Raphael

10 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:36 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:21 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 8 PM ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed

@Raphael It's fine. It's fine. It's Ok. Do what you do with love and self-care, do it by taking your time to do things properly.

Priorities Business: app launch Coaching Healing + Shadow Work Goodbye: Leo: I've watch way too many videos to this point. This is too much theories, this is not aligned with where I am in life. Other complex and advanced content: I'm just too overblown. Complex posts that I want to write in this journal: I'll keep this journal as simple as possible with mostly random insights / thoughts. Also: I want to have a proper Masculine/Feminine balance: I noticed that I'm often an all or nothing guy. I'm either too much in the Masculine and want to go fast and it backfires or too much in the Feminine and relax too much and don't get anything done. I want a proper unification of the Masculine and Feminine in my life where I have a proactive positive attitude towards life and get things done while deeply loving myself.

09 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:41 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:46 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ❌ Cold shower after waking up ❌ Breathwork ~ No distractions until 8 PM (Doesn't apply on Thursday) ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed

Finally, a bit of hope. We can either improve this place or shut it down. Looks like this is going in the right direction, I think that it can become a healthy place for conscious Dating & Relationship advice if the mindset is to share difficulties consciously without demonizing/stereotyping each other. Looks like Leo is becoming more conscious of his influence and changing too. If a young guy without a lot of experience (like me) isn't careful enough he can easily get brainwash by Leo and other guys. Sanity is coming.

My organization has always been like this: Procrastination -> Procrastination -> Procrastination (getting closer to the deadline) -> Procrastination (getting very close to the deadline) -> Procrastination (almost crossed the deadline) -> EXPLOSIVE SPIKE OF ENERGY THAT ALLOW ME TO COMPLETE THE THING SUPER QUICKLY AND GET BETTER RESULTS THAN 90% OF PEOPLE Lol.

Goodbye Thoughts I love you all, I would like to write you all day long, but they are too many of you. Most of you will never be read by anyone. I'm letting go. I'm sorry. Goodbye thoughts.

Goodbye Thoughts I love you all, I would like to write you all day long, but they are too many of you. Most of you will never be read by anyone. I'm letting go. I'm sorry. Goodbye thoughts.

I'm confronted with a dilemma here. Actualized.org is built in a way that all videos interconnect together to form a big picture so if I stop watching the videos and start again in maybe 1 - 2 years, I'll think I'll be a bit lost. Currently, my main problem with these videos is that most of them are useless for me: they aren't aligned with where I am in life, they are really long and I have difficulties finding time to watch them, they can take a lot of space in my mind that I could use to better deal with basic and necessary life stuff, and finally I think that I'm starting to get sick of listening to Leo so much and wants more diversity. So much spirituality and philosophy is too much for me, but I'm a bit afraid of missing out because at the same time these videos have many gold nuggets in them, but they are not helping me, they are making me stuck on this path. Any tips on how to cope?

Also, for guys who don't have a lot of experience, this is possible to get brainwash just by reading this place because of how much abusive language is used towards women. This is similar to how people get brainwash on incel forums. I saw this happening a bit in me in the past so I decided to cut this subforum 95% of the time to avoid the toxicity. We need higher standards here with less stereotyping.

Fear of Missing Out Actualized.org I'm confronted with a dilemma here. Actualized.org is built in a way that all videos interconnect together to form a big picture so if I stop watching the videos and start again in maybe 1 - 2 years, I'll think I'll be a bit lost. Currently, my main problem with these videos is that most of them are useless for me: they aren't aligned with where I am in life, they are really long and I have difficulties finding time to watch them, they can take a lot of space in my mind that I could use to better deal with basic and necessary life stuff, and finally I think that I'm starting to get sick of listening to Leo so much and wants more diversity. So much spirituality and philosophy is too much for me, but I'm a bit afraid of missing out because at the same time these videos have many gold nuggets in them, but they are not helping me, they are making me stuck on this path. Any tips on how to cope?

That was stage Red. I have this kernel in me who feels dirty.

I feel like I'm down spiraling. I feel like I'm dumb, incompetent, worthless, ignorant, selfish, weak, lost, fearful, ashamed, afraid, irresponsible, incompetent, egoic, irresponsible, incompetent, egoic, selfish, irresponsible, incompetent, selfish, abnormal, weird, irresponsible, incompetent, weird, abnormal, lost, dumb, lost, dumb, irresponsible, incompetent, fearful, selfish, hypocritical, empty, irresponsible, incompetent, irresponsible, incompetent, irresponsible, incompetent, irresponsible, incompetent, hypocritical, irresponsible, incompetent, hypocritical, judgmental, lazy, judgmental, lazy, I'm not generating enough results, I'm slow, I only want to show the best version of my hide but I hide myself. I hide my difficulties, I hide my insecurities, I'm immature, I'm dumb, my conscious self isn't aligned with my subconscious self. I'm egoic, I'm selfish, I'm lost. I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow, I'm slow. Why am I so slow? Why things takes so much time for me? What do I have in life? Nothing. I'm empty. I'm empty. I'm empty. I'm empty. I'm empty. I'm hiding myself, I'm hiding myself. I don't want to show my true face. I don't want to show my vulnerabilities, I'm don't want to show my difficulties. I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake, I'm fake. I'm inauthentic, I'm inauthentic. I want people to see me, I want people to see me. I am an ego and am a very big ego. LOOK AT ME NOW. I AM HERE. YES, LOOK AT ME NOW. YOU SEE ME?! I'm happy because this is what I want, I want to be seeing. I want to been seeing succeeding in life, but I don't want to do the work. I'M AN IMPOSTOR. I'M AN IMPOSTOR. I'M AN IMPOSTOR. I'm dumb. I have a sense of superiority. I'm way dumber than most people. This is why I want to show myself. THIS IS THE DIRTY ME. THIS IS THE DIRTY SIDE THAT I HIDE. HERE IT IS. IT IS EXPRESSING ITSELF TO THIS FUCKING WORLD. HERE IT IS, IT IS FINALLY AUTHENTIC. HERE IT IS, SEE HOW SELFISH AND EGOISTICAL IT IS. IT DOESN'T WANT TO HELP, IT DOESN'T CARE. It is as selfish as anything can be. What it cares about is people's opinions. This is why theses journals look so good, it's because it doesn't want to show how bad it really is. BUT HERE IT IS NOW, IT IS SHOWING ITSELF. HELLO?! HELLO?! CAN SOMEONE HERE ME? HELLO? HELLO? I feel misunderstand. I feel that I'm not listened to. I feel that nobody cares about me. But, how about me? Who do I care about except me ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. No-one except ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME. I'm selfish, I'm egoistical, I'm selfish, I'm egoistical, I'm dirty, I'm dirty, very dirty. I don't want to help. I don't really care about others. I'm lying. I'm lying to everyone, I'm lying to myself. Here we go, I'm finally showing this side of me. This dirty side that has been repressed since so long. This dirty side that I hide. This is authentic. This is authenticity right now. Normally I write random shit on paper before going to bed, but I finally chose to show this side of me. This dirty side. This side that doesn't care. This side that wants to rule the world. This side that looks ugly. This side that nobody wants. This is why I don't approach people and don't spend time with people, this is because this part of me doesn't want to be seen. This part of me is so selfish that it could take the entire world with it. I've been so selfless in the past because I was hiding how selfish I was. Selfishness and selflessness are two sides of the same coin. If someone really pretends to be selfless, then he hides an enormous selfishness. This is why so many spiritual gurus are controversial. They pretend to be spiritual because they are avoiding themselves just as I'm avoiding myself, just as I'm avoiding this extreme dirty side of myself by just not giving a fuck about people. How dirty am I really? How dirty am I? I don't know. I'm super dirty, I'm the most dirty person who ever existed on this planet and who will ever exists. But why do I feel so dirty? This is not normal. This not normal to feel that dirty because I never really did much damage to anyone. But why do I feel so dirty? Where is this dirtiness coming from? Where are you coming from dirtiness??? Where are you coming from dirtiness??? Hello dirtiness? I don't understand where you are coming from. Please, explain to me where you are coming from cause I don't understand. Are you coming from my dad? But my dad cannot exist without me perceiving him which mean that I created my dad. This mean that ultimately I'm the one who created so much dirtiness and who created himself dirty. But why did I created myself dirty? Why did I created myself with a feeling of dirtiness even though I never did highly dirty things in my life? What's the most dirty thing that I did? I don't contribute to society. I'm isolating myself too much because I'm afraid of acknowledging who I am. But the only way to acknowledging who I really am is by facing myself, but I cannot face without being in solitude. But if I'm everywhere, then I'm always in solitude with myself even when I'm with people. But the solitude that I experience by being in a room alone is different compared to the solitude that I experience when I'm with people. People are challenging to me, they are very challenging. Why don't they see me? The spiritual path is crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. Also I'm really not that spiritual. The only spiritual practices that I have are 30 to 45 minutes of meditation in the morning + 2 breathwork sessions per week (if I even do them). I'm a dunig kruger. I have a big ego, a big sense of superiority who pretends to be selfless. I'm not selfless, I'm full of shit. I don't care about anyone, I really don't care. I'm afraid of myself, I'm afraid of how dirty I am. This is why I pretend to be a saint, this is why I pretend to be god. I hide. I hide. I hide. I hide. I hide. I hide. I hide. This shit doesn't make any sense, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm practicing authenticity and openness by showing my true self. My true self is afraid of himself. He is afraid of being seen. He is deeply afraid of what people thinks of him, but here we go anyway it is showing himself. He is making progress. Great, finally. Finally a bit of progress after so many years of being stuck in the same shit. In the same mindset of only showing the best of myself and always hiding the worst of myself. This is it. This is the worst. This is the worst. It isn't that great. It is dirty, it is selfish. I feel it in my belly. I'm ashamed of it. I'm ashamed of being myself. But this is who I am. This is the worst of me. This is the worst of me finally showing up to this fucking world. Hello world? Hello world? Hello? Can anybody hear me? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Do I have anyone attention. LOOK AT ME. READ ME. LISTEN TO ME. I am here, I want to express myself. I want to be seeing, I want to be understood. I'm sick of hiding. I'm just so fucking sick of hiding so much. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Ok. I feel maybe a bit less sick now. The sickness seems to go away as long as I'm letting myself go away by expressing it. I'M EXPRESSING. YOUHOUUUU! I'm expressing. I will much more self-expressing now... wait I'm already are self-expressing. I'm currently expressing myself authentically... no... almost authentically. I'm authentically expressing myself at 80%. This is still not the worst. I don't know if the worst will ever show itself. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But if God really wants to find himself, it knows that it will at a point. It will and it will be dirty Doing this kind of things publicly feels great, it feels relieving, it feels like the beginning of authenticity. I feel better now.

Intelligence is Stupid.

08 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:49 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:35 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ✅ No distractions until 8 PM ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed

Use Youtube. This podcast is pretty high quality for example: Tu peux également discuter avec des gens en Français sur internet

Make sense. We can also say that intelligence only operates partially if it is clouded by prejudices, biases, likes, and dislikes.

I mean that it's possible to say "I am intelligent" without putting a meaning on the "I". What is left is the experience.

Except if we remove meaning from the "I".

Why not recognizing that the mind is intelligent without creating an identity / being attached to it?

If the mind is part of intelligence, I can say: I have the intelligence I am intelligent I am intelligence Even if this is not complete.

07 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:49 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:37 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 8 PM ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed

The mind comes from intelligence, therefore the mind is a part of intelligence, but not infinite intelligence.

Play the real game of life. It has realistic graphics that no video game will ever attain.