your life right now and in your past story, yet you are not. How come?

The principle isn't about control -- it's more profound than that. Refer to my response to Carl above for something more. What occurred, the facts, are most often conflated with conceptual addons relative to it -- story, meaning, charge, association, etc. Again, two people might suffer the same condition or experience yet react to it in totally different ways. Some people become lifelong therapy clients while others seem to go about just fine, pretty much undisturbed by it. I'm not explaining this very well. Moreover, if we consider that we create our selves, wouldn't we also be generating our suffering?

The condition is one thing; your relationship to it, another. Also, a lot of baggage might get conflated with the "condition," even though it isn't inherently part of it. By the way, I'm not suggesting that this is easy, or common, or that it can be accomplished through wishful thinking. In fact, chances are you'll simply feel victimized, which can be valid at times. But again, recognize your role in the situation and take ownership of it. Regarding the example you brought up, I'm not saying that responsibility means doing everything yourself, or that help isn't necessary. Being responsible for one's life and experience, as a principle, isn't dictated by external conditions. Obviously, without legs, you probably won't be able to run a marathon — though, even in that case, you could get implants or take part in a Paralympic-style marathon, or some such. The point is that how you view life and yourself is a subjective overlay on what actually happened, including adopting the martyr's role. It's like a playwright who creates a play while casting themselves as the victim of it. You can observe how people do this in less severe cases, and notice that it's an active process. Three-legged dogs seem totally unaffected by it. Why is that?

Okay

@Sugarcoat If you didn't care whether you survived in any way or form, would suffering exist? How does suffering come about? There's a reason why the Buddhists proclaim "No self, no problem".

Again, your nature is the case already, and fear a mind activity. Being abstract is of little use here.

Thank God you are God and are running your self.

And yet, it doesn't change the principle that, in the end, it is you who does it -- you just might have had some help in one way or another. To be clear, this isn't about blaming oneself, or anyone else, for that matter. It's just recognizing oneself as the one in the driver's seat. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not doesn't change that it is true and has always been. Regardless of the occasional validity of feeling victimized, you can do things. Speaking of hypotheticals, you can not get robbed, abused, etc., as ridiculous as that might sound. You can take action to prevent that, or create something else entirely. Even if it occurs, you can trace back the actions that you took preceding the event that led to that "unfortunate" end, and as a result take responsibility for what you did. Again, this isn't about self-blame -- just noticing your role in the play. It's not: "I'm bitter because I was bullied." Rather, it's more like: "This is the relationship I've unconsciously adopted towards a past factual event remembered by me as X or Y (not the facts that were involved but what's subjectively added by you)." Even then, notice that two people may interpret the same event in entirely different ways, leading to different views, reactions, and so on. I suspect that this viewpoint still stems from a mindset of "the world does it to me, and I'm just a passive observer." As if. Here's a fun experiment: What if you took a minor painful experience from the past, such as stubbing your toe on a piece of furniture, and turned that into a relationship where, from then on, you approached every piece of furniture with a bitter, angry, defensive attitude?

Who else but you? I mean, seriously. Whose experience is it? Perhaps you should start by considering who you take yourself to be--a self inside one's head that is merely at the mercy of what occurs in the real, objective external world. An exercise: Sit for half an hour, motionless and on the floor and whenever physical pain comes up, stay with it. How you react to that can cause a lot of unnecessary suffering. After all, the bodily sensation is just a sensation; it is when you put up with it and resist it that another layer of pain is added on top of a mere muscular discomfort. Who does that? In this case: Who is taking a physical sensation and doing all kinds of painful shit with it? You are stuck in the image on the left. When you move to the one on the right you'll cheer up, like that kid.

Notice, one's nature is currently unknown (unless it isn't), so the fear is occurring relative to an image or conception of what "my nature" is and what grasping it implies. First thing to do is becoming aware of it. It is not, and cannot be, what we think it is.

Why the horror component though? Is one's nature really that ugly? Seriously though, you are you, already. What's there to fear? Wait, a better question: What even is there?

Sounds solid. You have probably noticed an increased ability to wonder about stuff as a result of your meditation. Keep looking into what that is about. It is a useful state from which to question any subject matter.

You assume the only option here is being at the effect of circumstances, whereas in actuality you are the one responsible for your thinking and actions. You yourself get radicalized and bitter; external events might contribute or trigger certain reactions within you but they don't determine or dictate your experience, and neither can they do "bitterness" for you.

“The human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art." - Da Vinci. Felt like sharing it.

@Sugarcoat You sound confused, so clarify what it is you want, with this thread and with whatever you're going through first. And be open, do not dismiss or agree so readily. Being more centered in one's body rather than in one's head helps, too.

Aren't you asking for guidance? Why would you be on the defensive?

@LambdaDelta In a way, we are constantly starting anew with this work. Chances are you are referring to a conceptual grasp, which is the first step, but is rather superficial. More work is needed.

Whether it is or not is secondary, even irrelevant, to accomplishing your goal. It is useful to tackle the issue head-on.

In what ways do you unconsciously undermine your own efforts and those of others?

If you were 87, maybe not, but you won't know unless you do it, and the sooner the better.