SFRL

@Epiphany_Inspired sounds like a lack of boundaries to me. It's not normal behaviour to kiss and cuddle people that you don't have a close or official bond with. That sort of cheapens the deal and may be illegal. Unless you are trying to date or something but that's a whole other thing all together. It's not normal or acceptable in other cultures either. Definitely not in European cultures. I am European myself I don't know what they have been telling you. If straight guys are cuddling you...come on now you are old enough that you should know what's going on.

@Tibor thats truth but at least that Mammoth won't turn around and kill you.

Oh yeah I don't doubt that. I don't drink the tap water. Depending on where you live it may be poluted by fuel as well.

Yeah I did my research on water. The obvious are fluoride and BPA but there are lot if other bad things like women's birth control that doesn't dispose in it. Thanks for the info where to get that filter.

@Epiphany_Inspired so are you saying that you want to cuddle with your male friends for cuddles-sake and then you expect that to somehow end well?

So you say you are using a coconut shell water filter? Where did you buy yours? I was definitely considering the fruit juicing thing. The extra vitamins are always a good thing.

@ClearThought everything you make your goals is part of typical stage orange thinking and behaviour as per the Graves model. Including women. What served you in the past to get further in life doesn't serve you now anymore. Maybe it's time to evolve.

@electroBeam did you find a girl or girls to go out on a date with now? Now should you pay for dates? The first date I say absolutely. Plan to spend 50 - 100 dollars as well. You are coming at it from the completely wrong angle man. You should not be making your money your first priority when you go dating. Your primary concern should be how to get her panties off. How are you getting her panties off? By being a fun guy and sexual escalation. When you are coming at her with this attitude that she should pay half, how much fun is that going to be for her? You are already creating problems/obstacles before the dating/relationship started. (And before her panties came off). Actually if she offers to pay on the first date, that's not necesairly a good sign. That may very well mean you are not getting a second date and she won't feel guilty by paying half. Or all of it for that matter. Or she is buying off any obligations to you. Because she thinks if you pay you may want sex in return. Either way she is holding out on sex. Now of course you should not always be paying for everything in the relationship. But the first three dates. Expect to pay. After that she should start paying for some things as well. Now on a side note if sex has not happened after three dates you may be having other issues. After three dates and no sex the chances of you ever getting any are dramatically dropping. By date four and she has not paid anything imagine this. If she says "let's get ice cream" after you took her to the movies you can say: "OK, are you paying?" In a nonchalant way and that's all there is to it. You can see her reaction then. Now also something to consider is her spending habits. For example if you date a girl who always pays half. But everytime the two of you hangout she racks up the bill to 150 dollars. Now everytime you hang out with her you are 75 dollars lighter. That way you are better off with a girl who is happy if you pay for both you and her ice-cream and you take her for a walk in the park.

Attracting women and forming deep intimate relationships are two different things. But to form a deep intimate relationship you first need to attract a woman. I have no RSD experience but I am sure you can learn a lot there. There is also a lot of technique that you can find on the internet to read up on. Also very effective is online dating. (Finding girls on dating sites in your area and then taking them out on real world dates.) The great thing is that you will get to be with the girl one on one. That's half the battle won. In clubs, at parties, etc it's going to be more difficult to single her out. Between her friends, your friends, and strangers there will often be someone trying to cockblock you. You don't have that issue with online dating. The combination of online research for dating techniques and online dating sites to meet women is very effective. Once you know what you are doing its ridiculously easy. It will feel like you are cheating the system really, it's that easy. But you have to understand the psychology of dating, pick-up, and women. So that's where the research comes in. The truth is the more exposure you have to dating women the easier it's going to get. Then you start getting more confident and then you start to radiate that confidence. Making things even easier. * If you go learn pick-up within a group, I am sure you will have some succes. But it is not the groups objective is to get you a girlfriend. Because then you leave the group and that is a threat to the excitance of the group. So if it's me I rather operate alone. All I want is to have sex with the girl, and if the sex is good and she is nice then I want to make her my girlfriend. I don't care for the whole sideshow with some dudes.

So what do you like to do besides chasing women? Stop chasing women for a while and try out a wide range of different activities that you think would be cool. Get your kicks out of life outside of chasing girls. This sounds like an addiction.

@Shin posted this video as a comment to me like yesterday. Intuitively you will probably already know this. But it is still good to have it ordered by Leo in a video. It can help you to take some focussed action.

@jakub_friso I did read over the second part of your definition. I think your definition of Personal Development work is good yes. For what its worth to you: What I experience with Personal development work is that the greatest results are being achieved by multiple smaller actions/parts that together are greater then the sum of its parts. For instance if I had just started working out and had done nothing else it probably would have had little effect on the quality of my life. But now that I started working out, started cooking, eat more healthy, watch my finances, quit multi-media (Facebook), reading and self-study History, Psychology, and Philosophy. All these relatively little changes together are making a big impact on my life. Basically now I sleep better, I am more energetic, generally more happy, and I have more vision and focus. Another thing is that I noticed that these habits grow their fruits over time. If for instance I eat a healthy meal once, it wont make much of a difference how I feel. If I eat healthy for a week I feel a little better. But when I eat healthy for months it has a very big effect. Same for quitting multi-media. One day without Facebook and you are still in that mindset. Months without Facebook and it really changes the quality of your thought patterns. So what I am thinking is that quality Personal Development is not sudden and erratic but slow and stable.

@StarfoxEpiphany I still don't think the Spiral Dynamics model was designed the way you implement it. Now in all fairness you should question any model or information you are being told of course.

I think personal development is 2/3 internal, cognitive, and mental. The other 1/3 is practical and physical. That's just an estimated guess you can adjust the percentages as you like. So I think it's more internal, cognitive, and mental. Still a large chunk will be practical and physical. The brain needs to come up with the idea first but there still needs to be action taken out in the world.

I don't really see it like that. I don't really believe one can shift between the stages like that so easy, like you would flip on or off a switch. Let's say someone attacks a stage beige person with a club. And that stage beige person will kill his attacker. The stage beige person will think: "I live he dies". No moral scruples there. Now let's say a stage green person gets attacked with a club and he kills his attacker. He may think something like; "He tried to kill me so I killed him. And now he is dead. That's horrible how will his mother feel? Does he have kids? I wonder why he attacked me maybe he had a very bad childhood." There will be empathy there. The act of killing out of self defense doesn't make the person either stage beige or green though. When you break this Graves model down further and you take different facetes of someone's personality in affect, I don't see how one person will let's say be at stage red at one facete and stage green at another. If you have a person that is stage green spiritually, stage orange in his career, and stage orange in his relationships that I can see. There is not such a big gap between stage orange and green. But a person that is stage green spiritually, stage green in his career, but stage red in relationships...I don't think that exists much or for a long time in the real world. A person who lives very consciously and tries to genuinely do good all day to everything and everyone does not go home and turns stage red to screw over the people he loves all of a sudden. Unless he is a bit of a psychopath/sociopath. Yes there are several facetes to someone's personality. But if all other facetes are let's say stage green it does not make sense that a person would be so unaware that one facete of his personality will keep limping behind at stage red. Different facetes of one's personality still interact with each other. Where do you find all these turquoise and yellow people to hang out with? In my life I encounter stage orange people everywhere, since in the Western world we live in a stage orange society. I have met plenty of stage green people. But I think I can only remember one person who I think was high percentage stage yellow. Turquoise people I can't even come up with an example for. That would be a Sage or a God or something.

Makes perfect sense.

I find this Graves model interesting. The way I read this is you are applying different stages of the Graves model as you see fit. Are you doing this as a tool to be more conscious about how you are acting in certain situations? Because the way I understand the Graves model is that you can only be at one stage or maybe shift between two stages back and forth when you are in a transition from one stage to the next (either up or down).

First of all you are 21 and she is 28 and your manager, so.....major respect bro The worst thing you have done is buy her a gift in exchange for the taxi though, that's suplicating to her. There are two things here 1.) She had fun. 2.) She is rejecting you now. So the best thing you can do is date some other girls and preferably have sex with them. Because why did she make out with you in the first place? Probably because you were this exciting guy. The bad boy. Now you are this little puppy boy. So if you bang some girls that shows her you are still this exciting guy that she was attracted to in the first place. And hey man if it don't work. Well maybe you will like one of those new girls better, and at the very least you still had fun.

Here is a fun article that I did come accross. Called: 6 harsh truths. It gets best towards the end. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/

Get a Crock-Pot/slow cooker.

I have no idea....I am just giving you some practical advice.

You should always be one persona; your authentic self. You don't need to leave them all behind and move away. What you need to do is set up some strong boundaries and keep more of a distance. Don't call people for no reason just to keep the codependent relationship in tact. Same goes for texting, messaging etc. Also I bet some of these codependent relationships involve money, you being the one who receives money. So what you have to do is make more money. Because that way the other party in the codependent relationship won't have any leverage anymore. And you can set those boundaries. So finnish college and get a real job. Or ask for a raise. Or change jobs where you can make more money.

Friend zone means no sex. Yes there is such a thing as friends with benefits but that's something very different. That's just another word for fuckbuddies. And some people like to differentiate between friends with benefits and fuckbuddies but to me it's really the same with a different pretence. You don't want to be in the friend zone. You don't want to go on dates and not get sex. That's like smoking without inhaling what's the point? Once you have sex the dynamics are very different. When there is sexual tension in the seduction it's also very different. And when you find that one girl you want to ace that right? So don't get friend zoned. With the online dating thing I am not talking about just talking to girls via messenger on the internet. It's about meeting girls online. Not overseas but girls right in your area. You can find many girls online right in your area, then talk to them online, build some intetest, and then meet them in real life, going on real dates. You are right in a way that seducing girls is a technique of its own. You can be a guy with lots of money and good looks but if you have no "game" you are still not going to be very successful with girls. These skills you will have to practice in real life though so you will have to take start making steps to make that happen in real life. *The advice of simply asking girls for sex.....yes that actually works when you just play the numbers game. If you send 100 girls a message: "I am going to fuck you silly". 95 girls won't want to talk to you. 4 girls will talk to you. And 1 girl will be a nympho and actually go along with it. So you will get laid that way. But you have to ask yourself; what is the quality of the women you attract then? Also there is no real skill in that. It's more like you will just empty your magazine in the dark and then eventually you will hit something. Also going that route can be very toxic. The local online dating community, it won't be an infinite source of women. There are still only so many women online in your area. And if you weirded all of them out by asking straight up for sex then that's that. When you go fishing you want to do it in a sustainable way for the eco-system so to speak.

No that way he is going to get friend zoned.

Just the awereness that I am a normal person living in a dysfunctional world makes a lot of things just slide off my back.