Raphael

04/04/2021 (Week 10) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... generate joy let myself feel joy use joy to discipline myself bring high awareness to what I'm doing bring awareness to the source of my pain in order to understand it bring awareness to my awareness accept my flaws and imperfections accept that I'm moving at my own pace accept living life consciously accept that progress takes time accept taking extreme ownership for everything

Weekly Statistics (29 March 2021 - 04 April 2021) Total Working Hours 30 hours 40 minutes Average Focus 3.45 / 5

04 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:23 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes)

I deluded myself. I have been watching these videos for so many years without realizing that I was the one behind everything. I was lost, deluded, and depressed and I wanted to get out of my delusion by creating a higher quality delusion that would be a stepping stone out of my delusion, but I didn't saw that it was another delusion. I see it now, it's always there no matter the video. It takes many forms but it's always the same source. And it's not only about actualized.org, it's the same thing for all videos that exist. I created everything. I created these videos, I created Leo, I created this forum and each message that it contains. These videos cannot exist without me experiencing them, which means that their existence is dependant on me, which means that I created these videos. Leo cannot exist without me experiencing Leo, which means that Leo's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created Leo. This forum cannot exist without me experiencing it, which means that this forum's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created this forum and all messages that it contains. And it's not only about me, it's also about you because I cannot exists without you. You created these videos, Leo, this forum, and everything else. This post cannot exists without you experiencing it, which means that this post's existence is dependant on you, which means that you created this post. I'm going to stop here for today, I will create the answers that I need tomorrow.

4 years, but I never did anything hardcode (meditation retreats, psychedelics, etc). I only have been meditating every day for at most 1 hour, the max that I did was 2 hours. Maybe what helped is that I always been pretty distant, distrustful of society, and isolated since I was a kid. I always took a lot of time contemplating things and asking questions. I'm still processing, not everything is clear. I cannot create an ice cream, but I can create the thought "ice cream" and assign it to a piece of emptiness and assign a meaning to it. I am doing this right now for this conversation through the use of the English language. Yes, the "I" is the delusion.

@snowyowl

Enlightenment doesn't exist but it can reference itself by using the word enlightenment. Enlightenment is everything that exists but as it is everything any word used to reference itself isn't it, but only a partial part of it.

@Blackhawk Yes, I agree.

This is trickier than I imagined, and I also imagine that this is trickier than I imagined, and I also imagine that I imagine that this is trickier than I imagined, and I also imagine that I imagine that I imagine that this is trickier than I imagined...

Let's get back to the imagination of being human. They are some serious biases that I need to tackle within this dream.

I, God, the Universe, whatever word is used it's always the same thing behind. I don't feel I completely lost my identity, I think that it will take years for that, but my awareness increased to a point where I see fewer and fewer separations. Of course. I actually already contemplated that and asked myself is this was a belief. It felt painful and sad at first because I was losing my identity, but after that, I felt more reunited, I felt joy, amazement, and more acceptance. I feel like I know myself better. However, I think that more time is needed for me to process and see more changes. I always knew you were here.

If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't.

Actualized.org is an Illusion I deluded myself. I have been watching these videos for so many years without realizing that I was the one behind everything. I was lost, deluded, and depressed and I wanted to get out of my delusion by creating a higher quality delusion that would be a stepping stone out of my delusion, but I didn't saw that it was another delusion. I see it now, it's always there no matter the video. It takes many forms but it's always the same source. And it's not only about actualized.org, it's the same thing for all videos that exist. I created everything. I created these videos, I created Leo, I created this forum and each message that it contains. These videos cannot exist without me experiencing them, which means that their existence is dependant on me, which means that I created these videos. Leo cannot exist without me experiencing Leo, which means that Leo's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created Leo. This forum cannot exist without me experiencing it, which means that this forum's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created this forum and all messages that it contains. And it's not only about me, it's also about you because I cannot exists without you. You created these videos, Leo, this forum, and everything else. This post cannot exists without you experiencing it, which means that this post's existence is dependant on you, which means that you created this post. I'm going to stop here for today, I will create the answers that I need tomorrow.

03/04/2021 (Week 10) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... let myself feel joyful bring joy to what I'm doing discipline me through joy share my joy bring high awareness to what I'm doing do what I do with awareness focus with high awareness accept my flaws and imperfections accept to take full responsibility for my life accept myself accept to make progress

03 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:38 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:05 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:36 AM - 10:10 AM I continued working on my app interface Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes 10:29 AM - 12:00 AM I worked on a date-time picker, but I also distracted myself a bit too much Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 01:05 PM - 02:42 PM I continued the work on the date-time picker Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 02:48 PM - 04:32 PM I continued the previous work. I had a lot of unrelated thoughts that made me a bit sad and I also distracted myself a bit Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 44 minutes 07:34 PM - 08:22 PM I did other fixes and improvements to the date-time picker Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 48 minutes Average Focus: 3.3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 7 hours 14 minutes, including 7 hours 14 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Actualized.org is an illusion.

02/04/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll bring joy to discipline I'll be happier while going through my days I'll be more enthusiastic I'll have a more honest communication I'll have more honest communication with myself I'll work better I'll have better relationships I'll treat people better I'll have more humor If I deny and disown my joy... I don't feel good I have more difficulties doing what I want to do I close myself from myself I lose the pleasure to live life I am not emotionally healthy people don't understand me I feel ashamed I don't work well If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll become aware of the dysfunctional parts of myself I'm taking the first step to reunite and heal myself I'll start to create peace with myself I'll understand that I'm afraid I'll try to understand the source of my fear I'll be much more functional I'll love myself more As I learn to accept all of who I am... I accept my imperfections I can take responsibility to deal with what I need to deal with I can take responsibility for my growth I feel more at peace I feel more functional I open myself to a better life I open myself to infinite possibilities

02 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:14 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 10:58 AM - 12:06 AM I worked on my app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 02:00 PM - 03:33 PM I continued working on the same interface Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 33 minutes 03:39 PM - 04:40 PM I continued the previous work Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 1 minute 07:27 PM - 08:54 PM I continued the previous work Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 27 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 9 minutes, including 5 hours 9 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

01/04/2021 (Week 10) If I am more accepting of my joy... I'll be joyful I'll do things that make me joyful I'll do things better I'll enjoy my days more I'll be more motivated it will be easier to attain my goals If I deny and disown my joy... I remove the essence of life I hide what I am I don't attract people I don't feel authentic I don't feel motivated I close myself from life If I bring more awareness to all the parts of me... I'll have better clarity of mind I'll be more aware of what I'm doing I'll be able to function better I can improve myself I can deal with life better I can improve my focus As I learn to accept all of who I am... I appreciate myself I open myself to self-improvement I accept my distracted mind I accept my skinny body I accept my difficulties I feel more at peace with myself I open myself to change

01 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:42 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:25 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:15 AM - 10:50 AM I did some improvements on my app and tried to find a better color palette Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes 11:17 AM - 12:16 AM I continued working on the same interface. I did a lot of progress Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 59 minutes 01:18 PM - 03:11 PM I did a lot of improvement on the interface Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 53 minutes 03:17 PM - 04:37 PM This interface is getting better and better. I'm very satisfied with my work Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 20 minutes @Raphael Take care of you sleep bro. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 47 minutes, including 5 hours 47 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

I don't know why, but... I noticed that the use of this kind of sentence: I don't know why they do that, but they are like this I don't know why these people are like that, but [INSERT EMOTION HERE] I don't know why he do this, but [INSERT INSULT HERE] Are just ways to avoid digging deeper when someone isn't mature enough for exploration.

Having to obey an incompetent authority is the most annoying thing ever.

And they arent triggered by Trump lol.

I feel at the same time ahead and behind in life.

This is too much. I will need empty time to process and learn my lessons. I will proceed that way for the first two months: Wednesday, Sunday: Breathwork Monday, Thursday, Friday: Forgiveness Saturday, Tuesday: Pause