Raphael

I am Enough I was experiencing very difficult emotions today. My mind was incredibly agitated then after a moment, I had this insight: I am enough. I started to feel better and better just after and the monkey mind gradually shut down. I also cried a bit. I often have a sense of urgency, it stresses me out, it ruins my life. I finally became aware of its origin: my dad. This isn't really a surprise, and many of my issues are from him, but it feels great to understand them and fix them. I have always been talked by him, always pressured so much to do great, to perform that it ruined my life. It created some deep insecurities of always feeling not being enough and of always needing to do more and more things. Today, I can say this: I am enough.

@soos_mite_ah I remember reading this entry. I also had an experience around the same time where I got into a stage blue environment. Even though I knew about SD, my ego was a bit too strong to have enough compassion which resulted in a very difficult period of my life with a lot of conflicts. I thought sometimes about trying to introduce the model to stage blue/orange people, but an entire course would be necessary only to understand why the transition to orange or green is necessary. By the way, what do you think about Leo participating in podcasts? Someone pointed out on this forum that it can help in giving a less cultist image of actualized.org and opening it, but again being too open can be an issue.

@Zeroguy Interesting, I didn't know about solipsism.

10/05/2021 (Week 16) Living purposefully to me means... living to achieve my goals living for something higher than myself disciplining myself to achieve something higher than myself living for a spiritual cause living to help humanity living consciously living gracefully always evolving to higher and higher versions of myself If I bring 5 percent more purposefulness into my life... my life would feel more previous my life would feel more important my life would feel more conscious I would have more awareness in my life I would be more motivated I would work with more intensity If I operate 5 percent more purposefully at work... I'll focus on what is really necessary to move forward in my work I would work with more intensity my work would reflect me better the quality of my work would improve my work would feel more important I'll be happier to work I'll focus on what's important I'll do better If I operate 5 percent more purposefully in my relationships... my relationships would feel better I'll try to improve my relationships a bit more every day I'll be happier in my relationships I'll be more aware in my relationships the happiness of people around me would improve I'll cut people who drag me down I'll cut people who don't serve me I'll have more satisfaction from my relationships

10 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:42 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:50 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:48 AM - 09:48 AM I worked on a backend API Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 10:12 AM - 11:58 AM I continued the previous work. I had difficulties working properly because of some thoughts and I also felt a bit depressed Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 46 minutes 01:08 PM - 02:43 PM I continued working on the API. I got distracted by my grand who exploded in another emotional crisis. It was a bit difficult to handle Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes 04:34 PM - 06:11 PM I continued the work on the API Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 07:12 PM - 08:16 PM I continued the work on the API Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 4 minutes Average Focus: 3.3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 7 hours 2 minutes, including 7 hours 2 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

And this one too. How can this comment exists if you don't perceive it? See? You are creating this journal. You are creating all the posts that you are reading. You are currently creating everything. Why are you doing this? Why are you creating this? Why do you need this? Why? ?

You are creating this comment that you are reading.

You are creating this comment that you are reading.

09/05/2021 (Week 15) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... honor my life honor my wants am responsible for my life open up a bit more share my joy share my authenticity set boundaries say what I want to say do what I want to do

Weekly Statistics (26 April 2021 - 02 May 2021) Total Working Time 25 hours 33 minutes Average Focus 3.47 / 5

09 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 09:00 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today I slept so much lol. I had a deep profound night of sleep. It's maybe because I did a breathwork session yesterday, screamed a lot, cried a lot, and released a lot of emotions. Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes)

@Shin It comes from this.

Showing a face of God.

Nope. Wtf is this?

@Shin On peux dire que je suis à croquer

I only know his name and only watched a few minutes of his content in my entire life. I never felt attracted by videos on him because many of them had clickbait titles and are too popular to feel authentic.

Am I the only one who knows nothing about this guy?

Why do spiritualists have a disdain for psychological theory and concepts? Best thread that I read recently, there's a lot of good information inside. I often noticed this issue with spiritual people of not adressing the problem to where someone is at. However, I recently had an insight from Nahm that brought me some understanding.

About Turning Actualized.org into a Cult Ok. That was maybe a bit too pessimistic. However, I still think that the possibility of actualized.org becoming a cult or at least a light-cult is real. Leo mentioned in his video that he envisaged shutting down Youtube comments and also shutting down this forum. I think that it can backfire because: Newbies who discover actualized.org will have a lot of questions and will have no one to communicate with. They will not communicate with relatives because the information is very radical. Therefore they will be afraid of being seen as crazy and deluded. This will lead to a beginner creating an unofficial online community to communicate and the one who will create it will be seen as the leader. However, this newbie will not be developed and will only get ego boost from other people and will turn into a zen devil. This unofficial community will turn into a cult or cult-like because of lack of awareness. I'm not sure if Leo is aware of this possibility, maybe he is, I can't know with certainty, but it didn't seem to be the case in his video. This looks like a strange loop: by taking so many precautions to not turn actualized.org into a cult, he is actually contributing to the creation of a cult. Here are best case scenarios that I see: Someone will maybe try to create an unofficial community without being a newbie and will do it out of compassion. Nothing serious will happen and Leo will die, but the teachings will still be available and some people will misinterpret them. actualized.org ain't the truth, but a collection of pointers to the truth. Also, collective ego is unavoidable. People will confuse the truth with pointers, this is already the case for some people on this forum. The real question is how much collective ego is tolerable? I really hope actualized.org never becomes mainstream. To stay uncorrupted, teachings have to not being widespread... but Leo recently created a new channel with short video clips to open actualized.org to more people... Some of my concerns can also be selfish because I'm afraid. I don't want this community to die because I'm egoic, because I'm attached to it, and because I grew so much from it by just reading the discussions on this forum. In the end, consciousness will do what is necessary... so we will see how it goes in the next decades.

08/05/2021 (Week 15) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... treat my life as precious and important honor my wants do what I want to do say what I want to say open up stay authentic around people share my authenticity share the funny part of me share my joy share my craziness

08 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:55 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: ~ PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)

Not really because most people don't have the money for this, but it would be fun.

07/05/2021 (Week 15) If (when I was young) someone had told me my wants really mattered... I would have honored my wants I would not have being so depressed I wouldn't have hide myself I would have been more comfortable being myself I wouldn't have feel ashamed of having wants I would have been happy to show what I want I would have been more authentic I would have been more motivated If (when I was young) I had been taught to honor my own life... I would have done better in life my life would have been more fulfilling I would have honored my wants I would have taken my life more seriously I wouldn't have fallen into video game addiction I would have fulfilled my needs I would have done what I wanted to do If I treat my life as unimportant... I feel unimportant I feel depressed I have low energy I feel unmotivated I don't want to do what I need to do I let other people decide for me I don't get things done people walk over me If I were willing to say yes when I want to say yes and no when I want to say no... I would have better boundaries I'll do what I want to do I'll say what I want to say I'll be more authentic I'll be more responsible I'll have more control on my life If I were willing to let people hear the music inside me... I'll be more joyful I'll be crazier around people I'll share a bit more about me with people I'll attract more authentic people I'll be more authentic with people I'll make some friends I'll show who I really are I'll be more honest I'll have more integrity I'll feel better If I were to express 5 percent more of who I am... I'll share some of my thoughts I'll share some of my dark secrets I'll do it through my work I'll be a bit more authentic I'll be a bit more needy for people I would do what I want to do

07 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:38 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:00 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 10:31 AM - 12:20 AM I did some configurations and responded to a client Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 49 minutes 04:23 PM - 06:17 PM I did some server configuration Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 54 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 08:35 AM - 10:00 AM I did some work on a small web app and tried setting up a remote work environment for my personal project's API Focus: 3.75/5 Duration: 1 hour 25 minutes 01:07 PM - 02:38 PM I did improvements on a small web app Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes Average Focus: 3.56 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 39 minutes, including 2 hours 56 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours) Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (I'm not reading anything currently)