Raphael

⚠️ Warning If I learned any valuable lesson in recent years is that emotions need to be expressed rather than repressed. And the way that they are going to be expressed here may happen as very strong language. There's nothing personal in that, this is just me expressing myself and expressing repressed emotions like anger, rage, pain, frustration, sadness, depression, despair, etc. Keep this in mind if you choose to read.

07/06/2021 (Week 20) If the child in me could speak, he would say... that he wants love that he wants love from his dad random joyful things that he likes to be creative that he likes to be artistic that he wants some reassurance that he wants some support If the teenager I once was still exists inside me... he would express anger he would express disappointment he would be stubborn he would be addicted to video games he would be rebellious he won't listen to others If my teenage-self could speak he would say... that he wants attention that he wants independence that he doesn't like being judged that much that he wants to be the best that he wants to be strong that he wants happiness that he doesn't want to be left alone that he wants friends At the thought of reaching back to help my child-self... I feel younger I feel more connected with myself I feel more like a child I feel like I'm helping myself to grow I feel some responsibility I feel mature to help myself I'm accepting my child self At the thought of reaching back to help to teenage-self... I feel the need to integrate him I feel responsible I feel less stubborn I feel happy I feel more connected to my teenage-self I'm opening myself to grow If I could make friends with my younger selves... I would accept my younger selves I would speak to my younger selves I'll integrate my younger selves I'll feel holier I'll feel more in peace with myself I'll feel in peace I'll feel responsible I'll help myself I'll feel more accepted I'll feel more loved

07 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:15 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:30 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 08:35 AM - 10:05 AM I called the revenue authority to get some clarifications about the return of income and got them... and holy shit I was not prepared for that. I have so much information to fill, I'm lost. I'm going to do the best that I can, but I hope I won't get any issues with the law. I need to seriously educated myself on accounting. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 30 minutes 10:25 AM - 12:04 AM I decided that I will use the services of a professional accountant to help me fill in all the information because I don't want any issues with the law. I created a Google Sheet document and started to fill it. I also got a message from a client. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 39 minutes 01:05 PM - 02:43 PM I continued completing the document for accounting and posted a job on Upwork. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 38 minutes 04:23 PM - 06:00 PM I checked the answers that I got from freelancers, responded to a few of them, and had a nice discussion with one. I think I found the appropriate guy. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 07:18 PM - 07:30 PM I just did a few research. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 12 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 6 hours 36 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

Barack and Michelle Obama

06/06/2021 (Week 19) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... recognize that I lack integrity while doing this exercise because I'm filling sentences related to relationships that I don't have except currently the one with my mom recognize that I lack integrity doing this sentence completion exercise bring more integrity to this sentence completion exercise by completing appropriately the sentences according to my life and my beliefs bring honesty to everything that I do align myself with my values refuse values that don't resonate with me refuse when people want me to do things that I don't resonate with let go of the hurt of projections of others let go of what doesn't serve me change myself to align with my values and raise my integrity assert myself increase my integrity more and more to the point that one day I'll penetrate the world with my purpose see my life as important, precious, and worthy of love

Weekly Statistics (31 May 2021 - 06 June 2021) Total Working Time 30 hours 45 minutes Average Focus 3.5 / 5

06 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:36 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:11 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Sunday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes)

And high emotional mastery is having an high ability to solve the ever changing complex puzzle of emotions.

Emotions are a puzzle to solve.

05/06/2021 (Week 19) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... align myself with my values reach to people who have similar values let go of people that I don't resonate with do everything possible to entertain high integrity am respectful of myself assert myself in life see my life as precious and as having my full priority

05 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:36 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:17 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 07:20 PM - 07:33 PM I just researched a few documents. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 13 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 04:18 PM - 06:10 PM I started improving the publishing interface. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 52 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 2 hours 5 minutes, including 1 hour 52 minutes of Deep Work (objective 0 minutes)

Leo has typical INTP issues.

Personal Masculine / Feminine Balance I took this test and got a brain that is 58% masculine / 42% feminine. I remember taking it previously and getting 50% masculine / 50% feminine. Even though I think the quality of the questions is pretty low, the results relate to how I feel. I also took this other test and got a similar result. This makes perfect sense. I never really felt hypermasculine nor hyperfeminine, I don't relate a lot with people who are on the extremes. I think that I'm most of the time balanced with a slight preference for masculinity, however, it varied multiple times during my life. I had periods where I felt very creative, artistic (right brain) and periods where I felt very logical, analytical (left brain). It can be a bit difficult to handle and can feel like two people fighting for control on how to approach life, but even though this is challenging I consider this balance as a strenght. Overall I feel less masculine and more sensitive than most men and at the same time less feminine and more emotionless than most women.

04/06/2021 (Week 19) If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my relationships... my relationships would be more meaningful I'll be more honest in my relationships people would appreciate me more I'll attract conscious people I'll value relationships more I'll get more satisfaction from my relationships If I remain loyal to the values I believe are right... I feel aligned with myself I entertain high integrity I'll would be more authentic I'll be whole I'll see less the need to defend myself people would respect my more If I refuse to live by values I do not respect... I feel more authentic I entertain high integrity I'm living life for myself rather than for others I'll let go of people who don't resonate with me I'll let go of unneeded thoughts I'll increase my self-respect If I treat my self-respect as a high priority... people would respect me more my life would go my way I'll be more able to make change my life would become a high priority life I'll more joy from life things would go my way the quality of my life would improve

Actually, I feel a bit more clarity after masturbating but that's mostly after not doing it for 2 - 3 days. Masturbating every day do numbs me.

@Striving for more Interesting that you've added socializing into it. It also seems to me that any life experience can improve someone's mental capacity and that any experience can be used later in a different field. The more diverse life experiences someone has, the more flexible its brain is.

04 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:42 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:49 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:58 AM - 10:25 AM I realized that I did some unneeded work yesterday. I also got a mail from the revenue authority about the payment of taxes and submission of income. I need to inform myself more on this stuff. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 27 minutes Deep Work Sessions: 10:45 AM - 11:59 AM Sent an email, did some work on my API. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 14 minutes 01:38 PM - 02:42 PM I continued the previous work. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 4 minutes 04:38 PM - 06:16 PM I mostly did some testing. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 38 minutes 07:27 PM - 08:24 PM I corrected some bugs, created a pull request and merged it, and updated the API on the development server. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 57 minutes Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 20 minutes, including 4 hours 53 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)

I have so much things going on in my mind. I maybe should try writing bigger posts more regularly, however, my issue is that I don't have that much time to journal everyday. Maybe I could try one very big deep post per week. I see that some people journal in order to empty their mind. It could maybe work for me too if I find enough time.

I think that these small posts with a few lines are just a survival strategy that I developt to avoid digging deep into myself.

Shadow Sensemaking These videos have sexy stage Yellow titles, but I don't know if I'll ever have the time to watch them.

03/06/2021 (Week 19) If I bring 5 percent more integrity to my relationships... my relationships would bring more joy my relationships would be more high conscious people would appreciate me more I'll get more satisfaction from my relationships I'll get value out of my relationships I'll appreciate people more If I remain loyal to the values I believe are right... I entertain high integrity I feel whole my life follows my values I'll assert more my purpose in life I'll feel more authentic my personality would penetrate the world I'll improve more easily If I refuse to live by values I do not respect... I'll let got of difficult people I'll feel more authentic I'll slow down my pace of life my self-respect would increase people would respect me more I'll feel more unique If I treat my self-respect as a high priority... I'll feel better I'll feel happier my life would become a high priority life I'll be more assertive I'll have more boundaries with people I'll spend time with people who respect me I'll respect my values I'll change more easily

03 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:08 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:33 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:41 AM - 10:30 AM Did some work on Twitter related crons. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 49 minutes 10:53 AM - 12:05 AM I continued working on crons for Twitter. I had a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes 02:03 PM - 02:47 PM I took a nap just. I really felt the lack of sleep, my head hurt. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 44 minutes 04:33 PM - 06:10 PM I continued the work on the cron. I still have a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes 07:23 PM - 08:10 PM I continued the improvements on the Twitter cron. Focus: 3.5/5 Duration: 47 minutes 3 days without sleep... It was very tough, I had to take a nap during the day. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Total Work Duration: 5 hours 9 minutes, including hours minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)