Raphael

Be so good that they can't ignore you.

Had so many thoughts one day that my brain exploded. Felt great.

Mainstream Porn is Like Eating at McDonald. It's just so fake, so inauthentic, it gives a very distorted view of sex. What the main pornographic companies are producing is garbage for the mind, it creates enormous self-esteem issues within men and women. I feel like I might vomit one day if I continue watching this. Enter "intimate sex" on PornHub and you'll find healthier videos. Normal people with normal bodies having healthy sexual intercourse. The channel "Kate Marley" healthily shows what intimacy should be in a couple.

23/06/2021 (Week 22) Sometimes my child-self feels rejected by me when I... criticizes me too much try to be too perfect don't express joy don't let myself be authentic don't listen to my basic needs don't speak don't allow a bit of craziness in my life Sometimes my teenage-self feels rejected by me when I... repress my emotions don't try to understand myself repress my anger isolate suppress my ambition am too perfectionist criticize my body One of the things my child-self needs from me and rarely gets is... attention containment love proper nurturing freedom of speech letting go of expectation One of the things my teenage-self needs from me and hasn't gotten is... love understanding encouragement support touch communication a deep emotional connection One of the ways my child-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... neediness sadness depression shyness fear insecurity One of the ways my teenage-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... anger laziness lack of motivation by hiding his needs poor thinking habits negative self-talk anxiety social anxiety

23 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:52 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:05 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:31 AM - 10:37 AM I did some progress on the date time picker. I also had a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3/5 Progress: 3/5 10:57 AM - 12:18 AM I continued the work on the date time picker and also continued to have a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 01:30 PM - 02:36 PM I continued the previous work. I had an insane amount of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3/5 Progress: 3/5 04:17 PM - 05:20 PM I continued the work concerning the date time picker. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3.5/5 07:30 PM - 08:38 PM I continued the work concerning the date time picker. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 Average Focus: 3.35 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.2 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

Ideas of Practical Journals Forgiving Myself for the Pain that I Caused: will maybe create this one, not sure Financial Freedom: will create this one, this year Becoming A Social Being: not sure if I'll create this one Superhuman Food: not sure if I'll create this one Divine Masculinity: not sure if I'll create this one Integrating Red: not sure if I'll create this one. I thought about learning a combat sport in order to integrate Red Finding My Purpose: will probably not create this one It doesn't mean that I don't work on myself if I don't create one of these journals, but just that I'm not sharing some stuff publicly. In all cases, whether I create these practical journals or not, I have an entire life of growth ahead of me.

22/06/2021 (Week 22) Sometimes my child-self feels rejected by me when I... don't express myself hide my emotions don't myself be crazy hide my curiosity close myself don't take care of my basic needs Sometimes my teenage-self feels rejected by me when I... keep my anger inside don't pursue my goals don't act on my desire don't give myself love don't listen to my intuition don't care about my needs One of the things my child-self needs from me and rarely gets is... attention visibility containment security love understanding acceptance freedom One of the things my teenage-self needs from me and hasn't gotten is... freedom support understanding security love touch nurturing One of the ways my child-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... sadness laziness feeling isolated fear neediness ego-centrism One of the ways my teenage-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... repressed anger difficulty to focus neediness non self-expression lack of motivation laziness fear lack of courage

22 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:17 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:56 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:21 AM - 10:35 AM Did some research, some schemas, and responded to a person. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 4/5 Deep Work Sessions: 10:56 AM - 12:15 AM I did some tests and found some bugs. I also distracted myself a bit. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 2/5 01:24 PM - 02:32 PM I continued correcting bugs on the publisher interface. I think everything is fine now. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 04:16 PM - 06:03 PM I'm currently changing something on the date time selection popup. I did some good progress, but also had a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.75/5 07:02 PM - 08:26 PM I did some work concerning time handling in the date time picker component. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3.75/5 Average Focus: 3.6 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.4 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

21/06/2021 (Week 22) Sometimes my child-self feels rejected by me when I... suppress my emotions don't let him express himself suppress my joy suppress my creativity don't allow myself to be curious don't listen to my intuition Sometimes my teenage-self feels rejected by me when I... don't express my anger suppress my ambition don't try to understand him isolate try to do everything my myself don't listen to my emotions One of the things my child-self needs from me and rarely gets is... security reassurance acceptance understanding containment love One of the things my teenage-self needs from me and hasn't gotten is... love support encouragement understanding touch emotional connection One of the ways my child-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... sadness anxiety repressed emotions neediness the need for attention closing himself One of the ways my teenage-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... wanting revenge by being addicted to information not wanting to take action lack of motivation lack of social connection fear by shutting down

21 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:32 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:45 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:39 AM - 10:54 AM I did some progress on handling file limitations on the publisher interface. I also found some bugs Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 11:22 PM - 12:36 PM I continued the improvements on handling the file limitations. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 01:35 PM - 02:45 PM I continued the previous work. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3.5/5 04:43 PM - 06:01 PM I almost completed the publisher interface. I also had a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3/5 Progress: 3.5/5 07:19 PM - 08:44 PM I did some good progress on error messages on the interface. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 4/5 I'm getting a bit lazy in the morning. I'm spending more time laying in bed as it's getting colder outside. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.6 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

@RendHeaven It'll come. This realization opened a goldmine of insights in me. I just need some time to think through it more and organize the ideas. @Preety_India Nah, cause I'm an Aries.

20/06/2021 (Week 21) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... let my younger selves express themselves let go of repressed emotions from my childhood let go of repressed traumas from my childhood let myself being completely vulnerable nurture my younger selves provide containment to my younger selves build back the relationship with my younger selves support my younger selves give my hands to my younger selves

Weekly Statistics (14 June 2021 - 20 June 2021) Average Focus 3.47 / 5 Average Progress / Session 3.56 / 5

20 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:47 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:19 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

Emotions are logical. I'll even go as far as saying that emotions = logic.

You are an awesome reader.

@Raptorsin7 I'm only doing this sentence completion exercise for the moment. The program has several weeks dedicated to the inner child. Apparently, in another book How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Branden talks more about integrating younger selves, but I didn't read the book so far.

Lolololololololooooooooooooooooooooool!

Expressing Gratefulness I think that I have been way too pessimistic most of my life. Some stuff definitely sucked, but I also have gratitude for many things. Gratitude for external things and also gratitude for myself and some choices that I made. It's time to express it, so here we go: I'm grateful for being born in a developed country. The country where I live is not a first-world nation, but also not a third-world nation. The level of development has been high enough to allow me to attain at best some elements of stage Yellow and Turquoise. I feel safe and have all my physical needs covered. I'm grateful that I never saw that much physical violence. I'm grateful that I never got a lot of racism. I'm grateful that I evolved in very multicultural environments. I'm grateful for the quality of education that I had access to. I had access to a stage orange/green education while growing up which is a very rare thing considering the overall level of development of the world. I'm grateful for understanding English. It is allowing me to connect with people from all around the world. I'm grateful for being mixed race. It played a huge role in my life and in my ability to perceive the world through different lenses. I'm grateful that I traveled a bit in my life and lived in different countries. I plan to do this more in the future. I'm grateful for having healthy food. I'm grateful for having water. I'm grateful for being healthy. I'm grateful for having an awesome mother. I'm grateful for having an awesome sister. I'm grateful for having some dogs that I love. I'm grateful that I have been wise enough to never smoke anything, to never get drunk, and to never try drugs. However, I'll probably try psychedelics in the future if I get access to them. I'm grateful for not having any strong addictions. I'm grateful for having a good-looking body. I was very insecure as a teenager because I was very skinny and got a lot of criticisms on that, but I personally don't care anymore. I'm still skinny as an adult and I'm really enjoying it. I had older women telling me that I was really good-looking and asking me if I had a girlfriend. It didn't happen that much with girls around my age, I assume that most of them are shy and pretty conditioned by society concerning what a young woman should say. Some people have told me that I attract a lot of girls' eyes, so being skinny doesn't matter that much when it comes to attraction. I'm grateful that I found actualized.org. I'm grateful that this forum exists. I learned enormously by just reading the conversations. I'm grateful for the presence of some awesome members on this forum. I'm grateful for my open-mindedness. I'm grateful for the sophistication of my thoughts. I'm grateful for my capacity to self-reflect. I'm grateful for my psychological evolution since I discovered actualized.org. I'm grateful for my very high intuition. I'm grateful and proud that I discovered meditation by myself thanks to my intuition. I was 18 the first time that I meditated. I didn't know about meditation, but I intuitively felt that if I just sit down with my eyes close and my hands on my knees it would help me. I did it, this was my first meditation and it was awesome. I'm grateful for my ability to notice my biases and correct them. I'm grateful for my financial and working conditions. I make enough money to sustain myself while putting in less than 30 hours (or even less than 20 hours many times) of work per week. I work as a freelance web developer with clients from all around the world. I can work from anywhere on the planet and still sustain myself. If I ever want to move to an expensive place, I can just increase my prices. I'm grateful that I like my work and didn't choose it just because I wanted to have a stable career, but because I was interested in it. Programming is a field that combines logic, intuition, and creativity. It allows me to exercise my left brain and right brain at the same time. I consider that it had an enormous impact on the sophistication of my mind. I'm grateful for a guy that I met on this forum and who helped me getting started as a freelancer. I'm grateful for my privilege of having so much time to be alone by myself. I'm grateful that I found Spiral Dynamics. I'm grateful for my understanding of the world through Spiral Dynamics. I'm grateful for so many things and I'm especially grateful for the quality of my life. Many times and despite difficulties, I feel privileged for having the life that I have. Life is incredible, amazing. Life is a wide range of emotions, a wide range of experiences. Life is a privilege. Life deserves to be lived deeply, fully.

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19/06/2021 (Week 21) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... let myself being vulnerable let my younger selves express their emotions take care of my younger selves communicate with my younger selves build back my relationship with my younger selves accept my younger selves love my younger selves

19 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:41 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:22 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

Working with my younger selves is making me cry.

I think that these videos can be quite relevant to this discussion.

How about being a journalist and working for a high quality journal? You could write about social issues and help raise awareness. Also if your writing is really good, you'll be seen as valuable and will get a good pay. Definitely avoid a regular corporate job btw. I've been there and it's really depressing.