Raphael

Heal them, make them work together. Synergize the strong masculine power that flows through your veins with the kindness of your mother. Penetrate the world with your deep masculine power through your genuineness, your care, and your love for it. Heal, become whole, become God.

What do I do?

Because they were way too strongly opposed to work together, yet you came out of them. You came out of a strong, ruthless, visceral man and came out of one of the kindness women on the planet. You have an extremely strong power, you feel it when your blood flows through your veins and you also have the kindness of your mother inside you.

Why?

Because they've never been able to build a bridge to communicate together. Because they never merged together.

Why do I always have two conflicting sub personalities? (My father self and my mother self)

Exactly. You know that you are deeply strong and powerful, so powerful that this is difficult to handle. We've told you to be kind and submit, yet this doesn't resonate with the deep power that you have inside you. You've hidden your power so much because you were afraid of showing it. You know that this power is strong, so strong that it scares the shit out of people, so strong that it can shake the world.

My power.

What are you afraid of?

Because I'm afraid.

You know why. Why this defensiveness?

Why are you asking why?

@Raphael I have some questions for you, please take some time to contemplate them: Why do you always stop so quickly? Why do you change your focus so quickly? Why do you feel so easily discouraged in the face of challenges? Why does pessimism comes so quickly when you face challenges? What don't you push through things more? Why do you feel some tears coming up when you sometimes focus intensely to overcome the challenges? Take this seriously, it's important. Let me know your answers when you're ready. Thank you.

Well... I don't know you strategy, nor if your working on something aside. If it's the case, I hope that this is helping you towards your goal. Another perspective on that is also that a job can be used as a ladder: you get a job -> you gain some experience -> you use this experience to escape wage slavery.

Be so good that they can't ignore you.

Had so many thoughts one day that my brain exploded. Felt great.

Mainstream Porn is Like Eating at McDonald. It's just so fake, so inauthentic, it gives a very distorted view of sex. What the main pornographic companies are producing is garbage for the mind, it creates enormous self-esteem issues within men and women. I feel like I might vomit one day if I continue watching this. Enter "intimate sex" on PornHub and you'll find healthier videos. Normal people with normal bodies having healthy sexual intercourse. The channel "Kate Marley" healthily shows what intimacy should be in a couple.

23/06/2021 (Week 22) Sometimes my child-self feels rejected by me when I... criticizes me too much try to be too perfect don't express joy don't let myself be authentic don't listen to my basic needs don't speak don't allow a bit of craziness in my life Sometimes my teenage-self feels rejected by me when I... repress my emotions don't try to understand myself repress my anger isolate suppress my ambition am too perfectionist criticize my body One of the things my child-self needs from me and rarely gets is... attention containment love proper nurturing freedom of speech letting go of expectation One of the things my teenage-self needs from me and hasn't gotten is... love understanding encouragement support touch communication a deep emotional connection One of the ways my child-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... neediness sadness depression shyness fear insecurity One of the ways my teenage-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... anger laziness lack of motivation by hiding his needs poor thinking habits negative self-talk anxiety social anxiety

23 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:52 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:05 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:31 AM - 10:37 AM I did some progress on the date time picker. I also had a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3/5 Progress: 3/5 10:57 AM - 12:18 AM I continued the work on the date time picker and also continued to have a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 01:30 PM - 02:36 PM I continued the previous work. I had an insane amount of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3/5 Progress: 3/5 04:17 PM - 05:20 PM I continued the work concerning the date time picker. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3.5/5 07:30 PM - 08:38 PM I continued the work concerning the date time picker. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 Average Focus: 3.35 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.2 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

Ideas of Practical Journals Forgiving Myself for the Pain that I Caused: will maybe create this one, not sure Financial Freedom: will create this one, this year Becoming A Social Being: not sure if I'll create this one Superhuman Food: not sure if I'll create this one Divine Masculinity: not sure if I'll create this one Integrating Red: not sure if I'll create this one. I thought about learning a combat sport in order to integrate Red Finding My Purpose: will probably not create this one It doesn't mean that I don't work on myself if I don't create one of these journals, but just that I'm not sharing some stuff publicly. In all cases, whether I create these practical journals or not, I have an entire life of growth ahead of me.

22/06/2021 (Week 22) Sometimes my child-self feels rejected by me when I... don't express myself hide my emotions don't myself be crazy hide my curiosity close myself don't take care of my basic needs Sometimes my teenage-self feels rejected by me when I... keep my anger inside don't pursue my goals don't act on my desire don't give myself love don't listen to my intuition don't care about my needs One of the things my child-self needs from me and rarely gets is... attention visibility containment security love understanding acceptance freedom One of the things my teenage-self needs from me and hasn't gotten is... freedom support understanding security love touch nurturing One of the ways my child-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... sadness laziness feeling isolated fear neediness ego-centrism One of the ways my teenage-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... repressed anger difficulty to focus neediness non self-expression lack of motivation laziness fear lack of courage

22 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:17 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:56 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 09:21 AM - 10:35 AM Did some research, some schemas, and responded to a person. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 4/5 Deep Work Sessions: 10:56 AM - 12:15 AM I did some tests and found some bugs. I also distracted myself a bit. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 2/5 01:24 PM - 02:32 PM I continued correcting bugs on the publisher interface. I think everything is fine now. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 04:16 PM - 06:03 PM I'm currently changing something on the date time selection popup. I did some good progress, but also had a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.75/5 07:02 PM - 08:26 PM I did some work concerning time handling in the date time picker component. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3.75/5 Average Focus: 3.6 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.4 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

21/06/2021 (Week 22) Sometimes my child-self feels rejected by me when I... suppress my emotions don't let him express himself suppress my joy suppress my creativity don't allow myself to be curious don't listen to my intuition Sometimes my teenage-self feels rejected by me when I... don't express my anger suppress my ambition don't try to understand him isolate try to do everything my myself don't listen to my emotions One of the things my child-self needs from me and rarely gets is... security reassurance acceptance understanding containment love One of the things my teenage-self needs from me and hasn't gotten is... love support encouragement understanding touch emotional connection One of the ways my child-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... sadness anxiety repressed emotions neediness the need for attention closing himself One of the ways my teenage-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... wanting revenge by being addicted to information not wanting to take action lack of motivation lack of social connection fear by shutting down

21 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:32 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:45 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:39 AM - 10:54 AM I did some progress on handling file limitations on the publisher interface. I also found some bugs Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 11:22 PM - 12:36 PM I continued the improvements on handling the file limitations. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 01:35 PM - 02:45 PM I continued the previous work. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3.5/5 04:43 PM - 06:01 PM I almost completed the publisher interface. I also had a lot of unrelated thoughts. Focus: 3/5 Progress: 3.5/5 07:19 PM - 08:44 PM I did some good progress on error messages on the interface. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 4/5 I'm getting a bit lazy in the morning. I'm spending more time laying in bed as it's getting colder outside. Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.6 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

@RendHeaven It'll come. This realization opened a goldmine of insights in me. I just need some time to think through it more and organize the ideas. @Preety_India Nah, cause I'm an Aries.