Raphael

30 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:18 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Sunday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes)

@UDT I'm trying to find my balance here, so I'm not going to quickly change from one advice to another one. If being too skinny can be dangerous for my health and several people are recommending increasing the number of calories, then I'm going to start here first. However, I would appreciate if you could explain more all your recommendations because I do lack some knowledge when it comes to nutrition.

About Recent Events in The Community I want to share some thoughts about Leo, Actualized.org, and the recent suicide of a member of this forum. About Leo, his Rhetoric, and Empathy The first time that I discovered actualized.org I was blown away by how much I resonated with Leo. It was the first time that I resonated that much with someone. I resonated with everything: the ideas, the way he articulates things, the arrogance, etc. I thought: "Finally a no BS guy. Finally someone who cares about the truth, who is willing to dive deep, and who says things how they are even if people don't like it". I especially liked the direct and blunt approach on some videos. It was for the videos from 2014 to 2017, the style has evolved since then. He was like my clone. When you discover someone that is basically your clone you become a bit obsessed with him, but also at the same time this person reveals flaws that are most of the time very difficult to acknowledge without having an outside look on yourself. I only met a few individuals like this in my life and Leo is one of them. With some introspection this year I became aware of another reason why I resonated so much with Leo: he talks like my dad used to talk to me (especially on the forum). I have been annoyed most of my life by how emotional people would get when I would be radically honest and say radical trues. People always looked so dumb to me that I avoided most of them to focus only on me which resulted in me not having any friends, being socially awkward, and not caring about what I would say. The reason why I didn't care at all about the words that I would use with people was that I've been talked down so much that I became emotionally numb to abusive language, especially during late middle school, high school. It caused me an inability to use language properly with people because I would just say what I got. It would cause frictions in social relationships and because of that, I would isolate (they were also other reasons, not only the language but just the fact that I never highly resonated with most people around stage blue/orange). However, I would still live in a society and at one point I would have to interact with a group. When it happened, I started to have so many emotional reactions against my blunt rhetoric (and not only that but just the tone of my voice. I noticed that people are actually more reactive to the tone than the language itself because the tone reflects how we feel and people want to be around people who feel good) that I started to understand that something was wrong. Yes, I lacked empathy many times in my life, I saw people as dumb, irresponsible, and incompetent exactly like Leo. I saw words like "Please" and "Thank you" as useless, I saw kindness as a weakness because I was overly logical and lacked love. I've put myself on a pedestal, but at the same time, I was sad because nobody would relate to me. If these painful relationships and strong emotional reactions against my language helped me in some way is to become more authentic and to bring back the empathy that I lost after being so much verbally abused. I became aware that most people aren't overly logical and cannot handle directness, but I also became aware that I lost a part of myself a long time ago. I remember being hypersensitive as a kid and crying more easily than other boys, I then lost this hypersensitivity because it was too overwhelming and choose to repress emotions, I'm now connecting back to this hypersensitivity and expressing emotions again. What helped me in bringing back empathy to my life was to remind myself of being talked down to and of being disrespected, and to feel the pain that I felt and at the same time to feel the pain that others feel. I think that empathy needs to be more cultivated on this forum. Many times we don't realize when we are in pain and we don't know that we cause our own pain. Many times we are stuck in strange loops of our bodies and our minds. If you highly resonate with Leo, I'm suggesting you to analyze the relationship that you have with him. This relationship might be a bit more traumatic than you think it is. About Actualized.org Spiral Development There has been a huge evolution of Actualized.org level of consciousness. It started with stage Orange and progressively moved to Green, Yellow, and now Turquoise. However, even if the material is very advanced I feel that there is a lot of stage orange on this forum especially in the dating subforum... and it makes perfect sense. Some of the most popular videos are videos from 6 - 7 years ago and some of these videos are videos about relationships like: "How To Make A Girl Squirt - Give Your Girl An Explosive Orgasm", "How To Make A Girl Fall In Love With You - What Girls Really Want", "What Women Want In A Man - 5 Factors That Hook Women Like Crack", "How To Have Amazing Sex (For Women) - Drive Your Man Wild In Bed", "How To Be Attractive - The Ultimate Attraction Strategy", etc. My intuition is telling me here that even if these videos are old they are still getting a lot of views compared to recent videos because everyone is so obsessed with sex. I remember the video "How To Make A Girl Squirt - Give Your Girl An Explosive Orgasm" having 1M views a few years ago, but now has more than 2.2M views. It means that it received more than 200K views in a few years which is a lot of views compared to recent videos. My intuition is also telling me that as there is some stage Orange in these videos, a certain number of people who watch them want to learn more and therefore join this forum mostly in the hope of getting advice to get laid. I think that people who watch these videos are mostly inexperienced or people who want some advice but also include a subgroup of desperate virgins who are mostly men because Leo is a man and often has a very masculine approach which they relate to. This makes the dating subforum particularly low conscious. Also, Leo is a very sexual person and often makes references to sex and people sometimes take that literally, copy him because he has a lot of influence, and therefore contributes to low consciousness. The previous point now brings me to spirituality. I feel that there is a stage Orange approach to spirituality in this community and that Leo has a stage Orange mindset towards spirituality. I don't read the Meditation, Consciousness, Enlightenment, Spirituality subforum that much because I'm more concerned about basic stuff, but I sense some competition here. I remember people comparing how enlightened they are in the past. Competition can be healthy in some situations but doesn't apply to enlightenment because enlightenment is deeply personal. I see this issue with young people around my age. If you are around my age (or younger), here's my advice: there is no need to compete for enlightenment, having a basic foundation is more important. I think that the balance for young people should be around 70% basic stuff, 30% spiritual work. Spiritual work is important, but diving into it too early causes issues because it doesn't have a solid base, yet it can help with building the foundation if targeted properly on specific issues. There is no need to go deep for someone who doesn't even have a proper base in life, there's no need to do long meditation retreats, psychedelics, or similar things, yet a bit of spirituality is healthy (a bit of meditation, a bit of introspection, some shadow work, etc.) and brings balance to the process which is why I consider the 70/30 ratio as ideal. There is a lot of stage Orange here, stage Orange hiding behind other MEMEs, stage Orange competing to be seen as Green, or Yellow, or Turquoise. I'm not immune to that, I also did it to some degree to be honest, but it's important to be aware of it. About Actualized.org Clips Leo recently created a new channel called Actualized.org Clips which contains small segments of his long videos. My opinion on that is mixed. On one hand, I think that it's great to open Actualized.org more because it has the potential to help a lot of people, but on the other hand, the fact that the teachings are now so advanced makes them difficult to understand for beginners. I personally didn't know about spirituality when I discovered Actualized.org, however, the videos weren't as advanced as they are now, and because of that, I was able to follow through. Nevertheless, I acknowledge that I did create some beliefs in the past, so I still need to be careful here. About Newcomers I think that there should be a system in place to handle beginners, something like a warning at the beginning of the videos (for both Actualized.org and Actualized.org Clips channels) or a link that would point to a video (or a set of videos) specially designed for beginners so that they don't go down the wrong path. Also if moderators could welcome new members and ask them a few questions to understand where they are in life, it could guide them and help to maintain a healthy community. Finally, an effort needs to be made from Leo and moderators to make the advice more nuanced rather than saying things like: "You are god!", "Life doesn't matter", etc. because people can take things too literally. This is what I think happened with the recent suicide, the member got brainwashed from interacting with the community to the point where he thought that suicide doesn't matter because everything is imaginary and can be a proper way to enlightenment. About Responsibility The original response to the suicide really felt like a stage Orange company that declines all responsibilities. Like a tobacco company that claims to not be responsible for causing cancer to countless people. Sure, the material is completely different and is way more healthy than what does a tobacco company, but the way of handling responsibility is exactly the same. I think that Leo has some stage Orange shadows in him. When there is an exchange between two people responsibility is always shared, no one has 100% responsibility where at the same time the other person has 0% responsibility. How Leo communicates the material is important, how he communicates on the forum is important because he has a lot of influence and many people can take him literally. That's the problem with all religions, people get brainwashed, and that's what is happening here too. "God" isn't God, but just a pointer. Saying "You are God" isn't being God. I'm personally aware that I have the belief that I am God, I sure experienced some awakenings in the past, but for the moment the fact that I am God is only a belief because I didn't fully verify it. I'm just a believer of Leo here, it's important to be conscious of that. Even if it has been said many times that Actualized.org is not an ideology some people are getting brainwashed anyway and are confusing the map for the territory. To end up, I don't consider that the suicide is mostly Leo's fault, yet he does have some responsibility.

@Michael569 Yes. I implemented some of your advice but didn't increase the number of calories. I just started doing that today by eating more carbs for breakfast.

@Gregory1 Thanks for your advices

29/05/2021 (Week 18) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... take responsibility to improve my integrity focus on creating a quality life let myself be authentic be as honest as I can while still considering what is possible to talk about with people align my thoughts with what I want or what I'm doing put full focus in my work love myself unconditionally

29 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 05:31 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:06 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 01:49 PM - 02:53 PM I did some work on my API. I also distracted myself a bit. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 4 minutes 04:45 PM - 06:15 PM I did some progress on the API. I also distracted myself too much. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 30 minutes Average Focus: 3.25 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 2 hours 34 minutes, including 2 hours 34 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes)

Yeah, I think I do have less energy than average people and I'm also easily drained by loud noises. Was it difficult for you when you started to force it? When I forced it in the past, it felt very difficult and unnatural.

That's maybe the reason why my bones are thinner than average people.

I'm 24 and I have been very skinny all my life. I've never tried breathing and body connection. Here's what I currently eat: Breakfast: a smoothie consisting of half and avocado, blueberries and 2 dates. + a cup of oats + a handful of cashews nuts + some almonds 10:00 AM: a fruit (apple, or mandarin, or banana) 12:00 AM: a meal with brown rice + 2 vegetables + 3 eggs or fish + a kiwi. The meal size looks similar to this meal, just imagine having some eggs or fish on top of that 04:00 PM: a fruit (apple, or mandarin, or banana) 07:00 PM: a meal with brown rice (but a bit less than at 12:00 AM) + some grains (lentils, chickpeas, green peas, etc) + 1 or 2 vegetables + some lettuce + black chocolate

Use anger as fuel, concentrate it in a specific direction so that it becomes like a rocket engine and makes you pop out of the stratosphere. That's what I did in survival situations where I needed to be more machiavellian.

I always hated corporate culture. Putting a costar, working a dead-end job, and pretending to be happy always felt so fucking fake to me.

Questions on Being Very Skinny Hey there, I have some questions about being skinny. I'm a very skinny and tall person and I have been very skinny my entire life. Gyms got closed recently in my country because of Covid and because of that I exercised less regularly and less intensely during the past two months. I also started to eat a bit less recently because I felt that I was eating more than I needed. However, I don't undereat, I eat moderately, I eat what I feel I need. As a consequence of that, I lost some weight. I'm now at 112 lbs for 6 ft (51 kg for 183 cm) which gives me a BMI of 15.2, before I was at 121 lbs for 6 ft (55 kg for 183 cm) with a BMI of 16.4. According to the BMI, I am severely underweight, however, I feel great overall, but maybe just a bit weaker. I enjoy being skinny, it just feels great to be thin and light. Also, when I look at myself in the mirror, I found myself good-looking. I don't feel the need to put 20 - 40 more pounds on my body, I enjoy having a skinny body. I also don't feel hunger, I'm conscious that this is weird to say that but I very rarely felt hunger in my entire life, this an almost unknown sensation for me. Many people have made fun of me for being so skinny in my life and I even had people coming to me to ask me if it was normal or if I was anorexic which is not the case. I very rarely undereat and very rarely overate in my life, it has always being a struggle to gain weight for me even when I would eat more than other people around me. I did gain weight while going to the gym in the past, but never a huge amount. Finally, I started to resonate less and less with the need to go to the gym and to build big muscles. Even if gyms re-open in the future I'm wondering if I'll get back to it or just continue doing some moderate bodyweight workouts at home, which is what I'm currently doing. Is it normal to be so skinny? Should I eat more? Should I continue to exercise with heavyweights like when I was going to the gym? Do I have risks regarding my health?

Very inspiring guy. One of the best examples of healthy blue that I recently saw.

28/05/2021 (Week 18) Integrity to me means... doing my best being honest always improving executing my plans taking actions on what I want to change staying true to myself If I look at instances where I find full integrity difficult... I find it difficult to always be honest with people I find it difficult to execute my plans I find it difficult to take actions I find it difficult respect the same waking up and going to bed time I know I can improve my integrity there by taking more responsibility I know that I just need to make more efforts If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life... my life would feel more effortless my life would feel more joyful my days would be smoother I would be more authentic I would be more attractive I'll be happier to live life I'll experience more playfulness my life would better follow my plans If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work... the quality of my work would increase I'll be more focused while working I'll make progress in my work faster my work would be more authentic I would less be discouraged while facing challenges I'll push through challenges

28 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:31 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:29 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:58 AM - 10:06 AM I worked on my backend API. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 10:22 AM - 11:38 AM I worked on my backend API. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 16 minutes 12:57 AM - 02:47 AM I did some progress on the API. I decided to let of small details to make the project move faster. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 50 minutes 04:27 PM - 06:01 PM I did some progress on Twitter publishing. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes 07:33 PM - 08:11 PM I continued working on this API. Some stuff isn't working, but I'll figure that out tomorrow. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 38 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 26 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

27/05/2021 (Week 18) Integrity to me means... doing the best that I can staying true to myself improving myself being honest saying what I want to say accepting myself being authentic If I look at instances where I find full integrity difficult... I find it difficult to be honest with people because most people don't relate to me I find it difficult to wake up at the same time everyday I find it difficult to go to bed at the same time everyday I find it difficult to work hard I find it difficult to have integrity while doing the business that I'm doing I'm acknowledging that my business is only a temporary phase that will lead to higher integrity in the future I can still improve my integrity by doing efforts I can still improve my integrity by taking responsibility If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life... my life would feel more authentic my life would feel more effortless I'll find people that I can related too I would feel happier I would feel holier I would feel more joyful my life would feel more conscious If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work... I'll work with more intensity I'll generate flow states more frequently the quality of my work would improve my concentration would improve I'll be happier while working I'll get more satisfaction from my work I'll get more joy from my work

26 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:56 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:15 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 10:30 AM - 12:07 AM I improved a small web app, and started working on Twitter publish API. I distracted myself a bit too much. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 01:06 PM - 02:37 PM I worked on Twitter integration. I also distracted myself too much. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 31 minutes 04:20 PM - 06:00 PM I'm a bit demotivated to work today. Focus: 3/5 Duration: 1 hour 40 minutes My mood was a bit low today and I also didn't sleep well at night. Average Focus: 3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 4 hours 48 minutes, including 4 hours 48 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

Holistic Work Ethic Work ethic is holistic. I have been dealing with a lot of difficult thoughts in the past that affected my ability to focus until things started to get better recently. I did some forgiveness to release past traumas and started to have less and less difficult thoughts. A few days ago I started to eat less, I notably reduced my quantity of rice and I noticed that it reduced the monkey mind a lot. I intuitively felt that there was a connection between digestion and thoughts. When I eat a lot my intestines works a lot and it results in thoughts storms, when I eat less my intestines works less, I feel lighter, my mind feels much more clearer and my ability to focus is better. I also feel less and less the need to cope by using social media, reading the news, or watching porn, and it feels great. The attitude of pushing through it even if it's difficult is unhealthy stage orange. It works when someone is healthy: eat healthy, exercise properly, don't have any huge traumatic baggage. The people who aren't highly healthy and who are able to do that have incredible willpower and even if they have incredible willpower, their work is most of the time not the best quality work. Being healthy and having a powerful system is simpler and more rewarding than pushing through it like an animal.

Simple Tips to Improve Work Ethic Clear past traumas as most as possible: do breathwork, forgiveness, talk therapy, shadow work, etc. It will reduce parasite thoughts and improve mental clarity Eat healthy Exercise regularly Wake up and go to bed at the same time Change environment Remove distractions: people, social medias, etc. Progressively use force to break out of the laziness homeostasis

26/05/2021 (Week 18) Integrity to me means... giving the best that I can staying true to myself improving myself doing things fully being honest respecting myself If I look at instances where I find full integrity difficult... I find it difficult to be 100% respectful all the times to my close relatives I find it difficult to wake up at the same time every day I find it difficult to go to sleep at the same time every day I find it difficult to work on my web app I find it difficult to work to become rich I find it difficult to always put my best If I bring 5 percent more integrity into my life... my life would feel more whole my life would be smoother my life would be easier my life would be more enjoyable my life would be more conscious I'll attract people that have more integrity my life would feel more precious If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my work... the quality of my work would improve my work would better serve my purpose my work would feel more meaningful I'll more easily generate flow states while working I'll be happier while working I'll work with full focus I'll work with more intention

26 May 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:21 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 07:19 PM - 08:08 PM I completed some work on these small web apps, I responded to a client, and also did a bit of accounting. I did the best amount in a month since I started freelancing. Focus: 3.75/5 Duration: 49 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 09:42 AM - 10:16 AM I improved a small web app. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 34 minutes 10:38 AM - 11:46 AM I continued the previous work. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes 01:16 PM - 02:41 PM This day is pretty fucked up. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 25 minutes 04:23 PM - 05:59 PM Looks like I'm finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. Focus: 3.75/5 Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes I didn't sleep most of the night, but I pushed through it anyway. Average Focus: 3.6 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 24 minutes, including 4 hours 35 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

I really enjoy your journal. This is very inspirational.

It's funny because I thought about creating the exact same thread recently. I can relate to you, however, I can also see that many times I create excuses and I do feel satisfaction when I'm into my masculine side. Balance is important.

You don't need to completely quit actualized.org, also many people provide insights with basic things here. I personally watch most of the videos and read this forum sometimes, but I mostly focus on basic things. I never did any deep spiritual thing (meditation retreat, psychedelics, etc), I'm keeping that for later.