Raphael

17/03/2021 (Week 8) If I am more accepting of my anger... I'll become conscious of my anger I'll find the root cause of my anger I'll go through my anger by being angry I'll let my anger explode I'll understand that anger hides sadness and pain I'll understand that I'm just a hurt kid I'll let myself be vulnerable I'll resolve my anger If I deny and disown my anger... I entertain sadness I keep pain in my body I'm disagreeable with people I criticize things and people more I'm dissatisfied with life I don't function properly I don't live to my full potential If I am accepting of my sexuality... I'll accept being vulnerable I recognize having natural needs I'll accept that sexuality is part of life I'll be more comfortable with girls, especially sexual girls, pretty girls, and overall attractive girls I'll improve my mood I'll improve the clarity of my mind If I deny and disown my sexuality... I don't feel authentic I feel split into different pieces I don't feel normal I put unnecessary restrictions on myself I feel anxious about my sexuality I repress my sexuality I entertain a form of toxic behavior against myself

17 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:13 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:00 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 10:34 AM - 12:08 AM I searched for images for articles Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes 02:30 PM - 04:34 PM I added new services pages to a website Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 2 hours 4 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 3 hours 38 minutes, including hours minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Don Beck is quite old and surely has unconscious biases, fears, and cultural attachments, which is probably why he wrongly categorized Trump. Even on this forum, an ex moderator voted for Trump. I don't think that these models would ever become mainstream because nobody is imposing them compared to some religious texts, so there is less risk for SD to become mainstream, but of course, this is not a certainty. Most of the time just reading about a complex model is already too challenging for people, but some bits of information can be shared here and there and be misunderstood. Thanks. I also check your journal sometimes, but I don't always have time to go through the long detailed posts.

Be the pain, feel it, merge with it, until you become it and don't feel the difference between pain and joy, until you become painless, until you become god.

A bad night of sleep can put me down for two days.

But it's possible for someone who doesn't know how to use the mind properly to use Spiral Dynamics improperly. For example, Don Beck categorized Trump as Blue/Yellow. Using Spiral Dynamics doesn't always mean that someone has a healthy mind. There's surely a correlation between using complex models and being a nuanced thinker, but they are also exceptions, and someone's environment, age, and other conditions impact how he/she will apply a model. The ones who apply it best are the ones with the most recursive variety. Yeah, I also have been noticing more and more discrepancies within Spiral Dynamics as some developmental lines can overlaps and be twisted in many ways. I even started to get bored of it as I have been knowing about it since 2015/2016 in Leo's video "The Grand Model Of Psychological Evolution - Clare Graves & Spiral Dynamics". I never met anyone at Tier 2 in real life. The most advanced people that I met were at Green with a few hints of Yellow. Tier 2 thinkers are doomed to use the internet to meet similar people, and even on the internet it's difficult lol

16/03/2021 (Week 8) If I am more accepting of my anger... I'll release my anger I'll develop more emotional mastery I'll move faster the emotional scale I'll understand where it is coming from I'll understand that anger is part of life and that I don't need to be guilty for being angry I'll fix my anger I'll accept being human If I deny and disown my anger... I feel restricted I keep anger inside me I'm angry against people I unconsciously share anger my mind doesn't function properly my anger increases every day I become more bitter and more hateful every day If I am accepting of my sexuality... I accept having natural needs I won't be guilty saying that I want a girlfriend to have sex I feel more authentic I feel more comfortable with my sexuality I feel more sexual I feel happier I'll fap when I'll need If I deny and disown my sexuality... I repress basic life needs I don't work well I close myself from authenticity I try to be someone that I'm not I keep too much sexual energy in my body which leads to feeling restricted and having strange body languages I don't feel healthy I'm basically starving

16 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:20 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:05 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:37 AM - 10:56 AM I took time to write a pretty dense answer to a client Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 19 minutes 01:02 PM - 02:09 PM I got a new contract (yeeee!) and did some research. I currently feel tired because of a sleepless night, I'm going to have a nap Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 7 minutes 02:44 PM - 04:36 PM I added a new custom menu item and changed some structures on a client's website Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 52 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 11:16 AM - 11:55 AM I responded to a person and did some improvements on the statistics board Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 39 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 57 minutes, including 39 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

@Average Investor There's not a huge amount of money involved, so I don't see a need for a lawyer. It was some work for 100$ and now I consider that I should charge at least 200$, but it's complicated because we had a miscommunication. He himself told me that when he do a mistake doing his job, he takes responsibility for it and finish it no matter what even if it hurts him. He don't want to ask for more to the client, however I don't know how he would act if he had a miscommunication with a client that caused him to do more work than necessary. He currently see me as being dishonest and trying to trick him in order to get paid more.

Something just happened to me. I was having a conversation with a client and I told him that I worked much more than expected this month, he responded that it wasn't the case. What basically happened is miscommunication and I ended up doing much more than I was supposed to do. He told me that it wasn't his fault and that I was responsible for everything. I personally think that it was both of us as a miscommunication can only happen between at least two people. So... he wants me to take full responsibility for this and pays for everything. I think that we should compensate a minimum for each other, and both of us take charge, so... I should get pay but not as much as normal. He seems very stage orange. What do you think? P-S: I'm not sure if I'm trying to manipulate the situation here, maybe I'm trying?

For a few years, I have been entertaining a feeling of fear in my abdomen. Sometimes it is burning like a fire inside that prevents me to sleep. This is not something temporary, but something that I have been dealing with for a few years. The first time it happened was during my first panic attack. Even if I don't have panic attacks now, I noticed that this feeling sometimes becomes stronger when I deal with people who show strong emotions like anger, jealousy, bitterness (toxic stuff in general), or when I want to go fast to attain my goals, or when I watch porn. I also had this feeling one time when watching a TV show and when the character was in a difficult situation. I don't really know how to let it go. What would be general steps, things to check, and/or to explore?

15/03/2021 (Week 8) If I am more accepting of my anger... I'll understand where my anger is coming from I'll feel my anger I'll work on my anger I'll let go of my anger I'll be able to understand myself I'll be able to understand my suffering I'll be able to understand my pain If I deny and disown my anger... I keep my anger in myself I share this anger with people I push back people I feel agitated I limit my progress I limit my love I entertain fear If I am accepting of my sexuality... I'll accept that I have needs I wouldn't be ashamed of my sexuality my relationship to my body would be more healthy I'll appreciate being sexual I'll feel happier being myself I'll deal better with my sexual cravings If I deny and disown my sexuality... I repress natural needs I feel restricted I feel limited I don't feel authentic I close myself from myself I stay away from finding a partner

15 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:03 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:45 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 07:31 PM - 07:40 PM I responded to a client Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 9 minutes 08:06 PM - 08:59 PM I had a conversation with a client Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 53 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 08:51 AM - 09:57 AM I worked on my app statistics board Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 6 minutes 10:15 AM - 12:02 AM I continued the previous improvements Focus: 3.75/5 Duration: 1 hour 47 minutes 01:15 PM - 04:32 PM I completed the previous work. Created a pull request and merged it Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 17 minutes 02:40 PM - 04:37 PM A started to work on a new statistics table Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 57 minutes Average Focus: 3.54 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 7 hours 9 minutes, including 6 hours 7 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

@Arcangelo I have been moving from stage orange to green since the past 3 years.

How To Move Someone From Stage Orange To Stage Green? Something just happened to me. I was having a conversation with a client and I told him that I worked much more than expected this month, he responded that it wasn't the case. What basically happened is miscommunication and I ended up doing much more than I was supposed to do. He told me that it wasn't his fault and that I was responsible for everything. I personally think that it was both of us as a miscommunication can only happen between at least two people. So... he wants me to take full responsibility for this and pays for everything. I think that we should compensate a minimum for each other, and both of us take charge, so... I should get pay but not as much as normal. He seems very stage orange. What do you think?

@Surfingthewave Yeah, sometimes I'm afraid of my fear and afraid of resolving my traumas. This is a quite ironical strange loop. What did you do to solve your issues aside from therapy and stopping meditation? @neovox Thank you. I did some breathwork in the past, it's a little difficult, but quite powerful. I will do more of it in the future

Harsh Inner Voice I noticed that my inner voice is pretty harsh. When I read the comments on this forum, this inner voice is harsh too. It is harsh like the voice of my dad and other people who hurt me...

14/03/2021 (Week 7) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... accept being in fear accept being in pain breath when faced to pain try to find the source of my pains experience difficult emotions take responsibility to heal myself take responsibility to forgive people take responsibility to understand the dynamics behind pain and fear and their role in life accept being myself heal myself heal my traumas

Weekly Statistics (08 March 2021 - 14 March 2021) Total Working Hours 25 hours 54 minutes Average Focus 3.41 / 5

14 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:05 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:33 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

When they are emotional triggers, when I work (I have some work traumas). Sometimes I feel a craving to self-actualize and want to go fast and try to go fast, and therefore it increases this fear. I also feel like it can happen when someone wants to become close to me, but I'm not sure, I need to inspect that more. I didn't try that many things except doing some introspection and a little of forgiveness. Yeah, it can be in the stomach and also a little upper. Sometimes it is near my chest. I is trying to resolve past traumas and process accumulated pain and fears. Maybe. I think they are faster than usual when I experience the fear. My diet is healthy. I eat eggs and fish, but no meats. I also eat rice every day with vegetables and fruits. I don't take medications.

Fear For a few years, I have been entertaining a feeling of fear in my abdomen. Sometimes it is burning like a fire inside that prevents me to sleep. This is not something temporary, but something that I have been dealing with for a few years. The first time it happened was during my first panic attack. Even if I don't have panic attacks now, I noticed that this feeling sometimes becomes stronger when I deal with people who show strong emotions like anger, jealousy, bitterness (toxic stuff in general), or when I want to go fast to attain my goals. I also had this feeling one time when watching a TV show and when the character was in a difficult situation. I don't really know how to let it go. What would be general steps, things to check, and/or to explore?

I think this is the case, but also that they are multiple facets when it comes to the mind. The issue is that most people are victims of their minds rather than master of it. For example, believing in conspiracy theories is more being a victim of the mind where using Spiral Dynamics is more using the mind in a healthy way (even if Spiral Dynamics uses beliefs and need to be validated and balanced by experience). So... yes, all of this gives a sense of control, but the quality of it is not always the same. For me, it looks like the higher the consciousness, the healthier the mind. When someone functions at a high level of consciousness, the mind is not a burden, but a quality asset that allows him/her to be creative, feel joy, and deal with life. Someone like this has probably a better ability to switch on/off the mind and don't get overblown by it. I read a post from Leo where he said that his mind is very creative and that he has many insights every day. I bet that in 10 - 20 years, Leo will still use his mind a lot. It's just a tool for life. We can communicate through this forum because we use a combination of tools: eyes, hands, intuition, emotions, and the mind. Removing any of these tools would break this communication. I think that I just got lost in my mind Your video is funny btw, I never really watched SpongeBob in the past. I also remember Sadhguru saying something like this: "If we remove parts of people's brains, it would make them happy!"

13/03/2021 (Week 7) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... recognize that I am in pain recognize that I am fearful accept to heal myself take responsibility to heal myself forgive people who hurt me relax my body breath profoundly allow myself to be myself

13 March 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:12 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:32 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:36 AM - 10:25 AM I updated plugins on a website and added internal links Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 49 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 11:00 AM - 12:12 AM I started to implement a data table on my app. I did a lot of progress Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes 01:27 PM - 02:53 PM I continued the work on the table Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 26 minutes 03:01 PM - 04:32 PM I searched for quality icons, but finally choose to use the ones provided by the library. I also continued the design of the statistics table Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 58 minutes, including 4 hours 9 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)