Raphael

It tries to feed itself by triggering others

Or go through the trigger and feel it fully until it doesn't trigger you anymore https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujtj4R37M40

This wound... it's always the same wound. This wound always try to feed itself in one way or another until healed: It tries to feed itself with food It tries to feed itself with the mind It tries to feed itself in business It tries to feed itself in porn It tries to feed itself in video game It tries to feed itself in sex It tries to feed itself by fucking women It tries to feed itself by desperately seeking men It tries to feed itself by watching dumb videos It tries to feed itself with success It tries to feed itself with video games It tries to feed itself by reading this forum, fighting, debating, and competing with others on this forum It tries to feed itself by being rigid It tries to feed itself with repetitive thoughts patterns It tries to feed itself by making meaning It tries to feed itself by recluding It tries to feed itself by smoking It tries to feed itself by drinking It tries to feed itself by over partying It tries to feed itself with TV shows It tries to feed itself with movies It tries to feed itself by not caring It tries to feed itself by overcaring It tries to feed itself by being perfectionistic It tries to feed itself by being needy for visibility It tries to feed itself by not taking risk It tries to feed itself by taking too many risks It tries to feed itself by being political It tries to feed itself by hiding its mistakes It tries to feed itself by hiding its failures It tries to feed itself by not recognizing itself It tries to feed itself by trying to fake itself It tries to feed itself by trying to be perfect It tries to feed itself by screaming at others It tries to feed itself by debating It tries to feed itself by hating itself It tries to feed itself... It tries to feed itself... It tries to feed itself by thinking that it can't resolve itself It tries to feed itself by hiding from itself It tries to feed itself by avoiding itself It tries to feed itself by sickening itself It tries to feed itself It tries to feed itself It tries to feed itself It tries to feed itself It tries to feed itself It tries to feed itself It tries to feed itself It tries to feed itself with itself but if it tries to feed itself by itself it will die by itself It tries to feed itself by killing itself It tries to feed itself by killing itself It tries to feed itself by killing itself It tries to feed itself by killing itself It tries to feed itself by killing itself It tries to feed itself by unbalancing itself I tries to feed itself by trying to go too fast It tries to feed itself... It tries to feed itself... It tries to feed itself... It tries to feed itself with the body It tries to feed itself by sickening the body It tries to feed itself by not recognizing itself It tries to feed itself by being afraid of itself It tries to feed itself by avoiding itself It tries to feed itself It tries to feed itself but doesn't know how to feed itself anymore It tries to feed itself but doesn't know how to feed itself anymore It tries to feed itself but is getting sick of feeding itself It is sick of being sick, it wants to heal, it wants to heal... What is this wound? Lack of love / distorted love. It is love and it is trying to show up to the surface.

The advantage of being hypersensitive is that I absorb people's energy very easily therefore I integrate anyone's personality very quickly. If you interact with me you will feel like you are interacting with yourself because I can absorb you very quickly. This is social jujutsu. I am becoming whole, I am becoming fully integrated. I am everywhere, I am everyone. I am.

.

...

Be

Be

Be

Be... be... just be... be...

@Preety_India I feel like a mixture of mostly INTP - INFJ - ENFP - an even ENTJ sometimes. Currently, all these models are breaking down for me.

@Preety_India I'm currently integrating parts of myself when I see them. I'm integrating you, you are a part of me.

By being I am everything. I can do everything, I can relate with everyone, I can achieve anything gracefully, effortlessly without any pressure because there is not the pressure to not be, there is only being

Be, just be

Enough fighting Enough being competitive Enough being passive aggressive Enough dishonesty Enough lying Enough not admitting what I want to admit Enough denying myself everywhere that I see myself Enough pretending to be self-accepting where I'm not self-accepting Enough seeing people as inferior as me Enough pretending that I cannot interact a minimum with people who are different than me Enough denying my feelings Enough denying the mind Enough making myself sick from not being authentic Enough hiding from myself Enough being impressed by anybody: being impressed comes the rejection of a part of myself which comes from the fear of admitting my similarities Enough pretending to be a kind and caring person where I'm not Enough pretending to be responsible when I'm irresponsible Enough pretending to be irresponsible when I am responsible Enough denying my worth Enough creating a fake story about myself Enough fakery Enough recluding Enough pretending to be superior to other people because I spend time on an online forum about self-actualization and reaching my full potential Enough pretending to be smart Enough pretending to be dumb Enough pretending that I'm a hard or smart worker Enough denying all the efforts that I put it Enough denying feminity Enough denying masculinity Enough pretending that I want success in my life or want to have an impact on the world Enough pretending that I am not interested in people and relationships Enough pretending that I don't want any friends Enough bragging Enough thinking that I am advanced Enough denying how developed I am Enough pretending that I know something Enough pretending that I don't know something Enough not expressing myself fully even if it's ugly, even if it's dirty, even if it's disorganized, even if people doesn't like me Enough not caring about people Enough with the pressure to perform Enough denying the value of work, discipline, organization, planning, goal setting Enough blaming myself or others or my environment. I am everything, whatever I blame I only blame myself. The only thing to do is to recognize what is happening and adapt in consequence Enough entertaining so many internal dialogues within different parts of myself: by doing this self-acceptance is very partial and limited. Full self-acceptance isn't something that we tell ourselves but something that we are Enough denying my love for life Enough. Just enough. I'm sick of all that.

ENOUGH

Enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough enough...

@Etherial Cat Oui, j'ai remarqué ça aussi. Perso, j'ai l'impression d'avoir sérieusement "level up" au cours des deux derniers mois. On a tous les deux supprimé nos images de profil et informations personelles. On n'a plus aucun besoin de se montrer pour se prouver

Do you think that I am authentic?

I have the feeling that this forum will be dead in 1 - 2 years or maybe I'm just projecting here...

Ok. My intestines has been twisting themselves for hours... until now. This feeling feels almost completely exhausted now. What feeling? This feeling, it feels the same but we can put different names on it: The pressure to achieve or fear of not achieving The pressure to be someone or fear of not being someone The pressure to succeed in life or fear of not succeeding in life The pressure to be a societal ideal of success or fear of not being a societal ideal of success The pressure to self-actualized or fear of not self-actualizing The fear of never being good enough The insecurity of not being appropriate

@Preety_India The answers are going to come, it's more about leveling up emotionally than making sense intellectually. I'm currently leveling up and it is dirty to see.

These questions feels like me talking to myself. I could have asked them to myself like this: @Raphael Why did you feel like an imposter? What did you do that makes you think you acted like an impostor?

Also, going back to impostor syndrome again: I feel like an impostor within this community.

Currently my mental state is: fast throwing everything that I have with minimum analyzing. Sometimes it's great to be thoughtful, careful, and take time sometimes it's better to just throw everything out without thinking too much about it. It feels great so far to just throw things out even if it's messy. I already feel enormous relief.