Raphael

Weekly Statistics (28 June 2021 - 04 July 2021) Total Working Time 28 hours 11 minutes Average Focus 3.55 / 5 Average Progress / Session 3.36 / 5

04 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:40 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:45 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Sunday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

About Having an Intimate Relationship: About The Limitations of My Environment So... I did some research and found out that there are around ~ 98000 girls in the age range that I'm looking for in my country and in these ~ 98000, 99% will be cut out for simple reasons: Most of the youth is either at stage Blue or Blue/Orange which is too low for me. My minimum standard is Orange/Green. Some of them are already in a relationship. I will only be attracted to a certain percentage of them physically speaking. I don't resonate with 99% of people and that was way before I discovered actualized.org. This is something that I experienced since I was maybe 3 or 4 years old. With all these variables taken into consideration, it means that there is less than a ~1000 girls compatible with me in my country... lmfao. Yep, my environment is severely limited. Nevertheless, I didn't lose all my hope, I still think that there is a possibility to find a high conscious partner where I live, but this is going to be tough. The possibility is razor-thin, yet exists. Also, I did found some healthy people at Orange/Green in the past but it was extremely rare. I think that I might have a bias against my country because of how limited it is, but I need to stay open that a possibility still exists. I'm not shooting for a perfect partner, we all have imperfections and that's fine, but someone compatible with me would have to be overall healthy, self-sustainable, and very open-minded. If it's really not possible here, I might go for international dating or maybe just stay alone because solitude ain't that bad and I'm used to it anyway.

My balanced brain is strange. Sometimes, I feel like a guy and sometimes I feel like a girl. Currently, I feel more like a girl.

03 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 09:00 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:52 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ~ No social media until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Saturday) ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: No work for today Didn't sleep the entire night, woke up late, didn't work. Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

03/07/2021 (Week 23) If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I... give my child-self the understanding that he needs give my child-self the support that he needs give my teenage-self the love that he needs give my teenage-self the compassion that he needs start loving my younger selves give everything that my younger selves needs

02/07/2021 (Week 23) At the thought of giving my child-self what he/she needs from me... my child-self feels understood my child-self would trust me more my child-self would open more to be I feel like an healthy parent I feel growing I feel responsible I feel having a better communication with myself At the thought of giving my teenage-self what he/she needs from me... I feel that my teenage-self would trust me more I feel that my teenage-self is thankful I feel that my teenage-self is opening up I feel that my teenage-self is expressing himself I feel that my teenage-self is healing I feel that my teenage-self is feeling understood I feel my teenage-self expressing himself If my child-self and I were to fall in love... we would embrace each other we would share our dirty secrets we would speak more to each other we would let each other being vulnerable we would hold each other hands we would appreciate each other company we would be crazy together If my teenage-self and I were to fall in love... we would express all of our emotions we would communicate together we would share our fears and insecurities we would be there for each other we would appreciate each other we would cry in each other arms we would express our thoughts we would express our emotions we would try to understand each other we would make peace

02 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:00 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:02 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 09:37 AM - 10:35 AM I created an invoice and sent it, I also started to fix the Instagram publishing issue for videos. Duration: 58 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 11:01 AM - 12:24 AM I handled Instagram video upload, but then found some bugs with Twitter and Facebook video upload. Duration: 1 hour 23 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 01:29 PM - 02:40 PM Looks like I finally solve this bug for Twitter video publishing. Duration: 1 hour 11 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 08:17 PM - 09:40 PM I completed the fixes on video publishing. Duration: 1 hour 23 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 4/5 Total Work Duration: 4 hours 55 minutes, including hours minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.5 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.62 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

Perfect People Back when I was at school, there was a girl that was so perfect that it felt surreal. This girl was the best student in the entire school, she was the best in everything: Maths, English, Physics and even in sport (she was maybe a bit behind in artistic fields, but I'm not sure because artistic fields aren't that much represented in the typical school system). And she was not only the best student, but she was also physically stunning, one of the best-looking girls in the entire school. It didn't look fake, it didn't look like she was overdoing things, it didn't look like she was putting that much effort into her physical appearance and she wasn't putting on makeup, but she was incredible. She felt natural, authentic, she felt feminine, not highly extroverted, not highly introverted, but she was an ambivert, a balance so perfect that it was indescribable. During one of the years of high school, she met a perfect boyfriend and this guy was incredible, he checked all the boxes. He was the second-best student of the entire school, he was highly intelligent, masculine, and good-looking. He had a strong masculine body with a large back that fitted the men's beauty standards without it looking fake. He looked incredible, natural, and authentic. At the end of high school, they both got accepted into some of the best universities on the planet. The girl chose to study socially oriented fields that would also include domains like politics and economics with the goal to work at the United Nations while the guy was more tech-oriented. I don't know if they are still together now, but my bet is that this is highly possible. When two perfect people meet, they already know that they are so perfect that it's almost impossible to find anyone better to be with, so they'll stick together. I also bet that both were already at stage Yellow around 16. Two other people that I know that were close to perfection were a sister and a brother. And again, they were incredible: super good-looking, very good at school, healthy, artistic, kind, with a positive mindset, etc. They felt like healthy stage green individuals. I'm extremely impressed when I see people like this, this is so inspirational. I wondered how can such incredible people exist and what I came with is simply: very healthy environment, very healthy parents, blessed with good genetics.

My sister's situation is similar to mine. She is 22 now and never had a relationship, at best she had a pseudo-relationship that only lasted one week. I remember having a conversation with her one day, she was complaining that all guys are assholes who only want to fuck and that she was unable to find a partner... then she told me that a guy that would fit her would be someone like me... it reassured me lol.

About Having an Intimate Relationship: Personal Flaws Things that I noted: Way too private. Nobody really knows me. Even the two persons that I'm the closest to — my mom and my sister — don't really know anything about me. They only know a tiny part of who I am. It's the same thing on this forum, I only share a small tiny part of myself here. I have nothing special externally and I sense that it bugs many people. I live mostly internally so I'll have to do some efforts to share more about myself. Too attached to my independence and freedom. This will cause an issue because if I choose to get into a relationship, I will have to invest in it and spend time with the girl to the detriment of my time in solitude. Independence and freedom are very important for me, I'm not a lovey-dovey person who always wants to hug or get some hugs. I'll appreciate some of that, but too much of that would annoy me. A relationship won't work with a girl with very high social needs and who wants her guy to be with her all the time. I need a lot of space and freedom in life. My happiness needs some improvements. This is paradoxical here because sometimes I feel happy and privileged, but I also quite often experience some sadness. I'll currently rate my happiness at 6/10. I can deal with my emotions healthily so it doesn't actually impact anybody, also, the trauma healing work that I'm currently doing is helping me and I should see my happiness increasing more and more as I continue. I feel boring and feel like I will not be emotionally stimulating enough for a girl.

About Having an Intimate Relationship When it comes to relationships my brain is a bit sliced in half. One part thinks "Yeah, why not have a relationship with a girl? It would be fun and interesting" while the other part feels like I don't need a relationship because most of the time I am satisfied with myself. Maybe my brain will explode one day. In all cases, I took the right decision to choose not to get involved in relationships. I was so insecure that it would have been a disaster. It wouldn't have been possible just two years ago because I was in a difficult psychological state. Some relationships that I saw around me were very toxic and I didn't want that. I told myself that I would have to self-develop first and fit minimum standards before getting involved in a relationship. Now, I currently feel ready for that even though I still see some things in my personality that are susceptible to create frictions. Also, I'm conscious that I lack education in this field and will have to read a lot about masculine/feminine dynamics because I never thought that much about relationships in my life. People's obsession with relationships always felt weird for me. Everywhere I go I would see people being obsessed with having a girlfriend/boyfriend where I would wonder "Why?". I personally had some moments of shame in the past for not being in a relationship because I felt societal pressure, but most of the time my mind was like "Well... whether I'm in a relationship or not, I'm ain't going to die, life simply goes on." Anyway, even if I feel ready I don't think I'll get into a relationship immediately. I'm currently in a busy period and would not have enough time to invest. Relationships will come later for me in life.

01/07/2021 (Week 23) At the thought of giving my child-self what he/she needs from me... my child-self feels understood my child-self is trusting me more my child-self is appreciating me more I feel a deeper connection with my child-self I'm opening up about my childhood traumas my child-self feels safe my child-self feels nurtured At the thought of giving my teenage-self what he/she needs from me... my teenage-self is expressing his pain my teenage-self is expressing his anger I feel responsible my teenage-self can grow my teenage-self finally gets the support that he needs I can be a great parent of myself If my child-self and I were to fall in love... we would communicate with each other we would spend more time together we would play together we would embrace each other we would hold each other hands we would walk together joyfully If my teenage-self and I were to fall in love... my teenage-self would let himself be vulnerable I would talk to my teenage-self my teenage-self would talk to me I would change my mind about my teenage-self I would let my teenage-self be my teenage-self would trust me I would feel better we would embrace each other we would try to understand each other we would make peace we would work together we would walk holding each other hands

01 July 2021 Wake Up Time: 09:00 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:00 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 01:12 PM - 02:40 PM I made a lot of improvements on the publisher, I'm very satisfied with what I did so far. I'm almost done here. Duration: 1 hour 28 minutes Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 4/4 04:26 PM - 06:03 PM I'm still working on the publisher. I'm getting some bugs. I distracted myself a bit too much during this session. Duration: 1 hour 37 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 07:45 PM - 09:50 PM I completed the image upload. I got some bugs concerning video upload. Duration: 2 hours 5 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 4/5 I'm still backsliding. Total Work Duration: 5 hours 10 minutes, including hours minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.58 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.8 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

What Women Wants Generally, women want: A strong, stable, and reliable man. A financially stable man. A leading man. A confident man. Containment. This comes as healthy dominance which makes the woman feel safe with her partner. High integrity. Honesty. Respect. High competencies in dealing with life. High emotional mastery. Humour. Playfulness. Emotional support. Support in difficult situations. Deep emotional connection. Intimacy. Sex: dominant sex, intimate sex. I think I got things right.

30/06/2021 (Week 23) At the thought of giving my child-self what he/she needs from me... I feel reconnecting with myself I feel nurturing I feel being an healthy parent I feel responsible I think I can grow enormously I'm showing back my child-self At the thought of giving my teenage-self what he/she needs from me... I feel that I can build a bridge to communicate with my teenage-self I feel that I can understand my teenage-self I feel that my connection with myself is getting deeper I feel that my teenage-self will show himself more I think that repressed emotions will show up I think I can improve my capacity to love difficult people we would grow together If my child-self and I were to fall in love... we would communicate more we would trust each other more I'll open up to my child-self my child-self would open up to me we would embrace each other we would cry in each other arms we would share our joy If my teenage-self and I were to fall in love... my teenage-self would express himself I would comfort my teenage-self I would change my mind on my teenage-self my teenage-self would feel more comfortable in expressing himself we would work better together we would make peace together we would cry in each other arms we would heal our shared wounds My teenage self is pretty hurt overall.

30 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 09:00 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:55 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 11:09 AM - 12:57 AM Fixed a bug, did some testing, had an issue with git but fixed it. Duration: 1 hour 48 minutes Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 1/5 Deep Work Sessions: 02:01 PM - 02:38 PM I started doing some improvements on a Facebook related API. Duration: 37 minutes Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 4/5 04:20 PM - 05:36 PM I did some progress on the Facebook API improvements. Duration: 1 hour 16 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 4/5 07:40 PM - 09:33 PM Completed the improvement to the Facebook API, did a change to Instagram API, and dealt with an issue on github. Duration: 1 hour 53 minutes Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3/5 Didn't sleep of the entire night, which caused me to stay in bed pretty late. The day was overall difficult. Total Work Duration: 5 hours 43 minutes, including 3 hours 46 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.69 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

Simply beautiful.

I have been having thoughts about dating, relationships, about me not wanting to get involved in relationships and being a virgin at 24, about my limited environment, about toxic masculinity, about the relationship of my parents, about my sister and the risks for her to get involved into a toxic relationship, about healthy relationships, about meta relationships, etc. since the last 2 months but didn't write anything... It's time to throw everything out.

The World + Dating From The Female Perspective It's really interesting to try to see things from the female perspective: The Truth About Being A Girl BEING A WOMAN - What I Love & Hate || Dana Originals Multifemale ● What Can I Say About Being a Woman (FULL) 12 Things About Being A Woman That Women Won't Tell You 10 hours of walking but this time she talks back (BEST CATCALL parody) 10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman A Man And A Woman Compare Running Alone At Night 5 Things You Can Do (Now!) When Finding The Love Of Your Life Feels IMPOSSIBLE Where are all the good men? 19 reasons it’s so hard to find a good man What to look for in a guy: 37 good qualities in a man The Raw Attractive Power All Men Have that Women Won't Admit to Feeling Don’t Be Afraid To Offend Men! He Said Another Woman Is More Attractive Than Me. How Do I Cope? How To Test Him To See If He Cares How To Be A High Value Woman In 2021: 3 Traits To Avoid! Should I Control My Emotions To Be High Value? How To Make Him Chase You & Value You How To Get A Boyfriend: Avoid These 3 Things & Get One Quick 8 of the Most Common Sexual Fantasies 14 Reasons You Can’t Get Wet During Sex 12 Greatest Sex Tips for Women

29/06/2021 (Week 23) At the thought of giving my child-self what he/she needs from me... I feel that I'm helping myself I feel that I understand myself better my child-self is trusting me more my child-self is opening more I feel responsible I can learn from myself I become more authentic At the thought of giving my teenage-self what he/she needs from me... I feel that I can understand my teenage-self anger I think I can solve conflicts with my teenage-self my teenage-self opens up my teenage-self can finally grow my teenage-self can finally get his needs covered I can resolve repressed anger, frustration, and similar emotions If my child-self and I were to fall in love... we would embrace ourselves we would hold each other hands we would communicate better we would trust ourselves we would show our vulnerabilities we would make peace If my teenage-self and I were to fall in love... we would communicate on our issues we would embrace each other we would start to understand each other better we would resolve our conflicts we would make peace we would work together we would trust ourselves

29 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:00 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:50 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Deep Work Sessions: 08:45 AM - 09:29 AM I worked on my app, then got interrupted. Duration: 44 minutes Focus: 3.5/7 Progress: 4/5 09:42 PM - 10:25 PM I continued the previous work. They are noises popping out of everywhere, this is pretty annoying to work in this kind of environment. Duration: 43 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 11:13 PM - 01:02 PM I worked on handling file upload and progress. I distracted myself a bit. Duration: 1 hour 49 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 01:45 PM - 02:42 PM I continued the progress on the file upload interface. Duration: 57 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 07:12 PM - 08:47 PM I did good progress on the integration of files. Duration: 1 hour 35 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 4/5 08:59 PM - 09:51 PM I'm currently getting some errors concerning file upload on Twitter. I was less focused during this session. Duration: 52 minutes Focus: 3/5 Progress: 2/5 I'm currently doing some testing on my waking up and going to bed hours. I'm trying to see how it feels when I follow the day-night cycle, rather than trying to wake up when it's still dark. For the moment, this is allowing me to automatically wake up without an alarm, which is great. Total Work Duration: 6 hours 40 minutes, including 6 hours 40 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.42 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.25 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)

A lot of people are horny on this forum... including me.

28/06/2021 (Week 23) At the thought of giving my child-self what he/she needs from me... I feel responsible I feel nurturing my child self feels that he can trust me my child self feels safer my child-self feels that he can trust me I feel being a good parent of myself I feel that I can trust myself I feel my confidence increasing I feel my self-esteem improving At the thought of giving my teenage-self what he/she needs from me... my teenage-self feels supported my teenage-self feels understood my teenage-self feels more courageous my teenage-self feels more motivated I feel that I can integrated this part of myself who wants to exists in the world I feel my competences improving I feel more loving If my child-self and I were to fall in love... I'll hold my child-self in my arms we would walk holding each other hands I'll say to my child-self that I love him my child-self would tell me that he loves me we would build a great relationship together my child-self would open up to me I'll respond to my child-self needs we would better speak to each other If my teenage-self and I were to fall in love... my teenage-self would appreciate my company I'll talk more to my teenage-self my teenage-self would allow himself to be more vulnerable I would enjoy my time with my teenage-self I would embrace my teenage-self my teenage-self would show what he is capable of we would appreciate each other my teenage-self would be less angry we would work together and support each other

28 June 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:30 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:42 PM (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ✅ No social media until 7 PM ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep Work Sessions: 07:20 PM - 07:53 PM Did some verification, sent an email. Duration: 33 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 Deep Work Sessions: 10:06 AM - 10:48 AM Did some testing. Duration: 42 minutes Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3/5 11:05 AM - 12:34 AM I fixed the bugs related to the date picker and started to connect the interface to the API. Duration: 1 hour 29 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 01:55 PM - 02:34 PM Did some improvements in connecting the interface with the Facebook publishing API. Duration: 39 minutes Focus: 3.75/5 Progress: 3.5/5 04:26 PM - 05:54 PM The closer I'm getting to launch this app, the scarier it gets. Duration: 1 hour 28 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3.5/5 08:04 PM - 09:38 PM I did some work on auto disabling certain features on the app and also managing publishing notifications. Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Progress: 3/5 I'm going to keep the duration metric finally, but will not put a minimum objective. I want to be sure that I don't bullshit around without being obssessed about the time that I spend working. Total Work Duration: 5 hours 43 minutes, including 5 hours 10 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.58 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5) Average Progress / Session: 3.16 / 5 (objective at least 3/5)