Raphael

Accept it unconditionally. These imperfections are perfectly designed.

Relax Get into the present moment Feel it Fully feel the shame Allow it Observe with curiosity Allow it Do nothing

How to stop the shame?

My thoughts are making me feel shame, but this is also linked to my emotional chemistry. Thoughts create emotions, but emotions also create thoughts who create emotions. This is a strange loop.

Not being a perfect high conscious person.

I'm ashamed of the past.

Very low results for my first year of freelancing caused by lack of self esteem, insecurities and social anxiety.

Past unconsciousness.

Insecurities.

Past stupidities.

Yeah, that can happen, but this is rare. I was thinking about that and it seemed to me difficult to say that all experiences are completly different because we are all interconnected pieces of the same puzzle. Isn't it that even if experiences are differents from one individual to another one, they can still at least share some kernels of a similar reality? It's seems incorrect for me to say that reality is 100% different for each human beings on the planet.

Yellow on Analyzing Trump's Spiral Development with Humour Donald Trump is the greatest example of a narcissistic stage red/orange leader who ever lived! Seriously, history books will be written on him because he fit so well his role! He is especially great to practice spiral dynamics stage yellow who analyses unconscious behaviors of a selfish leader elected thanks to an archaic system...but... OMG!!! this is a strange loop!!! In summary, Trump is the greatest depiction of a modern stage red/orange selfish leader who ever existed and will ever exist.

24 November 2020 Wake Up Time: 07:08 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:50 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 03:35 PM - 05:00 PM I searched for images and added them to the website's articles Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 25 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 02:04 PM - 03:39 PM I did some design adjustments Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes I almost didn't sleep for the entire night, and therefore woke up late and had a lot of difficulties to get to work. I had some sort of awakening yesterday night where my mind became crazy, uncontrollable, and started to explode in all directions. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5) Total Work Duration: 3 hours, including 1 hour 35 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

I'm ashamed of something. But what?

I just want to add: He need to feel a certain way to say that facts doesn't care about your feelings The fact that facts doesn't care about your feelings is a feeling

There's nothing except if I create differences. There's everything when I reunite nothingness and differences.

23 November 2020 Wake Up Time: 06:32 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:45 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 08:58 AM - 10:21 AM I contacted UpWork for a possible issue and optimized a few articles. I distracted myself in the middle by responding to someone on UpWork Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 23 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 10:42 AM - 11:42 AM I optimized an article Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 11:48 AM - 12:43 AM I optimized another article Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 55 minutes 01:46 PM - 03:21 PM I optimized three other articles Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes 03:35 PM - 04:51 PM I added a few articles, some internal links and launch a SEO analysis Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 16 minutes @Raphael Great job! Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 9 minutes, including 4 hours 46 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

Like if I say hello to two persons in front of me and both respond "hello"? They both respond "hello" (same behavior), but one can have better audition and both are not at the exact same position so they see me differently (different experience).

Weekly Statistics (16 November 2020 - 22 November 2020) Total Working Hours 33 hours 36 minutes Average Focus 3.46 / 5

22 November 2020 Wake Up Time: 06:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

I can see three main reason behind my fear of people: Toxic dad: My dad had a pretty bad influence on me while growing up. He lived almost all days of his life with anger and hate. As a kid I had no rights, the smallest disagreement would be seen negatively. He was very aggressive with people and was himself afraid of people. He always insisted that all curtains in the house should stay close because people would watch us from the outside. Sometimes he would take a stick and beat it on some scrap metal because he thought the neighbours were spying on us, other times he was also asking us to shut up and stay quiet because the neighbours would try to listen to our conversations. He was angry when me and my sister were playing with the ball in the garden because he was afraid that people would look at us. I had no right to get out of the house by myself until 13/14 because he was afraid that someone would try to kidnap me or kill me. Overall, things are much better today, but he still wants the curtains to stay close and can ask us to not speak loudly sometimes. But of course like all narcissists, he can do whatever he wants. The INTP Personality: I took the 16 Personalities test countless times now and I always get the same result. I'm an INTP and INTPs are naturally pretty weird and awkward socially. They are also pretty rare, naturally shy and not interested in what most people are usually interested in. Understanding myself and learning to deal with people was a struggle while growing up because I always felt different/abnormal as I had had no interest in "normal activities", but would rather spend my time in my mind with creative ideas. A natural awareness: I consider that I have a natural awareness that most people don't have. I had existential questions since I was a kid and had trouble to understand why people are so interested in shallow stuff. All these shallow small stuff always looked ridiculous for me.

Huge stage orange success & progress ideological indoctrination.

Isn't it that there is a minimum common reality? After all if a group of people can communicate, coordinate and live together by using tools like language and social norms, it means that they perceive reality similarly. At least if they are part of the same culture and are a minimum functioning. In this case science is true for them if they at least adhere to the same cultural standards. But relative from group to groups.