Raphael

I just heard a story about a girl that I know. What happened is that her mom married a violent man. This man tried to touch her sexually when she was a kid and her mom was very afraid that something worst could happen. One day when she was still a kid she went back home with another adult and she saw her dad beating her mom with a huge stick. Her mom then run away from the house, entered the car, and escaped, but she ended up at the hospital with broken ribs. After she got out of the hospital she was too physically damaged to do anything, so her girl had to care about her even though she was only a kid (maybe less than 12 years old). Many years ago when this girl was coming to the house to play with my sister, her mom would call to be sure that she was in security. It was important for her that her girl doesn't get out of the house without adults in case if she met her dad.

26/05/2021 (Week 5) If I am more accepting of my body... I'll relax my body I'll open my body more I'll have a more natural body language I'll be more comfortable being myself I'll be more comfortable while walking in public I'll feel happier I'll breathe more deeply If I deny and disown my body... I entertain fear I put unrealistic standards I feel conflicted I feel agitated I'm afraid of myself I contribute to an agitated mind I have trouble doing what I want to do I feel uncomfortable with people I feel uncomfortable with women If I deny or disown my conflicts... I entertain pain I entertain low consciousness I feel agitated I'm preventing myself from being great I feel anxious I avoid myself I have trouble to work I have trouble creating results If I am more accepting of all the parts of me... I start reuniting my different parts I heal myself I feel accepting I feel whole I can make progress as my parts ain't fighting with each other I feel light I'm accepting my imperfections I can make change happen

26 February 2021 Wake Up Time: 05:57 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: ~ PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 11:03 AM - 11:55 AM I responded to a few persons, updated my Upwork profile, updated my website Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 52 minutes 12:57 AM - 02:00 AM I did some research. Looks like I will not be able to implement the Twitter related functionalities that I expected because of API limitations Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 3 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 02:10 PM - 03:22 PM I worked on Instagram accounts connection, I did a lot of progress Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes 03:28 PM - 04:23 PM I continued the work on Instagram. It looks good, I will do some testing tomorrow Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 55 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 2 minutes, including 2 hours 7 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Flaws Here's a list of flaws that I have: Sense of superiority Arrogance A little too argumentative. I feel like I want to fight or defend myself against people in order to win Social anxiety Too much isolated Too much disconnected from "common people" (stage blue/orage) reality Too much stuck in my mind and dependant on mental models (spiral dynamics, MBTI, etc.) Too much theory, not enough practice and action taking Agitated and disorganized mind Difficulty to organize myself Difficulty to control cravings for the internet Lack of discipline Some of these flaws correspond pretty well to the INTP personality type flaws, which is my personality type. I don't necessarily show these flaws to the external world because I'm very isolated and also don't want to create tensions everywhere I go, but I feel them within me. I want to cultivate more and more humbleness and acceptance, it simply feels better than arrogance.

And I'm glad that I'm aware of it.

And I'm blown away by how much ego I showed in this thread.

25/05/2021 (Week 5) If I am more accepting of my body... I'm more authentic I'm more connected to who I'm really are I'm accepting my physical imperfections I'll feel better in my body I'll be more relax I'll take care of my posture I'll be more comfortable while walking in public If I deny and disown my body... I enter in conflict with myself I feel cut into pieces I create pain I create anxiety I'm limiting possibilities to improve my body I limit my possibilities in life If I deny or disown my conflicts... I'm avoiding my conflicts I'm entertaining pain within myself I'm less authentic I keep pain I project my conflicts on other people I don't give my best self to others I also create conflicts in my social relationships If I am more accepting of all the parts of me... I feel better I open room for progress I create peace with myself I feel whole I'm more authentic I feel more comfortable around people I move fluently in life I'm more flexible in navigating life

25 February 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:20 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:31 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 10:57 AM - 12:02 AM I did a little of accounting, sent a resume to a client, and checked job opportunities Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 5 minutes 01:26 PM - 03:02 PM I did some exploration of Twitter's API and subscribed to two developer newsletter Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 46 minutes 03:09 PM - 04:25 PM I continued doing my research until I emptied my willpower. I almost didn't sleep of this night too, I'm completely exhausted Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 16 minutes I really need to discipline myself and shut everything down 45 minutes before going to bed. I see no other things to do to increase my sleep quality. Average Focus: 3.33 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 7 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Everyday I'm blown away by how dumb I was yesterday.

Haha I actually consider that this is also the case in France. When I was studying there, I was blown away by how much sugar was presented to students. They were also french fries available every day and the other choice would be rice, pasta, or something similar. But they were most of the time no vegetarian meals.

@soos_mite_ah As usual, they are thousands of factors working together But, I still think that some people are naturally more gifted than others. Wise people with better clarity of mind existed since the beginning of humanity. They were able to more easily understand how life works regardless of their environment and era even though they were limited like others by their circumstances. I think this applies to all human characteristics: some people have naturally more muscle, some are naturally a little more physically attractive, some have long legs that allow them to run faster, etc.

24/05/2021 (Week 5) If I am more accepting of my body... I'll be more comfortable with my body I'll take care of my posture I'll relax more my body I'll feel more comfortable when walking in the street I'll appreciate my body more I'll treat my body with respect If I deny and disown my body... I enter in conflict with myself I feel more anxious I feel uncomfortable I entertain a low self-esteem I separate myself from myself I don't feel good If I deny or disown my conflicts... I'm entertaining my conflicts I'm avoiding my conflicts I keep a low quality of life I accumulate difficult emotions in my body I don't make progress in life I entertain fear If I am more accepting of all the parts of me... I'll reunite these parts in myself I feel whole I can easily make progress I open myself to growth I feel better I feel happier

24 February 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:27 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:10 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 01:09 PM - 01:15 PM Responded to a person, did a test Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 6 minutes 01:30 PM - 02:03 PM Did some corrections Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 33 minutes 03:05 PM - 03:47 PM Did some fixes Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 42 minutes 04:30 AM - 05:42 AM I assisted a client and fixed some issues Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes 08:03 PM - 08:08 PM I shared an article on social networks Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 5 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 09:31 AM - 10:40 AM I continued the work on the web app, but also distracted myself a bit Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 9 minutes 11:07 AM - 01:04 AM Worked on the web app, had a bug Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 57 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 44 minutes, including 2 hours 6 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Healthy Schools I thought multiple times about opening free healthy schools as a life purpose in the future. There would be mandatory meditation and yoga sessions, healthy food, the children's preferences would be taken into account, and the actualized.org content would be used as the base material. The slogan would be: Education for the 21st century and beyond

It can be a possibility because of culture and for financial reasons. https://www.publicschoolreview.com/blog/why-fast-food-is-healthier-than-school-lunches-the-shocking-usda-truth

Letting Go of Addictions or Bad Habits Letting go of an addiction or bad habit is like dying. It feels like a part of who we are is dying. We usually want to fight an addiction, but often time fails because we only fight ourselves. Addictions ain't curable by being in conflict with ourselves, but by accepting the emptiness of who we are. To cure an addiction, let's die.

23/05/2021 (Week 5) If I am more accepting of my body... I'll feel more relaxed when walking in the street I'll feel lightly I'll move with ease I'll feel more peaceful I'll move slowly I'll accept my imperfections I'll be thankful to have a well functioning body I'll accept to breath more profoundly If I deny and disown my body... I create inner conflict I create tensions with myself I create tensions with others I entertain a lot self-esteem I feel anxious I feel stressed I seek others approval to get happiness I feel unconscious If I deny or disown my conflicts... I prevent my grow I keep myself sick I keep myself unhealthy I have difficulties going through life I feel fear I feel low I avoid joy If I am more accepting of all the parts of me... I heal wounds I feel whole again I feel at peace I feel joy it's easier to make progress in life I feel that it's fine to be where I am and it feels great

23 February 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 10:26 AM - 11:08 AM I did on changes on a web app, but I'm feeling too tired as I didn't sleep well. I'm going to take a nap Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 42 minutes 11:41 AM - 12:10 AM Things are complicated sometimes... Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 29 minutes 01:35 PM - 02:52 PM I corrected some issues on the web app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 17 minutes 02:58 PM - 04:30 PM Worked on the app, but also distracted myself a lot as I'm very tired after this sleepless night Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 32 minutes Didn't sleep properly, didn't work properly. Average Focus: 3.37 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours, including 4 hours of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

I feel like I'm ideological.

Examples: Masculinity/Feminity: This is penetrative energy (masculinity) contradicting receiving energy (feminity) that at the same time works together. Generally, guys chase girls, and girls receive their energy, and when they are both properly balanced, they are happy. During a sexual intercourse, the guy penetrates the girl and the girl receive the guy in herself, and they both get pleasure. Young/Old: Parents take care of kids when they are young, then kids grow up and start to take care of old people. Human/Machine: Humans as biological entities contradict mechanical entities, but it allows them to work together. A human being creates a machine to help him on difficult tasks for a human being and the machine needs the human being to function. Paper/Pen: A paper is flat where a pen is pointed. If a pen is used with too much pressure it can rip a paper, but if it is properly balanced it can create readable shapes for people.

It's precisely because things are paradoxical and contradicts themselves that they work together. The previous sentence was its own example.

It's fine, I actually appreciate getting feedbacks, it's the main reason why I journal publicly rather than privately. Don't hesitate to give feedbacks, it helps me grow. Yeah, I think that many adults in their 50s, 60s, or more are actually living the childhood that they didn't had because life was way more difficult before. They also didn't had access to all the resources that we now have. However, one thing that I still don't understand properly is the fact that many people of my age who had more chances and more money than me never discovered self-actualization and are getting caught in so many ideologies. I guess luck also plays a role as I felt wise since I was 10 - 12.

Leo is also a fool, but only less than most people.

No, actually, there is a vegetarian option (eggs), but because of Covid difficulties and the fact that half of the kids were not choosing meat, they choose to completely remove it. So they forced kids to not eat meat but didn't force vegetarianism, nor veganism as there is fish but that was caused by the pandemic difficulties and the general eating preferences rather than ideology. Meat is a huge part of French culture, so removing it is like attacking the country. What is ridiculous is that the previous mayor (who is from the same party as the one who is criticizing) did the same thing before to deal with Covid challenges.

Adult Kids Most people are kids. Even in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, most of them are kids. From one perspective I feel like I'm dealing with children every day, from another perspective, I feel like I'm also a kid (but with a natural wise trait) who has a lot of growing to do and who doesn't know how to handle many basic things. Damn... life is paradoxical, complex, and nuanced.