Raphael

@Michael569 Yes, this is still the case. I'm also working on clearing my traumas and I feel like each time I release some stuff my thoughts gets a bit clearer. So it is a combination of different things: proper nutrition, trauma release work, and more.

27/06/2021 (Week 22) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... find inner conflicts with my younger selves and other sub-personalities fix the inner conflicts with my younger selves and other sub-personalities let my child-self express his emotions let my teenage self express his emotions support my younger selves communicate more with my younger selves let my younger selves exist within myself make peace with my younger selves

These metrics are a bit screwed. The way that I'm measuring my focus and progress is way too simplistic and dismisses the duration of the sessions.

Weekly Statistics (21 June 2021 - 27 June 2021) Average Focus 3.56 / 5 Average Progress / Session 3.46 / 5

27 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:50 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today I'm currently trying to do some organizational changes concerning my waking up hour and going to bed hours. Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

26/06/2021 (Week 22) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... let myself be let my child-self express himself let my teenage-self express himself shout to let go of repressed emotions provide security to my younger selves provide comfort to my younger selves listen to my younger selves understand my younger selves nurture my younger selves give my younger selves the love that they didn't get

26 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:26 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:58 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

I think I repressed my masculinity many times in the past. The masculine examples that I had were ultra toxic and caused me to perceive feminity as being better than masculinity and to better trust the feminine. Yet, this is a trap, masculinity ain't necessarily toxic. Immature masculinity is toxic, but well-integrated masculinity with a proper feminine balance is super powerful.

Reuniting My Father Self With My Mother Self I had a nice conversation with myself lately. It was so interesting that I want to put it here. -------------------------------- Higher Self Lower Self Higher Self Lower Self Higher Self Lower Self Higher Self Lower Self Higher Self Lower Self Higher Self Lower Self Higher Self Lower Self Higher Self

I'm not even deep into that nor spirituality to be honest, but so far here's what has been most effective for me: Forgiveness: most powerful thing that I discovered. Just a few sessions cleared my mind from a lot of intrusive thoughts of past traumas. Breathwork: just super powerful. I feel the trapped emotions flowing through my body and getting released. Screaming, crying, just letting the body express itself. It releases what it accumulated. Instrospection, comtemplation. Talking with subpersonalities. I didn't do this that much, but I feel like this is promising and can solve many inner conflicts.

25/06/2021 (Week 22) Sometimes my child-self feels rejected by me when I... don't self-express don't express my joy don't listen to my basic needs hide my authenticity don't let me be refuse to cry Sometimes my teenage-self feels rejected by me when I... don't give him support repress my emotions don't follow my ambition don't open up hide my sadness pretend that everything is OK have a negative self-talk One of the things my child-self needs from me and rarely gets is... nurturing compassion love joy self-expression touch One of the things my teenage-self needs from me and hasn't gotten is... support the authorization to express himself encouragements motivation love understanding touch attention an honest vulnerable communication One of the ways my child-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... sadness self-isolation social anxiety lack of friends depression fear distrust One of the ways my teenage-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... repressed anger laziness lack of motivation distrust lack of focus discouragement pain sadness

25 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:45 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:40 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ❌ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 08:51 PM - 09:20 PM Did some tests, found some bugs on the publisher. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 Deep Work Sessions: 11:20 AM - 12:22 AM Almost completed the issues with this date time picker. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3/5 01:46 PM - 02:50 PM I continued the work on the date time picker. I also had other thoughts and therefore caused me to be a bit unfocused. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 07:13 PM - 08:43 PM Things are getting better with this date time picker. A few things are a bit messy, but I already lost a lot of time so I won't play the perfectionist here. Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 4/5 I've been backsliding lately. My work has been less regular. Average Focus: 3.625 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.37 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

24/06/2021 (Week 22) Sometimes my child-self feels rejected by me when I... don't express myself don't show my craziness repress my emotions repress my basic needs don't cry hide my authenticity Sometimes my teenage-self feels rejected by me when I... don't show my frustration don't act on my goals don't show my anger don't take actions don't show myself compassion don't show myself love close myself from people One of the things my child-self needs from me and rarely gets is... attention visibility nurturing empathy compassion love One of the things my teenage-self needs from me and hasn't gotten is... motivation understanding respect support love touch One of the ways my child-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... sadness depression shyness thought storms neediness isolation One of the ways my teenage-self gets back at me for rejecting him/her is... wanting to go fast and failing because of this anxiety bitterness inability to stand out for myself fear sleepless nights

24 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:52 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:05 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ❌ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 06:55 AM - 07:24 AM Did some research, responded to a person. Focus: 4/5 Progress: 4/5 09:28 AM - 09:38 AM I did some checks and sent an email. Focus: 4/5 Progress: 4/5 01:25 PM - 02:20 PM I fixed a hacked website. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 Deep Work Sessions: 10:50 AM - 12:13 AM Did some improvements on the date time picker. Also responded to a few emails and a phone call. Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 Had a very bad night of sleep, it was tough to work. Average Focus: 3.75 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.75 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

How can you only be a man if you came from a woman? How can you only be a woman if you came from a man?

Some Thoughts on Men And Orange/Green Transition I think that many men are afraid to lose their power and at the same time many men are afraid of their power, especially in the Western world as the culture is transitioning from stage Orange to stage Green. When it comes to being afraid of being powerful, too much comfort and technology makes so many people (men and women) irresponsible. However, this issue of being irresponsible hit more strongly men* because even though the Western world is transitioning from stage Orange to Green with more equality between the genders, there is still an overall masculine/feminine balance (with of course exceptions) where men are expected to provide containment and women are expected to be more vulnerable. Now, I'm getting into controversial territories here so don't get me wrong: all the progress concerning gender equality and improving the condition of women are important. I want that and I want that to move forward as fast as possible because I saw women that I was very close to being abused while growing up. Progress is very important in this area. However, men will always be overall physically stronger than women (except if we evolve into a different specie), which mean that there will always be more abuse from men against women, so we will never get to a point where women will be as safe as men in society. But, it's still important to work for increasing women's security and rights as much as possible because anyone want to be safe even though it will never be perfect. So... progress is happening and this is good, but backslashes are also happening mostly from the masculine side because many men aren't able to integrate Green. Many are getting confused and don't know what to do: after all men have being dominating women since the dawn of time, so now when change is happening many of them are trying to be kind men... but this doesn't work with women because most women are attracted to masculine men and men who are getting into unhealthy aspects of stage Green by being too kind and too feminine aren't attractive to feminine women. Having an healthy masculine / feminine integration is difficult for many men which causes the creation of four main groups: Toxic men who fall into toxic ideologies. The amount of people in this group will increase as society will move more and more into Green, then decrease when Green will become better integrated and more normalized. Silent depressed men. This group will increase, it represents men who cannot find a partner because they are too much into unhealthy aspect of Green (too much equality for example) and maybe have masculine shadows and thinks that masculinity is bad because of how many damages it caused to the feminine in the past. Normal average men. This group will decrease as society will move more and more into Green, then increase when Green will become better integrated and more normalized. During the decreasing period, a certain number of men will fall into the Toxic Men group or the Silent Depressed Men group, but also a small percentage will evolve, learn to properly being masculine with a feminine integration and will get into the Strong Healthy Men group. Strong Healthy Men. This group will increase a bit. I think that most men have a Green shadow (because they are at Red/Blue/Orange), but also for the first time in history many men have some Red/Blue/Orange shadows (because they are at Green and are reactive against the previous stages because masculinity at the previous stages caused a lot of damage to women, so they dismiss masculinity because they don't want to be seen as bad). It is very tricky for many men to properly integrate masculinity and femininity, yet this is very powerful. A strong man use its strong masculine power to penetrate the world with its love, he is ruthless, yet loving at the same time. He ruthlessly penetrate the world because he loves it. Teal Swan has an amazing video on power and its place in life. * this might be a masculine bias here, I'm not sure.

No problem. You're doing great.

Thank you very much. I love you.

Heal them, make them work together. Synergize the strong masculine power that flows through your veins with the kindness of your mother. Penetrate the world with your deep masculine power through your genuineness, your care, and your love for it. Heal, become whole, become God.

What do I do?

Because they were way too strongly opposed to work together, yet you came out of them. You came out of a strong, ruthless, visceral man and came out of one of the kindness women on the planet. You have an extremely strong power, you feel it when your blood flows through your veins and you also have the kindness of your mother inside you.

Why?

Because they've never been able to build a bridge to communicate together. Because they never merged together.

Why do I always have two conflicting sub personalities? (My father self and my mother self)