Raphael

When are people going to stop focusing on small details and try to fix the root? https://www.prisonpolicy.org/blog/2020/06/05/policekillings/

16/04/2021 (Week 12) If I take 5 percent more responsibility for the success of my relationships... I'll bring more awareness to my relationships I'll let away my bitterness when I feel it coming I'll stay lightheaded I'll improve the quality of my relationships I'll dismiss less relationships I'll generate more happiness from my relationships Sometimes I keep myself passive when I... wait for things to happen magically except life to work out magically for me don't take actions dismiss my qualities do nothing fake actions and convince myself that I'm doing something Sometimes I make myself helpless when I... fall into victim mentality let difficult thoughts drag me down entertain fear don't take responsibility avoid everything avoid all relationships including the ones that have the most potential to help me growth refuse to fix my traumas I am becoming aware... that I'm not perfect that I have issues to work on that I'm actually improving that I'm on the right path that I have all the capacities to sort things out that I'm still young and that I have an entire life of self-actualization that I'm an highly conscious individual that I will be able to succeed in life

16 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:00 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:40 AM - 10:34 AM I responded to a client, did some test, also distracted myself a bit in the middle Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 54 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 11:03 AM - 12:11 AM I worked on video upload for Facebook, but got stuck on a file data issue for the thumbnail Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 01:13 PM - 02:44 PM I'm still stuck on the same issue Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 04:37 PM - 06:20 PM This issue feels like a dick in the ass Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 43 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 16 minutes, including 4 hours 22 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective at least 45 minutes)

All these discussions are so confusing

This guy's faith is at another level.

15/04/2021 (Week 12) If I take 5 percent more responsibility for the success of my relationships... I'll bring more awareness to my relationships I'll try to understand the dynamics behind relationships I'll be more focused when communicating with people I'll have more understanding of people's needs I'll bring more fun to my relationships I'll be more honest with people Sometimes I keep myself passive when I... wait for things to happen don't take enough actions wait for people to come to me do nothing doubt myself don't take responsibility Sometimes I make myself helpless when I... fall for victim mentality let myself be distracted by the internet don't take responsibility let my mind drag me down become too much anxious don't take actions let myself fall into distractions I am becoming aware... that my self-esteem is improving that I'm doing much better than a few months ago that I have flaws, but that I need to stay aware of them that I am highly capable that I only need to do some efforts that I just need to take more responsibility that I just need to bring more focus to what I do that I need to be more hopeful that I'm doing better than I think that I can achieve what I want

15 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:08 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:07 AM - 10:09 AM I searched for job offers Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 2 minutes 10:32 AM - 12:20 AM I made a money transfer and sent proposals Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 42 minutes 01:24 PM - 02:44 PM I applied to more jobs Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 20 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 04:39 PM - 06:00 PM I completed the upload API and the upload Facebook photo API. I had an insane amount of unrelated thoughts Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 21 minutes 07:40 PM - 08:29 PM I started to work on an API for Facebook video upload Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 49 minutes @Raphael Good job. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 14 minutes, including 2 hours 10 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective at least 45 minutes)

14 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:53 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:43 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes)

14/04/2021 (Week 11) If I take 5 percent more responsibility for the success of my relationships... I'll take my relationships more seriously I'll bring more authenticity to my relationships I'll bring more joy to my relationships I'll try to understand other's needs I'll try to put myself in the shoes of others I'll improve the quality of my relationships I'll bring more love to my relationships Sometimes I keep myself passive when I... don't talk keep too many things for myself let people walk on me don't take actions entertain negative thoughts don't take responsibility avoid myself Sometimes I make myself helpless when I... fall into victim mentality doubt myself don't take initiative wait for life to come for me of taking actions entertain too much stress spiral down in depression I am becoming aware... that I can do great things that my life can be deep and fulfilling that I am highly competent that I am highly intelligent that I just need to take more responsibility that I need a bit more courage that I'm an exceptional human being that I'm making progress that I'm doing much better than most people of my age that I'm great that I can achieve what I want to achieve

13/04/2021 (Week 11) If I take 5 percent more responsibility for the success of my relationships... I won't avoid difficult moments I'll bring more love to my relationships my relationships would improve I'll be more connected with people I'll be more authentic in my relationships I'll be more open in my relationships I'll try to understand things from the other's perspective Sometimes I keep myself passive when I... don't take responsibility let life flow too much let myself succumb to addictions don't take actions let others take control of my life don't admit mistakes don't act out of integrity Sometimes I make myself helpless when I... don't trust my abilities listen too much to other people negativity don't allow me to relax am not responsible don't fulfill my needs try to push things too much without even having a break I am becoming aware... that I need to take 100% responsibility that I need to take responsibility to relax and let go that I can do what I want to do that I have an enormous potential that I am an exceptional human being who just lack some self-esteem that I'm highly capable that I just need a bit of courage to take actions that will have an enormous impact on my life

13 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:36 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:42 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:24 AM - 10:40 AM I did some research and tests Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 16 minutes 10:58 AM - 12:05 AM I did more research Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 7 minutes 01:10 PM - 02:45 PM I searched for some job opportunities Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes 07:31 PM - 08:12 PM I did a test and sent a job proposal Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 41 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 04:48 PM - 06:35 PM I did some progress on file upload Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 47 minutes Average Focus: 3.2 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 25 minutes, including 1 hour 47 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective at least 45 minutes)

I think that everyone has at least a small unconscious kernel of racial bias. If you think you're clean, check yourself out.

12/04/2021 (Week 11) If I take 5 percent more responsibility for the success of my relationships... I'll bring more honesty to my relationships I'll be more vulnerable in my relationships I'll bring more understanding in my relationships I'll be more proactive in my relationships I'll be open in my relationships I'll try to find funny things to do with the people that I care about Sometimes I keep myself passive when I... let myself distracted wait for things to happen to me don't take responsibility refuse to dig into my traumas refuse to understand myself refuse to take actions refuse to push through difficulties don't discipline myself don't walk the talk Sometimes I make myself helpless when I... let myself being dragged down by negative thoughts close myself from myself avoid responsibility let my monkey mind take the control of the situation don't experience my emotions don't take actions I am becoming aware... that it's time to change that I can change by taking 100% responsibility that self-discipline and regularly are the keys to personal growth that creating a healthy life system will boost my chances of success that I can evolve that I often make excuses that I'm often fearful of success that I have an enormous potential that I have all the capacities to do what I want to do that I only need to take actions every day that I can change myself and change the world

12 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:08 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: ~ PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 01:22 PM - 05:07 PM I searched for jobs opportunities and sent a few proposals Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 45 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 09:39 AM - 10:42 AM I did a lot of research on how to deal with file upload Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 3 minutes 11:02 AM - 12:17 AM I continued my work on file upload. I made a lot of progress Focus: 3.75/5 Duration: 1 hour 15 minutes 04:45 PM - 06:09 PM I continued working on the file upload. I decided to skip some details in order to go faster Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 24 minutes 07:34 PM - 08:13 PM I completed the Facebook file upload route Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 39 minutes @Raphael Good job. Average Focus: 3.55 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 6 minutes, including 4 hours 21 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective at least 45 minutes)

Thoughts?

11/04/2021 (Week 11) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... take responsibility to breathe properly take responsibility to declutter my mind through journaling push through difficulties discipline myself work with intense focus use my mind to better slice problems allow time for my cravings allow empty time to rest keep my mind as free as possible by avoiding distractions take responsibility to do one thing at the time take full responsibility to create results in my life take full responsibility to take full responsibility

Weekly Statistics (05 April 2021 - 11 April 2021) Total Working Hours 22 hours 39 minutes Average Focus 3.23 / 5

11 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:20 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:20 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective at least 0 minutes)

Exploring Racial Biases: Black Africans Biases Foreword: I apologize in advance if anything hurt someone here. What Happened I noticed a few intrusive thoughts on black people in the past. It wasn't intense and I didn't have a lot of them, but I was surprised the first time. The first time that it happened was a few years ago, I caught myself and I was like "Wtf just happened? Why did I have this thought? What is happening? Am I becoming racist or what?" I also noticed several times feeling a bit of fear when a black person would approach me in the street or when seeing a picture of a black person. Experiences My experience with black people is a bit more limited than my experience with Indians or white people. Most black people that I met were just normal people, they were friendly and I had no particular issue with them. I can notably think of: A kid that I spent some time with in school A good friend who is actually mixed race (black/white) and who is now a photographer. He was always very friendly and kind A girl at school that I found pretty A pool supervisor that was very friendly A few other people that I met in college Someone that I worked with recently However, some experiences may have distorted my perception: When I was at school they were a big and muscular black guy who was a bully. I got a lot of mockery from him and even if I didn't have the physique I would confront him, but only verbally. One day I said that he was dumb in the classroom and in front of everyone, he then threatened me a bit after that and scared me. It almost went physical one time: I wasn't doing anything special but he put a biscuit on me, so I took it back and put it on him, he then got reactive and slapped me and break my glasses. It didn't go further than that. I wasn't the only person that didn't like him, in fact, many people didn't like him. I think he had an influence on me because we spent many years at the same schools and even in the same classes. One day I was walking with my four dogs. Only one dog was leashed and it was the biggest one. I kept the others unleashed because they were pretty small and I considered them harmless. At a moment, a black man appeared. As soon as he saw me, he took a big branch from the ground and kept it with him. I was a bit surprised and started to fix him in the eyes with a little of arrogance (I think I already had some small unconscious biases at that time). He told me to be careful with my dogs and to keep them away. I said something like: "You know if you take a branch with you...". I didn't have the time to finish, he shut me up very quickly and screamed at me that next time I should put a leash on all my dogs. I get it, he was afraid, but I still consider this overactive. I always found it ridiculous when people are afraid of dogs because it's this same fear that attracts them. Months ago, I had new blacks neighbors recently. The mom looks pretty narcissistic, it can easily happen that I hear her threatening her kids, insulting her kids, or beating her kids. When I take the bus, I see that black kids are often very agitated compared to other kids. Insults and vulgarities fly very easily. Of course, it also happens with other kids, but it seems to me that it happens more with black kids. Environmental Influence & Sense-Making I mentioned that before, my dad is extremely racist, especially against black people. I hear insults every day against these people and even sometimes wishes of death. Even if I live in an African country, there is a lot of racism directed towards black people. They aren't the majority in the country where I live and suffer from a huge traumatic background from centuries of oppression. This trauma gets passed from generation to generation and people have to deal with it which explains why they are fearful, agitated, and have more difficulties going through life. From 2015 to 2017, I studied in France. One thing that surprised me at first is how much sarcasm is used to talk about different groups of people. French people talk sarcastically about races every day. It happened to me to be called black, Muslim, or Indian depending on how they would perceive me. It seems that as a mixed-race person I'm not white enough to be considered white by white people. Personally, I didn't saw this as racism at first because I felt some joyful energy. I accepted it as being part of the culture and even had fun doing that with the people who did sarcastic comments on me. However, one experience made me question if there wasn't an unconscious root cause to that. In 2017, I became friend with someone who was an extreme left supporter and was all about equality for all and other stage green values. One day I told him that there was 99% of success at the final exam in my country and he seemed embarrassed. He asked me if the level was lower because in France it's not that high, then he recognized that it doesn't mean anything because I was doing well in the French settings. From what I know his parents were racists and in retrospect I think that he probably absorb some of it, but was ashamed of it and was hiding it behind stage green values. I think that there is a collective shadow within white people. I think that a certain number of people who defend equality for everyone do that because they are ashamed of some feelings and thoughts, and of course, some people do it without knowing the racist connotation because it's part of the culture. The constant use of sarcasm by some people as "it's funny, it's only a joke, it's not racist" hides a collective shadow from my perspective. And I think that I absorbed a bit of this collective shadow while living in France. Bias Formation I think that these small intrusive thoughts and fears that I experienced about black people got formed because: I got bullied by a black kid at school My dad is racist There is general racism towards black people around the world and I absorbed a bit of it When I feel some fear, it happens because it reminds me of the trauma of being bullied at school which gets amplified by general racism against black people. Letting Go I think I can let go of that by practicing forgiveness. I need to acknowledge and forgive: This black kid that bullied me when I was at school The racism of my dad The racism masqueraded behind sarcasm from French people The general racism against black people Me and my own intrusive thoughts and fears I also need to practice acceptance and spend more time with black people.

10/04/2021 (Week 11) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... take 100% responsibility for my life take responsibility to work with intense focus take responsibility to create and maintain a healthy systemic living system take responsibility for my sleep take responsibility to be more consistent with my work take responsibility to discipline myself take responsibility to attain my goals take responsibility to use my mind at its maximum take responsibility to fix my traumas take responsibility to have empty time to relax take responsibility to have some time for my cravings

10 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:10 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:40 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:00 AM - 10:10 AM I did research and tests on Facebook Publishing API Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 10 minutes 10:34 AM - 12:08 AM I did a lot of progress on the publishing API Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes 01:05 PM - 02:10 PM I completed the publish to Facebook route Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 5 minutes 02:16 PM - 02:54 PM I did some research and tests Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 38 minutes 04:40 PM - 06:13 PM I started to work on files upload but realized that a bit of my work is useless because I missed one important point Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 33 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 0 minutes, including 6 hours 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 55 minutes (objective at least 45 minutes)

I remember Sadhguru saying that he only slept 2-3 hours/day for more than 20 years, but now becoming lazy and sleeping 4 hours lol. I think that this is a possibility for extremely advanced yogis, but not for me and not for most people. Personally, if I sleep less than 8 hours, I feel deprived, stressed, unmotivated, and cannot work properly. My ideal is between 8 to 9 hours/day. Edit: I didn't watch the video too, but I don't think that my opinion would change.

09/04/2021 (Week 11) Self-responsibility to me means... consuming high quality content related to what I need to attain my goals taking actions feeling my emotions disciplining myself staying focused caring about my health having time to relax being flexible and adaptable pushing through difficulties If I take 5 percent more responsibility for my life and well-being... I'll sleep better I'll work better I'll have better focus I'll be more proactive I'll fix my traumas I'll move with ease in life If I avoid responsibility for my life and well-being... I stay stuck I stay afraid I don't feel authentic I cannot make progress in life I'll let go of intrusive thoughts I cannot attain my goals I cannot self-actualize If I take 5 percent more responsibility for the attainment of my goals... I'll be more consistent I'll push through difficulties I'll work with intense focus I'll make small progress everyday I'll use my mind better I'll enjoy the process If I avoid responsibility for the attainment of my goals... I demotivate myself I let go of my goals I feel depressed I cannot more forward in life I avoid dealing with myself I avoid life

09 April 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:46 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: ~ (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today I choose to take time to reflect and introspect on some stuff, so I didn't work. Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective at least 45 minutes)