Raphael

Exploring Racial Biases: Personal Background As I mentioned before I am a mixed-race individual, more precisely of Indian and French ancestry. My dad is a dark-skinned man of Indian ancestry and my mom is a white woman of French ancestry. What's interesting in this situation for me and my sister is that even if we have the same parents, my skin is rather light where my sister's skin is rather dark. My family is a bit sliced between two cultures and even more cultures if I take my extended family into consideration. However, my French side is shrinking as almost everyone from this side is dead now, where I have many uncles, aunts, and cousins from my Indian side. Overall I feel that I'm closer to my French side than my Indian side. I see a few reasons for this: Everyone at home speaks French. When my mom immigrated she didn't know the local language, but my dad knew French, so my parents always communicated in French around me. I went to private French schools, rather than public schools. So even if I live in an African country, I had a western French education I lived in France for a few years Concerning my Indian side... well I don't have a lot of things that I relate to. Sure most people in my country are of Indian ancestry and Indian culture is very present here. I can easily hear some Hindi or Bhojpuri (I'm not able to differentiate them though) on the radio, while watching TV, and just by walking in the street. I went to some ceremonies like marriages and prayers, I also have some people in my family who traveled to India and lived there. But even with all that, I don't really relate that much to this culture except maybe when it comes to some spiritual stuff. I also have a problem with languages. As people always spoke French around me and as I mostly had a French education, I never really learned to speak properly the local language. I understand it, I can speak it, but I make mistakes and have an accent which makes me uncomfortable. This caused me to be pretty alienated since a young age from the rest of society. Finally, things are getting weirder since I discovered actualized.org 5 years ago because I started to consume more and more English content to the point where almost everything that I read or listen to is in English and where my French is degrading.

06/04/2021 (Week 11) Self-responsibility to me means... taking care of my sleep taking care of my mental health taking care of my physical health resting properly working with intense focus being discipline taking all the necessary actions to attain my goals treating people decently treating myself decently If I take 5 percent more responsibility for my life and well-being... I will be more focused I'll work better I'll improve my health I'll improve my posture I'll put more healthy rules I'll improve myself faster I'll feel better If I avoid responsibility for my life and well-being... I waste time I don't feel good I stay stuck in a same state of mind that create unhappiness I don't grow up my health is degrading I don't work well I stay dependent on other people I cannot make enough money to build a quality life If I take 5 percent more responsibility for the attainment of my goals... I'll work with more focus I'll be more discipline I'll move forward faster I'll be smarter in my decisions I'll create the necessary relationships for the attainment of my goals I'll bring more joy in order to attain my goals If I avoid responsibility for the attainment of my goals... I always take more and more time I feel depressed I lose a bit of hope every day I cannot attain my goals I stay stuck in life I close myself from myself I close myself from becoming great

Working 40 hours / week is BS, especially when doing deep work. It is possible to do it for work that doesn't require intense focus, but for deep work, 25 hours / week should be the maximum. I'm currently pushing it because I want this project to be successful.

06 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:24 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:10 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:52 AM - 10:00 AM I still have issues with this date time picker. I also had a lot of unrelated thoughts Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 10:23 AM - 12:05 AM I continued the improvement of the date-time picker. I still have a lot of unrelated thoughts Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 42 minutes 01:28 PM - 02:52 PM I'm going to pause here the work on the publisher interface and do some API research. I will start back when the APIs will be ready Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 24 minutes 03:11 PM - 04:31 PM I did some research and worked with Facebook API Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 20 minutes 05:04 PM - 05:30 PM I did some work with the Facebook publishing API implementation Duration: 26 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 @Raphael Why can't you sleep? Average Focus: 3.3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 0 minutes, including 6 hours 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective at least 45 minutes)

Exploring Racial Biases: Environmental Context I need to add some context before getting started, it will be crucial in understanding my situation and understanding how my thoughts and emotions formed. I live in Mauritius which is a small tropical island in the Indian Ocean. I don't usually like to talk about it here because the law on drugs and psychedelics is very strict. As the population is something like ~1.2 million people and I already shared a lot about me here, I feel like it's possible to recognize me and find who I am. The Mauritian population demographic is broadly as follow: 67%: Indians. This is a reference to the country of origin here and not a religious reference. It includes any religion: Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, etc. 28%: Black Africans 3%: Chinese 2%: White. Mostly people of French and British ancestry Many people are mixed-race and belong to multiple categories. I remember reading somewhere that 25% of the population is mixed race. They are also immigrants mostly from South East Asia (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh) and East Africa (Madagascar, South Africa), and some immigrants from Europe. I personally fall into the mixed-race category which can confuse people. Here's the religious distribution: 48.54%: Hinduism 32.71%: Christianity 17.30%: Islam 1.45%: Others The social hierarchy is as follow: White: better perceived, most wealthy group. Indians and Chinese: overall average people, but some of them can be pretty high in the hierarchy. Indians hold most of the political power. Black Africans: not well perceived. Represents the poorer group. Because of the cultural mix, they are no official languages in Mauritius. However, English is used when it comes to administrations. English and French are used at the parliament, except when it comes to insults. Mauritian Creole who is based on French is the most spoken language while French is the second most recognizable language. The situation concerning the language is quite messy and can create confusion for foreigners who aren't used to hear people switch between three languages in the same conversation. I lived in Mauritius most of my life, I also lived in France for a few years, and a few months in the United Kingdom.

05/04/2021 (Week 11) Self-responsibility to me means... doing what needs to be done to attain my objectives doing what needs to be done to stay healthy taking care of my mind taking care of my body not letting myself being distracted taking care of my family taking care of my environment developing myself If I take 5 percent more responsibility for my life and well-being... I'll take care of the quality of my sleep I'll take care of the quality of my thoughts I'll take care of my physical health I'll have proper empty time I'll have time to relax I'll minimize my activities If I avoid responsibility for my life and well-being... I cannot attain my objectives I cannot become financially independent my health can degrade my mind stay overactive I stay stuck I don't feel satisfied in life I'm wasting my life If I take 5 percent more responsibility for the attainment of my goals... I'll be more motivated to work I'll work better I'll work more consistently I'll attain my goals faster it will be easier to attain my goals I'll be more effective I'll take care of the necessary environmental factors to attain my goals If I avoid responsibility for the attainment of my goals... I stay afraid I cannot attain my goals I lost control of my life I'm not moving forward in life I stay stuck in life I lose what I want out of life

05 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:38 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:55 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:18 AM - 10:28 AM I worked on the date picker, but I also distracted myself a bit Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 10 minutes 10:55 AM - 12:03 AM I have difficulties concentrating because of this bad night of sleep Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 01:48 PM - 03:22 PM I continued working on the date picker and some validation rules for the publisher Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes 03:29 PM - 04:32 PM I continued the previous work Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 3 minutes 04:52 PM - 06:02 PM I did a bit more work on the date picker Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 10 minutes My mind was so explosive last night that I almost didn't sleep. I choose to push through it anyway, but it badly affected my focus. Average Focus: 3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 5 minutes, including 6 hours 5 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective at least 45 minutes)

All of Leo's attempts to prevent actualized.org turning into a cult will fail.

Exploring Racial Biases I have been repressing some stuff for too many years now. I think it's time to have an honest conversation with myself. I see that I have a few racial biases, nothing strong, but some biases anyway. I see a few very sneaky intrusive thoughts and also some small reactions in my body when it comes to some people. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any strong hate for anybody, but these biases do affect my perception and my interpretation of things. This is going to be uncomfortable for me, but also for people. I see that I might hurt some people while journaling about this here. I apologize for that in advance, but if I go through this it might be unavoidable to project and make mistakes. I will explore both my personal biases and also biases of others that caused me suffering. I will explore my projections and people's projections on me. I will interconnect everything: my environment, others people's environment, different cultures, childhood, family, past traumas, etc. It will be about me and others. I will share emotions such as fear, sadness, anxiety, hurt, and anger. I think I will be overall fine with the forum rules as I'm not interested in voluntarily putting some people down, but to explore myself in order to understand myself and purge myself. Maybe one or two things will be near the limit. If you are a moderator or anyone else and think that something that I write here is inappropriate for this forum, just let me know and I'll stop.

04/04/2021 (Week 10) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... generate joy let myself feel joy use joy to discipline myself bring high awareness to what I'm doing bring awareness to the source of my pain in order to understand it bring awareness to my awareness accept my flaws and imperfections accept that I'm moving at my own pace accept living life consciously accept that progress takes time accept taking extreme ownership for everything

Weekly Statistics (29 March 2021 - 04 April 2021) Total Working Hours 30 hours 40 minutes Average Focus 3.45 / 5

04 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:23 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes)

I deluded myself. I have been watching these videos for so many years without realizing that I was the one behind everything. I was lost, deluded, and depressed and I wanted to get out of my delusion by creating a higher quality delusion that would be a stepping stone out of my delusion, but I didn't saw that it was another delusion. I see it now, it's always there no matter the video. It takes many forms but it's always the same source. And it's not only about actualized.org, it's the same thing for all videos that exist. I created everything. I created these videos, I created Leo, I created this forum and each message that it contains. These videos cannot exist without me experiencing them, which means that their existence is dependant on me, which means that I created these videos. Leo cannot exist without me experiencing Leo, which means that Leo's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created Leo. This forum cannot exist without me experiencing it, which means that this forum's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created this forum and all messages that it contains. And it's not only about me, it's also about you because I cannot exists without you. You created these videos, Leo, this forum, and everything else. This post cannot exists without you experiencing it, which means that this post's existence is dependant on you, which means that you created this post. I'm going to stop here for today, I will create the answers that I need tomorrow.

4 years, but I never did anything hardcode (meditation retreats, psychedelics, etc). I only have been meditating every day for at most 1 hour, the max that I did was 2 hours. Maybe what helped is that I always been pretty distant, distrustful of society, and isolated since I was a kid. I always took a lot of time contemplating things and asking questions. I'm still processing, not everything is clear. I cannot create an ice cream, but I can create the thought "ice cream" and assign it to a piece of emptiness and assign a meaning to it. I am doing this right now for this conversation through the use of the English language. Yes, the "I" is the delusion.

@snowyowl

Enlightenment doesn't exist but it can reference itself by using the word enlightenment. Enlightenment is everything that exists but as it is everything any word used to reference itself isn't it, but only a partial part of it.

@Blackhawk Yes, I agree.

This is trickier than I imagined, and I also imagine that this is trickier than I imagined, and I also imagine that I imagine that this is trickier than I imagined, and I also imagine that I imagine that I imagine that this is trickier than I imagined...

Let's get back to the imagination of being human. They are some serious biases that I need to tackle within this dream.

I, God, the Universe, whatever word is used it's always the same thing behind. I don't feel I completely lost my identity, I think that it will take years for that, but my awareness increased to a point where I see fewer and fewer separations. Of course. I actually already contemplated that and asked myself is this was a belief. It felt painful and sad at first because I was losing my identity, but after that, I felt more reunited, I felt joy, amazement, and more acceptance. I feel like I know myself better. However, I think that more time is needed for me to process and see more changes. I always knew you were here.

If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't.

Actualized.org is an Illusion I deluded myself. I have been watching these videos for so many years without realizing that I was the one behind everything. I was lost, deluded, and depressed and I wanted to get out of my delusion by creating a higher quality delusion that would be a stepping stone out of my delusion, but I didn't saw that it was another delusion. I see it now, it's always there no matter the video. It takes many forms but it's always the same source. And it's not only about actualized.org, it's the same thing for all videos that exist. I created everything. I created these videos, I created Leo, I created this forum and each message that it contains. These videos cannot exist without me experiencing them, which means that their existence is dependant on me, which means that I created these videos. Leo cannot exist without me experiencing Leo, which means that Leo's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created Leo. This forum cannot exist without me experiencing it, which means that this forum's existence is dependant on me, which means that I created this forum and all messages that it contains. And it's not only about me, it's also about you because I cannot exists without you. You created these videos, Leo, this forum, and everything else. This post cannot exists without you experiencing it, which means that this post's existence is dependant on you, which means that you created this post. I'm going to stop here for today, I will create the answers that I need tomorrow.

03/04/2021 (Week 10) I any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... let myself feel joyful bring joy to what I'm doing discipline me through joy share my joy bring high awareness to what I'm doing do what I do with awareness focus with high awareness accept my flaws and imperfections accept to take full responsibility for my life accept myself accept to make progress

03 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:38 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:05 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:36 AM - 10:10 AM I continued working on my app interface Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes 10:29 AM - 12:00 AM I worked on a date-time picker, but I also distracted myself a bit too much Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 01:05 PM - 02:42 PM I continued the work on the date-time picker Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 02:48 PM - 04:32 PM I continued the previous work. I had a lot of unrelated thoughts that made me a bit sad and I also distracted myself a bit Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 44 minutes 07:34 PM - 08:22 PM I did other fixes and improvements to the date-time picker Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 48 minutes Average Focus: 3.3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 7 hours 14 minutes, including 7 hours 14 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Actualized.org is an illusion.