Raphael

Even though some people give very valuable advice, I many time thinks that this subforum should be closed. Some things that I read there seem to come from aliens trying to make contact with humans. https://www.actualized.org/forum/forum/3-dating-relationships-sexuality/ I'm not perfect and obviously have my own difficulties, but there should be higher minimum standards in this place. Any threads that don't fit these minimum standards should be closed. Seriously, wtf am I reading?

Practicing Authenticity Through This Forum I want to use this forum as a playground to become more authentic. I many times wanting to say funny things here but didn't because of the fear of showing myself more. This can be a good exercise to practice openness, vulnerability, and authenticity. And I can have a bit more fun too.

I want to see a butt reveal.

@Raptorsin7 @Loba @SriSriJustinBieber @martins name @Johnny Galt @Sine Thanks! @Emerald Your channel is great!

04 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:23 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:51 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 8 PM ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed Work Sessions: 04:27 PM - 06:01 PM I worked on emails for the app. I distracted myself a bit too much. Duration: 1 hour 34 minutes Focus: 3/5 Deep Work Sessions: 07:33 PM - 09:15 PM Did some work on the app API. Was distracted by other unrelated thoughts. Duration: 1 hour 42 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Total Work Duration: 3 hours 16 minutes, including 1 hour 42 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.25 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5)

Thanks I actually already did something like that in the past. What I'll do is express the emotions then and have a conversation with my different subpersonalities.

It's fine, this journal is an open space As I don't eat any wheat, I'll say that I didn't eat any gluten since a long time. Another thing that I'm sure about is that I don't eat enough. Most people in my family have a skinny genetic and other men eats gigantic plates of rice compared to me. Even if they eat an impressive quantity of food the aren't overweight so I think I have to follow their path to get to an healthy weight.

04 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:23 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:45 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 8 PM ❌ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed Work Sessions: 12:31 PM - 01:05 PM I worked on a few images. Duration: 34 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 02:05 PM - 03:00 PM I worked on some email templates. Duration: 55 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 04:34 PM - 06:10 PM I continued doing some work on these email templates. Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes Focus: 3/5 Yesterday was very messy. I didn't slep well, I was tired all day and I procrastinated a lot. Total Work Duration: 3 hours 5 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.33 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5)

@flowboy I did felt the need to eat a bit after a breathwork session. Other than that I never felt that much change. I'm going to bed I'm too tired.

Always. But what's strange with me is that I don't feel hunger and never felt that much hunger in my entire life even when I don't eat that much. This is like an almost unknown sensation to me.

Something's strange with my health. My digestion is slower than before, my gut often annoys me when I go to bed. I poop less than before and when I poop the poo is dark. I lost some weight even though I'm already skinny, it's probably because I removed peanuts, cashew nuts, lentils, peas, chickpeas so I'm eating fewer calories. I'm too skinny, it's possible to feel my bones at some places of my body, I feel weak, this is not healthy. I will increase the quantity of the rice and oats that I eat + the quantity of fish/eggs. I feel strange and tired. This day was messy. + Health @flowboy

What I Know I Want With Certainty A lot of diverse knowledge A lof of diverse life experience Traveling Understanding of the world as a whole Self-understanding More empty time to let myself relax and let my mind do whatever it wants More relationships and meeting more diverse people High emotional mastery Spirituality

If one day people ever stop building things around me I think I'll get out naked on the street and start to dance to celebrate. At this rythm there will be nothing left on this island in ten years except buildings everywhere. No nature, no place to relax, nothing except buildings.

Low Conscious Intellect vs. High Conscious Intellect Low-conscious comes from strong voices. It stays stuck into paradigms. It is used for egoic agendas, it wants to win at everything. It wants to debate everyone because it is convinced that it is true. It wants to impress people, it wants to fool people, it wants to get into positions of power. It brags a lot. It is sure of itself. It feels strong and assertive. It feels logical and mechanical. High-conscious intellect is as simple as possible but not simpler. It stays as clean as possible because it understands how complex things can be. It doesn't brag except for a bit of fun cause that's life after all. It doesn't debate because it understands that all pieces ultimately come together but it converses. It unbiasedly examines all perspectives while at the same time knowing that it is biased by the human condition. It feels light and subtle. It feels like art.

02 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:47 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: ~ PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ Breathwork ~ No distractions until 8 PM (Doesn't apply on Thursday) ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed Work Sessions: 01:55 PM - 02:50 PM I did some corrections on a few templates. Duration: 55 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 04:40 PM - 05:30 PM Did some progress on understanding an issue regarding these templates, but I was also thinking a lot about... another thing that made me sad. Duration: 50 minutes Focus: 3/5 08:15 PM - 09:08 PM I did a bit more work on these templates. Duration: 53 minutes Focus: 3/5 Total Work Duration: 2 hours 37 minutes, including 0 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3.1 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5)

Low conscious intellect is a way to escape emotions, vulnerabilities, and hide feelings such as: shame, pain, hurt, sadness, anxiety, insecurities, etc.

Exploring My Relationship With My Body I didn't really know where to get started so I'm going to start here. I'm at a point in life where my adult self feels like all of this is old and doesn't really matter in the end but that's not how my child self and my teenage self feels. My child self and teenage self aren't healed yet, they still suffer and I can feel it inside me.

Three themes are going to frequently appear in this journal: My relationship with my dad. My relationship with my body. My feeling of being abnormal.

I always easily attracted a lot of hate and criticism in life. I had some periods where I got criticized so much that I became desensitize to it. I was emotionally numb. My state of mind was: "You can criticize me until I die, it doesn't do anything to me. I'm emotionless, therefore you can't hurt me, therefore I'm always winning". That was quite a fucked up narcissistic state.

Also, even if I want to help the world, sometimes I think that we should exterminate the human specie because it is causing too many damages to the planet, but that's not a holistic approach.

I also thought that I could do Leo's job in the past, cause, honestly, I have the capacity to do it. Speaking for 3 hours is easy when someone's already thought of a subject for 100 hours.

About Raising Human Development I'm still not sure about the form that my life purpose will take, but I know what it will be about: raising human development. This is what all life purposes are about. All life purposes are the same but a few variables make them seem different. They have different forms, they are more or less impactful, they have different targets, they have different levels of consciousness, but they are all the same in the end. Everyone has a natural purpose as everyone is contributing to the whole. Most people live purposefully unconsciously where a few live purposefully consciously. Cleaning toilets is a purpose that contributes to the whole. Serving food at a restaurant is a purpose that contributes to the whole. Taking care of old people in a retirement house is a purpose that contributes to the whole. Helping homeless people is a purpose that contributes to the whole. Raising kids is a purpose that contributes to the whole. Building roads is a purpose that contributes to the whole. Building an app is a purpose that contributes to the whole. Building self-development methods is a purpose that contributes to the whole. Etc., etc. I always felt a sense of responsibility towards humanity. I always felt that I was born to do great, that I was born to be a catalyst for human development. Some people resonate with that, some don't. In my case, I resonate. But, even if the feeling is inside me, finding an authentic way to help the world is something that I struggle with. I struggle because of how complex I am and because of how diverse my interests are. I can be artistic and I can also be logical. I always seek novelty so I don't see myself being specialized in a field. I like to interconnect different domains and see the big picture. And finally, I want to help the world. With all these variables taken into consideration, my current idea is to: study the globe as a whole, see how it interconnects, find strategic areas, create infrastructures that will interconnect and create chain effects to gradually raise human development at a global scale. China is already doing something like this. But how about doing it for the interest of humanity instead of the interest of a single country? And doing it in a way that equilibrates the globe, reduces extreme poverty, and brings similar high-quality living standards for everyone? Now, am I going to go in this direction? My soul wants to say yes as I don't see any more compelling life purpose — except if we integrate space travel too, but I'll probably die before seeing anything significant in this area — but reality creates tough challenges. Nevertheless, what I noticed is that even if this is challenging I'm attracted to this. I already know what I need to get there: Money. A lot of money. What is great is that I currently work in a field where it's possible to generate a huge amount of money when a product is creative and well marketed. I have a project like this in mind and it has the potential to generate hundreds of million of dollars. I also got in touch with an inspiring friend recently and we will cooperate in the future. So some things look great here. Education. A lot of education in a lot of different fields. Experience. A lot of experience. One more point about education is that I am interested in everything. And currently, I am particularly interested in: Politics History Geography Human development Psychology Philosophy Epistemology Metaphysics Thinking systems: creative thinking, critical thinking, system thinking, holistic thinking, integral thinking Business Marketing Emotions Trauma Healing Relationships Sexuality I'll find time to educate myself more in the future as my main work is currently taking most of my time. They are also other things that I noted: This is way too big for me, I cannot do that alone. I will have to create an organization and this organization will contain some high-level meta thinkers and other divisions that will be more down to earth to make the changes. An organization like this already exists and it's called the United Nation. Maybe one of the best move that I can do is to find a way to work for the UN with my skill which is studying a lot of different perspectives and making interconnections to creatively solve problems. Even if I want to help the world I still want to have a minimalist lifestyle where I only work 20 to 30 hours/week most of the time. Combining a simple, authentic minimalist lifestyle with a big life purpose is going to be tricky. I want truth to be an essential component of my life, of my work, and of my impact on the world. I also like art and this life purpose relies a bit too much on the left brain. I want to help the world in a way that combines both left brain and right brain, in a way that allows me to logically and artistically express myself. So... that's a lot of stuff, but I don't see anything else to do with my life other than learning, appreciating it, and helping others. For the moment I'm focusing on the basics and on educating myself. This vision is a very long-term vision. How old will I be when I will be able to start helping the world at a meta-level? 35? 40? 45? Maybe. And how old will I be when I'll be able to start seeing some changes in the world through my work? 60? 65? 70? And significant changes? 80? 90? 100? Or maybe I'll die before. In all cases, the most important thing is to enjoy the process of learning, living and helping. There will always be bigger life purposes. Being obsessed with having the biggest life purpose can be an egotistical narcissistic trap. The best thing to do is to be perfectly balanced between the paradoxes of life: having a purpose that doesn't matter in the end; appreciating the now, tiny things, and subtleties while still having a long-term vision; etc., etc.

01 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 09:37 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:45 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 8 PM ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed Work Sessions: 11:43 AM - 12:51 PM I worked on some templates. Duration: 1 hour 8 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 02:30 PM - 04:00 PM Did some work on these templates, a bit of accounting, and tested some emails. I distracted myself a bit too much. Duration: 1 hour 30 minutes Focus: 3/5 Deep Work Sessions: 04:32 PM - 05:14 PM I'm just too exhausted to continue working. I'm stopping there for today. Duration: 42 minutes Focus: 3.5/5 Almost didn't sleep of the entire night. It completely messed my day. Total Work Duration: 3 hours 20 minutes, including 42 minutes of Deep Work Average Focus: 3 / 5 (objective at least 3.5 / 5)

I'll say that I half escaped it since I started to work as a freelancer. This is allowing me to make money without working that much. This is also allowing me to work on another project to get completely financially independent and to direct myself more and more towards my life purpose.