Raphael

I'm thinking more and more about closing this journal and having a journal for my daily habits instead.

Weekly Statistics (30 August 2021 - 05 September 2021) Total Working Time 18 hours 32 minutes Average Focus 3.23 / 5

05 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:53 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 12:04 AM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ Breathwork ~ No distractions until 8 PM (Doesn't apply on Sunday) ❌ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed (Did 1 hour) Work Sessions: No work for today Total Work Duration: 0 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: ~ / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5)

Even though some people give very valuable advice, I many time thinks that this subforum should be closed. Some things that I read there seem to come from aliens trying to make contact with humans. https://www.actualized.org/forum/forum/3-dating-relationships-sexuality/ I'm not perfect and obviously have my own difficulties, but there should be higher minimum standards in this place. Any threads that don't fit these minimum standards should be closed. Seriously, wtf am I reading?

Practicing Authenticity Through This Forum I want to use this forum as a playground to become more authentic. I many times wanting to say funny things here but didn't because of the fear of showing myself more. This can be a good exercise to practice openness, vulnerability, and authenticity. And I can have a bit more fun too.

I want to see a butt reveal.

@Raptorsin7 @Loba @SriSriJustinBieber @martins name @Johnny Galt @Sine Thanks! @Emerald Your channel is great!

04 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:23 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:51 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 8 PM ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed Work Sessions: 04:27 PM - 06:01 PM I worked on emails for the app. I distracted myself a bit too much. Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes Focus: 3/5 Deep Work Sessions: 07:33 PM - 09:15 PM Did some work on the app API. Was distracted by other unrelated thoughts. Duration: 1 hour 42 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Total Work Duration: 3 hours 16 minutes, including 1 hour 42 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.25 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5)

Thanks I actually already did something like that in the past. What I'll do is express the emotions then and have a conversation with my different subpersonalities.

It's fine, this journal is an open space As I don't eat any wheat, I'll say that I didn't eat any gluten since a long time. Another thing that I'm sure about is that I don't eat enough. Most people in my family have a skinny genetic and other men eats gigantic plates of rice compared to me. Even if they eat an impressive quantity of food the aren't overweight so I think I have to follow their path to get to an healthy weight.

04 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:23 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:45 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 8 PM ❌ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed Work Sessions: 12:31 PM - 01:05 PM I worked on a few images. Duration: 34 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 02:05 PM - 03:00 PM I worked on some email templates. Duration: 55 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 04:34 PM - 06:10 PM I continued doing some work on these email templates. Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes Focus: 3/5 Yesterday was very messy. I didn't slep well, I was tired all day and I procrastinated a lot. Total Work Duration: 3 hours 5 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.33 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5)

@flowboy I did felt the need to eat a bit after a breathwork session. Other than that I never felt that much change. I'm going to bed I'm too tired.

Always. But what's strange with me is that I don't feel hunger and never felt that much hunger in my entire life even when I don't eat that much. This is like an almost unknown sensation to me.

Something's strange with my health. My digestion is slower than before, my gut often annoys me when I go to bed. I poop less than before and when I poop the poo is dark. I lost some weight even though I'm already skinny, it's probably because I removed peanuts, cashew nuts, lentils, peas, chickpeas so I'm eating fewer calories. I'm too skinny, it's possible to feel my bones at some places of my body, I feel weak, this is not healthy. I will increase the quantity of the rice and oats that I eat + the quantity of fish/eggs. I feel strange and tired. This day was messy. + Health @flowboy

What I Know I Want With Certainty A lot of diverse knowledge A lof of diverse life experience Traveling Understanding of the world as a whole Self-understanding More empty time to let myself relax and let my mind do whatever it wants More relationships and meeting more diverse people High emotional mastery Spirituality

If one day people ever stop building things around me I think I'll get out naked on the street and start to dance to celebrate. At this rythm there will be nothing left on this island in ten years except buildings everywhere. No nature, no place to relax, nothing except buildings.

Low Conscious Intellect vs. High Conscious Intellect Low-conscious comes from strong voices. It stays stuck into paradigms. It is used for egoic agendas, it wants to win at everything. It wants to debate everyone because it is convinced that it is true. It wants to impress people, it wants to fool people, it wants to get into positions of power. It brags a lot. It is sure of itself. It feels strong and assertive. It feels logical and mechanical. High-conscious intellect is as simple as possible but not simpler. It stays as clean as possible because it understands how complex things can be. It doesn't brag except for a bit of fun cause that's life after all. It doesn't debate because it understands that all pieces ultimately come together but it converses. It unbiasedly examines all perspectives while at the same time knowing that it is biased by the human condition. It feels light and subtle. It feels like art.

02 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:47 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: ~ PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ Breathwork ~ No distractions until 8 PM (Doesn't apply on Thursday) ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed Work Sessions: 01:55 PM - 02:50 PM I did some corrections on a few templates. Duration: 55 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 04:40 PM - 05:30 PM Did some progress on understanding an issue regarding these templates, but I was also thinking a lot about... another thing that made me sad. Duration: 50 minutes Focus: 3/5 08:15 PM - 09:08 PM I did a bit more work on these templates. Duration: 53 minutes Focus: 3/5 Total Work Duration: 2 hours 37 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.1 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5)

Low conscious intellect is a way to escape emotions, vulnerabilities, and hide feelings such as: shame, pain, hurt, sadness, anxiety, insecurities, etc.

Exploring My Relationship With My Body I didn't really know where to get started so I'm going to start here. I'm at a point in life where my adult self feels like all of this is old and doesn't really matter in the end but that's not how my child self and my teenage self feels. My child self and teenage self aren't healed yet, they still suffer and I can feel it inside me.

Three themes are going to frequently appear in this journal: My relationship with my dad. My relationship with my body. My feeling of being abnormal.

I always easily attracted a lot of hate and criticism in life. I had some periods where I got criticized so much that I became desensitize to it. I was emotionally numb. My state of mind was: "You can criticize me until I die, it doesn't do anything to me. I'm emotionless, therefore you can't hurt me, therefore I'm always winning". That was quite a fucked up narcissistic state.

Also, even if I want to help the world, sometimes I think that we should exterminate the human specie because it is causing too many damages to the planet, but that's not a holistic approach.

I also thought that I could do Leo's job in the past, cause, honestly, I have the capacity to do it. Speaking for 3 hours is easy when someone's already thought of a subject for 100 hours.